bebe2:


Me think my self as nothing ? Far from it .

I have a man who adores me and has been doing dat for 20yrs. Treats me the same he treated me wen i was 17. There will always be issues, but one needs widom to handle it.

she has taken it too far. She had my sympathy until she brought a stranger to her matrimonial home.

For me dats a No No. On no account shud dat happen. That type of anger can make her sleep with someone else just to punish her husband . She is very vulnerable at this stage and men love that they will happily take advantage of the situation.

OK, wen all this dies down wat does she tell the stranger?

U live and learn, u dat is acting like untouchable, the day u hear ur husband is cheating on u , divorce him, take the kids and marry another man. Wen dat one cheats divorce him too, add the new kids to old from previous fathers. Search for another. Let's see how far that will take you.

God please where is Your face? Please give me a peaceful and matured woman like this when the time comes ooooo.

YelloweWest:

Well your opinion is dead wrong! You can't treat your wife and mother of your kids like that and expect there will be no consequences!
Your kids will watch their mother suffer all her life and will resent you for that as adults.
The best gift you can give to your kids is to show the that you love there mother so if u offend your wife have the humility to begin for her forgiveness and be patient. Only God forgives immediately, for us humans it takes time.

Watch d man comment!imagine doing d house chores and cooking 4 d kids!she bringing a man home!dz z prEposterous!shee doesn't lovE d man nor her kids

hush15:


Fellow Nigerian,

Short of words though but here is my own piece.

Na patience. You broke the wall called trust and mending it back won't be that easy. Like a wall that truly needs to be mended, you first have to examine the damage and then begin to chisel the hole to the rightsize and shape so yourbricks of trust can fit in. Then you gradually begin to fit in the blocks one after the other with the right cement mix of honesty, patience, affection, tolerance and time. You have to get the mixture well so that the blocks are grounded well as you fit them in. cos if you don't, any small small push again can cause a crack further. One by one little by little till you fill in the gap and such that lizard can't even enter. Then, plaster it with leak proof plaster called love. And your wall of trust is as good as new, only that it will take more time.

In other words, firstly, you have have to first chisel out that spirit of cheating till its obvious you understand the size of damage you have caused and is willing to restore back your marriage. Then begin to insert your block of trust and the right mix of all that is mentioned above. From patience to endurance. Ofcourse she is upset and will want to torment you back, intentionally or not but that is where the work is. It is human to feel the pain of of not been forgiven especially when you mean it or the agony of slapping you everytime with your mistake but you have to exercise alot of patience and understanding. As much as I know she is trying to get you passed , you just have to bear it till she realise that she is going too far.

Infact, if there was something there, she would come to that realisation and also ask you to forgive also for taking so much but cos was upset

But if she decides to go wayward to get back at you, just don't bother. Rather be prayerful and continue to remain good cos time and God will judge back. If it is for her to leave and continue with your life, then it's for the best and God will know that you had a change of heart but she was the one that chose to leave.

It's a reality check.

Pele. As a guy, it hard but please, try not cheat again. Whether male or female cheats, it's effect can be devastating and if not for grace, it's hard to gain what's lost o.

u have spoken well. i just wsnt to add thst they shoulnt underestimate the power of prayer as well as go for marriage councelling.

Adasun:
dis is someone dat think like a man.exatly what is happening to me.

Da more i beg da more i am being underated

I Have been dia and back!i see ur so emotional!wt u did was wrong!but c'mon dts not enough to stoop so low to doing chores!call Her to order!d mistake you did was to call family members 4 her

Omonigeriarere:


God bless you: I think say na only me dey think am oooo

And to think some ladies think this is OK, scares me d most.

I am no foot mat for my husband. Am lucky to have such a gentle and peaceful man. But if he wasn't and was the randy type, shey me go becos of am go dey fool my self with another man?

How does she think this stranger in the living room views her. He might be acting all nice , saying I feel ur pain, if I was married to a beautiful woman like u I will never do such blah blahave blah.

But in his mind he is probably thinking Wat a useless woman, u bring me to ur matrimonial, to do Wat?

