kelvyn7:


timely abi

Na here u won open my yansh

Thank God say I catch u

Toks2008:



Hmmm,my lady i must confess that im indeed touched by your story and i can relate with every bit of it having been part of that institution called marriage.

Now i would like you to calm down and read my advice deeply

Woman first and foremost you must realize that there is nothing like a good ore bad choice of spouse but what we have is your choice and when you make that choice you must be prepared for any form of eventualities such as this.

A million years of courtship does not guaranty that the caring guy while dating will turn cold and just as you wrote up there,he was caring at a time asides from the nagging aspect which is a defect and trust me everyone has a defect including you and i.

I will not use the word unfortunately rather i will say fortunately for you the case is not the one that has to do with him sleeping around or beating you up which is a good ground for divorce so in this case please throw the taught of divorce outside the window.

Yes their are some businesses that are degrading fore a graduate no matter how profitable they may seem and there are some businesses that can totally divert the aspiration of a man so the fact that he knows the type of business or job he wants is not a bad thing but the bad side of it is not doing enough to actualize the business or job he desires.

Dear sis,you made no mistake in choosing a spouse,not at all, you simply followed your heart and you must know that every marriage is like a black market and no matter how sweet the courtship may look and no matter how caring sweet,romantic the man or woman can be,people do change and i know what i am talking about.

Your husband is not really lazy as you think,not every one of us has the hustling spirit and some of us would rather do a 40k monthly job and grow old with it while some of us will rather look for a poo business that makes huge monthly take home.

In conclusion dear,this is a cross you have to bear.Pray to GOD to provide him a job,be good to him, encourage him and trust me his heart will melt towards you.

With prayers i believe GOD will provide a way out and he will get back to his feet. Better still,sit him down and ask him what he would like to do because every man out there have a plan but the problem is not having enough financial power to actualize it.

If you can help him invest once again into a good business of his choice and i believe that most men usually become a shadow of themselves when they are in financial lack so relax, you have no issue at all. Just tune your mind to be happy and i must congratulate you for the wonderful gift GOD gave to you through this same man.

The best way to be happy in any marriage especially when you have children is to focus on the children and yourself and ignore the man if he is a philanderer but in this case,he only seem to appear to you as lazy but trust me, you just might be wrong,every man has his dream career,business or job. So help him actualize it by encouraging and praying for him and with GOD all things are possible.

GOD BLESS YOUR MARRIAGE.

Best and balanced comment I've read so far.

I don't think there's much problem at all, provided the man is someone who is open to correction and is willing to change. People should however know that sometimes, money doesn't answer to hustling and really, it's not all jack of trades that he will want to do even in his state. Some of the time, women don't other to learn men psychology. Thing is, men and women usually view things differently. I watched a Mt Zion movie in which the man was out of job and was trying to find something to do, he later went to all these roadside brick making outfit and was told he'll be paid 5k per month(I think he had worked in a company before and was living comfortably) but as far as he's concerned, it was too little cuz it can solve next to nothing considering their predicament but guess what, the wife said he should have taken it. As far as the man is concerned, 5k can't do nothing but for the woman, it represents husband going out and not being lazy.

She did say he single-handedly took care of them for 4years and they did it together initially but it's now that she has been doing it and so, that doesn't show to me that he really doesn't want to work infact, I'm almost almost certain he's going through psychological issues as well. He should however be told he needs to change his attitude and not give a body language that he doesn't care, while also trying to see if there's something he can do.

Marriage sometimes doesn't go the way many plan it so, singles out there had better be prepared. I pray the best for us all

In 2008, I gave birth to a set of triplet, and had to quit work to nurse my angels. He was very supportive then. He provided for all our needs and life was good. In 2012, my husband lost his job, I had to take over the family expenses again.

I think what the man needs is a good job and things will turn around for good, don't paint him black completely.

Forwetinnah:


Same to you....I'd rather remain single than have a spineless leech

take care of urself first... babymama sure pass.

Sorry that your husband is the perfect example of those yoruba call FAWORAJA ( someone who used his beauty to marry à wife but is actually à ne'er-do-well ).
Why did God burden you with à set of triplet for such à uséless man ? I was going to advise you to divorce him but 3 children are just too many to raise alone ...so just carry your cross & be happy !

kosplateau:

take care of urself first... babymama sure pass.

I'm comfortably single. ..i can't thank God enough, I'm doing great on my own. Baby Mama ko..i cant stoop that low, Danke!

Wow! But just wish I could hear from her spouse.

I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU.

