carefreewannabe:

Are you Christian? No!? Then this is none of your business.

Open a thread in the religious section and I will tell you which paragraphs should be replaced in the Quran so that people stop justifying terror and pedophilia in the name of religion. This is a problem that concerns everyone unlike whether Christianity approves of polygamy or not.

Wats my business with Quran?? See who is accusing me of bringing religion into the thread

soonest:
I can tell u categorically that ur stand for polygamy is because of ur religion and dats why u r here nitpicking on those with contrary view.So people can't argue again? A contrary opinion is now judgemental.We can as well be zombies now.
Go read TV and Yeyenatu's comments. Those were good argument. But of course u will interprete it as judgemental.

I have no religion. My stand for polygamy is most certainly due to my lack of religion

tpia1:


how old are you?

10 I guess

i'm omo Mummy.

TV01:
That is not a fact - its a mere assertion.

What you can state is that "wife second, third, forth" choose to marry a man with wife already. The choice is not necessarily a preference - and more likely a percieved neccessity.

How true can it be to say that most women - of nay culture or background - grow up dreaming & planning to be one of many wives?


TV

Whether they dream o or they didn't dream, some women still accept polygamy marriage proposal.







Why do these women "choose" polygamy. TV I'm now using choose

macof:

Wats my business with Quran?? See who is accusing me of bringing religion into the thread

It wasn't me who brought religion into this thread but if you yourself have no business with religion, kindly refrain from telling Christians what to do with their Bible and even worse to justify your stand on polygamy with religion.

tintingz: 10 I guess

i'm omo Mummy.

Whether they dream o or they didn't dream, some women still accept polygamy marriage proposal.







Why do these women "choose" polygamy. TV I'm now using choose

Like seriously?

You posted pictures from a movie.

Are you joking?

tintingz: 10 I guess

i'm omo Mummy.

Whether they dream o or they didn't dream, some women still accept polygamy marriage proposal.







Why do these women "choose" polygamy. TV I'm now using choose

I've watched a few episodes and from what I remember for most of them it's part of the religion they practice and most of the women were from polygamous homes themselves an they were raised with those religious/polygamous beliefs.

tatiana009:

I've watched a few episodes and from what I remember for most of them it's part of the religion they practice and most of the women were from polygamous homes themselves an they were raised with those religious/polygamous beliefs

And there was a whole lot of drama.

carefreewannabe:

And there was a whole lot of drama.

A lot of drama and a lot of crying. It even exposes that most of those women are not happy. Even though they accept it because it's part of their religion the crying and some things they say make you realise that they are just managing. Those shows are not a good example, although most of the so called reality shows are not a good example of anything

tatiana009:

A lot of drama and a lot of crying. It even exposes that most of those women are not happy. Even though they accept it because it's part of their religion the crying and some things they say make you realise that they are just managing. Those shows are not a good example, although those so called reality shows are not a good example of anything

Very true.

But it's funny how he chose them as a good example of polygamy.

carefreewannabe:

It wasn't me who brought religion into this thread but if you yourself have no business with religion, kindly refrain from telling Christians what to do with their Bible and even worse to justify your stand on polygamy with religion.

It is evident that you have comprehension problems.

I never justify anything by religion, heck my posts here have been to teach people not to judge with their religion

carefreewannabe:

Like seriously?

You posted pictures from a movie.

Are you joking?

does it look like a joke?

One Man To One Woman 'monogamy' Is
Stu;pid - Akon
https://www.nairaland.com/1515620/one-man-one-woman-monogamy

macof:

It is evident that you have comprehension problems.

I never justify anything by religion, heck my posts here have been to teach people not to judge with their religion

You were not the one to tell Christians to tear out the Old Testament from the Bible?
And you say you teach people not to judge with their religion? Yet you pass judgements on a religion?

tatiana009:

I've watched a few episodes and from what I remember for most of them it's part of the religion they practice and most of the women were from polygamous homes themselves an they were raised with those religious/polygamous beliefs.

and they prefer polygamy marriage.

tintingz: and they prefer polygamy marriage.