But he want's to be the knight in shining armour, so will he pretend.

Folks need a mind reset.

Adasun:
dis is someone dat think like a man.exatly what is happening to me.

Da more i beg da more i am being underated

I Have been dia and back!i see ur so emotional!wt u did was wrong!but c'mon dts not enough to stoop so low to doing chores!call Her to order!d mistake you did was to call family members 4 her to beg her!aw it is done was to allow her steam burn down!she'll cheat on u during dt period but won't v to balls to humilate you!pls man up!

Omonigeriarere:


God please where is Your face? Please give me a peaceful and matured woman like this when the time comes ooooo.

Amen ooooo

But don't cheat oo,

bebe2:


Amen ooooo

But don't cheat oo,

Forget cheating as it does more harm than good: let God just give me a good wife: that is the only way I can feel appreciated as an introvert-gentleman.

wizzyrich:
u made a point bro, two wrongs can never make a right. Let him continue begging, but if it persist, then she will have to go her way.

Exactly!!!

egobetatoday:


The problem is that some women feel worthless. Cant imagine how are woman will say ' which day she start to dey fly'? After your husband has cheated on u? i just pith some ladies...no self worth at all.

No u have it all wrong.

Let me be clear.

Only two things will make me bring a man friend to my matrimonial home.

MENTAL ILLNESS OR WITCHCRAFT both of which I don't have.

All the other punishment the woman dished out excluding starving the kids, I will happily dish out too.

bardella1:
lol ur mum is d one percents sef minus d good gels

Ya mayb

uckennety:


Watch d man comment!imagine doing d house chores and cooking 4 d kids!she bringing a man home!dz z prEposterous!shee doesn't lovE d man nor her kids

I don't condone what she is doing but did u notice he refused to give details of his affair? If he slept with any random chic in a hotel. That would be differen but I think he did something much greater than that! Remember he said he was caught red handed. He probably brought this woman he cheated with to his house! And maybe it's someone the wife knows!
It is only in the eyes of God that all since is equal but for us humans there is sin and greater sin!
The wife should not go as far as punishing her kids and also I don't believe she brought a man to her house, what does that mean? You know when a man is looking for a loophole he will say just about anything.
For what reason did a man come to her home? Maybe a maintainance man or something certainly not her bf. If she was ready to cheat she would do it behind his back and act like all is well..
That's why I pity most men when they say their wives don't care about their affairs. .. sorry bro. She is most likely cheating and calling you idi.ot. .. that's how women play dirty.
But that's not the case her. She is just acting up. He should be patient.

Adasun:
Hellow fellow,am in a big mess right now.



My pervetious heart lead me to cheat on my wife and unfortunately i got caught red handed.i woun't explain dat awkward experience for now.



My wife trusted me so much,but i broke those trust.now my own home is broken too.


When da deed happened and i was caught,she cried nd cried and later left my house.due to pleads frm those she respected so much because i ask them for help.she later came back to da hwz bt not in gud terms


we no longer greet,she hardly talks to me,she cook when she wants to.once she did not cook,i had to buy fud for da kids


most of all,she now started acting wield nd free.she picks suspicious calls right under my nose.laugh anyhow when charting.


When it first started,i thought it's just a plot to get me jealous so i dance to da tone.i use my body language to atleast show her am jealous and want her badly.


Bt it got worse,she now comes home late and even brought a guy home.and when i saw dis guy in da sitting rum,he introduce me as her cousing.


i was mad,but i myself i guilty.how do i show her dat am in charge when i myself was caught cheatingshould i send her out?on what ground

should i continue to make peace reign?bt i have tried my best.i need ur help my fellow landers.help a brother to make da right decision.

jes kip apologising bro,wat u did hurt her stupidly,u messed up her psychology and battered her self esteem,some dnt evn get past it,i have been dere and it hurts like shii,watever shez doing now is her best way of coping with what happened. save ur marriage and dnt listen to dis people saying divorce her,u fvcked up,now repair ur fvck up..Nd dnt ever,i repeat ever try it again.i'm nt in support of women suffering nd dying in silence all in the name of marriage..The ladies here saying she went too far have prob never caught their hubbies cheating red handed,the images wont leave yur head,u wuld think of it evrytime u close yur eyes,u wuld c it evrytime u look @ him. When God gives u a lovely wife,dnt mess it up with cheating,May God restore the peace in your home.