What's the correlation between being irresponsible/lazy and physical-qualities/outward-appearance? There are loads of irresponsible ugly mofos out there with unnecessary pride...so it has nothing to do with how he looks. Ol'boy is just lazy.

This is reminiscent of how some chics attach the "play boy" tag to any guy that's good looking. Just stop feeding the lazy mofo - when he's hungry and homeless, he'll get his bummy arse up and go fend for himself and his kids.

thorpido:
Handsomeness is one of the least reasons to marry a man.You have definitely learnt that by now.
Unfortunately,there are still many young girls who make decisions on who to marry by these poor reasons.

true.. many will still keep making the mistake.. not all handsome guys are nice

Shymm3x:
What's the correlation between being irresponsible/lazy and physical-qualities/outward-appearance? There are loads of irresponsible ugly mofos out there with unnecessary pride...so it has nothing to do with how he looks. Ol'boy is just lazy.

This is reminiscent of how some chics attach the "play boy" tag to any guy that's good looking. Just stop feeding the lazy mofo - when he's hungry and homeless, he'll get his bummy arse up and go fend for himself and his kids.

true this..

goldenruby:
Hmmmmm. Looks to me like there's really no rule that governs the marriage institution.
Well for me, A man's physical Beauty is absolutely irrelevant! Give me a 'gorilla-looking' man if he's got the most handsome heart and ready to lay down for his family, I'd be ready to compliment his looks

Nne am a silver back gorilla looking man,u up for grabs?

goldenruby:
Hmmmmm. Looks to me like there's really no rule that governs the marriage institution.
Well for me, A man's physical Beauty is absolutely irrelevant! Give me a 'gorilla-looking' man if he's got the most handsome heart and ready to lay down for his family, I'd be ready to compliment his looks

I support that.

Both of u have shallow minds but d guy in my view still has an escape route. One,u said u guys courted for 18mnths. As a graduate u should've read some books about marriage to know beyond d reason u give for marrying him. My dear, ur husband is just frustrated because he has no job.A man with pride will never be happy when d wife plays d man of d house. Thank God u attest to d fact that he was once supportive.pls pray to God to give ur husband a better job and u will see him be d husband u once loved. Personally, dis is d reason why I don't allow women to spend for me.

baby girl. see, not always juicy. I discover these days that some men are just obiageli (come and eat) and obianuju coming to meet and enjoy wealth.. so unfortunate is not suppose to be so. just keep on doing things you know u can do. partially I'm passing through same. but u know when u get to the hospital, women kept dieing of bp and so many others and the men kept on saying we bother too much that is why the illness kept coming. but I leant one thing now, which is doing d ones you can do and leave the rest, tank you. kindly advice, I almost lost my memory cos of stress of life. just take it easy. bye

bisifoundation:
I lived a very religious life in campus, and was not in any relationship at all. After school , I met this young handsome guy in 2006. Sincerely, I felt I didn’t not merit him because he is very handsome, while I am on the average beauty wise. The only thing that attracted me to him was the look. He was an hustler and lived a low income life. Throughout our courtship of 18months, He never gave me a dime. I came from a financially buoyant famiy, I therefore saw no need in asking him for anything, rather I was feeding him with three square meal. We got wedded in the year 2007, and I gave him the flower of my womanhood (virginity) but I was not really excited for just no reason.

My husband is a caring man, but nags a lot. He nags about the way I handle bathing soap, the way you arrange plates in kitchen, virtually everything. I most often skip for fear each time he wants to talk because I believe he wants to complain again.

I got a job before he did, but one thing I discover is that my husband spends his money without thinking about tomorrow and always depend on my salary to survive the family. In 2008, I gave birth to a set of triplet, and had to quit work to nurse my angels. He was very supportive then. He provided for all our needs and life was good. In 2012, my husband lost his job, I had to take over the family expenses again. I was running a masters degree program, doing many businesses, and still raising kids. I travelled every week in a bid to keep the family running. Each time, I complain about the stress I was passing through, he tells me I am lazy, that many women do more to sustain their families.

This is 2015, my husband prefers to allow me or my dad to pay the children tuition fee than for him to hustle. I am 100% responsible for the family upkeep. Every biz you introduce to my husband is downgrading to him. I am currently on my PHd degree, I am nursing a set of triplet, and still work hard to survive my family.

It is now that I realize that I married my husband because of his handsomeness, and that he is mentally very shallow. My husband thinks like a child and has virtually no plan for his family.