As I explained they were raised to believe that is the right way in their religion so you can't really say the chose. Some of them were married off by 18, so they never really had a choice in the matter Akon is another bad example because he's known to still have girlfriends all around. None of those people show anything good about polygamy

tatiana009:

But polygamous men have also been known to divorce. Recently one of the states in the north organized mass wedding for it's women even offering to foot the bills because so many of them had been divorced and abandoned and those are people practicing polygamy. Some will divorce one wife to marry another by the time they have reached number 4. In fact it's a problem in the north because they divorce the older wives so they can marry younger girls. All this comparing is pointless since the same vices that exist in monogamous marriages also exist in polygamous ones . A person who lacks self control with one wife will still look outside even if he has 4wives

I'm talking about pastors that preach against polygamy and divorce but we see them cheating and divorcing.

wetin northern people got to do with these? did the northerners told you they are against polygamy?

and did I not said polygamy has been abused in my earlier posts?

tintingz:

Whether they dream o or they didn't dream, some women still accept polygamy marriage proposal.







Why do these women "choose" polygamy. TV I'm now using choose

As previously stated, the chose to accept. Granted. Why? For a number of possible reasons. The questions should be;

- Was it their preferred arrangement
- Are they satisfied
- With hindsight, would they do it again if given the chance or opt for monogamy

That is how to converse, not with unthinking assertions. I may well say things like they ar old, ugly and fat - being the reason for their choices. Or claim they don't look that happy - although the men all look quite smug -but I'll speak factually or by clear observation.

So pictures aside, what's the story behind these?


TV

tintingz: I'm talking about pastors that preach against polygamy and divorce but we see them cheating and divorcing.

wetin northern people got to do with these? did the northerners told you they are against polygamy?

and did I not said polygamy has been abused in my earlier posts?

It's established that Pastors are not saints they are men who sometimes fall short. When they preach they are saying what the Bible says but it dosen't mean they live according to everyone of those rules even though we all strive to. So If a Pastor tells a lie does that change the fact that lies are bad

My point is stop trying to point at the things that are bad in monogamy to try and justify polygamy because all those same things occur in it.

By the way I've heard one of the reality polygamous wives say she wouldn't make that decision again if she could but she's in now and she's fine with it.basically it's a case of making the best of the situation one is in like the OP Is trying to do.

Abeg I'm done with this discussion, it's going no where. Let everyone simply pick any lifestyle they prefer , no need to justify anything okay at least only the person will live in it at the end of the day

tatiana009:

As I explained they were raised to believe that is the right way in their religion so you can't really say the chose. Some of them were married off by 18, so they never really had a choice in the matter Akon is another bad example because he's known to still have girlfriends all around. None of those people show anything good about polygamy

my argument is base on women that choose to be in a polygamous marriage.

These women have the choice to leave the marriage, whether it is their belief or not.

tintingz: my argument is base on women that choose to be in a polygamous marriage.

These women have the choice to leave the marriage, whether it is their belief or not.

Okay let's move on and focus on helping the OP cope with her new life, hope she comes back

TV01:

You still miss the point;

Polygamy is flawed in principle and in practice!

Monogamy is sound in principle but can be badly practiced.

Graciás

TV

i strongly disagree with this bit. no marriage system is flawed if the people in it practise mutual respect. the chaos in polygamy is also present in monogamy if not more........

coogar:
i strongly disagree with this bit. no marriage system is flawed if the people in it practise mutual respect. the chaos in polygamy is also present in monogamy if not more........

Polygamy is structurally flawed. A structurally flawed model will always produce sub-optimal returns.

Monogamy is the perfect vehicle for human pair-bonding and the resultant offspring, All that is required in a marriage are a male & a female. The addition of an extra person - of either sex does not enhance it, and at the same time introduces problems.

Structural deficiencies:
It inherently considers womens agency, needs, desires and worth as secondary to mens. No gainsaying.

It also means less relative attention and resource for each child.

Practical problems:
For starters, the womans emotional & physical needs are now secondary to the mans. And the more wives, the less likely those needs are to be satisfied. Men are relatively more physical and women emotional. The man gets a super-abundance of his needs and the women a vastly diminished experience. It is also psychologically traumatic for the women, especially the first wife - evidence OP.

Unhealthy rivalry amongst the wives is quite endemic and this is usually transferred to the children and often outlives the man. Abuse of children is also more likely - byco=wives and step-siblings.

Societal issues:
The natural birthrate is about 105/100 boys to girls. In a flourishing well ordered soceity it simply doesn't work. It would create imbalance. Without the incentive of a wife and family, young men tend to become "feral" and do not produce at high levels? Why would they?

