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Lessons From My Marriage - Family (8) - Nairaland

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Re: Lessons From My Marriage by tpiander: 4:42pm On Sep 20, 2015
MrsChima:


He knows what is going on and reading about the issue online won't change him he has to make the decision to change for the betterment of his marriage or let the woman go.

As long as she is supporting him, he will not change because he doesn't think he needs to change.

The woman is the one complaining, why would the onus be on the man to let the woman go?

Silly post imo, or did you project onto the topic?
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by MrsChima(f): 4:46pm On Sep 20, 2015
LOClass:
My first post and wow thanks op. I felt like you posted this to me.
I screen grabbed your story, I'm going to keep reading it everyday till the end of the year.
You made me really ask myself why I'm liking this potential interest, despite the fact that he's one of those on an off guys, noticed he's character is not that great, but I chose to over look it while telling myself he has flaws just like everyone else.
No doubt he likes me, so does other guys, but the only reason I'm putting him above the others is his looks.
Sad I know, don't judge me guys, almost everyone is guilty of it.

Thank you.

I am sorry sister, everyone do not choose a mate based on looks some people have sense to choose based on merits. It is okay to want a cute guy and you are entitled to like whatever you like but, you have to deal with the aftermath of your choice and the only person you can blame is you.

You know the type of guy you are dealing with and he won't change for you.
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by liquidmetall: 4:48pm On Sep 20, 2015
Am only happy here cos no one advised you to divorce him......
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by Nobody: 4:49pm On Sep 20, 2015
tpiander:


why till the end of the year specifically?


These are ember months, no bring winchy winchy come abeg, turn to Jesus instead.

Lol I said I'll read it everyday till december, but I didn't mean it literally hopefully it will sink in before then.
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by MrsChima(f): 4:51pm On Sep 20, 2015
liquidmetall:
Am only happy here cos no one advised you to divorce him......

Death will do them part.
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by UnimkeAk(m): 4:51pm On Sep 20, 2015
bisifoundation:
I lived a very religious life in campus, and was not in any relationship at all. After school , I met this young handsome guy in 2006. Sincerely, I felt I didn’t not merit him because he is very handsome, while I am on the average beauty wise. The only thing that attracted me to him was the look. He was an hustler and lived a low income life. Throughout our courtship of 18months, He never gave me a dime. I came from a financially buoyant famiy, I therefore saw no need in asking him for anything, rather I was feeding him with three square meal. We got wedded in the year 2007, and I gave him the flower of my womanhood (virginity) but I was not really excited for just no reason.

My husband is a caring man, but nags a lot. He nags about the way I handle bathing soap, the way you arrange plates in kitchen, virtually everything. I most often skip for fear each time he wants to talk because I believe he wants to complain again.

I got a job before he did, but one thing I discover is that my husband spends his money without thinking about tomorrow and always depend on my salary to survive the family. In 2008, I gave birth to a set of triplet, and had to quit work to nurse my angels. He was very supportive then. He provided for all our needs and life was good. In 2012, my husband lost his job, I had to take over the family expenses again. I was running a masters degree program, doing many businesses, and still raising kids. I travelled every week in a bid to keep the family running. Each time, I complain about the stress I was passing through, he tells me I am lazy, that many women do more to sustain their families.

This is 2015, my husband prefers to allow me or my dad to pay the children tuition fee than for him to hustle. I am 100% responsible for the family upkeep. Every biz you introduce to my husband is downgrading to him. I am currently on my PHd degree, I am nursing a set of triplet, and still work hard to survive my family.

It is now that I realize that I married my husband because of his handsomeness, and that he is mentally very shallow. My husband thinks like a child and has virtually no plan for his family.

My simple advice for intending wives is this, looks (handsomeness or beauty) alone is not enough to choose a husband, marry a man that has great vision for his life, not the one that you will keep on dragging up.

Secondly, I believe my husband puts all the family responsibility on me because I was the one feeding him when we were dating. Please, let your guy know from day one that you need to be adored and taken care of like a beautiful flower.

To married men and women there, did you make some mistakes when choosing? Pls share with intending husbands and wives to help them make informed decision.


As proud as I am and with my inflated ego;

I can never let a woman take care of my family while I'm alive

1 Like

Re: Lessons From My Marriage by Missmossy(f): 5:01pm On Sep 20, 2015
This is really heart wrenching!!!


