Luckygurl:


Cut the crap!!
If you tell me she's meant to be responsible for her upkeep, I wouldn't have any problem with that.
But saying she's supposed to have a boyfriend to cater for her needs is plainly absurd.
Or what was that you had in mind when you typed the emboldened?

Majority of us living off men we ain't related to since 16BC and priding in it as if it's some form of achievement.

You can imagine someone's definition of responsiblity. The kind of replies I'm reading on this thread eh, I'm surprised.

malmo:
look the simple solution your problem are,

1. don't see your bro wife as enemy, she is in her mat home only that she is just selfish
2. do all in your capacity to be her friend, go extra mile to do house chores for her, the work won't kills you
3. if she sends you on stupid degrading errand do it with all joy, it is for limited period
4. let her feel she is well accepted into the family, she will be happy for acceptance
5. make her feel she is deputy commander in chief
6. always ask" any work you want me to do for you ma "
7.dont complaining and don't try to get your bro attention at her expense if you do this you are competing with her.
8. always use ma for her , well
9. Top it all with prayer of favour in her sight

look nobody is immune to the power of love, most people love to be heard also women love to be in control especially in their matrimonial homes. Once you start doing this she will feel she is now in control with no conflict in sight and anything you need she may be the one to get them for you.And your bro also will be happy that his wife is highly respected and loved by you guys. The rest is ....... . It is tried formula. Make a woman in control and you will get her favour. But if you try to drag superiority with her in that house eh heh you will see wennn. Don't even try it.

U mean she should literally become her slave?

May God not direct such ladies to my son,brother,cousins amen.

tosinjay:
I do wonder why people are so heartless, why can't people just keep their fingers if they can't help people's issues but compounding it more by making her feel bad.
As a lady and undergraduate it's quite hard to meet up and fund yourself if you're not prostituting around.
People like her are who some men take advantage of because they are needy so the brother should know better. As a man myself, what's in this world? If family comes first that should include his siblings who by right under reasonable thinking he's become their parent to guide them. That family he only sees in his wife now will come back to hunt him because when all is said and done your siblings are your most trusted aly and especially in this case.

The most destructive thing anyone would do in life is marrying wrongly.

Abio.

nifton:

U mean she should literally become her slave?

I said thirsty not thirty

freecocoa:
Lol @ fetching water for 30 days.

OP's story is actually making me laugh because it reminds me of the nonsense nollywood like drama my cousin's wife puts up.

Even if there's no money, she has no place cutting into the conversation like that, when the request never even land, Shior.

uplawal:
you dnt have to know what i will do to help her,even if i cant help her,God will direct some other people to help her,and that should not stop me from encouraging her situation in words,good words heal broken souls,i have christians that are good, that have even helped me in life,its an individual thing when it comes to christianity,its not an insult to christianity either, i only said that because only christians,not all,but most will think the way most devilish women are thinking on this thread,a muslim will never think that way because its a major sin,hope you can distinguish btw major sins form minor sins,this one the brothere and wife are doing can actually land them in hellfire,so take heed.

Bia my sister don't even try to drag Christianity into this issue at all, na you talk say Christians are evil and now you're talking of having good Christians as friends. You're sure confused, why bring religion into this matter? As if Muslims are any way better, see everyone should be responsible for his deeds and not the religion or the tribe. And for the records Christians help each other especially in the Catholic Church although with the exception of a few Christians sha but that shouldn't define the whole religion. Anyway you're not one so I don't expect you to know, likewise I know nothing in your religion because it's none of my business. Oga ooooo, give your advice and leave religion out of it. You people should quit hating.
Humbledbyfaith, if all you have said is true, quit the pity party and find a way to be independent and make your brother and his wife sorry for their deeds. You have opened about three threads on your brother and his wife ahn ahn kilode, live your life like they don't exist and make the best out of your life. To achieve success, you need to stop complaining and face your life squarely. I wish you all the best.

freecocoa:
I agree that the most important thing is a way forward but I still understand why she mould lament and may not have wanted her brother to marry the lady.

