Seconded..
You are correct..
It can't work for me.
I can't stay with such a man that is ok with doing house chores..
If it's just to help around the house, that's cool but daily.. No..
I may start feeling like I'm missing something.. Yea missing the man i married because he has turned into a sissy..
So different strokes for different folks..

PocketEconomist: Haha haba madam. You get sharp mouth o! So if you and your oga argue, that your weapon for mouth go wound am pass dirty slap wey you suppose give am. Hehehe! On a serious note however, he does free lance barbering now. He has a corner in the house with a mirror and a chair. But all he makes goes into gifts for the wife, and other stuff. I guess it's due to our upbringing. We are liberal people and believe that life shouldn't be guided by rigid rules. But my bros own is too much. He is now the butt of jokes. His new nickname is HOUSE HUSBAND. But the most weird part is that the wife don't care. She loves him to pieces!

GBAM @ bolded!
That is what matters!

Efemena_xy:

I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. Your cousin has chosen the well-being of his family - and more importantly, the mental development of his young son as his number one priority.

One cannot underestimate the huge sacrifices this man's making for the sake of love. For his son to come back from school with a hot meal ready and waiting, a parent - his dad, sitting with him to do his homework, bathing and putting his son to bed every evening...that child will grow up knowing he was loved very much by his dad.

Every now and then we read horror stories about jungle justice being dished out to women for petty theft. Of men doing unmentionable things to these women in public...but do we ask how it started with those men? Something obviously was broken along the way very early in their lives. It didn't happen overnight but a peek into their background and growing up / crucial formative years gives a clearer picture.

There is more to life than money. Money can NEVER by love, nor can it ever make up for quality time and lost childhood.

My sister(if i'm permitted to call you that, na true o! Check out many black boys in jail in the US, most did not have a father figure. I was also affected by this. My father was not always there as he was always travelling and working, that affected me a great deal and i don't blame him either, he got the same from his own dad. Now i'm grown, i still see him as a semh stranger. I would never do that to my own children and i've pledged to always be there for them play ball with them male or female, and do all the things i wished my father did with me, even if it means being a house husband like my bros cousin(na joke o! My mama go kill me) but seriously, that's my pledge. That's why i teach and do freelance barbering too, to train myself to have more time for house. At least, that would ease my psychological pain. Family comes first. Obama lost an election in 1996 i think because of family. I'm not sure of the date, i will check in his biography.

I'm still loving this thread very well!
As per the sitting at home earlier in marriage, a lot of women do that especially if kids r involved. One of the beneficial sacrifices in marriage.
Recently I've been thinking of changing job cos where I work is very far from home. There r some side things I would wanna do but no time.
I recently picked my pg form although yet to start(thanks to ASUU) but I can't c myself doing it now cos I don't even know how to squeeze out time.
On sat is my housework days.
Hubby don't even have time on his hand too.
He is almost two weeks on his annual leave yet we hvnt set eyes on him. No time.
So I hv t do d needful, change the existing structure. Naija is very stressful. Its even affecting my bedroom action and I don't like it. So I'm exploring other methods of making doo but with some time on my hand.

yellowpawpaw: I'm still loving this thread very well!
As per the sitting at home earlier in marriage, a lot of women do that especially if kids r involved. One of the beneficial sacrifices in marriage.
Recently I've been thinking of changing job cos where I work is very far from home. There r some side things I would wanna do but no time.
I recently picked my pg form although yet to start(thanks to ASUU) but I can't c myself doing it now cos I don't even know how to squeeze out time.
On sat is my housework days.
Hubby don't even have time on his hand too.
He is almost two weeks on his annual leave yet we hvnt set eyes on him. No time.
So I hv t do d needful, change the existing structure. Naija is very stressful. Its even affecting my bedroom action and I don't like it. So I'm exploring other methods of making doo but with some time on my hand.

It's not only Naija o
Come to America
The higher you go the cooler it becomes
My oga got a big promotion that put him up in the executive decision making level of his job and the bedroom action has suffered tremendously.
Those early morning ikwokirikwo on weekdays gone
The man now leaves home at 6 am and doesn't get back till 8 or 9.
Na so so meeting upon meetings and conference calls and presentations
The thing is getting too much
Maybe I should go and buy some battery operated gadgets


But bia o
How can your hubby be on annual leave 2 weeks and you haven't set eyes on him ,do you live apart?