The fact that you are strong at heart will keep you going. Just accept all in good faith. Really learnt a lot. Marriage is a life time investment, a better for worse thingy. The future will be bright, give your kids your all. It isn't easy raising or training triplets, may God be with you.
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by MrsChima(f): 5:01pm On Sep 20, 2015
UnimkeAk:



As proud as I am and with my inflated ego;

I can never let a woman take care of my family while I'm alive

Awww you will make a good hubby. wink

1 Like

Re: Lessons From My Marriage by Nobody: 5:02pm On Sep 20, 2015
MrsChima:


I am sorry sister, everyone do not choose a mate based on looks some people have sense to choose based on merits. It is okay to want a cute guy and you are entitled to like whatever you like but, you have to deal with the aftermath of your choice and the only person you can blame is you.

You know the type of guy you are dealing with and he won't change for you.

Yes, I've never chosen a boyfriend based on looks neither, infact my ex is not an extremely handsome guy. But right now, I realised after reading op's post that I'm guilty of the same thing Op did, by placing the fine boy toaster over the other ones just because he's good looking.
It's not like I constantly place looks over everything else, I'm one of those people who'll preach to other people about how looks mean nothing, just as you are doing, only for me to do a bit of soul searching and realise I'm doing the same thing I preach against, albeit subconsciously.
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by no1madman(m): 5:03pm On Sep 20, 2015
Just permit me 2 pound his Anusssss. . .
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by tunwumi: 5:05pm On Sep 20, 2015
Fantastic story u have written here but is it possible u that u also have some fault in this? Have u search yourself very well? Let me ask u he is ur child are u going to come to this conclusion quickly? We can talk more but do a little more mu advise


bisifoundation:
I lived a very religious life in campus, and was not in any relationship at all. After school , I met this young handsome guy in 2006. Sincerely, I felt I didn’t not merit him because he is very handsome, while I am on the average beauty wise. The only thing that attracted me to him was the look. He was an hustler and lived a low income life. Throughout our courtship of 18months, He never gave me a dime. I came from a financially buoyant famiy, I therefore saw no need in asking him for anything, rather I was feeding him with three square meal. We got wedded in the year 2007, and I gave him the flower of my womanhood (virginity) but I was not really excited for just no reason.

My husband is a caring man, but nags a lot. He nags about the way I handle bathing soap, the way you arrange plates in kitchen, virtually everything. I most often skip for fear each time he wants to talk because I believe he wants to complain again.

I got a job before he did, but one thing I discover is that my husband spends his money without thinking about tomorrow and always depend on my salary to survive the family. In 2008, I gave birth to a set of triplet, and had to quit work to nurse my angels. He was very supportive then. He provided for all our needs and life was good. In 2012, my husband lost his job, I had to take over the family expenses again. I was running a masters degree program, doing many businesses, and still raising kids. I travelled every week in a bid to keep the family running. Each time, I complain about the stress I was passing through, he tells me I am lazy, that many women do more to sustain their families.

This is 2015, my husband prefers to allow me or my dad to pay the children tuition fee than for him to hustle. I am 100% responsible for the family upkeep. Every biz you introduce to my husband is downgrading to him. I am currently on my PHd degree, I am nursing a set of triplet, and still work hard to survive my family.

It is now that I realize that I married my husband because of his handsomeness, and that he is mentally very shallow. My husband thinks like a child and has virtually no plan for his family.

My simple advice for intending wives is this, looks (handsomeness or beauty) alone is not enough to choose a husband, marry a man that has great vision for his life, not the one that you will keep on dragging up.

Secondly, I believe my husband puts all the family responsibility on me because I was the one feeding him when we were dating. Please, let your guy know from day one that you need to be adored and taken care of like a beautiful flower.

To married men and women there, did you make some mistakes when choosing? Pls share with intending husbands and wives to help them make informed decision.
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by Nobody: 5:05pm On Sep 20, 2015
[
X double post
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by TopHand: 5:05pm On Sep 20, 2015
I dont see anything or any reason for the sheading of tears of regret, yu married handsomeness, men have been marrying beauty for donkey years, we dont complain becos we know that men make the money and women spend it nothing new, my dear just accept your role as the breadwinner of the house your family should accept it and not force yur hushand to work since they have enough wealth, our life experience influences our character(psychology the environment argument) in reality u do not have a problem you only have a perception issue open yur eyes look around and you will see marriages with real problems
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by Emodeee: 5:06pm On Sep 20, 2015
Missmossy:
This is really heart wrenching!!!