My simple advice for intending wives is this, looks (handsomeness or beauty) alone is not enough to choose a husband, marry a man that has great vision for his life, not the one that you will keep on dragging up.

Secondly, I believe my husband puts all the family responsibility on me because I was the one feeding him when we were dating. Please, let your guy know from day one that you need to be adored and taken care of like a beautiful flower.

To married men and women there, did you make some mistakes when choosing? Pls share with intending husbands and wives to help them make informed decision.

And the cycle continues. Glad you've realized your mistakes.

To all the men out there, please take it easy on your woman.

So, so, so sorry OP.

Nitefury:
Bisi is hurting.

Reminds me of a thread asking why Nigerian men shy away from responsibilities once they know their wives are capable and willing.

You're husband is just being very selfish. He understands you wouldn't slack paying your kids tuition or take up his responsibilities so he just relaxes. Trust me Bisi, you hubby understands what he's doing perfectly well. His thinking is after all, you got his ass covered even when you dated, so why should you stop when you're now married? If you ask me, i think he also understood earlier on you wanted him for his looks and at the end of the day, he settled with you knowing your (family's) financial capabilities.

No be only women dey dig gold sha. Your hubby just do fine-boy fine-boy catch you.

Things like this drive women away from their partners emotionally.

when she de find fine boy to marry we no here all this grammar o

Aitee1:
Hmmmmmmmm...timely piece!

Experience they say is the best teacher, guess it time to reason someone's matter!

No ma'aam Observation is the best teacher. from the Op writeup, before she got married to him there are three red flags (i am sure there are other traits she noticed before they got married) that should have told her the kinda marriage she was getting herself into.

1. He was a hustler and low income earner: That should should have given you clues on his efforts and current plans on how he intends to improve his situation/lot as at then and in the long run. Examples could be going for further studies, adding a new skill/professional qualifications/courses, entrepreneurial drive etc etc. Besides by observation/instincts you would know if he was hardworking, ambitious or just content with his fate as this affects your marriage/kids/family in the long run.

2. He never gave a dime: whereas you where doing the giving/spending: Here that's another red flag especially when it bothers on marriage, there you would have known his sense of responsibilities to an extent. And from what the Op wrote, seems to me she was the man in the relationship before they got married.

3. Feeding Him 3 times daily: And i am sure so many questions where running through your head full of doubts concerning the hubby to be during the courting period. If he cant feed himself that alone should tell you how he's gonna feed and care for you and the kids etc when married.

Here through Observations, she could have sat down and meditated, learnt some lessons, consult with married folks and elders (as they will guide/advise you, tell you their own observations etc. based on the information you supplied concerning your partner to be) that will to lead good and informed decisions/actions as well as saving you a lifetime of internal sorrow, poverty, scars etc that have multiplier effects, except shes ready to face the consequences by ignoring these observations. Whereas Experience can make or mar you depending on the choices you make.

goldenruby:
Hmmmmm. Looks to me like there's really no rule that governs the marriage institution.
Well for me, A man's physical Beauty is absolutely irrelevant! [s]Give me a 'gorilla-looking' man if he's got the most handsome heart and ready to lay down for his family, I'd be ready to compliment his looks[/s]

Lol.... my ovaries just died.

I personally look for someone who is beautiful all round and hard working with the determination to succeed in life. I do not want my children to lack in any area at all but good on you.



@topic, I have nothing to say about your predicament oshh, but atleast you have beautiful kids. Right? Console yourself with that and get on with your life seems like you are doing well for yourself, unless you want to leave him?

bisifoundation:
I lived a very religious life in campus, and was not in any relationship at all. After school , I met this young handsome guy in 2006. Sincerely, I felt I didn’t not merit him because he is very handsome, while I am on the average beauty wise. The only thing that attracted me to him was the look. He was an hustler and lived a low income life. Throughout our courtship of 18months, He never gave me a dime. I came from a financially buoyant famiy, I therefore saw no need in asking him for anything, rather I was feeding him with three square meal. We got wedded in the year 2007, and I gave him the flower of my womanhood (virginity) but I was not really excited for just no reason.

My husband is a caring man, but nags a lot. He nags about the way I handle bathing soap, the way you arrange plates in kitchen, virtually everything. I most often skip for fear each time he wants to talk because I believe he wants to complain again.

I got a job before he did, but one thing I discover is that my husband spends his money without thinking about tomorrow and always depend on my salary to survive the family. In 2008, I gave birth to a set of triplet, and had to quit work to nurse my angels. He was very supportive then. He provided for all our needs and life was good. In 2012, my husband lost his job, I had to take over the family expenses again. I was running a masters degree program, doing many businesses, and still raising kids. I travelled every week in a bid to keep the family running. Each time, I complain about the stress I was passing through, he tells me I am lazy, that many women do more to sustain their families.

