oluayebenz:
See advices throwing up and down

So marriage is now a do or die affair

Marriage is not a do or die affair, but when you have lived in Nigeria which is a male dominated country and now relocate to somewhere like the UK . Tt is difficult and you have got to work at it, as long as there is no kind of violence, abuse or infidelity going on.

At least when you finally give it up you will know that you gave it your best shot.

oluayebenz:
See advices throwing up and down

So marriage is now a do or die affair

Marriage in itself is not a do-or-die affair.
Divorce (or separation) in the UK, for an immigrant man (or indeed woman), who has “No Recourse to Public Funds” may not be a die-affair, but I assure you, it is a coma/fainting/traumatic affair… by the time you factor in 2 children, it is a DIE affair. Take this from someone speaking from personal experience.

topellycategory:
Thank you for this wonderful comment unlike some people making humour out of some else issues all in the name of spicy up this thread..

Bless you.

Nobody should be encouraged to stay in marriage when you have tried and it’s not working out. For your own sake and that of the children please move on! Staying in a toxic marriage will have negative effects on the children.

Your love alone is not enough to make marriage work if one partner is not willing, and begging is just waste of time and energy.

A wife gets a job and moves to the UK First.
She hustles and hustles and because she loves her family, she ensured they all join her.
Husband (and 2 children) arrive in October 2020.
By August 2021 (less than 9 months), they have a misunderstanding.
The man comes on a public platform to air his grievances.

Without knowing the FULL story of the circumstances.
Without hearing the wife's side.
Without details of what dispute resolution steps the couple have taken
Without any first hand experience of what a broken marriage means for a couple (especially the man who could very soon be rendered an overstayer).

Some folks be coming here and advising husband to 'Move on' as though it's easy for a 40+ man with two children to just pack bags and 'Move on'.

The kind of things yo see on Nairaland sha....

justwise:


Bless you.

Nobody should be encouraged to stay in marriage when you have tried and it’s not working out. For your own sake and that of the children please move on! Staying in a toxic marriage will have negative effects on the children.

Your love alone is not enough to make marriage work if one partner is not willing, and begging is just waste of time and energy.

Infact, begging is a desperate measure .......... And would be used against the other party, when any situation, presents itself ........

RalphJean:
A wife gets a job and moves to the UK First.
She hustles and hustles and because she loves her family, she ensured they all join her.
Husband (and 2 children) arrive in October 2020.
By August 2021 (less than 9 months), they have a misunderstanding.
The man comes on a public platform to air his grievances.

Without knowing the FULL story of the circumstances.
Without hearing the wife's side.
Without details of what dispute resolution steps the couple have taken
Without any first hand experience of what a broken marriage means for a couple (especially the man who could very soon be rendered an overstayer).

Some folks be coming here and advising husband to 'Move on' as though it's easy for a 40+ man with two children to just pack bags and 'Move on'.

The kind of things yo see on Nairaland sha....

Send a message to the wife, to report herself to nairaland panel ...........

No, I don’t.
I’m moving to Newcastle next week and I’m trying to sort out my accommodation.

elisinho:


Hi do you stay in sunderland please I will need your help, can I email you?

And you decided to dig through his past posts for things you know nothing about .. . The kind of things you see on Nairaland sha .

OP sought advice of his chances of switching to another visa regardless of what happens just like most ppl have done on this platform including you

RalphJean:
A wife gets a job and moves to the UK First.
She hustles and hustles and because she loves her family, she ensured they all join her.
Husband (and 2 children) arrive in October 2020.
By August 2021 (less than 9 months), they have a misunderstanding.
The man comes on a public platform to air his grievances.

Without knowing the FULL story of the circumstances.
Without hearing the wife's side.
Without details of what dispute resolution steps the couple have taken
Without any first hand experience of what a broken marriage means for a couple (especially the man who could very soon be rendered an overstayer).

Some folks be coming here and advising husband to 'Move on' as though it's easy for a 40+ man with two children to just pack bags and 'Move on'.

The kind of things yo see on Nairaland sha....

The man should beg, plead, roll on the floor to solve an issue 40+ man

And he will have to BEG, PLEAD, ROLL ON THE FLOOR FOR the next 30-40 years of his life.. Life no balance

Lexusgs430:



Infact, begging is a desperate measure .......... And would be used against the other party, when any situation, presents itself ........

What an insult! A mature married man begging the wife to allow him into their home ? All because his visa is dependent on hers? Ridiculous! Will she try that in Nigeria?

What next ? Wipe her backside so as to stay in the UK? Nonsense!

KOVIC19COVID20:


Marriage in itself is not a do-or-die affair.
Divorce (or separation) in the UK, for an immigrant man (or indeed woman), who has “No Recourse to Public Funds” may not be a die-affair, but I assure you, it is a coma/fainting/traumatic affair… by the time you factor in 2 children, it is a DIE affair. Take this from someone speaking from personal experience.

