chaircover: Seconded Osisi!

when you carry your spouse along with you, you are giving them a chance to input into whatever you are doing and most times they come with good ideas and input. Some of The best biz decisions ive made have been my husbands ideas.

Husbands especially, there is lot of untapped potentials in your wives . . .. please give them wings and see them fly.

Efemena_xy:

This is so...so...true CC and I've been pleasantly surprised (and I still am!) There is so much I can say on that point but don't want to digress.

Bottom line, we women should sometimes learn to let go and give our men the chance.

chaircover: Seconded Osisi!

I travel several times a year and I know that I am privileged to be trusted that much and to be given that much freedom to just be me and to do be able to do the things that I enjoy and so I dont take it for granted.

I have a friend who wants to do what I do, but her husband said NO! . . .and I know how much it hurts her. His reason is that he does not trust Nigerian men, which is a sad excuse to stop someone from reaching their potential.

when you carry your spouse along with you, you are giving them a chance to input into whatever you are doing and most times they come with good ideas and input. Some of The best biz decisions ive made have been my husbands ideas.

Husbands especially, there is lot of untapped potentials in your wives . . .. please give them wings and see them fly.

Baby mama:

Please go ahead and say it
Women need to hear it and learn from the experience of others

damiso: What I like about this thread is that its real.It highlights the fact that there will be differences and those differences do not necessarily mean you have a bad relationship, bad marriage or lousy partner.

On a lighter note, what is it with the tapping 'secret' places taking the place of I am sorry .Mine is exactly the same used to annoy me to no end cos I was taught as a child that please, thank you and sorry were golden words of wisdom and now this man will just tap my backside or pull my cheeks and expect forgiveness. .But to be honest though his apologies or makes ups with the lacck of the word 'sorry' are more genuine than my 'sha sorry *rolling eyes*'.

Baby mama: Somethings have to give

There are sacrifices women make in marriage and sometimes they are not easy but it is so much easier to handle when the man understands and appreciates you for all those efforts and selfless sacrifices you made for him and the family.
Shortly after my wedding I left Nigeria to join my new husband who had moved abroad for further studies.
That was the first of many moves.
We moved wherever he got a job or better opportunity,we even moved from one continent to another and from one city to another while he pursued his dreams.
Every move we made was for him to realize his dreams and in one of the moves I got back in school and training and obtained my license to practice.
nevertheless I just tagged along and settled in any job I could find within that vicinity
The result is that my career has not progressed as much as his ,on the other hand,he has done quite well for himself and for us ,for which I am very proud .

That is a sacrifice women sometimes make,I made that sacrifice too.
Sometimes somethings have to give
people may look at me and say that I have done well in my field but I know I would have done much better than this.
Are there moments i wished it wasn't so,yes!
has it been worth it. Yes!
Would I do this over?
In a heartbeat Yes !!
Why wouldn't i
That's what marriage is for
His successes are also my successes,I played some part in helping him get to where is and he appreciates it
That is enough for me
I am at a job now that I am beginning to enjoy and re invent myself
If he decided on another move,will I go along?
Absolutely yes! Hmmmm
I salute you woman, well done!!!

Efemena_xy:

Let's just say, something I'd always fancied doing but never really put much thought or effort into it.

When I started, I thought hubby would be like - "yep, your head's in the clouds...again" and wouldn't support it - but I was so wrong.

Not only did I get a lot of encouragement even when I was plauged with self-doubts at the beginning, he actually sat with me and went through every misgiving I had. And it wasn't a one-off thing. He's stood by me right through to the very end and the level of support increased as my confidence in my abilities increased.

People who've seen the almost finished product have been like "wow!" at the professionalism. I think the most important thing is that I have a friend in my hubby - a friend I've been able to talk through my darkest moments and...(sigh)...ladies, give your men the chance to be there for and with you...With the right support and encouragement, the sky will always be your limit.

Nnekacherry: ^ ^ Hahahaha.. The sacrifices women make just to have a happy home..
But sister this is hard oo..
I can identify with this post because i see a bit of your husband in my fiance..
Dude is a go getter, working and schooling, professional courses after the other and i have a feeling this is just the beginning.. Lol
Now you are saying a wife may have to put her career on hold inorder to help her husband actualize his dreams..
Well that's not bad, but wont one feel kind of useless or something..

chaircover: I wouldn't beat yourself up over it.

