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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! (40481 Views)
A Thread For 2016 Brides and Grooms To Be / Polygamy: Why Men Marry More Wives. / A Thread For Ladies Who Want To Get Married (2) (3) (4)
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Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 1:49pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
bukatyne:lady, move it right along Please. He won't have reasons to. I don't judge. the instance I notice it, I would sit him down and not delude myself with 'he loves me too much'. Something someone is doing out there caught his attention, I will find out what it is and take it from there. If it can't be nipped, then we'd take the next step. Even me don't like to share so I'm just gon' make him see reasons why I can't. If we can find a compromise, jolly good! If not, she can be a 'Mrs' outside my home. Simple! When I'm not 'rose abokoku' 1 Like |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by tintingz(m): 1:50pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
TV01:Ofcos widows can marry single people, but in Nigeria men prefer fresh single ladies. A number of things here;In many polygamy marriages wives don't live under same roof, things have change in these new age. 3. As in the case in question - i.e. the OP - the vast majority of additional wives will not touch the categories outlined. Men typically accumulate younger, fresher wives - which also adds to the incumbents psychological trauma - lets not decieve anyone here.and what her the reason to marry? some women who ran to men to be their second wife did it for security, wealth etc you will see them with chiefs, wealthy men. Not more than marginally so - to them and society - and there are better and preferred solutions as well as greater costs than any benefit. Like I said the vast majority of additional wives do not fall into the categories you outlined. It's basically a wandering dick scam.Please, can you state why women in polygamy marriage prefer the marriage than monogamy, why will a woman agree to be a second, third, forth wife of a man. |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by cococandy(f): 1:55pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
If a man wants to bring in another woman,don't hurt yourself by thinking someone out there is doing something better than you. Wrong. You could be perfect but as long as he's set his mind on the fact that you're not enough,he'll always find reasons to justify his lust. If it was about what one's spouse is doing wrong,all men would have many wives to compensate for whatever fault each woman has. And all women would have many husbands to make up for what the others lack. Good to know you CAN'T share. yeyenatu: 12 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by TV01(m): 1:56pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
yeyenatu: One: I don't know which point you are referring to. The one you want me to see or the one there is to see.The obvious one you are in denial about. yeyenatu:Monogamy is superior simply because it gives equal agency to both partners and provides the ideal setting to meet their individual needs and requirements of their children. Polygamy does not enhance it in any way and introduces a slew of issues and potential problems. Alternatively you can simply explain why monogamy is not superior or why polygamy is superior, instead of asserting it's just as good and merely a choice - like attending OAU or Harvard. Apologies to OAU'ites ! yeyenatu:How glaring? And yet the girl who finds romance with someone else is not simply free to introduce fyneflyguy to the marital home? All you've done here is state that polygamy is about mens desires - as I've maintained all along. yeyenatu:I fully appreciate that some people, cultures, or religions practice it and that some jurisdictions have legalised it. Neither am I being prescriptive about it - merely descriptive. As you yourself have outlined, monogamy is superior - starting with it's fairness and equally valuing both parties. yeyenatu:Emotive and funny. In polygamy, the real choices are with the man. The womans choice is whether to accept the mans choice - which is no choice really. yeyenatu:And polygamy introduces complexes for women by it's very design. But of course, a "multiple" wife has to form differently or face the truth of her situation. yeyenatu:The most laughable part of all, polygamy is exactly that - all about what the men think ! All very emotive but with no real substance. And the people affirming your posts well know this - so don't comment. And way to argue that men and their desires have primacy over women and their needs. TV 7 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 2:01pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
tintingz: Ofcos widows can marry single people, but in Nigeria men prefer fresh single ladies. Twisted. This is why some People get all frenzied. That the younger fresh girl is going to get all the love. Smh! Chai! Long thing! |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by tintingz(m): 2:03pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
bukatyne:I'm a Jew 3 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by tintingz(m): 2:07pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
yeyenatu: |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by TV01(m): 2:12pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
tintingz: Ofcos widows can marry single people, but in Nigeria men prefer fresh single ladies.As obtains everywhere. Likewise for baby mamas. So what's your point? Does polygamy restrict multiple wives to the widowed or baby mamas? Do the vast majority of multiple wives have that status prior to marriage? tintingz:So a wife and children do not have immediate access to the husband. He is not constantly interacting with his spouse and children? When jnr falls ill, the father may be busy elsewhere? Or at critical periods in a wife or childs life, he will not be able to devote his full attention to them. Another flaw of polygamy tintingz: and what her the reason to marry?Best ask OP. But it's certain that most multiple wives are not due to being widows, baby mamas or older singles tintingz: some women who ran to men as second wife did for security, wealth etc you will see them with chiefs. .I'm not denying it as a choice, I'm not even parsing it morally, merely showing that structurally polygamy is flawed. tintingz: Please, can you state why women in polygamy marriage prefer the marriage than monogamy, why will a woman agree to be a second, third, forth wife of a man.I can think of a number of reasons. Why not invite them to say? I'd say some are are due to the reasons you mentioned, but many out of greed or desperation. And why do you assume women in polygamy prefer polygamy? It's probably needs and situation driven. And please poll 1st wives and ask them if they prefer polygamy. I'd wager that even those 1st wives who accept it, would not prefer it. TV 1 Like |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by cococandy(f): 2:17pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