This is 2015, my husband prefers to allow me or my dad to pay the children tuition fee than for him to hustle. I am 100% responsible for the family upkeep. Every biz you introduce to my husband is downgrading to him. I am currently on my PHd degree, I am nursing a set of triplet, and still work hard to survive my family.

It is now that I realize that I married my husband because of his handsomeness, and that he is mentally very shallow. My husband thinks like a child and has virtually no plan for his family.

My simple advice for intending wives is this, looks (handsomeness or beauty) alone is not enough to choose a husband, marry a man that has great vision for his life, not the one that you will keep on dragging up.

Secondly, I believe my husband puts all the family responsibility on me because I was the one feeding him when we were dating. Please, let your guy know from day one that you need to be adored and taken care of like a beautiful flower.

To married men and women there, did you make some mistakes when choosing? Pls share with intending husbands and wives to help them make informed decision.

classic example of fish brain

Forwetinnah:


I'm comfortably single. ..i can't thank God enough, I'm doing great on my own. Baby Mama ko..i cant stoop that low, Danke!

It is for me...tell that to Mikel. That way allows many men to be alive today.

When is part 2 of this Bollywood movie coming out

Yeye Nlanders. 'pray for him'. That's the stupiid advice yall morons can give.
Madam, i compliment you for ur doggedness. Don't let the lazy azz niggga make you regret the typa girl u are. Most men would die to have u. Unfortunately, u fell into wrong hands.
Divorce his lazy ass. It will make him see ur importance, and change.

Bisifoundation is your husband genuinely bornagain? if yes pray for his character, Jesus can change any humanbeing at anytime ,i'm sure you know this and if No go on your knees and intercede for his soul to get genuinely saved, Go on your knees. God is the Almighty He can do all things believe in him, Education informs, religious people create reforms but only Jesus transforms.Go to Him

be doing it,it is not a sin and an abomination that u re contributrng heavily to ur own household, it is for ur own good and ur husband's, when he get to his feets am sure he will take on from where u stopped, women are naturaly born so selfish that when contributing to building ur own home, still u people dont do that with a good heart,u grudge when doing ur own thing, sorry the harsh reality nowadays is that family raising is now 50, 50, and men die at an alarming rate nowadays,so even treat him well,cos if u dont if he dies, then u will see double wahala, that time u will solely be responsible for ur kids up bringing till they grow and wont complain again.

Xplicit1:
Madam, u are a gem, just keep on praying, it will get better.



Hmmm, the struggling i didn't struggle wen i was single will now start & even doubled wen married! Lord, help me not to fall victim to somtin lyk dis in marriage.

Hmm..someone comes here and gives a "story" that non of us are witnesses to, and nairalanders start to judge without hearing the other side of the story.. What do you expect the woman to say? That she's not hard working or understanding? funny.. this story is not complete. Any person married with kids for years, that wants to uphold the truth, will tell you so.. Most guys/chics on this thread are obviously single..

So because you were feeding him we won't hear word again. That's the thing about women, anytime they take a man's responsibility they go public and disgrace their men. Ingrate

AheadMarket:
Yeye Nlanders. 'pray for him'. That's the stupiid advice yall morons can give.
Madam, i compliment you for ur doggedness. Don't let the lazy azz niggga make you regret the typa girl u are. Most men would die to have u. Unfortunately, u fell into wrong hands.
Divorce his lazy ass. It will make him see ur importance, and change.

You obviously a very young lady.. You are not married.. You have no business giving advice.. Besides the lady or op might be giving us half truths.. Be Wise!

uote author=goldenruby post=38170944]Hmmmmm. Looks to me like there's really no rule that governs the marriage institution.
Well for me, A man's physical Beauty is absolutely irrelevant! Give me a 'gorilla-looking' man if he's got the most handsome heart and ready to lay down for his family, I'd be ready to compliment his looks [/quote]
You sound like a wife material. But who knows, because it easier said than done

goldenruby:
Hmmmmm. Looks to me like there's really no rule that governs the marriage institution.
Well for me, A man's physical Beauty is absolutely irrelevant! Give me a 'gorilla-looking' man if he's got the most handsome heart and ready to lay down for his family, I'd be ready to compliment his looks

you right. Looks don't matter. Money as well. I've heard of rich guys turturing their wives. What matters is the heart