Yep @ pocket economy(what a name!, how did u coin this one?), men should learn to sacrifice for their family. If u not ready to sacrifice, don't start.
I don't joke with my family. Hubby is fast learning our language so he can teach the children. He said he don't want to be igbo only in name again. Till date daddy still communicate in english with his children but can speak igbo to me. Funny and weird, isn't it?
I trust myself, no time. I don dey blow d thing anyhow for house! Catch them young is my motto!
I even wish I can join yoruba and hausa too!

Yellow or any other brave female here please can you give your ideas on SE.x toys and similar stuff
What do you think about them
Do You recommend them
Do they enhance action in the bedroom

Please let's keep it family like

Any takers?

Baby mama:

It's not only Naija o
Come to America
The higher you go the cooler it becomes
My oga got a big promotion that put him up in the executive decision making level of his job and the bedroom action has suffered tremendously.
Those early morning ikwokirikwo on weekdays gone
The man now leaves home at 6 am and doesn't get back till 8 or 9.
Na so so meeting upon meetings and conference calls and presentations
The thing is getting too much
Maybe I should go and buy some battery operated gadgets


But bia o
How can your hubby be on annual leave and you haven't set eyes on him ,do you live apart?

Baby mama we don't leave apart o!
Opportunity to handle left over projects somewhere. There r things when u r doing them u hv to be on ground else ur money is just being wasted for nothing and what u c on ground will make u kolomental. I pardon him.
As for d ikwokirikwo, its even mostly me.once I manage eat and bath baby, I don faaag out. Shake me o,for where.
There was a day he said I screamed at him to leave me alone. Can't imagine doing that and hubby is the type that watchs expression very well. If u say no action for one month, na so he go dey. Wouldn't want to disturb u. We r still new and in d process of making babies too so I will hv to destress my system else........, I hv myself to blame.
That's just the core truth.
Marriage is only run by wisdom.

Baby, ur own is better at least u hv gone far. I'm just three year this xmas.
I just need more wisdom though I've mapped out a plan. Wanna c how it works.

Baby mama: Yellow or any other brave female here please can you give your ideas on SE.x toys and similar stuff
What do you think about them
Do You recommend them
Do they enhance action in the bedroom
Please let's keep it family like
Any takers?

I hvnt tot about them for once. I still don't know why considering my kind of person.
Maybe, I'm shy to initiate such. But its good for those who hv d mind to explore.
That's part of what I call variety and since d essence is to attain maximum intimate satisfaction, why not?

(I miss jidegal, cos she is a specialist in this field)
It has its disadvantages too like u can't get s*exual satisfaction with ur partner alone if u get addicted just like p*orn.
CC, where r u?
Yes, it can enhance bedroom action for the naughty minded.
Ladies, don't be shy pls, let's rob minds together.
Some might hv inhibition bc of religion too.
Some women r yet to go raw in d bedroom bc of religious beliefs and we r here discussing s*ex toys.


Buky, can u use them? (I pray u r born again o!)
Deol I know is a muslim so I will ask her how its viewed in d muslim community.
Baby gal pls we need ur input. R they frowned upon?

U know, there was one heated argument between Coogar and some pple about career women and being a mum somewhere, its true he is always on d other side of the fence but he was saying the truth. Those his posts were simply d truth but we just don't wanna admit it rather we give him the ideal situation instead of the real one on ground. Only few,very few can juggle d two succesfully.unless u don't wanna be an integral part of ur kids formative yrs and few mothers will accept that.

That guy always make sense u know.

hmm....

@Pocketeconomy,

Correct me if I am wrong, I think Ghanaian women culturally are expected to do more than the typical Nigerian females and are not afraid to lead.

I used to hear that in Ghana its a matriachal society. Is that correct? maybe thats why its easy for the wife to adjust.

I think the issue of stay at home dad also depends on the culture. It might be cool with African American, Europeans and Ghanaians but in heavily partriachal societies like Asians, Nigerians and even conservative white Americans Its something that would be frowned on

A typical Nigerian woman would not like that arrangement and as for me, Rather than be incomeless for life, I would rather change career to whatever sells, I have done it several times already. If na Enginnering sell I go enter, if na IT even if na medicine, I dont mind going back to school to fit in.

I can even move out of state to get an income or even take a lower job that would at least cater for me.