And please poll 1st wives and ask them if they prefer polygamy. I'd wager that even those 1st wives who accept it, would not prefer it. TV Too bad they are put in a position of no choice. Accept or leave. So some accept because leaving to them is worse. But if given the chance to have what their hearts really desire,it would be a husband who's true to them and faithful to them alone. Let's not look at women who marry other people's husbands for financial security or the need to settle down because they feel they are getting old or whatever other selfish reason they may have for disrupting another woman's life. Chances are a second wife if she was the first wife wouldn't want her husband bringing in another woman. But now she's got her eyes set on someone else's husband,why won't she look for reasons to say it is ok. Let's look at the first wives who are the original women in the men's lives. If they say they actually prefer polygamy to monogamy,then I'll believe them. 7 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by tbaba1234: 2:21pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
cococandy: And please poll 1st wives and ask them if they prefer polygamy. I'd wager that even those 1st wives who accept it, would not prefer it. In this life, we do not always get what we prefer , we sometimes have to make the best of what is. That is the key to happiness. 2 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by cococandy(f): 2:25pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
Does that apply to women alone? If the wife is not measuring up,why can't he make the best of the situation instead of going out to have more and more of what he wants? tbaba1234: 9 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Shirley07: 2:26pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
yeyenatu:What exactly are you trying to point out? You're saying monogamy is flawed because some men violate its principle yet you failed to realize that same logic could be applied to polygamy too? Because there are countless polygamous men who have concubines atside their wives at home. The truth is a cheating spouse will always be a cheater whether he's in a monogamy or polygamy setting! Infact, if we're to compare both system, Monogamy still remains the best. As a matter of fact, men who violates the principles of monogamy are doing it because they have dirty habits and not because the system is flawed! 7 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 2:31pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
TV01: Which is? You'd have to pinpoint it. So I can really get it. TV01:issues are abound in every marriage, oga Ade. equality is in the mind oooo. If she doesn't fee equal to him, he'd walk all over her regardless of the kind of marriage they are in. There are children of monogamous homes that are way twisted than the kids from polygamous homes. Depends on how they are brought up by their parents. #parents# not the marriage per se. So a father can't give love to his child because he has two wives? Or a father showers TLC on his wife and child only because he is in a monogamous marriage. Fa fa foul!!!! I'm the love of my father's life ooo! In fact, we all are!!! I'm from a polygamous home, I don't have any regret having a step mum. She is awesome, to us and to her 'iyale'. Why? Upbringing! There brats brought up in some monogamous homes that shouldn't even be married sef. Jst saying# TV01:none is superior. Superiority shouldn't even come into play here ni. Se finis!! TV01:hmmmmm... now back to gender equality again. Religion allows it, so he has a choice to do it. She can leave the religion if it doesn't suit her life choices. And admiring other people? That's why I mentioned that 'people' are the one with the issh. I'm not going to go into gender equality issh here. There is a religion that's allows more than one wife and there is one that doesn't. If you want to choose your faith because of your view on marital isshs, go for it!!! TV01:okay then. TV01: Niqqa pls!!!!! That's just you saying women are inferior, got nothing to do with the issue of marriage or its types. I say what I wanna say. If it's agreeable to people? Jolly good. It can also be frowned at by others. But it's my opinion. Not saying it to dîkk ride. Are you? YYN 1 Like |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Shirley07: 2:37pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
tbaba1234:Are you a product of a polygamous home? |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 2:41pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
cococandy: If a man wants to bring in another woman,don't hurt yourself by thinking someone out there is doing something better than you. Hehehehehe... hurt myself?! Looooonnnngggg thing!!!! I have my job and can independently care for my kids. I am not going to bring sadness into my life because a man finds his thing itching towards someone else. I didn't mean it in that contest. I meant that we are not perfect and always learning. Curiosity will make me want to know why. If it's just pure lust, why? What can be done? No one just starts to develop lust in marriage. Come on!!! I'm not one to turn blind eye, i'm too keen not to notice a wandering dîck when I see one. So, I can remove him from the list of eligible bachelor's. But my religion does allow it, and I know what I am into. Can only strive at being a good wife, not for him but because it makes life easier. @shirley07: 'they' people... are flawed which in turn affect the marriage. "The truth is a cheating spouse will always be a cheater whether he's in a monogamy or polygamy setting!" Very true.... Cheers guys!!! YYN 2 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by cococandy(f): 2:48pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
yeyenatu: 1 Like |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by macof(m): 2:59pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
hglmkope: I am from a polygamous family but I have vowed and prayed that by the Grace of God I will not find myself in that situation in Jesus name. I am not just praying it, i am working towards it and I know that God will grant me the desires of my heart. and you think polygamy is the cause of envy? Brothers of both parents envy each other so what's the big deal? 4 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by macof(m): 3:09pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
freecocoa: *spreads camp bed* So ur dad isn't anything good 5 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by macof(m): 3:10pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
bukatyne: And wat was Abraham thr so called father of your faith? 1 Like |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by bellong: 3:15pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