Double your hustle, bro. That is the poverty mentality in you speaking. If God blesses your hustle, taking a very good care of your 2 children won’t seem a DIE affair to you, with or without a wife. What does it cost to properly raise a child in the UK per annum? Is that worth sacrificing one’s life or peace of mind over?

Myrage2:
The man should beg, plead, roll on the floor to solve an issue 40+ man

And he will have to BEG, PLEAD, ROLL ON THE FLOOR FOR the next 30-40 years of his life.. Life no balance

Lol what’s the worst that can happen? Go back to Nigeria? Is that a death sentence? Folks here acting like the poor man’s life depends on staying in the UK at all cost? If it’s no longer working and all effort proves futile, is going back home not an option? I’m sure he wasn’t a beggar back in Nigeria and will return a better prospect than the man who came here a year ago. But yeah, he should keep begging and subject himself to eternal slavery in a loveless marriage that has already ended, all in the name of visa sponsorship. Is the sponsor God? Fia!

justwise:


What an insult! A mature married man begging the wife to allow him into their home ? All because his visa is dependent on hers? Ridiculous! Will she try that in Nigeria?

What next ? Wipe her backside so as to stay in the UK? Nonsense!

I never agree with Justwise on anything, but I’m afraid I have to agree with you on this one. At the end of the day, the man understands his situation better than any of us, but no one - man or woman - has to beg to be in a marriage. If the other party is no longer willing, what’s the point of begging?

Now this is scary...... I need to shine my eye, no sleeping.

Relocating with my wife to the uk next month, we don buy our tickets already. Wifey is on student visa and I am her dependant.

Man’s status gas to be independent.

All this dependant status is not encouraging mehn.

girlsupersonic:
Please has anyone renewed their passport here? I have paid on the site since 3 months ago but I have not gotten an appointment. My passport expires in a few months. Any ideas on how to go about it

Are you renewing from the UK? If so, I can tell you to go to London office, Nigeria High Commission. Print out your application form, acknowledgement form, payment confirmation slip, go to post office, purchase a postal order amount of 120£ payable to Nigeria High Commission, buy a special delivery postal bag it’s like grey and self address it, take your old passport along. Proceed to the Nigeria house for a walk in(fast track). Get there quickly as u will meet a long queue. Get there around 7am or 8am if you could. They will start letting people in around 9.15

I got in around 9.15 and was done about 11.30am.

Tier4Dependant:
Now this is scary...... I need to shine my eye, no sleeping.

Relocating with my wife to the uk next month, we don buy our tickets already. Wifey is on student visa and I am her dependant.

Man’s status gas to be independent.

All this dependant status is not encouraging mehn.

SHINE YOUR EYES!!!

LIke Baba Lexus said, oju ni alakan fi’n shø ori. A word is enough for the wise. All your bills should be in both names, including your tenancy agreement and you must have documented evidence of joint responsibility for your kids and day to day running of the home. No sending money to mummy to pay rent from her account and take care of the kids/home/etc. Marriages do go wrong and awful. While you do not plan for yours to go south, you must make conscious effort to be prepared for it, if it ever happens. Otherwise, sorry is the case!

Mamatukwas:


It’s FOC in the Netherlands. Including fit to fly.

Hi mamatukwas, I sent a PM to you. Please, kindly reply.

Owlette:
No, I don’t.
I’m moving to Newcastle next week and I’m trying to sort out my accommodation.

It's possible to commute from Sunderland to Newcastle, and houses are relatively cheaper there

sen2paco:


Are you renewing from the UK? If so, I can tell you to go to London office, Nigeria High Commission. Print out your application form, acknowledgement form, payment confirmation slip, go to post office, purchase a postal order amount of 120£ payable to Nigeria High Commission, buy a special delivery postal bag it’s like grey and self address it, take your old passport along. Proceed to the Nigeria house for a walk in(fast track). Get there quickly as u will meet a long queue. Get there around 7am or 8am if you could. They will start letting people in around 9.15

I got in around 9.15 and was done about 11.30am.

Thank you. Yes I'm in the UK. Can i buy the postal order from any post office? Or does it have to be the one close to the High commission?

RalphJean:
A wife gets a job and moves to the UK First.
She hustles and hustles and because she loves her family, she ensured they all join her.
Husband (and 2 children) arrive in October 2020.
By August 2021 (less than 9 months), they have a misunderstanding.
The man comes on a public platform to air his grievances.

Without knowing the FULL story of the circumstances.
Without hearing the wife's side.
Without details of what dispute resolution steps the couple have taken
Without any first hand experience of what a broken marriage means for a couple (especially the man who could very soon be rendered an overstayer).