Its a sin for a man to be taking cream money from pocket money from his wife for the rest of his life

Please tell me i'm not the only man here! Where are the others? Lemme also add an observation. I went visiting my big uncle in Carson, and what i saw disgusted me. Lot of single black mums with kids and in some cases, single dads. On a closer look, i saw many of them Nigerians (especially Igbo) as na we full that angle small. On the contrary, most of the whites and asians who live here (although a bit to the minority here) had their homes intact. When i told him about my observation, he lamented (he being a victim too with his first wife who he brotght over) how they change when they get here, try to be bossy, e.t.c. And since the easiest route for them is nursing when they go two steps after CNA, or become a nursimg practicioner, they misbehave, keep late nights bla bla bla. To cut a long story short, the marriage collapses, child custody issues, e.t.c. He also admitted that some of the men were selfish, but the wives were terrible and unsubmissive and competing with their husbands. Only if they read this thread and learn. Two thhngs i could deduce from his lamentation is that the women wanted to become men due to some $ and the men being igbo men (you know na) refused. Their kids over here are suffering o! Make una come read this thread learn. My uncle warned me also due to his bitterness that when i'm eventually ready to settle down, i should NEVER bring a woman from Naija! This thing pain am well well.

dayokanu: @Pocketeconomy,

Correct me if I am wrong, I think Ghanaian women culturally are expected to do more than the typical Nigerian females and are not afraid to lead.

I used to hear that in Ghana its a matriachal society. Is that correct? maybe thats why its easy for the wife to adjust.

I think the issue of stay at home dad also depends on the culture. It might be cool with African American, Europeans and Ghanaians but in heavily partriachal societies like Asians, Nigerians and even conservative white Americans Its something that would be frowned on

A typical Nigerian woman would not like that arrangement and as for me, Rather than be incomeless for life, I would rather change career to whatever sells, I have done it several times already. If na Enginnering sell I go enter, if na IT even if na medicine, I dont mind going back to school to fit in.

I can even move out of state to get an income or even take a lower job that would at least cater for me.

Its a sin for a man to be taking cream money from pocket money from his wife for the rest of his life

Well, not all the tribes. It's mostly those from the middle kingdom and to a certain degree, the Ga people. Most of them don't mind, but if the man behaves anyhow, those women dey beat their husband o! There is even a board in Ghana that deals with husband battery. He is doing some small stuff, but would not want to take a job again. I guess it's that trauma of losing his job. As for the boy... Omo, this boy dey cling to the papa die.

Thank you Baby mama, CC and others that av contributed to dis educative thread. Although am single but I av learnt a lot. I av a question to ask. How can one handle a stingy spouse? Dis person make more dan a million in a month but he is very stingy. He is d one who buys food stuff and provision for the house and also buys pepper nd whatever condiment that will b used just because he doesn't want you to make a little of it. All he gives is 7k and he say anything you need to buy u shud say bt wen u do d reply ll b 'I am broke'. Pls help a sister.

@Pocket economist

^^ One thing, If you are in America, You must never bring a girl from home UNLESS you have been dating the girl before leaving Nigeria.

There are enough Nigerian parent born girls in America of all sizes that you can choose from

And now to your question, The issue is well documented and Honestly in most of these cases, the men are to blame.

The main reason for men going back home to bring wife is

1. They have huge inferiority complex and cant match exposed women. They think going back home gives them some advantages which include using their American citizen advantage to marry above their natural social/educational status

Surely these women would be obedient until they get exposed, get the empowerment and leave automatically.

E.g How do you expect a 40yr old cab driver who went home married a 21yr old student trained became a nurse to have a lasting marriage?

2. Most of these men want women they can control and boss around because of the initial advantage of the Green card, they achieve this control. But after a while these women too become wiser and learn that in America you have options

E.g you bring a girl from Nigeria and insist she serves you food on her knees, you treat her like they treat women in the 17th century, sooner she would learn there are alternative and leave.

chaircover: Kai!!! until you roped me into this conversation . . .

Okay since this is a very honest and adult thread, I will say it as it is

I believe that a married couple can do whatever pleases them in the bedroom so long as they are both comfortable with it.

I also know that like most things, sexx can become monotonous if you do the same thing day in day out and that is why I am an firm advocate of change in the bedroom.

Just as oil lubricates machines and keeps the mechanism smooth, so is good sex between couples. It brings couples closer and so its very important. Has anyone noticed that the longer since the man has had sexx, the grumpier he becomes over time?

One thing I dont compromise on is "US" time and at any given opportunity we will dump the kids and we go off somewhere to reboot and recharge. So from time to time we do weekends away in hotels and we come back home smiling like a newly wedded couple.