uckennety:


Dt is not a substantial excuse 4 her misconduct!2ndly it was just was just cheating not lyk I married a 2nd wifE

Not all men have the right to marry a second wife..

egobetatoday:


madam, so because a 24 yr old is in her FORMER matrimonial house the divorced ladies life has ended? Even if she decides not to remarry to remain alone, i dont consider her not to be enjoying her life. people like u are the reason men think they can just dash u sorry after cheating because they know you cant DO ANYTHING. I dont see why a divorced lady /man should bother what is happening in the other person's house. well, different strokes for different folks.

My point remains we need to use wisdom as women so we don't make things worse.

How has this situation helped her, the husband or the kids.

Just like this guy, the man begged for over a year , same house separate bedrooms, no family time anymore, kids disorganised, no family holiday or outings. They were just there torturing each other. Over Wat,? The man see denied swore on his life, but some frdz were pumping her. I talked and talked. All I was saying is its getting too long, Wat kind of anger stays with someone for a whole year??

Wat if she has forgiven him, but take away some privileges , make him feel the pinch. By now all wud be a distant memory.

The effect of that divorce in those kids lives is yet to be seen.

OP is a puu.syy nigga. Nonense!!

Adasun:
who is after ur grammer?u just pass a message to me.


Have u ever being in a situation where it seems u are stranded.



Listen many of them are saying i have pride,i did not tried enough.am foolish and whatever


bt da truth is,i can beat my chest dat i have tried enough.i beg sooteeee i don tire.


What is more worse dan me da man of da hwz



behaving as if am da wife.doing hwz chores to pleas her.

Da fact is dat da more i tried to beg and pleas her da worse it becomes.


Once upon a tym ,i control my hwz bt now am like a puppet.i acepted it just to win my wife back.

Bt to no avail,it's even pissing me off whenever i flash back to c all i have done to make this marriage work.

Look i don't give a cheat anymore is time i get my mojo back.


Almost every sin can be forgiven,and she wouln't because of one sin turn me anyhow.am ready to stand now because i have suffered enough


she should stil knw am da man dis hwz not her. period!!!

i know you have tried too. if u think yoh want to get your 'mojo' back then you can go that way too. Na your family. but why did you bring it here then? well,

This is the time u need to pray most. Even God has seen that you are repentant, she is only human. when next you are pleading to her, tell her to forgive you the way God forgives us( if she is a christian)- do u remember the lord's prayer?. i know someone who used this method...has been begging my uncle for over a decade. the day he used this line was the day the issue ended! My uncle doesnt even go to church, the man is a muslim but when my uncle heard this he couldnt but forgive him. The problem is, she has been totally commited to you so felt cheated. i would have done more than her sef...i have known only my husband all my life. She may not even be interested in the marriage again even thou deep down she still loves you. You are a man for all you've done and you are on the brink of your breakthrough. She needs someone that can talk to her to the extent of her crying...u know she cried the day she caught you. With every tear that day, she was pushing you out of her life. Try to get someone who can talk to her to the extent that she is broken and cries. Then she needs to forget too. its hard but its do- able. Prayerfully get someone that will break her for you but never go back to your ways again, she cant handle it! she is the type that is totally faithful, she doesnt see any reason why u should do that to her. if you loose her you might never marry her type again. Have u ever thought about this...that the lady who cheated with you while you were married cannot be trusted? Because she knew you were married and she cheated with you, she will cheat on you with another person. I know who people are from what they do to other people... what stops them from doing it to me someday?

My guy, you no smart at all. You want to cheat and you allow your wife catch you. Chai, are you a learner? How you manage? You took the girl to my matrimonial home and lie her in state on your matrimonial bed? Chai, you Bleep up big time. I dey shame for you. I fit tear my boxers because of your Bleep up. Now she dey treat your Bleep up and you dey come complain to us.