My family would have preffered my cousin didn't marry his wife but he said he wanted her and everyone had to get on board, believe me sister, there are people you should advice a loved one against marrying, there just are, so OP may actually have good reasons why she didn't want her bro marrying the lady, and from her story, I think it's pretty obvious.

you could be right. if only we heard the other side of the story we all would have gotten a clearer view of what's actually on ground. which was why my entire post goes directly to the op and how she can help herself out of this. the brother and his wife will also have their own stories to tell.

it's the irony of life, we deal with every challenge as they come and it only makes up stronger. I wish the op the best of luck

I dnt like insensitive wives honestly,my dad really tried for his siblings,we were just average family o, and all his siblings both single and not well to do married ones comes most times,and my mum will not even raise an eyebrow,wont even sit where they sit to talk,she will do ekale ma up and down and give them correct satisfaction for coming,and yes she bore more than 5 for them and wont complain her husband still care about his siblings

freecocoa:
Lol @ fetching water for 30 days.

OP's story is actually making me laugh because it reminds me of the nonsense nollywood like drama my cousin's wife puts up.

Even if there's no money, she has no place cutting into the conversation like that, when the request never even land, Shior.

taryour:


oh cool. how nice and kind hearted of you. keep rubbing your sibling on the head and parting their back. you know they have you so they don't need to work at all. you should literally give them every kobo they will ever need in life. they should be totally dependent on you.

even after they marry, you will have to continue paying their bills, house rent, kids fees, clothe them and their spouse and also don't forget to give each of the pocket money weekly including their spouses and kids.

according to your rules up their, siblings are never to be independent.

Shut up! Can't you understand for one second? Did you even graduate from a university? And I mean from a demanding course? And you graduated with a good degree? Not 2:2 and below. Everyone needs help at one time or another. How far can your independency go? Haven't you ever thought of getting a loan?

Prettiepearlz:

Bia my sister don't even try to drag Christianity into this issue at all, na you talk say Christians are evil and now you're talking of having good Christians as friends. You're sure confused, why bring religion into this matter? As if Muslims are any way better, see everyone should be responsible for his deeds and not the religion or the tribe. And for the records Christians help each other especially in the Catholic Church although with the exception of a few Christians sha but that shouldn't define the whole religion. Anyway you're not one so I don't expect you to know, likewise I know nothing in your religion because it's none of my business. Oga ooooo, give your advice and leave religion out of it. You people should quit hating.
Humbledbyfaith, if all you have said is true, quit the pity party and find a way to be independent and make your brother and his wife sorry for their deeds. You have opened about three threads on your brother and his wife ahn ahn kilode, live your life like they don't exist and make the best out of your life. To achieve success, you need to stop complaining and face your life squarely. I wish you all the best.

FINALLY aonther person seeing it exactly from as it should. Thank you sis.

uplawal:
I said thirsty not thirty

Damn this liquor strong sha.

Oyimeoyimemua:
you must respect ur bros wife,inlaws will always make it sound like the wife is a very wicked person
get something doing please
something must have gone wrong somewhere




Being an orphan is not d end of life
I am an orphan too and I didn't let that define me

So she should just get something doing. How long will it take before she gets salary for her urgent need?

GoodBoi1:
Shut up! Can't you understand for one second? Did you even graduate from a university? And I mean from a demanding course? And you graduated with a good degree? Not 2:2 and below. Everyone needs help at one time or another. How far can your independency go? Haven't you ever thought of getting a loan?

ROFLMAO. now give yourself a round of applause. the one and only demanding graduate in the world and with the most demanding course who also came out with first class. Lol.

sorry o. when you are done go and rest.

GoodBoi1:
You can imagine someone's definition of responsiblity. The kind of replies I'm reading on this thread eh, I'm surprised.

2sexynet:
lol, are you surprised? this is Nigeria where such bullshiit is recommended,EVEN woman will tell her fellow woman to furk around to for upkeep. Just imagine... because that is what many of them do to survive and why marriage is like an olympic gold medal to most of them as the greatest achievement. wonder why they are ever excited when a guy propose?

