Hello people, I am an active user of this great forum but I had to create an anonymous account just because of this situation I want to share.

I started a Masters program here in naija about 7 months ago. I met this girl in my class and we quickly got to like each other since we also live in the same part of town. We started dating and everything was rosy for a while. We agreed on going on with d relationship for a while before announcing to friends and family members, cos she said her parents were very disappointed when she broke up from her last relationship and she would prefer to wait until she's sure about me before telling them.

Everything went fairly well until about 2 months into the relationship when she told her mum about me and her mum disapproved. I was furious and confused about why her mum would stop her from dating sum1 she hardly knows. She said she couldn't go against her mum's decision but she was still partly in d relationship. We kept seeing each other and spending time together like everything was perfectly fine. Then out of the blue, her father suddenly called her one day and told her he was going to give her contact to his friend's son that's based in US. She was upset by this and insisted that she doesn't like or want the guy, but her dad went as far as threatening that he would stop sponsoring her education and that he would totally disassociate himself from her if she doesn't heed to his words. Like seriously, is this the 19th century where marriages are organised?

To cut long story short, she had no choice but to go by his demands, so she let her dad give her contact to his friend's son. I now realised both families had planned it all along since when they were kids, so I decided to back out of the relationship since she couldn't stand her grounds and make them realise the decision was hers to make.

We stayed away from each other for a while, then immediately after the election /easter break, I got back to school and she came begging that she couldn't live without me. I had no choice but to take her back cos I have a soft spot for her. Now we are still together, but I see no future in what we have cos d guy keeps calling her. Sometimes he calls her in my presence and she'd go outside for minutes or hours while talking to him on d phone. She claims d guy is being forced on her, yet, she's not doing anything about the whole thing.

My view is that she's just using me cos she needs sum1. The fact that she's always around me is stopping me from moving on. Just few days back, I went to use d atm machine close to school and a beautiful lady right behind me on d queue tried to have a conversation wif me, but I couldn't get into d flow just because my defunct gf was watching.

I can't deny d fact that I love her, but I hate d idea of wasting my time and effort on sumthn without prospects. Am I right for wanting out?... If yes, how do I go about it?

Sad!!!

Let go. Que cera cera. (whatever will be will be). She is just using you to pass time. If the guy is being forced on her like she claims...she still has the choice to take his calls or not.

She is using you as a leverage, so she doesn't miss out on both ends.

Bottom line is you need to. Let go, cry if you must but move on...

I call dem destiny killers, abeg run ooo

I'd advise you start looking somewhere else, she's not ready to leave the arranged relationship with the other guy, remain friends with her, but find your own happiness, she can't eat her cake and have it.

mat spread

The only solution to ur matter is to let her go. She is just using u to while away her time here in naija. If her ' arranged' bf cums to naija and tell her she is goin wt him abroad, do u think the gal wil b so foolish to stick to u and not follow him? Wise up my bro. And continue wt ur life. Or better stil, ask her abt her opinion, I.e her stand about ur relatioship.

I

Freciprocal:
Sad!!!

Let go. Que cera cera. (whatever will be will be). She is just using you to pass time. If the guy is being forced on her like she claims...she still has the choice to take his calls or not.

She is using you as a leverage, so she doesn't miss out on both ends.

Bottom line is you need to. Let go, cry if you must but move on...

Wow!... Thanx for ur reply. This is exactly the way I see it, the problem is just dat I don't know if I'll be able to look into her eyes and say no when she comes begging again.

I just have to look for a way, cos surely, the problem is not only uncertainty, I'm also being held back from finding sum1 that could be my perfect match.

Op u no dey watch Korean/ Season films


Love reigns at d end. If u truly love each other & want d relationship, it would work out.

Who knows' The US Guy might just marry d two of u on their wedding day like in one Indian film wey I watch

But Seriously, If u both want it, it will definately works out # Go for it if u are sure she loves u too.

I feel for you.
Well, u know the truth already, so set yourself free.