My advise if for you to buy her a new car, send her flowers and cards, start doing all the washing in the house and bathing of the kids. Come back from work early and always remain at home all weekends. Maybe this will just work out for you. But if it does not work out, become a born again pastor.

HaneefahRN:


Sorry to say, but u wld be a stu.pid man too if u caught ur wife cheating and refuse to forgive bt send her packing.

Yes, in my opinion she is taking it too far but don't u ever judge someone wt someone else, not everyone can forgive easily, I can bet it u can't forgive such easily too. I'm certain she isn't cheating , just trying to get back at him wt all the drama probably from too much films.



Hear urself, love, understanding, and respect for the man, so the woman deserves nothing but only to compromise when bullshit is thrown at her? U'll claim men and bring another woman into ur matrimonial home, into ur matrimonial bed! Yet u're crying with him cos he met a man in their sitting room, the cousin part got me LMAOing tho. Trust me if she wanted to cheat the man wld never suspect anything.

My dear, u are in Africa. In this society, the men are superior. We did not form the rules. We just came into this world to meet it like that.
Cheating is bad. But our society, being polygamous by nature, will be more forgiving of a cheating man than a cheating woman. That is Africa for u.

To answer ur question. Of course I won't easily forgive my wife for cheating. That is why we are Africans. We expect our wives to respect us by remaining loyal in all circumstances. But we should all try not to use that fact as an excuse to make her unhappy.

bebe2:


No u have it all wrong.

Let me be clear.

Only two things will make me bring a man friend to my matrimonial home.

MENTAL ILLNESS OR WITCHCRAFT both of which I don't have.

All the other punishment the woman dished out excluding starving the kids, I will happily dish out too.

yes, i agree it is wrong to bring a man into your matrimonial home. very wrong...wouldnt even try it! but the issue is if u are the first to land a punch on someone's face, you cant also be in the position to tell the receiver of your punch how you want her to retaliate, the rate, the time, or choose the spot you want it. its not good to start something bad is all i am saying. Well, so many people probably misunderstood your initial post. what it actually meant to most of us is that u wouldnt even dare 'fly' if your husband does such a thing.

@ adasun an Action brings about a reaction
If you hadn’t done what you did then you won’t be experiencing what you are experiencing now
Your wife just didn’t wake up one morning like this

You haven’t explained how/where she caught you, as that could be a determining factor for the level of contempt that she has for you right now. Something tells me that something terrible happened in that respect.
An affair on its own will be very painful. The lies and betrayal will make that pain one hundred times worse.

That she left the home for a while also suggests that she is not a walkover and she knows what she wants/expects out of the marriage.
However 6 months of this is far too long and you both run the risk of never recovering from this if this continues for much longer.

I believe that she is hurting much too
However 6 months of deliberate & sustained punishment on someone you see every day is a long time. That is worrying.
Did she really bring a man friend home??
Not cooking for the kids; I want to believe that she didn’t sit there in her room watching movies whist her children were crying of hunger in the living room. Her children did not offend her, so I want to believe that there is more to that aspect of the story.

Anyways, you need to close all this down and you need to fight for your marriage especially as you were the one who rocked the steady sailing boat

My advice is to take the kids to grandma
Book a weekend away out of town
Switch both your phones off
Lock yourselves into a hotel room and sincerely apologise to her
Prostrate if need be…..You are both in private. She most likely won’t let you anyway.
Tell her that you are really sorry and genuinely mean it – Leave all your pride in your pocket.
Tell her that you miss her and you miss the good old days
Tell her that her children are missing out on a happy childhood and this may affect them in the long run.
Tell her how important she is and you need her back in your life
Promise her never to cheat on her again (please only promise if you really mean it)
If she asks questions about the affair, answer her honestly but with tact.