To say I'm surprised is an understatement.
Sincerely! Some set of people need an overhaul of how they reason

She even had the guts to associate been responsible with been in a relationship with a man who would take care of her.

We have a long way to go

Was everyone on the first page that responded to the op's issue mentally re.tarded when they read the op initial comment?

How can you state she is not entitled to anything from her brother and she should go and work.

For Pete's sake, she just requested for a perhaps one-off benefit from her blood brother and you all were ma.s.turb.ating in the first thread?
Are all yall m.aad or what?
Did you miss when she said that the same bro that said there was no money sent money to his SIL?
Family is everything cos they have been with you through thick and thin.
;DShe is a woman and hopefully would soon get married and the "burden" would be lifted from her brother!!!!
Please all opening comments on the first page should miss me with the bull crap posted!!!!

uplawal:
I dnt like insensitive wives honestly,my dad really tried for his siblings,we were just average family o, and all his siblings both single and not well to do married ones comes most times,and my mum will not even raise an eyebrow,wont even sit where they sit to talk,she will do ekale ma up and down and give them correct satisfaction for coming,and yes she bore more than 5 for them and wont complain her husband still care about his siblings

My own mum literally gave her all to my dad's siblings, that's what family does, marriage shouldn't cut you off, it only extends family, not divide them.

Sadly many people are too selfish.

taryour:



FINALLY aonther person seeing it exactly from as it should. Thank you sis.

Abi wetin person wan talk, opening threads to complain about her brother and the wife isnt what she should be doing right now. Yorubas call that "alaroka". Kilode ahn ahn, Lori kini? I am not disputing the fact that we have manipulative wives (my uncle married one but when she saw that nobody cared, she changed from being bad to good and still we all cared less) but common she needs to buckle up and make herself better for her and the poor little brother. And when she gets married, she should also treat people right cos she has also been there. Simple

Cheers...
Most of Nairaland family expert are here to help with their beautiful words...
As for me, na to just siddon and read..

uplawal:
Christian way of life is evil i tell you,no reasonable muslim will reason the way you just did,from islamic perspective,its the duty of the brother to finance her on her education and all until she get married,its her right which is incubent upon him to fulfil,thankGod for Islam.

Sis don't turn it to a Christian and Muslim thing, like you said, no reasonable muslim which means there's possibility of unreasonable ones. It's only an heartless and unChristlike christian that will not think right in this. So abeg leave those aside before some people fish out stories to make you see some muslims who have done worse.

taryour:


ROFLMAO. now give yourself a round of applause. the one and only demanding graduate in the world and with the most demanding course who also came out with first class. Lol.

sorry o. when you are done go and rest.

****clapping****

keepingmum:
Babe I remember you raising this topic and been advised extensively yet u didn't listen.
You hv shown urself to be somewhat jealous os ur SIL. U didn't want ur brother to progress and marry because u felt his attention and priority will shift and rightly so. You are not a young girl, make use of your time and start earning money for urself and please stop this self entitlement is u hv.

https://www.nairaland.com/3043054/tired-life-need

https://www.nairaland.com/2961350/could-it-brother-bewitched-something

So you even read he/she previous thread and u couldn't see this one is just looking for who will send money to him/her on this forum.

Back to the matter;

Some people will just open account on NL to extort people. The tone of this OP plus he or she's other threads suggests just that. There are also many inconsistencies in the story. There is always a loop hole for every scammer. You were in 300L just in April when u created a thread. This is July, you are suddenly in Final year looking for sch fees and project money. You are even talking of clearance when u have not even settled project. Lets assume u resumed final year in Jul or may or June, its too early to talk abiut clearance or whatever song u are singing. Appologies if i am wrong!

Hmmm u av spoken well bro

koboko69:


So you even read he/she previous thread and u couldn't see this one is just looking for who will send money to him/her on this forum.