Even where it is permitted it always remains a minority model.

Scrutinised closer one will see many other insidious outworkings of this practice. Feel free to solicit real life testimonies form Landers. Bellong 0!

Monogamy works is practiced properly. ATBE, there is nothing edifying about polygamy - it's a wandering todger scam.


TV

TV01:

Polygamy is structurally flawed. A structurally flawed model will always produce sub-optimal returns.

Monogamy is the perfect vehicle for human pair-bonding and the resultant offspring, All that is required in a marriage are a male & a female. The addition of an extra person - of either sex does not enhance it, and at the same time introduces problems.

Structural deficiencies:
It inherently considers womens agency, needs, desires and worth as secondary to mens. No gainsaying.

It also means less relative attention and resource for each child.

Practical problems:
For starters, the womans emotional & physical needs are now secondary to the mans. And the more wives, the less likely those needs are to be satisfied. Men are relatively more physical and women emotional. The man gets a super-abundance of his needs and the women a vastly diminished experience. It is also psychologically traumatic for the women, especially the first wife - evidence OP.

Unhealthy rivalry amongst the wives is quite endemic and this is usually transferred to the children and often outlives the man. Abuse of children is also more likely - byco=wives and step-siblings.

Societal issues:
The natural birthrate is about 105/100 boys to girls. In a flourishing well ordered soceity it simply doesn't work. It would create imbalance. Without the incentive of a wife and family, young men tend to become "feral" and do not produce at high levels? Why would they?

Even where it is permitted it always remains a minority model.

Scrutinised closer one will see many other insidious outworkings of this practice. Feel free to solicit real life testimonies form Landers. Bellong 0!

Monogamy works is practiced properly. ATBE, there is nothing edifying about polygamy - it's a wandering todger scam.


TV

the world would pass you by if you continue to hold rigidly to these traditional norms. things have changed drastically. in this day & age where married couples willingly invite a 3rd party to their bedroom for the fun of it, you are still thinking polygamy is flawed? that opinion is so 1934.

look around you, women have made giant strides over the last 50 years. the stats are grim. more women have college degrees than men. matter of fact, the only category you would find more men than women is in the prison system - otherwise, women outnumber men in any age group after childhood.

this disproportion puts women at a big disadvantage. they have fewer choices of a marital partner than the men. should a woman then marry down because she's got a tiny pool of marital partners to choose from or she shouldn't marry at all because all her male counterparts with the same college degrees have been taken? or perhaps you prefer her to engage homosëxuality?

who's going to marry all these female graduates that abound everywhere you look since men seem to have stopped pulling their weights? it won't be long now - polygamy would be made legal starting from the US & the UK. the available eligible men cannot simply go round and something would have to give in on the long run.

as it is today, a woman has 3 choices....

•hope there is a good single man available
•steal another woman's husband
•settle for polygamy


the last option is the most feasible out of the three.

freecocoa: Then she must be tired of the man and wants someone to help ease the ache or load as the case may be.

On a more serious note though, there has to be a reason, I don't believe a woman who's in love with her man, will be willing to share him, I just can't wrap my head around it.

Just why does it have to be the men taking the wives and expecting the women to be cool with it as it is no big deal? Now tbaba, honestly tell us, how you would feel if you ever have to share your woman with another man? Will you even accept such?

I agree. My grandma got my granddad a second wife last year or two years ago and she had a good reason.

kandiikane:

I agree. My grandma got my granddad a second wife last year or two years ago and she had a good reason.

kandii, you are alive?
i thought you deactivated - wassup? you have become less troublesome these days - it seems maturity has taken over finally.

No child from a polygamous home would want to grow up to live that kind of life..... Except some illiterates anyways.

tbaba1234:

Polyandry is impractical, that is why it is so rarely practiced historically. Who owns the child? So no, I will not be sharing my wife. This is however my personal preference..

This is not true. Polyandry has been practised efficiently in many cultures and it's still being practiced although not as widespread due to law changes, monogamy and such and such. Many times brothers will marry one wife, they all own the child. Within the maasai, even though a woman cannot marry another man, married women are allowed to sleep with other men as long as the man is the same age as the husband. All the man has to do is go to the woman's compound and Bury his spear so you can never know who owns the child. This applies to the husband too, The husband will acknowledge any child by the woman as his unless there is evidence a child isn't his even that, he still takes care of the child as own. There are so many similar practices around the world just not shown as much.

coogar:
kandii, you are alive?
i thought you deactivated - wassup? you have become less troublesome these days - it seems maturity has taken over finally.