Bro, ask her for d last time nd force her to mak a decision on wot she wants to do. If she is interested, let her call d guy nd break frm him wit immediate effect. Dat is nt to say u wunt kip an eye on her coz she fit still run d two sides simultaneously.
If she appears indecisive no luk uche face, move on speedily to anoda person.She is jst whiling away tym wit u. Dnt allow her sweet words/cry hold u down. Giv her less attention. If she dey complain of u seein another babe, rmind her of seein anoda guy too in d states. Put ur effort in ur new relationship. Let her knw u aint putin much effort into it because it is nt meant to b one-sided..

This is not 19th century bro, please modify.



@OP, There is a saying that a squirrel places its tail on the unripe palm fruit while eating the riped one because of tomorrow.

That's exactly what the lady is doing.

She's interested in the arranged marriage but she's not sure if it will really work so she's keeping you as a backup.

Drop the relationship and move on.

Don't tell her to chose between you and the guy because she wouldn't give him a chance nor answer his calls in your presence if she has respect for your feelings

Just Break-up with her and stop wasting your time over that gurl................

Omotayor123:
Op u no dey watch Korean/ Season films


Love reigns at d end. If u truly love each other & want d relationship, it would work out.

Who knows' The US Guy might just marry d two of u on their wedding day like in one Indian film wey I watch

But Seriously, If u both want it, it will definately works out # Go for it if u are sure she loves u too.

No, I don't watch Korean movies or series

I am not Korean and neither is my life a movie, so I can't start adapting my life into a kind of play

When u ask sum1 that claims to love u to choose between u and sum1 else and all she could say is; "I can't go against my parents", then it's obvious she wants to eat her cake and have it by expecting me to remain in her life. I'm not a gambling man, so I can't waste my time by sticking around to see if d other guy would eventually win.

Thanx for ur comment anyway.

I neva knew or noticed where u askd her to choose nd she replied she can't go against her parent. Sorry for dat bro.
On dis note, just forget anyfin lyk feelings or relationship nd get out there to get urs.
There is no reason to waste tym finkin nd waiting.
O n pe, lo n di ose.

The issue at hand is so sad but at d same time we shouldn't be bias while passing judgement. The lady in question might be in a situation not known to any one of us here.

How on earth do u fink someone would not be able to fight 4 love if there is no under lined factors.

Well bro u are greatly disturbed wch is normal for someone in love. But also while making decision just pray for Gods wisdom. And pray 4 d lady in question too. May God not allow us find ourselves in situation stronger than us.
ti Eni to de laari . who knows tomorrow. Nd who will be in tougher situation.
D Lady need to act up so as to stand 4 her love but who knows . she might be scared of tins that might eventually happen.

ElevenBravo:


No, I don't watch Korean movies or series

I am not Korean and neither is my life a movie, so I can't start adapting my life into a kind of play

When u ask sum1 that claims to love u to choose between u and sum1 else and all she could say is; "I can't go against my parents", then it's obvious she wants to eat her cake and have it by expecting me to remain in her life. I'm not a gambling man, so I can't waste my time by sticking around to see if d other guy would eventually win.

Thanx for ur comment anyway.

If u already decide y create this thread again
Choice is yours & I wish u Good luck.

Omotayor123:
If u already decide y create this thread again Choice is yours & I wish u Good luck.

I just wanted to be sure about d decision i made... Thanx

Op i ll advise you to Let her Go/sit her down Explain to her how you see nO future wit her then Break Her Heart(axin dump d Ditch/BitchH

FLAWLES:
Op i ll advise you to Let her Go/sit her down Explain to her how you see nO future wit her then Break Her Heart(axin dump d Ditch/BitchH

Thanx, you are actually on point, I'm already working towards that.

Please, she's not a b!tch.

My brother i can relate with you on this issue. My advise as somebody experienced dont give up on love. i know you love her and she does too, you have to support her in this battle with her parents. She is fighting it alone. Try and meet her parents and declare your intentions to them. Start behaving like a future son in law. it would not be easy, there would be serious opposition but love always wins. This experience would define you as a man. Please dont chicken out. In my own case i fought with my family members. She fought on her side too. But today everybody is on our side and she is the best ever. So do it for your woman and thank me later. Thats only if you lover her deep.