Her reaction after this will determine what next you need to do
But I want to believe that if you are genuine and really mean all your words, she will forgive you and peace will reign again.

concerning temptation, men are tempted every day, so are women.
If you work in the corporate world you will see beautiful & handsome, smart, intelligent, beautifully dressed men and women all day long in their slim fit suits and nice hair and make up
8 hours for 5 days a week is a long time to get “friendly” with a whole heap of people.
BUT!!!!! You must always flee from temptation if you know that you are not strong minded
Don’t wait until the temptation comes and then start fighting it
FLEE!!


Also be a man/woman of integrity and people will know how far they can/can’t/try get with you.
If you are the type that cracks lousy jokes with the opposite sex in the office, then eventually they will try anything with you.
Also pray pray and pray for strength.

I pray for Gods healing in your marriage. You may also want to consider independent, unbiased, no sides taken, marriage counselling
All the best.

obstead200:
My dear, u are in Africa. In this society, the men are superior. We did not form the rules. We just came into this world to meet it like that.
Cheating is bad. But our society, being polygamous by nature, will be more forgiving of a cheating man than a cheating woman. That is Africa for u.

To answer ur question. Of course I won't easily forgive my wife for cheating. That is why we are Africans. We expect our wives to respect us by remaining loyal in all circumstances. But we should all try not to use that fact as an excuse to make her unhappy.

And if she is smart, she go just jeje settle this issue now,

Becos watever she does now , she is bleeped.

If they divorce pple will ask Wat happened. D man will keep saying she brought a man to our home.

Next thing gossips will take over, and start saying, the man left her be cos he caught her naked in their matrimonial bed with another man.

Her side of the story will never be told correctly.

We all wan to act oyibo, if any of these ladies took their mums advice they won't saying all this.

uckennety:


Ofcourse there must be a reason!

hehehe...i understand your type. if u are married, tell your wife she can only cheat on u if she has a reason ( note i didnt say A GOOD REASON. (A GOOD REASON EVEN SOUNDS STUPID LET ALONE A REASON) mtcheww . if u dare tell me that as a husband the first reason i will cheat for is because 'A' is the first letter of the alphabet. Next reason can be some thing like i checked my nose in the mirror today and i saw a pimple on it. what am i saying? There is NO REASON TO CHEAT? also note that ididnt say GOOD REASON BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHINV LIKE 'A GOOD REASON TO CHEAT'.

body no be firewood for Gods sake. Ladies only STRIVE to stay faithful, YOU CAN TOO.

You should always know the type of people that you can offend...some people will give up their lives to pay you back...cos to them, the offence that you committed against them is same as killing them. You should have known the kind of person you married. In life learn to never offend the wrong person, they will prefer to die than to let you off. Take it from me!

There are things I can't forgive anyone and no matter how powerful you are, how long it was, how close you are, I will plan and execute in retaliation as long as I live.

Did I mention that my 'vengeance' will be done repeatedly and at any available opportunity? So you should note...Your wife may have that personality too

Adasun:
dis one u are quoting and bashing my every comment is nt fair.even tho she is a woman like u


did u look at it frm another pespertive.did knw hw i had beg

U begged becos u nor fit take care of d kids alone. Not that u r sorry. With this ur divorce thought and with comments full of pride. She knows u r not genuinely sorry.
So u nor even sabi cook, buying food for ur kids?

Joy1706:

I love how u small boys come online to form strong man. Be careful how u go slapping people. U could end up with a knife in ur neck while asleep #justsaying

You are in no position to call me a small boy, i pay my bills, u don't.
Back to the matter, the lady is his wife not gf. She should know the extent to which she acts, all in the name of revenge.
I for one dont support men to beat their wives. But theres a limit to everything.

bebe2:


And if she is smart, she go just jeje settle this issue now,

Becos watever she does now , she is bleeped.

If they divorce pple will ask Wat happened. D man will keep saying she brought a man to our home.

Next thing gossips will take over, and start saying, the man left her be cos he caught her naked in their matrimonial bed with another man.

Her side of the story will never be told correctly.