My bedroom is a high priority room in my house and I can spend anything on good quality sheets and bedding . . anything to make it inviting and conducive.

As for the sex toyss question . . . even though I sell them, my advise is that each couple should only go with what they are comfortable with and they are not a must. It also doesn't have to be heavy stuff and even something as simple as a warming/cooling sensation condomm, flavored lube or chocolate paint is also considered a sexx toy, so also are some types of lingerie like the crotchless ones. Basically only go with what you are both comfortable with.

Is that so? .Just joking.But its true sha lil lil things go a long way in spicing up the stuff.My eyeballs almost popped when I found out at a women's meeting in church that some kain ''spirikoko'' sisters even knew what Ann Summers was talkless of patronising them

YPP I remember that thread.Coogar made alot of valid points but as coogar is coogar he was arguing on the most extreme ends.He made some valid points though.Alot of people misunderstood me on that thread thinking I was saying women should be stay at home mums.My argument was for us not to automatically look at someone who is probably not just working at that point in time and say 'liability'.I am fiercely independent and love earning money, bettering myself (my hubby always says the amount of things you want to do I think we need a clone ).
But since I had my kids (my choice and God's grace they did not ask to be born) I find their welfare comes first. If it means earning a little less so I can spend some quality time with them so be it.I know as babymama and CC said that if I decide that both of us should go ALL OUT and say no my career is the most important, we need to make more money etc only the kids will suffer. So as not to derail this thread, the koko is being a parent (mum and dad) means you might have to make some sacrifices whether its earning the big pay and never being there or earning less and spending a bit more time, one way or the other its a sacrifice.And even men in today's world are faced with that dilemma (I know my husband does).

Rhukie: Thank you Baby mama, CC and others that av contributed to dis educative thread. Although am single but I av learnt a lot. I av a question to ask. How can one handle a stingy spouse? Dis person make more dan a million in a month but he is very stingy. He is d one who buys food stuff and provision for the house and also buys pepper nd whatever condiment that will b used just because he doesn't want you to make a little of it. All he gives is 7k and he say anything you need to buy u shud say bt wen u do d reply ll b 'I am broke'. Pls help a sister.

Few questions, Do you work? Whats your financial contribution to the family

Why do you need to make money from small change off groceries?

If you are not earning an income, why are you not? and whats your plan to start making an income

An income gives you some confidence and I think on the long run would help you.

What does it do to your self esteem that you need to give a record of why you bought chewing gum, or bottle of pepsi?

dayokanu: ^^ One thing, If you are in America, You must never bring a girl from home UNLESS you have been dating the girl before leaving Nigeria.

There are enough Nigerian parent born girls in America of all sizes that you can choose from

And now to your question, The issue is well documented and Honestly in most of these cases, the men are to blame.

The main reason for men going back home to bring wife is

1. They have huge inferiority complex and cant match exposed women. They think going back home gives them some advantages which include using their American citizen advantage to marry above their natural social/educational status

Surely these women would be obedient until they get exposed, get the empowerment and leave automatically.

E.g How do you expect a 40yr old cab driver who went home married a 21yr old student trained became a nurse to have a lasting marriage?

2. Most of these men want women they can control and boss around because of the initial advantage of the Green card, they achieve this control. But after a while these women too become wiser and learn that in America you have options

E.g you bring a girl from Nigeria and insist she serves you food on her knees, you treat her like they treat women in the 17th century, sooner she would learn there are alternative and leave.

I'm currently in Nigeria anyway, taking advantage of the almost free university education. I no get power for student loan isste, and my guardians over there were over burdened with mortgage bills and the rest, so i decided to come here to eat my cake and have it. (unilag) i will save all that money and go to a solid school for the second degree to compensate myself. Anyway that's by the way, as we speak, another man is about to make the same mistake again. He doesn't really know her but he wants to marry her. He's on his own sha. When i'm ready, my partner must be my friend, so we can understand each other. Thanks.

nice thread

PocketEconomist: I'm currently in Nigeria anyway, taking advantage of the almost free university education. I no get power for student loan isste, and my guardians over there were over burdened with mortgage bills and the rest, so i decided to come here to eat my cake and have it. (unilag) i will save all that money and go to a solid school for the second degree to compensate myself. Anyway that's by the way, as we speak, another man is about to make the same mistake again. He doesn't really know her but he wants to marry her. He's on his own sha. When i'm ready, my partner must be my friend, so we can understand each other. Thanks.