Back to the matter;

Some people will just open account on NL to extort people. The tone of this OP plus he or she's other threads suggests just that. There are also many inconsistencies in the story. There is always a loop hole for every scammer. You were in 300L just in April when u created a thread. This is July, you are suddenly in Final year looking for sch fees and project money. You are even talking of clearance when u have not even settled project. Lets assume u resumed final year in Jul or may or June, its too early to talk abiut clearance or whatever song u are singing. Appologies if i am wrong!

Lobatan!!!

Yes. My husband and kid come first. My siblings second. It simply means they are the priority when my distributing my income.

It's not a way of saying that one group is less than the other in case people are misunderstanding that.

You're talking to the brother. But he's not here. I doubt that if he's here anyone will tell him to not help his sister. I know I wouldn't.
But since she's the one who's here, she's the one who needs the post that will help her: which is not one revolving around maligning her sister in law. I see such posts as futile. After I tell her that her brother has become whipped, then what? The thread expires and she makes it from my pity posts?

And I disagree that he owes her. Parents owe their kids. Not siblings. I know that can easily be misunderstood to say that I think it's okay for siblings not to help each other. I don't think so.
I'd actually sacrifice a need of mine (many needs) to help any of my siblings. But the moment they see it as me owing them and have to pay up, it becomes something else. Something I wouldn't like to do.

freecocoa:
Is there really a need to say some people are first and others follow though? Family is family, even though we all know that everyone has to adjust when marriage happens, no one should have to feel like they don't matter anymore to their family because someone got married.

Some part of her brother does belong to her, so she can make demands and actually expect that they be met(reasonable demands ofcourse) and it shouldn't breed friction if the husband and wife are nice/reasonable. Even if he likes let him be making 100 naira a month, he owes her something but then, not everyone understands family/loyaty.

cococandy:

I've an assignment for you. Stop. Take a deep breathe. And ask yourself how your comment is helping the OP.

The fact that people like me advice her to stop looking up to her brother and try for herself doesn't mean we think he shouldn't help her.
Yes he should.
How about in this situation that he isn't doing it? What's a better advice than encouraging her to see herself capable than dependent?

Does your ranting against his wife and other posters help her? Instead of giving her constructive advice like things she can do to get by, you're indulging her in the pity party that she's been looking all year long.
Ask yourself again if after instigating her to hate the sister-in-law more, you'll be there to give her actual practical physical support that she needs when they get more and more alienated from her brother due to her attitude towards his wife (read her past posts).

Meanwhile you call yourself a good person. Taking the liberty to insult all the Christains on this thread by saying our way of life is evil. What have you done as a good Muslim to help her now?

You're even judging people you don't know. Maybe we should all call our brothers and sisters-in-law to come show you how our husbands have been helping them before you know you're not the only 'good' wife on this thread. Right? Madam good woman.

You make too much sense for her to understand. Why come up with a solution when we can heap insults on the brother and invoke the dead parents on him. Why think of all other reasons why he was unable to help her out at that moment when nameless and faceless people can join op to heap curses on a young couple. Who knows why the Inlaw needed money or when she asked, how did she even know it was his Inlaw he sent money to from the muffled 1way conversation she had. Too many gaps in the story but it's a story that comes from the "my Inlaw/mother or fathers brother or sister" is being mean to me group of people so most take her at her word and woe betide anyone who questions them or profers a solution. Don't waste your time jare.

taryour:


you could be right. if only we heard the other side of the story we all would have gotten a clearer view of what's actually on ground. which was why my entire post goes directly to the op and how she can help herself out of this. the brother and his wife will also have their own stories to tell.

it's the irony of life, we deal with every challenge as they come and it only makes up stronger. I wish the op the best of luck

Yea, but then I think sometimes somethings are just obvious if we really look and want to see them.

The OP, definitely will have her own issues as a person but that's not the problem here, anyways, I hope she finds what she needs too.