The fact that you are strong at heart will keep you going. Just accept all in good faith. Really learnt a lot. Marriage is a life time investment, a better for worse thingy. The future will be bright, give your kids your all. It isn't easy raising or training triplets, may God be with you.


My luv, when will we get married? Don't tell me u r scared of marriage.
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by MrsChima(f): 5:08pm On Sep 20, 2015
LOClass:
[
X double post

Okay. Are you looking for a husband?
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by Missmossy(f): 5:11pm On Sep 20, 2015
Emodeee:


My luv, when will we get married? Don't tell me u r scared of marriage.
Go and sit down biko.
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by MrsChima(f): 5:17pm On Sep 20, 2015
Missmossy:

Go and sit down biko.
grin
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by InvertedHammer: 5:17pm On Sep 20, 2015
OP. I don't know why you are complaining.

You mentioned that you married him because of his looks only. And you got Mr. Handsome (your only interest).

Why are you complaining about qualities that were not in your criteria when you were looking for a partner?

Someone who wants a sports car, buys one and then complains that it cannot fly. Keep managing your life. We all have to live with our mistakes.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Lessons From My Marriage by MrsChima(f): 5:18pm On Sep 20, 2015
no1madman:
Just permit me 2 pound his Anusssss. . .

Re: Lessons From My Marriage by tpiander: 5:18pm On Sep 20, 2015
Mizzzbeee:
buhahhahahaaha @bolded that 'keed' me grin grin grin
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by Nobody: 5:19pm On Sep 20, 2015
OP sounds entitled, to be honest. With a chip on her shoulder and a frosty attitude. Nothing makes a man curl up and hibernate faster.
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by Nobody: 5:22pm On Sep 20, 2015
BoboYekini:
OP sounds entitled, to be honest. With a chip on her shoulder and a frosty attitude. Nothing makes a man curl up and hibernate faster.
Bullshit. If you have never been in a marriage then don't be so quick to mouth off, Mr Man
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by Nobody: 5:23pm On Sep 20, 2015
.
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by Nobody: 5:24pm On Sep 20, 2015
LOClass:
My first post and wow thanks op. I felt like you posted this to me.
I screen grabbed your story, I'm going to keep reading it everyday till the end of the year.
You made me really ask myself why I'm liking this potential interest, despite the fact that he's one of those on an off guys, noticed he's character is not that great, but I chose to over look it while telling myself he has flaws just like everyone else.
No doubt he likes me, so does other guys, but the only reason I'm putting him above the others is his looks.
Sad I know, don't judge me guys, almost everyone is guilty of it.

Thank you.
The heart wants what it wants. Resist and you'll only end up returning to it, hard.
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by Nobody: 5:32pm On Sep 20, 2015
smiley
BoboYekini:
The heart wants what it wants. Resist and you'll only end up returning to it, hard.

This heart does not want future pain. Thanks but no thanks
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by therapistmrs: 5:36pm On Sep 20, 2015
Thank you for sharing your story because this will surely help others out there.my sister,i emphatise with you.I always advice that when you want to settle down always marry for the right reasons,if not you will either leave in misery with your spouse or divorce for the right reason.all the best.

therapistmrs..com
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by Nobody: 5:37pm On Sep 20, 2015
thelish:
God is omnipresent. He read am before u even read am sef. lol
quite true. Lol.
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by baby124: 5:40pm On Sep 20, 2015
OP's husband has turn himself to decoration in the house. Beauty King aka Sisi bobo. You better teach him how to cook, clean, wash clothes and feed the triplets. If he wants to claim he is a man, he should go and find work. Otherwise he must work hard in the home
Re: Lessons From My Marriage by Nobody: 5:44pm On Sep 20, 2015
wristbangle:


I pity the life of this generation. Look at the nonsense this shallow minded nitwit is pouring hoping he/she is passing a message. The OP just save the life of million ladies going into marriage for the wrong reason. Please take your preaching to religion section. Thanks.

you are most certainly an asswipe. my rejoinder wasn't directed at you,why do you want to kill yourself.

silly jerk. So her husband has faults the next thing is to come and post it on nairaland. she be Mrs perfect abi. small time now advisers like you will give her advice that will scatter her home then we will get to read part 2 of stories that touch the heart here.

I wasn't preaching and nobody forced you to read my opinion.

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