macof: You can ask your question with decorum. Don't turn this thread to religious war. This is how it starts. Be civil pls. 11 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 3:20pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
macof: It doesn't really matter how many wives and concubines he had as the New Testament states that it should be one wife and wife husband. Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Just saying. 4 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by tbaba1234: 3:20pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
Shirley07: No, |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Ghost01(m): 3:26pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
macof:Macof, you bad o. |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Shirley07: 3:31pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
tbaba1234:That was my thought too. To my best of knowledge, every male child from a polygamous home never dream of making such home for themselves! 5 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by tbaba1234: 3:42pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
cococandy: Does that apply to women alone? It applies to everyone. Your statement is based on the assumption that all men get married to multiple wives because of a failure of the first. That is not true. And when I say, make the best of an unpreferred situation, that leaves you with options. Stay if you can accept it, leave if you can't. Either way, make yourself happy knowing that the situation is not preferred. You see, polygamy was an absolute necessity in some societies in the past. In agrarian communities, big families provided labour needed for survival. In some societies, it offers practical solution to problems, for instance in black america 70% of children are born outside wedlock. This is mainly because the ratio of men to women is unfavourably skewed. Many black men are in jail. Polygamy is much better than having baby-mamas all over the place whom you have no obligation to. 4 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by tbaba1234: 3:46pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
Shirley07: Generalisation. My dad is from a polygamous home and it was a good one. Some women from polygamous homes remain best of friends even in old age. It is not all gloom and doom. 3 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by cococandy(f): 3:48pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
tbaba1234: 1 Like |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 3:50pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
It's very easy to paint a rosy picture of something when you're not the one living it. Please let's hear from first wives because usually they are the ones who receive the short end of the stick 9 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by TV01(m): 3:57pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
yeyenatu: Which is? You'd have to pinpoint it. So I can really get it.You can't comprehend. Your whole arguement is not even about marriage, it's about how a woman responds to a mans unfettered lust within it. yeyenatu:Practically maybe, but in monogamy, it's not by design, not in principle and not as standard. yeyenatu:By definition, if a man has 2 or more wives, none of them can have worth equal to his. yeyenatu:And your assertion does not change the structural deficiencies in polygamy. yeyenatu:Men typically love their offspring regardles. That is not in question. Their ability to do so unrestrained with multiple wives is. yeyenatu:You don;t make a case for polygamy by trashing others practice of monogamy. Emotive, assertive, but not of the required level. Peole here are somewhat discerning yeyenatu:Au contraire - monogamy clearly is - as demonstrated. You couldn't even extol the virtues of polygamy, you went straight to formulating responses to a man with an itch in his pants. You are both subject to his lustful nature. yeyenatu:As stated, that something as allowed by religion or by law, does not make it sound. And I've clearly stated that I'm not having that discussion. yeyenatu:No bender politics either. Just the structure of both models. yeyenatu:Nope, polygamy by definition makes women inferior. In agency, in need and in worth. It's a little sad that a woman would actually argue for it. yeyenatu:Nope, just objectively showing why it's a bad all round deal. Not good for men, women or the flourishing of society and not widely taken up even where it is legal. No country in the world has a majority of polygamous marriage. Flawed by design and even against nature given a natural birthrate of around 105 boys to 100 girls I have made my points in this discussion without recourse to religion or even morality. I have merely parsed the structural outworking of polygamy, and where needed, in contrast to monogamy. Someone for polygamy earlier stated that "all men are cheaters". It's that kind of thinking you need to sell to yourself to whole-heartedly accept polygamy. I thank God that I stand in direct testimony against that statement and that type of thinking. I'm beginning to loop and neither YYN - who made a spirited but ultimately substanceless effort - nor her phantom constituency have made anything but assertions. I'm here if you have anything new and relevent to share. Best TV 4 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 3:59pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
I have been following this thread from the beginning and it strikes me that the supporters of polygamy mention that polygamy IN THE PAST was a necessity to manage a family's farm but never mention that TODAY we have a serious problem with overpopulation that has and will continue to have serious and severe consequences. Just wanted to add a new aspect to this discussion that I think is important. 3 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by tbaba1234: 4:01pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
tatiana009: It's very easy to paint a rosy picture of something when you're not the one living it. Please let's hear from first wives because usually they are the ones who receive the short end of the stick A few months ago, a woman in a polygamous marriage was here, talking about how happy she was in her marriage. That narrative did not go down well with some folks. I posted a story earlier of a woman who was the second of three wives. She actually set out to look for a married man or a divorcee. I have seen good examples of happy polygamous homes so I know, it is attainable. I have also seen horrific tales of monogamous homes, so I understand it is not perfect. 1 Like |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by macof(m): 4:02pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: In other words Abraham shouldn't be a role model in christianity It's either that or Christianity is hypocritical 6 Likes |
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