Language does not define the origin. You can learn how to speak Spanish . . will you ever be Spanish?

Its whats in within them that matters. They know that they are igbo and not from Ghana. They know the culture and they know their identity.

My kids dont speak much yoruba but they know where they are from and each time we go to Nigeria they cant wait to get on the plane. Osisi, a year in Nigeria will fix the language issue

. . funny enough there are some Nigerian kids who were born and bred in Nigeria but cant speak any other language apart from English

chaircover: I've never been able to understand it myself . . .even if the parents dont speak it to them, surely these kids must come in contact with other people that speak it.

Baby mama: Somethings have to give

There are sacrifices women make in marriage and sometimes they are not easy but it is so much easier to handle when the man understands and appreciates you for all those efforts and selfless sacrifices you made for him and the family.
Shortly after my wedding I left Nigeria to join my new husband who had moved abroad for further studies.
That was the first of many moves.
We moved wherever he got a job or better opportunity,we even moved from one continent to another and from one city to another while he pursued his dreams.
Every move we made was for him to realize his dreams and in one of the moves I got back in school and training and obtained my license to practice.
nevertheless I just tagged along and settled in any job I could find within that vicinity
The result is that my career has not progressed as much as his ,on the other hand,he has done quite well for himself and for us ,for which I am very proud .

That is a sacrifice women sometimes make,I made that sacrifice too.
Sometimes somethings have to give
people may look at me and say that I have done well in my field but I know I would have done much better than this.
Are there moments i wished it wasn't so,yes!
has it been worth it. Yes!
Would I do this over?
In a heartbeat Yes !!
Why wouldn't i
That's what marriage is for
His successes are also my successes,I played some part in helping him get to where is and he appreciates it
That is enough for me
I am at a job now that I am beginning to enjoy and re invent myself
If he decided on another move,will I go along?
Absolutely yes!

chaircover:

These two posts really really speak to my situation at the mo.In the last couple of months, friends and family have made alot of really hurtful comments about me(or should I say us) deciding to voluntarily leave my job to spend some more time with my kids.Like you CC I have had snide comments like I am not 'helping' my husband like we told them we are not coping.I have gone back to school in the meantime and do a couple of other things on the side but all I s

I actually needed that . . .from someone who understands

I used to watch male contractors come and earn multiples of what I earned. "My Naija go getter" colleagues were always cajoling me to join them. One even accused me of being lazy and not a very "helpful" wife for sitting on my earning potential and not assisting my husband financially (as if my husband told them that he needed my earnings). . .that was a really hurtful comment.

I work part time and my office is 5 minutes drive from home, but I knew that I couldn't commute everyday to the city and work full time and still meet my kids at the school gate or spend quality time with them and do all the things that I would like to do with them

It is now that I have seen them flourish and grown that I really see the result of that sacrifice and I dont have any regrets although being only human I sometimes wonder where I would had been if I had ramped up my career at the same speed my husband did.

Baby mama: The only regret I have and the only thing I would do over

If you woke me up from sleep and asked me the regret I have in life ,without thinking I would tell you it is the fact that my children neither know my culture like I do nor speak Igbo.
Anyone who has followed my posts can attest to the fact that I am a very proud Igbo woman with great love for my people.maybe that is why I am unable to help myself when I read people denigrate Igbos and I often meet them head on with guns blazing.
If I could have another lifetime,I would still want to be Igbo
I love our culture,our festivals,our foods,our music,our traditional dances,our rich proverbs ,our republican nature,our frankness,our zeal for success,the pride we have in who we are and our ability to adapt in any environment and succeed.
Igbos love who they are so much so that they name their children names reflecting the tribe

Igboerika
Igboanugo
Igboekwusigo
Igbokwe
Njubigbo
Igboanusi
Igboeli
Igboazam
Etc


I have brought my kids up to love and appreciate my culture and Their heritage
They are all Americans but they identify themselves with the Igbo and Nigerian culture.

sadly my kids don't speak Igbo
that was not my dream
I wished that were different
My first child didn't speak on time so I feared she might get behind in school so we stopped speaking Igbo to her so as not to confuse her
Knowing now what I know,that was a bad move
She didn't learn Igbo and so the others behind her followed suit.

They are sad they don't speak Igbo
They eat Oha and ukazi soup,they love peppersoup,they eat all our Nigerian delicacies ,love nigerian music and gatherings but they speak no Nigerian language.
Sometimes I feel like that is an area where I failed as a mother
I wish I could do it over
It is odd that a child with an Igbo name and last name does not speak the language.