Lol, for where I am still around, just tend to observe now rather than post. Maturity has always been there but the likes of you just tend to bringout the little one in me. After nairaland went offline something changed sha.

majekdom2: No child from a polygamous home would want to grow up to live that kind of life..... Except some illiterates anyways.

that's bullshyte!
my former boss is a polygamist - he has 4 wives, the kind of harmony i witnessed under his roof is absent in 90% of monogamous families.

it's the people that have got problems, not the marriage system. if you put the same polygamous wives in a monogamous setting, they will cause trouble there as well.

kandiikoko:
Lol, for where I am still around, just tend to observe now rather than post. Maturity has always been there but the likes of you just tend to bringout the little one in me. cheesy After nairaland went offline something changed sha. grin

that's nice to know.....
does that mean i may get to hear the concluding part of that your famous trip to gambia?

kandiikane:

This is not true. Polyandry has been practised efficiently in many cultures and it's still being practiced although not as widespread due to law changes, monogamy and such and such. Many times brothers will marry one wife, they all own the child. Within the maasai, even though a woman cannot marry another man, married women are allowed to sleep with other men as long as the man is the same age as the husband. All the man has to do is go to the woman's compound and Bury his spear so you can never know who owns the child. This applies to the husband too, The husband will acknowledge any child by the woman as his unless there is evidence a child isn't his even that, he still takes care of the child as own. There are so many similar practices around the world just not shown as much.

According to the Ethnographic Atlas, of 1,231 societies noted, 186 were monogamous; 453 had occasional polygyny; 588 had more frequent polygyny; and 4 had polyandry.(via wikipedia) (1960-1980)

What percentage is that?

It has been so rarely practised because it is impractical.

Polygyny has always been far more widely practised.

tbaba1234:

According to the Ethnographic Atlas, of 1,231 societies noted, 186 were monogamous; 453 had occasional polygyny; 588 had more frequent polygyny; and 4 had polyandry.(via wikipedia) (1960-1980)

What percentage is that?

It has been so rarely practised because it is impractical.

Polygyny has always been far more widely practised.

This is again untrue. I believe you should do a bit more research further than Wikipedia.

Polyandry was not rarely practiced. It was practised, just that now it's not as practiced as much as before. Just two days ago I was watching a documentary on the marriage customs in China and it showed different tribes which practised polyandry and those which didn't tend to have extramarital affairs which was ok in the tribe. The man would come in the woman's marital home, sit and eat with the husband and when it's time the husband will leave the wife and lover to do what they need to do. Even if polyandry isn't practised as much now there are many places where women would marry one man but are allowed to sleep with others, maybe from different clans and such. I believe this started happening when matrilineal societies started turning patrilineal, what difference is there between polyandry and being allowed to bedded by other men apart from your husband? Is it the title of being called husband?

@coogar, there was nothing to that joor. As you saw it that's how it happened.

coogar:
the world would pass you by if you continue to hold rigidly to these traditional norms. things have changed drastically. in this day & age where married couples willingly invite a 3rd party to their bedroom for the fun of it, you are still thinking polygamy is flawed? that opinion is so 1934.

Truth dates? Polygamy is not fit for purpose. Never has been.Why are the Israelis and Arabs involved in perpetual conflict?

coogar:
look around you, women have made giant strides over the last 50 years. the stats are grim. more women have college degrees than men. matter of fact, the only category you would find more men than women is in the prison system - otherwise, women outnumber men in any age group after childhood.

Please evidence this. It's patently false.
Son preference in places like China and India mean that globally men outnumber women.

coogar:
this disproportion puts women at a big disadvantage. they have fewer choices of a marital partner than the men. should a woman then marry down because she's got a tiny pool of marital partners to choose from or she shouldn't marry at all because all her male counterparts with the same college degrees have been taken? or perhaps you prefer her to engage homosëxuality?

As above.
Additionally, even if the factors you mention are valid - to anything other than a tiny degree - the problem is not one of numbers, but socio-economic class. In which case, women can learn to marry down - or out - as men have been doing for centuries .

coogar:
who's going to marry all these female graduates that abound everywhere you look since men seem to have stopped pulling their weights? it won't be long now - polygamy would be made legal starting from the US & the UK. the available eligible men cannot simply go round and something would have to give in on the long run.