We all wan to act oyibo, if any of these ladies took their mums advice they won't saying all this.

thank u my sister.
Pls remind all this pple shouting about women rights to behave anyhow. Remind them that we live in Africa. You hardly find a man criticized openly for cheating nor ridiculed for sending his wife packing.
But Africa will never reason or take sides with a married woman who leaves her home for anything other than a life and death issue. She will always be judged guilty.

Adasun:
Hellow fellow,am in a big mess right now.



My pervetious heart lead me to cheat on my wife and unfortunately i got caught red handed.i woun't explain dat awkward experience for now.



My wife trusted me so much,but i broke those trust.now my own home is broken too.


When da deed happened and i was caught,she cried nd cried and later left my house.due to pleads frm those she respected so much because i ask them for help.she later came back to da hwz bt not in gud terms


we no longer greet,she hardly talks to me,she cook when she wants to.once she did not cook,i had to buy fud for da kids


most of all,she now started acting wield nd free.she picks suspicious calls right under my nose.laugh anyhow when charting.


When it first started,i thought it's just a plot to get me jealous so i dance to da tone.i use my body language to atleast show her am jealous and want her badly.


Bt it got worse,she now comes home late and even brought a guy home.and when i saw dis guy in da sitting rum,he introduce me as her cousing.


i was mad,but i myself i guilty.how do i show her dat am in charge when i myself was caught cheatingshould i send her out?on what ground

should i continue to make peace reign?bt i have tried my best.i need ur help my fellow landers.help a brother to make da right decision.

Not in any way to excuse what you did.
But there us something called forgiveness. You have apologised and you are repentant. Haba.
Assert your manliness. Which one be all ds one na?

Adasun:
yeah i had thought abt da divorce thing.bt how do i start?what would be my excuse For da boarding skul stuf,


i don't want them in boarding skul,i have a big sis who can take care of them.

Tanks for ur care dear

You ve not learnt anything,I will say for u to consider divorce,you are not only pathetic but silly,I think you know what to do if you are really sincere that you are sorry,To those of you that want him to divorce his wife,yo are all silly,God forgives and forget,Man forgives but never forget

thelish:


U begged becos u nor fit take care of d kids alone. Not that u r sorry. With this ur divorce thought and with comments full of pride. She knows u r not genuinely sorry.
So u nor even sabi cook, buying food for ur kids?

Don't mind the silly guy,for him to even think about divorces shows that he is an unreported soul,you endanger your wife lifes and kids by sleeping shamelessly with another woman,do u know how many home that has been destroyed and ruin because of adultery,pathetic and silly man,most of them don't know the meaning of marriages

Oga if she doesn't divorce you ,
and she continues with the present attitude 
the best solution is to divorce her.

Abi what else do you want to do?
you said you've begged.

Abi na when una go begin plan death wish against each other naim some of this angry women want ??

na wa o

I nor support you at all, but I wonder why she no just divorce you and move on with her sweet life than to continue dey kill herself and you and the kid because of anger .
the best thing I would have advice an unforgiving man on this issue is divorce and that is what she should also do, if not this whole thing go result to a bigger issue and violence will be involved just Pray say one of the both of you don't loose your lives .

unless she decides to forgive or divorce you, there will soon be a bigger problem.

some of these angry women here are hypocrites!!
if na the woman cheat the man, they should tell me what they would advice the man to do .
will they advice the man to be behaving like a child and abandon his family ?
will they tell him to divorce?
or will they tell him to forgive?
70% will probably advice the man to forgive .
30% will probably advice him to divorce.
I bet none will advice him to go with the first option.

me will tell anybody who was cheated on to separate at all times, unless that person just want to forgive on his or her own reasons .

She put her life on hold for you and you messed it up that shows how unimportant she is to you. How come you were caught red handed? Guy you bleeped up,failing the eleventh commandment. However repent from your sin and seek forgiveness from God first for defiling your marital bed. Then be patient with your wife. She has not forgiven you and i don't blame her. It will take years for her to forgive and forget that scandalous scene. It would have been easier for her to forgive if she no catch you in the act. However,life may never remain the same for your marriage again except by power of God. For every bad relationship you see out there,there was a negative turning point.