Baby mama:

Yes it is not easy
I felt that way the first few years of marriage
I was a stay at home mom running around with two kids
I felt ashamed when I ran into my classmates.I felt I was wasting away
I saw people I did much better than in school ,in their careers and I was just a mommy and a wife
It is a sacrifice I made and looking back I have no regrets
I may not have progressed as much as I would have liked professionally but I haven't done badly either
My greatest achievements are my children
My career doesn't compare to them

Baby mama: All of una wey just dey read,write something na
Ask questions
Give your opinions and counter opinions
Let's make it a discussion

Baby mama:

There is nothing as romantic for a woman as a man who supports and values her opinion
There is nothing that crushes a woman as much as not letting her do the things she feels in her heart she needs to do
I like it when my hubby gives full consent for things I wanna do but there are three occasions in my life I can recount vividly that my husband has reluctantly given consent for actions I sincerely felt in my heart I needed to take and in those three occasions the result has been amazing.
A reluctant Ok is better than "Don't"
A reluctant Ok to me is him saying that though he may not do the same but he recognizes that I am my own person with full thinking faculty,able to make my own decisions outside of him.
It takes a real confident man to stand by his wife while does her own stuff.

bukatyne:


the thread was to learn, you are changing the rules half way! lol!

how did you cope with staying at home for a while? were there no options or was it what you guys agreed before marriage?

PocketEconomist: Lemme just add this, even if it is a bit off topic... I'm an igbo with ghanaian conection, and i want to just share a little experience with y'all about my cousin's marriage. Well, he's been married for six years, has a boy and a lovely wife (she's ghanaian too) well, he lost his job during the recession, his wife just gave birth a few months earlier and he was heart broken. However, he cheered up and started helping his wife kitchen wise, bathe the baby, wash the napkins, e.t.c. The only thing he didn't do was to breast feed the baby. Months passed and he didn't get another job. When his wife's maternity leave expired, she had to get back to work, so it was him and the child, feeding, diapers, washing of clothes, even waking up at night to take care of the baby(na so he tell me o, i wasn't there) he practically became a stay at home dad. Almost four years down the line, the status quo almost remaims o! He is stilk a stay at home dad, cooking cleaning, taking the boy to schook and back and helping out in his home work. When i visit, i also help out, his wife still works and earns the bulk of the money. The only thing that changed is that he learnt how to cut men's hair and does so freelance. But he is the stay at home dad, and the wife is working. My family members on the Nigerian side of the divide often deride him and threaten, but he would not yield. He says he likes the life he's living. Tending to the wife and kid. I'm indifferent and i want to ask the house, do you think he's normal? He says that his home is happy, is it really happy? Your opinion pls.

PocketEconomist: Lemme just add this, even if it is a bit off topic... I'm an igbo with ghanaian conection, and i want to just share a little experience with y'all about my cousin's marriage. Well, he's been married for six years, has a boy and a lovely wife (she's ghanaian too) well, he lost his job during the recession, his wife just gave birth a few months earlier and he was heart broken. However, he cheered up and started helping his wife kitchen wise, bathe the baby, wash the napkins, e.t.c. The only thing he didn't do was to breast feed the baby. Months passed and he didn't get another job. When his wife's maternity leave expired, she had to get back to work, so it was him and the child, feeding, diapers, washing of clothes, even waking up at night to take care of the baby(na so he tell me o, i wasn't there) he practically became a stay at home dad. Almost four years down the line, the status quo almost remaims o! He is stilk a stay at home dad, cooking cleaning, taking the boy to schook and back and helping out in his home work. When i visit, i also help out, his wife still works and earns the bulk of the money. The only thing that changed is that he learnt how to cut men's hair and does so freelance. But he is the stay at home dad, and the wife is working. My family members on the Nigerian side of the divide often deride him and threaten, but he would not yield. He says he likes the life he's living. Tending to the wife and kid. I'm indifferent and i want to ask the house, do you think he's normal? He says that his home is happy, is it really happy? Your opinion pls.

Baby mama:

I guess it works for them
It won't work for me
I can't imagine my husband pounding yam and frying akara on a daily basis and running errands
I don't know
I may fall out of love

The day he annoys me I may just say something along the line if " my fellow woman" with this my sharp tongue and the marriage will just scatter