Lots of butchers, road-sweepers, shelf-stackers, conductors etc. Equality is with us, you are the one that's dated - Carefreewannabe PM'ed to advise me that she has her eye on one bellboy like this. Works for a very prestigious hotel...and he's name is Lee-Hwang . Alutacontinua - our resident thought-leader and world-changing, high-achiever has expressed interest in a mini-cab controller from Peckham. To save costs, I'm Mc'ing free at both receptions !

coogar:
as it is today, a woman has 3 choices....

•hope there is a good single man available
•steal another woman's husband
•settle for polygamy

the last option is the most feasible out of the three.

Notice how you qualified polygamy with "settle"? ATBE it's a distant second . If we get to a ratio of 7 adult women to every male, it may prove temporary respite. It will not however change the fact that the best men will corral the finest women. Poor men and unfine women will suffer whatever the ratio or model .


TV

kandiikane:

This is again untrue. I believe you should do a bit more research further than Wikipedia.

Polyandry was not rarely practiced. It was practised, just that now it's not as practiced as much as before. Just two days ago I was watching a documentary on the marriage customs in China and it showed different tribes which practised polyandry and those which didn't tend to have extramarital affairs which was ok in the tribe.

Sure, you can pick the few stories they are.

The vast majority cultures on this earth, had polygyny, whether in Africa, Asia or Europe. That is fact.

TV01:
Truth dates? Polygamy is not fit for purpose. Never has been.Why are the Israelis and Arabs involved in perpetual conflict?

the first conflict in the bible was cain & abel. were they in a polygamous setting? it's the people with the problem, not the system. a troublesome husband or wife will be problematic no matter where you put him/her.

Please evidence this. It's patently false.
Son preference in places like China and India mean that globally men outnumber women.

marriage runs deeper than that. it's not just about the sheer numbers. every woman wants the best. since 90% of the women are all interested in the top 10% of the menfolk, why won't there be problems like infidelity, husband-snatching, etc in the society?

marriage isn't about numbers - it's about getting the best of the lot. women want a man that can provide security, a responsible man, gainfully employed, etc. those criteria alone would reduce the number of available men by 90%. so what do you have left?

As above.
Additionally, even if the factors you mention are valid - to anything other than a tiny degree - the problem is not one of numbers, but socio-economic class. In which case, women can learn to marry down - or out - as men have been doing for centuries .

i used to think like this too but over the past few weeks, i have come to realise it's wishful thinking. even if it's forced, chaos & commotion would be the outcome. what would a female master degree holder in pharmacy have in common with a bus conductor? on what planet can they be compatible enough to share the same dreams, opinion, moral values, etc?

there lies the problem.....

Lots of butchers, road-sweepers, shelf-stackers, conductors etc. Equality is with us, you are the one that's dated - Carefreewannabe PM'ed to advise me that she has her eye on one bellboy like this. Works for a very prestigious hotel...and he's name is Lee-Hwang . Alutacontinua - our resident thought-leader and world-changing, high-achiever has expressed interest in a mini-cab controller from Peckham. To save costs, I'm Mc'ing free at both receptions !

if that's true, then you have hammered cos i can bet you would be emceeing at the divorce ceremony within months. happy marriage is really about finding the right partner & create a harmonious relationship.

it's either you reduce the number of women going to school altogether or legalise polygamy to balance the odds - as it is, the disproportion is mammoth! there's no way infidelity won't be rife. the temptation to cheat hasn't ever been this intense for the married men out there - single women are getting ever more daring.......

Notice how you qualified polygamy with "settle"? ATBE it's a distant second . If we get to a ratio of 7 adult women to every male, it may prove temporary respite. It will not however change the fact that the best men will corral the finest women. Poor men and unfine women will suffer whatever the ratio or model .

TV

as long as the women are married, who gets what is an academic point. marital infidelity would reduce - the number of women taking anti-depressants would reduce. hell, fraudulent pastors would soon be put out of business too cos that's one arm of their means of making money.

a lot of lives have been destroyed by these fake pastors - they just match 2 disparate entities & use fake spirituality to cover their eyes. within months, that marriage crumbles. the man moves on, the value of the woman drops even lower as she's now a divorcee - sometimes with a child.

what a broken society!!