Experienced men who have not had any children yet will mostly run away from that revelation. The reasons is because women who already had their child/children before marriage tend to be less serious with their husbands because they already have their 'bundle of joy' and are not at a loss. They are often rebellious or opinionated. If the man already has any child or children, most would not mind. But you will still find somebody who will dare to go along with you although you will have to try and have children with him as soon as possible
(If you finally get one) so that he will feel like a man who truly has a family. Good luck.

By the way, the first thing you must reveal to an interested man is your status and your child. But then you will quickly let him know that the child will not come between you too. I say this because 90% of single mothers see potential husbands as a means to an end - the end being your child's best interest.

As i type i have similar problem, she has a 2 year old baby, and she is 19 years. I'm 35 years, she always force her self on me even i told her that i am almost twice her age but she say its not a problem. To be honest i dont like after one girls, most nigerian men or african young men dont like women with kid. We all know that its a big problem at long run. The advice i will give you is to give the baby to her father or leave the baby with your mother,hmm, but still finding a man that will accept you and the kid its very microscopic. I am looking for the next big lie i will tell her so she can leave me, i dont wanna let her know that why i left is because of her kid.

NubiLove:
Women choices are limited to the Men that approach them... they have a limited option of choice. While as for us Men, we just have the illusion of infinite options to choose from.... just because a man approaches a lady doesn't mean she would be interested. At the end of the day both parties have to choose each other.

Yes, you are right...but you also need to understand that the man has the upper hand in this game.

He has time on his side cos there is no menopause knocking on his door and coupled with the fact that men age much slower than women.

Its advisable to be truthful about such, in fact tell him on ur first time... That will give him d chance to either stay or run without you being hurt. Someone who will accept your extra package will come along. Don't dwell on negatives.

dont deny ur child because not all men like marrying babymamas although there are some that still marry babaymams but most times the men are baby dadys...dnt bother lieing about it cause the TRUTH must surface one day..u might not like the disaster it will bring

No one wants drama

My advice to u is to forget guys. They are bad. They are d worst creature on earth. Concentrate on ur life and ur child's life. Am happy that u had a child. Take care of him/her. Look for things that makes u happy and do those things. Guys will only cause u pain,heartbreak and sorrow. They don't worth it. U will be saying that u want to settle down one day and be happy. But I tell u that will even multiply ur problems d more.

On no account should you try that, it's not disease to have a child out wedlock. I know you have for yr reasons y it happened. Pls don't do that, I would like to know you more and share a little experience with you. Reach me on 07030705318

JustinSlayer69:
Never deny your child.

Someone would eventually accept you with everything good / bad.

But honestly, you have to work twice as hard as a single baby less girl to hold down a man.

Maybe it's an ego thing but men don't like taking care of another man's kid.

It's just genetics, it takes a very mature man to accept such. Even lions who take over prides kill the cubs of the other lion to have all the attention to himself and sire his own cubs. The presence of a child dampens the initial feelings or emotions of a new relationship cos she's already a mother (who should be concerned about the well-being of her child), a child also comes with baggage, (e.g) the childs behavior and upbringing, the presence of the Father sooner or later. It's however still very possible to settle despite that, she should just make herself "available" and maybe to a certain set of MEN.

chiomababy22:
I had a child 8 years ago. Ever since then, having a long lasting relationship is a big problem because they leave me with the excuse of my child been an issue. My last relationship has left me shattered and the last thing i want to do is deny my baby. Am confused pls friends what do you advise i do? Am not getting any younger. Thanks as i await you comments.

Honesty definitely pays.. .maybe they're not just meant for you, patience pays.. .you just keep living your life.. .your rightful man would come, as long as there's life there's hope, don't give up cos you feel you're getting older... Just trust God!

chiomababy22:
I had a child 8 years ago. Ever since then, having a long lasting relationship is a big problem because they leave me with the excuse of my child been an issue. My last relationship has left me shattered and the last thing i want to do is deny my baby. Am confused pls friends what do you advise i do? Am not getting any younger. Thanks as i await you comments.

I applaud you for your honesty..

Keep it up.

