Pharoh:

Sorry if i my post sounds personal or directed to you but honestly it is just a general issue i am trying to address with that write up. I am not attacking you or poking my nose in your relationship, i was only trying to say we sure do have a say to tell the other parties this is are what we want from them before going into the marriage life.

Our african society is not comfortable with a single adult lady so you should understand the need for the pressure. Men are also pressured as well into marriages though not like the girls. I was actually refering to the menopause issue and related stuffs and not exactly the pressure.

rudegirl:

WHO CARES
honestly I'm close to it, thank god i found a weird guy i had always longed for I'm sure ours is going to be fun ,crazy and enviable union, we are both from the crazy weird adventurous sphere !!! i love him but he love me the more i mean madly in love he is my dog i am his puppyyyy that what we call our self.

Pharoh:

Our african society is not comfortable with a single adult lady so you should understand the need for the pressure. Men are also pressured as well into marriages though not like the girls. I was actually refering to the menopause issue and related stuffs and not exactly the pressure.

Deep Soul:

[size=8pt]U don crase finish, lol
This your crzay, wierd and adventurous sphere will change by the time una born one pikin, trust me[/size]

Rosabelle:

No no. Im not offended. I just feel its not right that its such a huge topic.
You say our african society is not comfortable with single women and I'l tell you why. : It is fear. The african society is dominated by men and men want to beable to talk to men, cos that way, they feel a certain level of security . . safety. And so people want to see young intelligent girls 'married off' so that she's under the control of a man. A fellow man. Thats what it is.

Ive noticed how uncomfortable men are when women call them out on the things they say and do, and Ive noticed they dont like it when that woman is young and intelligent and single.  Because it cranks their pride that she's talking to them eye to eye. It pisses them off that she has the audacity to tell them theyre not as smart as they think. Theyre annoyed that theres no one they can call to make her 'check her mouth' and that really really riles up african men.

And so you get this retort all the time when arguing with a man, that 'your mates are married and having children and you are here running up and down'.
Its an attempt by them to belittle a young woman and to tell her that without those things others have, she is nothing, meanwhile, theyre just angry that a woman is comfortable opening her mouth to talk EVEN THOUGH she has none of those things.
It is bullying, emotional bullying men are very good at. And I fight it wherever I see it.

Gamine:

i thought i was, i thought i wanted to
Now, not so much.
so @topic, No

Ebonyeyes:

Why are you taking estrogen for another womans Menopause?

Ebonyeyes:

POST OF THE DAY . I have always said it Some of these men are intimidated and resort to the old tactic to get one over.

Rosabelle:

No no. Im not offended. I just feel its not right that its such a huge topic.
You say our african society is not comfortable with single women and I'l tell you why. : It is fear. The african society is dominated by men and men want to beable to talk to men, cos that way, they feel a certain level of security . . safety. And so people want to see young intelligent girls 'married off' so that she's under the control of a man. A fellow man. Thats what it is.

Ive noticed how uncomfortable men are when women call them out on the things they say and do, and Ive noticed they dont like it when that woman is young and intelligent and single.  Because it cranks their pride that she's talking to them eye to eye. It pisses them off that she has the audacity to tell them theyre not as smart as they think. Theyre annoyed that theres no one they can call to make her 'check her mouth' and that really really riles up african men.

And so you get this retort all the time when arguing with a man, that 'your mates are married and having children and you are here running up and down'.
Its an attempt by them to belittle a young woman and to tell her that without those things others have, she is nothing, meanwhile, theyre just angry that a woman is comfortable opening her mouth to talk EVEN THOUGH she has none of those things.
It is bullying, emotional bullying men are very good at. And I fight it wherever I see it.

debest1:

maybe i can persuade you otherwise

Gamine:

maybe you can

Nezan:

^ *sighs*

Ebonyeyes:

Boo boo boo and some boos to your comment Pharoh. You are still skewdly biased.

erico2k2:

lol I can see,women always got or make it a massive issue when it comes to gender equality.Thats why there are so many court cases arround the world to this effects 

Pharoh:

Sure the day to day running as in decision making is dominated by men in the african soceity hence the reason we want to do the man to man talking because a lady doesn't fit that role with all her so called intelignce though she could be useful in adding some little advice.

Who told we are not comfortable with inteligent women? Will you put a gun in the hands of a kid and sleep with your two eyes closed? What use is the intelligence if you don't put it to use in a way that will not offend the men? . I for one is comfortable with an intelligent woman provided she doesn't poke it into my nose because the last time i checked it was a man's world No apologies for saying this.