GoodBoi1:

****clapping****

Lol. Good boy, now go and take paracetamol for your headache then lay down and rest. smiles

Sis, seems u will be a sis keeper by passing me dat bottle of liquor bcs me don tire already of all dis bickering goin back nd forth, abeg.

taryour:



Lol. Good boy, now go and take paracetamol for your headache then lay down and rest. smiles

Next time think before you post. Peace

Prettiepearlz:

Abi wetin person wan talk, opening threads to complain about her brother and the wife isnt what she should be doing right now. Yorubas call that "alaroka". Kilode ahn ahn, Lori kini? I am not disputing the fact that we have manipulative wives (my uncle married one but when she saw that nobody cared, she changed from being bad to good and still we all cared less) but common she needs to buckle up and make herself better for her and the poor little brother. And when she gets married, she should also treat people right cos she has also been there. Simple

@poster, I have some questions for you:

(1) Kindly explain the meaning of buckle up with regards to your post?
(2) Assuming she is willing and ready to work, can she instantly get a job?
(3) Perhaps she decides to start a petty trade as a result of not finding a job with ease, can she easily access funds?
(4) Putting yourself in the Op's situation, what exactly and I mean PRECISELY would you do to change the situation(perhaps the Op will learn from the solution you profer)

Thanks in anticipation for an expected value adding response.

cococandy:
Yes. My husband and kid come first. My siblings second. It simply means they are the priority when my distributing my income.

It's not a way of saying that one group is less than the other in case people are misunderstanding that.

You're talking to the brother. But he's not here. I doubt that if he's here anyone will tell him to not help his sister. I know I wouldn't.
But since she's the one who's here, she's the one who needs the post that will help her: which is not one revolving around maligning her sister in law. I see such posts as futile. After I tell her that her brother has become whipped, then what? The thread expires and she makes it from my pity posts?

And I disagree that he owes her. Parents owe their kids. Not siblings. I know that can easily be misunderstood to say that I think it's okay for siblings not to help each other. I don't think so.
I'd actually sacrifice a need of mine (many needs) to help any of my siblings. But the moment they see it as me owing them and have to pay up, it becomes something else. Something I wouldn't like to do.

Well, I can't tell you how to distribute your income, so I respect that.

What I'm trying to say isn't that your sibling should come yelling that you owe them, that's not it but they can let you know you are, (permit me to use the word) 'jonsing' if you can help them but won't, especially if helping them won't affect your first priority, like you like to call it.

You owe her because, she can and should do the same for you, otherwise what makes you family then? In the absence of parents, who comes next? We don't pray nor hope for bad things to happen, but what if you are in a bind and they are they only one that can help you? How would it feel if they say they owe you nothing and therefore can't help? I do get the angle you are coming from, after all, it's not by force to help but then, that blood should further pave way, where normal human kindness would.

Btw, I'm not in support of calling the SIL names, even though I can understand wanting to , that's why I said she can't be blamed alone, but fact is, she's not really a nice person and acknowledging that, isn't speaking evil of her, it's calling a spade a spade.

A good woman won't cut in like she did, and OP's brother shouldn't be giving his SIL money when he told his sibling he had no money, it's her final year for crying out loud.

malmo:
look the simple solution your problem are,

1. don't see your bro wife as enemy, she is in her mat home only that she is just selfish
2. do all in your capacity to be her friend, go extra mile to do house chores for her, the work won't kills you
3. if she sends you on stupid degrading errand do it with all joy, it is for limited period
4. let her feel she is well accepted into the family, she will be happy for acceptance
5. make her feel she is deputy commander in chief
6. always ask" any work you want me to do for you ma "
7.dont complaining and don't try to get your bro attention at her expense if you do this you are competing with her.
8. always use ma for her , well
9. Top it all with prayer of favour in her sight

look nobody is immune to the power of love, most people love to be heard also women love to be in control especially in their matrimonial homes. Once you start doing this she will feel she is now in control with no conflict in sight and anything you need she may be the one to get them for you.And your bro also will be happy that his wife is highly respected and loved by you guys. The rest is ....... . It is tried formula. Make a woman in control and you will get her favour. But if you try to drag superiority with her in that house eh heh you will see wennn. Don't even try it.

Get da feck outta here nigga, what you talking about?