Don't be shy in what people might tell you, somw holier than thou girla that have aborted their babies. And holier than thou guys that sponsored those abortions.

Be positive my dear, you will definitely find through love.

Back in my rock star days, I had a gf that was a single mom, I never knew even after going to the promised land many times. But the day i found out about the child, she told me it was her uncles brothers sisters nephew that came on holidays..

I tried tried to have her admit that, but she went on and on. Until as luck would have it, she mistakenly lwft her bag in my place and called me from work to check something for her in her file.. The first document there was the child's Burth certificate

I really loved her, if she had admitted the child, i would just try to understand what happened, like the baby's father and all. Then see if i could handle it.

I don't know if my story is really necessary but I just want to applaud your decision to keep your child and the undying love you have for him/her.

Cheers my dear.

chiomababy22:
I had a child 8 years ago. Ever since then, having a long lasting relationship is a big problem because they leave me with the excuse of my child been an issue. My last relationship has left me shattered and the last thing i want to do is deny my baby. Am confused pls friends what do you advise i do? Am not getting any younger. Thanks as i await you comments.

Don't deny your baby for any man. There is someone somewhere who is going to love you just the way you are. The first thing you should do is tell any man that approaches you that you have a child. The truth is that many men don't want to marry a lady with child but to some that won't matter. The bible says that there is a man for every woman. Just wait patiently.

chiomababy22:
I had a child 8 years ago. Ever since then, having a long lasting relationship is a big problem because they leave me with the excuse of my child been an issue. My last relationship has left me shattered and the last thing i want to do is deny my baby. Am confused pls friends what do you advise i do? Am not getting any younger. Thanks as i await you comments.

. Don't try to find love, allow true love to come to u. Be truthful to urself and to God. All the best

Nutase:
Go back to politics section before we stone you comot for here.

What he said is just the plain reality.

this should b a lesson to those ladies that enjoys having unprotected premarital sex. I just started dating one too she hided it from me and I discovered n confronted her b4 she opened up to me. its a choice m not condemning her but have moved on.

chiomababy22:
I had a child 8 years ago. Ever since then, having a long lasting relationship is a big problem because they leave me with the excuse of my child been an issue. My last relationship has left me shattered and the last thing i want to do is deny my baby. Am confused pls friends what do you advise i do? Am not getting any younger. Thanks as i await you comments.

Chioma dearie, the truth is you don't need to hide the fact that you have an 8 year old child from any man. Anyone who wants to be with you has to be willing to accept you and your child and it shouldn't be debated. It's a all or none factor. And hiding the truth might be assumed as a denial of your flesh and blood

we all have our past and our life history and we should not be with any one who would want to mock us because of that. No one has ever lived a perfect life.

chiomababy22:
I had a child 8 years ago. Ever since then, having a long lasting relationship is a big problem because they leave me with the excuse of my child been an issue. My last relationship has left me shattered and the last thing i want to do is deny my baby. Am confused pls friends what do you advise i do? Am not getting any younger. Thanks as i await you comments.

you're dating boys not men...I think your options are limited to older men coz young guys won't wanna marry an after one..even if deh want...in mumcy no go free..it's the way of the world that we can't change...

golddust6000:
As i type i have similar problem, she has a 2 year old baby, and she is 19 years. I'm 35 years, she always force her self on me even i told her that i am almost twice her age but she say its not a problem. To be honest i dont like after one girls, most nigerian men or african young men dont like women with kid. We all know that its a big problem at long run. The advice i will give you is to give the baby to her father or leave the baby with your mother,hmm, but still finding a man that will accept you and the kid its very microscopic. I am looking for the next big lie i will tell her so she can leave me, i dont wanna let her know that why i left is because of her kid.

A teen? Why entangle yourself in d first place?

Y dont u marry ur baby daddy

queenblossom:
My advice to u is to forget guys. They are bad. They are d worst creature on earth. Concentrate on ur life and ur child's life. Am happy that u had a child. Take care of him/her. Look for things that makes u happy and do those things. Guys will only cause u pain,heartbreak and sorrow. They don't worth it. U will be saying that u want to settle down one day and be happy. But I tell u that will even multiply ur problems d more.