We are in no way bullying women it is you ladies who see it that way, We are just trying to remind you the role that has been prescribed for you by the society and thread softly when encroaching on our turf. You talked about women been pressured into marriage but it will do you good to find out who is exactly pressurizing them, is it the men or the women like them?
I hope we can continue discussing and don't get worked up by my post or position we are all learning so as to bring a workable solution to this issue because it is more deep than what you think.

erico2k2:

lol I can see,women always got or make it a massive issue when it comes to gender equality.Thats why there are so many court cases arround the world to this effects  

erico2k2:

"pharoh
lol No need, you wont win,erm but have you noticed thats its the ladies abroad who have these ideas?Try tell you Mum you aint looking to get married in 9ja and see if she no give U slap,dont get me wrong ladies,I do agree with some of your terms of being indipendent,but going to the xtreem to adopt western values is a total ball game,ie saying something like"I wanna go see the wrld B4 I get married" lol,I dont think gettting married would stop anyone from see the world abi brother,Your pocket will dictate if you could or not.Girls una take am easy B4 una eat me raw oh,Pharoh, U got my back?

Gamine:

i thought i was, i thought i wanted to
Now, not so much.
so @topic, No

same here.

Deep Soul:

Am I looking forward to getting married? Erm erm. . .

I am looking forward to getting married in the next couple of years. Do I have a choice?  

you do but at the same time, you don't. your mama go chop you raw. same shoes.

Pharoh:

I am not taking anything just implying that a woman should get married early and not wait until she is 30 something when she won't have the strenght or she won't be health wise to give birth to as many children needed by both party. I included both party before you eat up alive  


You included "both parties" so that you won't come across as a chauvinist. What gives you the impression that a 30 something year old lady does not have the strength to give birth to as many as she wants? na wah for you o. You think like a typical african man.

erico2k2 link=topic=342448.msg4801905#msg4801905 date=1256559875:

"pharoh
 lol  No need, you wont win,erm  but have you noticed thats its the ladies abroad who have these ideas?[/b]Try tell you Mum you aint looking to get married in 9ja  and see if she no give U slap,dont get me wrong ladies,I do agree with some of your terms of being indipendent,but going to the xtreem to adopt western values is a total ball game,ie saying something like"I wanna go see the wrld B4 I get married"  lol,[b]I dont think gettting married would stop anyone from see the world abi brother,Your pocket will dictate if you could or not.Girls una take am easy B4 una eat me raw oh,Pharoh, U got my back?  

Its not only ladies abroad who have these ideas. those in nigeria do too so don't even go there. getting married will stop you from doing a lot of things you would have ordinarily done if you were single. so, yes it can.

lorebobo:

Its not only ladies abroad who have these ideas. those in nigeria do too so don't even go there. getting married will stop you from doing a lot of things you would have ordinarily done if you were single. so, yes it can.

Rosabelle:

Ah toh. LOL. Abi should I be carrying an 18month old child up and down the wilds of Australia ?lol

erico2k2:

lol lol yes oh, you can, all you have to do is hire a baby sitter then you are good to go, is there a problem there?

Rosabelle:

Well this our so called intelligence you refer to is what brought you into this world and has kept you alive. Go check the role of the women in your life and come back and tell me. Abi you havnt heard a man who doesnt have a praying woman behind him is lost? And at the same time, when a great man falls deep, he has either ignored the good advice from the 'intelligent' women in his life or he has married an evil one.

As to the 'role' subscribed to us by 'society'. Society is not a ghost or a tree, it is made of people. And people made these roles to suit them. Thats my point. And these roles have been happily preserved by men and sustained by ignorant women. That time is fast coming to an end, I can tell you.

Society cant decide anymore for an educated woman what path she takes (and I thank GOD for that), because education makes a woman realise she is a person and not a tool or a glorified house maid or whatever else it was society made her believe she was. Women are waking up to realising that they are important too, cos we make it happen.

I will never argue about whether or not its a mans world, but wise men before you have found the truth: it IS  mans world, but it wont even exist without  woman! A man may be a great big ship, glorious on the high seas and magnificient, but without a compass - woman, he will float into darkness.
The Lord has set us both on earth and the man is to go fort to conquer and woman is to be his guiding light. So let the man who thinks less carry on. Experience never lies.

So sir when you do get married, better bring up your girl children to be free of societal prejudices, and bring up your boys to realise that the worth a man lays on a woman is what he eventaully is worth.