So in the next 10yrs this same man would now come and say his wife left him.

I think its very prevalent in the east though. Recently a 55yr old respiratory therapist went home to marry a Medical graduate from home. After some yrs he too would come and complain that his wife left him.

Most of them barely know these girls they just travel home on December 20 and by January 10 when they are back you see picture of "my wife" on their phone that they met at Xmas village gathering, Wedding next December when I go home again.

Its a game both of them know what they are looking for

[quote author=dayokanu]

Few questions, Do you work? Whats your financial contribution to the family

Why do you need to make money from small change off groceries?

If you are not earning an income, why are you not? and whats your plan to start making an income

An income gives you some confidence and I think on the long run would help?[/quote

Thanks for your swift response. She works and she contributes her quota to d best of her ability.

Rhukie: Thanks for your swift response. She works and she contributes her quota to d best of her ability.

"he doesn't want you to make a little of it. All he gives is 7k and he say anything you need to buy u shud say bt wen u do d reply ll b 'I am broke'. Pls help a sister."

The above part of the statement needs some clarification, WHy does she need to make something for money for groceries? Isnt this a union or why is one trying to take advantage of the other?

WHen he drops 7k, How much does she contribute from her own pocket on top or does the man pay for groceries everytime?

Rhukie: Thank you Baby mama, CC and others that av contributed to dis educative thread. Although am single but I av learnt a lot. I av a question to ask. How can one handle a stingy spouse? Dis person make more dan a million in a month but he is very stingy. He is d one who buys food stuff and provision for the house and also buys pepper nd whatever condiment that will b used just because he doesn't want you to make a little of it. All he gives is 7k and he say anything you need to buy u shud say bt wen u do d reply ll b 'I am broke'. Pls help a sister.

Sorry Rhuki if I am probing.But you said you are single? So is the stingy spouse yours or its a general question?

My answer to you is you need to make your own money.Simples.Be proactive.Look around see a need or want and try to meet it.Its a turn off for some men to be asked for every lil thing.No matter how small, you need to get something doing for yourself. And as I can deduce from your post, seems you guys are not even married and probably have no kids so nothing absolutely NOTHING stops you from earning your keep.

Parents also need to train their boys to be responsible men. All i see arround me is an embarrassment to manhood. First you need to teach your son to be responsible, also to do house chores, even cook. And most importantly, self control. A boy who develops a habit of bedding girls anyhow is most likely to cheat during marriage, and to be selfish in bed. More will come soon.

Just saw your reply Rhukie so it was not your spouse. Sorry for the assumption.

Some people are just naturally not giving.Not a nice trait, soo annoying but with people like that you either just leave them alone or teach them through your own actions what giving is.If it was me in the scenario you painted,since I earn my own money I might be a lil less fussed . He has bought the food ehn sebi we will all eat it so no problem even saves me going to the market.

This is where the know your spouse comes into play cos this kind of person is not the one you can agree with to reduce or give up your income with.It can never work.

Rhukie: Thank you Baby mama, CC and others that av contributed to dis educative thread. Although am single but I av learnt a lot. I av a question to ask. How can one handle a stingy spouse? Dis person make more dan a million in a month but he is very stingy. He is d one who buys food stuff and provision for the house and also buys pepper nd whatever condiment that will b used just because he doesn't want you to make a little of it. All he gives is 7k and he say anything you need to buy u shud say bt wen u do d reply ll b 'I am broke'. Pls help a sister.

The bolded part of your sentence implies that the lady in question feels it's her right to try and 'outsmart' the man with petty change. She's doing herself no favours and painting a poor picture of herself in the man's eyes.

If they aren't married, she should get off her backside and earn her own keep and not depend on his small change to make a little out of it.

Make a little off it, In your own house you should be contributing to?

Maybe thats the mentality of eat and ruin that the man sensed in her that made him stingy

A man gives his wife money for shopping for groceries and she feels she needs to make a little out of it for her own personal purse

Soon he would count grains of rrice in the house to ensure you are not selling it to make "a little out of it"

Such behaviour sometimes is due to upbringing. If he started from humble beginnings, that explains his behaviour, or if his dad did the same to his mum. The best thing to do is to talk it out with your husband in a non confrontationak and don't blame or accuse him of anything. Then suggest he drops a certain amount per week. That might help.