Hahahaha this is funny

It's better you keep telling them you have a child, else you'll end up having up to seven more (I know someone like that, all her kids like 8 for different fathers and I'm suspecting it's same as this your case) till it dawns on you lies doesn't pay anyone.

My advice.. look for older men like forties, divorcee or single baby daddy maybe but not young single guys just starting out. Cos even if they accept you, their families won't #bitter truth

I pity people in this your condition.. the loneliness and all will be second to none

Nutase:
Go back to politics section before we stone you comot for here.

, e pain this one ooo. go and tell your brother or your child to marry an after one na.

chiomababy22:
I had a child 8 years ago. Ever since then, having a long lasting relationship is a big problem because they leave me with the excuse of my child been an issue. My last relationship has left me shattered and the last thing i want to do is deny my baby. Am confused pls friends what do you advise i do? Am not getting any younger. Thanks as i await you comments.

Na your type I dey find! Truth is all that matters to me...lets hook up.

aflyingbird:
The right person would stick around and accept your child like his own.

Some people don't want to be with someone who already has a child. I know I wouldn't want to be with s man who has a child.

the right person?

that right person may be your brother.

say amen

chiomababy22:
I had a child 8 years ago. Ever since then, having a long lasting relationship is a big problem because they leave me with the excuse of my child been an issue. My last relationship has left me shattered and the last thing i want to do is deny my baby. Am confused pls friends what do you advise i do? Am not getting any younger. Thanks as i await you comments.

I think you should consider divorcees, single father's and widowers.

that's me saying the truth.

It's very rare to find a single Naija man to take on a single parent as wife, even if he wants to, his family will be against it.

little wonder why many girls abort. but you didn't, and it's a good thing you should be proud of yourself for.

You might still find a young single Guy but I'm saying you should keep your options wide and open.

She's pretty

This is why I love oyibos and their free spirited nature...

amprat:
The best thing is to grow your relationship before you reveal your child, let the person know you and what you're about, let it be just you and the guy without intrusion or baggage. When you're a major part of his life he'll find it more difficult to let you go.But remember not to fall a victim of not telling him before you go too far because you'll then seen as a dishonest person and the consequences will be worse than if you had spoken from the onset

No!
That is a very very wrong move. She should tell the guy as soon as he proposes and ask the question: "Would you still want me even with this?"

If the man persists, the relationship will most likely work and mature.

Dexema:
It's just genetics, it takes a very mature man to accept such. Even lions who take over prides kill the cubs of the other lion to have all the attention to himself and sire his own cubs. The presence of a child dampens the initial feelings or emotions of a new relationship cos she's already a mother (who should be concerned about the well-being of her child), a child also comes with baggage, (e.g) the childs behavior and upbringing, the presence of the Father sooner or later. It's however still very possible to settle despite that, she should just make herself "available" and maybe to a certain set of MEN.

Thank you for your response.

As someone said...it would have been harder if the child was younger. Which man out there would want to buy pampers for another man's kid?

Personally I can't think of any reason to want to marry an after-one.

Believe me, I have witnessed this. You can be 100% nice to a step child and he would still hate you like excrement.

Nma27:
This is why I love oyibos and their free spirited nature...

me too.

to the extent that they have a name for it in Naija "after 1".

it's ridiculous. but single father's are not discriminated against.

talk about double standards!

Never deny your baby. At the initial time, tell whom ever that has romantic interest in you that you already have a child. A serious person will continue with you.

If you lie and he discovers later, it will be more devastating and shameful.

I know a couple of single moms who have a retinue of men flocking them even with the knowledge of their children. Just be yourself. Develop your personality. And present yourself well.

chiomababy22:
I had a child 8 years ago. Ever since then, having a long lasting relationship is a big problem because they leave me with the excuse of my child been an issue. My last relationship has left me shattered and the last thing i want to do is deny my baby. Am confused pls friends what do you advise i do? Am not getting any younger. Thanks as i await you comments.

Join activities for serious, mature people where you have fulfilment with or without a man.