Some folks be coming here and advising husband to 'Move on' as though it's easy for a 40+ man with two children to just pack bags and 'Move on'.

The kind of things yo see on Nairaland sha....

And you concluded that the husband was not the financial ‘sponsor’ from Nigeria? How did you know for certain that the man did not spend his life savings to ‘sponsor’ the wife here in the first place? Or did you assume he was the parasite that contributed nothing to the process? I have a friend currently spending all his life savings and even aborrowing to finance the relocation of the wife and children here, hoping to join them sometime in the future. And I’m here thinking if that is actually a smart move. He’s selling everything he has as we speak, just to be able to provide a ‘better life’ for his family.

justwise:


What an insult! A mature married man begging the wife to allow him into their home ? All because his visa is dependent on hers? Ridiculous! Will she try that in Nigeria?

What next ? Wipe her backside so as to stay in the UK? Nonsense!

If a couple has a misunderstanding or issues in their union, do you believe in resolution at all or just give up?

justwise:


What an insult! A mature married man begging the wife to allow him into their home ? All because his visa is dependent on hers? Ridiculous! Will she try that in Nigeria?

What next ? Wipe her backside so as to stay in the UK? Nonsense!

Just curious if tables were turned would you want the woman to beg to keep her home or just move on. Unions with kids aren't so easy to just pack up laik that oo.

girlsupersonic:


Thank you. Yes I'm in the UK. Can i buy the postal order from any post office? Or does it have to be the one close to the High commission?

Any post office

fatima04:


If a couple has a misunderstanding or issues in their union, do you believe in resolution at all or just give up?

‘Misunderstanding’ that has led to eviction from my home? That’s not a misunderstanding ma’am. Anyone that attempts to render me homeless and/or physically separate me from my children is an enemy, and will be so treated!

icon8:


Double your hustle, bro. That is the poverty mentality in you speaking. If God blesses your hustle, taking a very good care of your 2 children won’t seem a DIE affair to you, with or without a wife. What does it cost to properly raise a child in the UK per annum? Is that worth sacrificing one’s life or peace of mind over?

Depends on the child you want to raise

A. Nursery alone for 1 child on the average is £10k per annum;
B. Child upkeep, dressing etc depends on if you want designer or asd
C. Extracurricular like football training, swimming, taekwando etc
D. If you want to save for private school another, thats another story.

Not supporting being in abusive, loveless marriage or anything and we don't know the extent of the issues here or who is at fault anyways, but in raising a family 2 100% present is good if that's possible.

icon8:


Lol what’s the worst that can happen? Go back to Nigeria? Is that a death sentence? Folks here acting like the poor man’s life depends on staying in the UK at all cost? If it’s no longer working and all effort proves futile, is going back home not an option? I’m sure he wasn’t a beggar back in Nigeria and will return a better prospect than the man who came here a year ago. But yeah, he should keep begging and subject himself to eternal slavery in a loveless marriage that has already ended, all in the name of visa sponsorship. Is the sponsor God? Fia!

Lol easy to say to go back to naija , when people are marrying for papers. Ish

fatima04:


Lol easy to say to go back to naija , when people are marrying for papers. Ish

Didn’t say he should go back. Of course, there are other windows open to him. But going back is hardly a death sentence like some would make it seem, is it?

Tier4Dependant:
Now this is scary...... I need to shine my eye, no sleeping.

Relocating with my wife to the uk next month, we don buy our tickets already. Wifey is on student visa and I am her dependant.

Man’s status gas to be independent.

All this dependant status is not encouraging mehn.

Don't be scared, working together as a couple is ideal and forget the noise. There are loads of people doing okay regardless of visa status, financial positions etc.

icon8:


And you concluded that the husband was not the financial ‘sponsor’ from Nigeria? How did you know for certain that the man did not spend his life savings to ‘sponsor’ the wife here in the first place? Or did you assume he was the parasite that contributed nothing to the process? [b]I have a friend currently spending all his life savings and even aborrowing to finance the relocation of the wife and children here, hoping to join them sometime in the future. [/b]And I’m here thinking if that is actually a smart move. He’s selling everything he has as we speak, just to be able to provide a ‘better life’ for his family.

How certain are you the wife is not also contributing. Sometimes being an outsider doesn't mean you have the true picture of how their financial life works. A lot of women are contributing to relocating and it will seem na only the man.

At the end of the day it all depends on the strength of the union.

icon8:


‘Misunderstanding’ that has led to eviction from my home? That’s not a misunderstanding ma’am. Anyone that attempts to render me homeless and/or physically separate me from my children is an enemy, and will be so treated!

But in this case you don't know what led to eviction, and not to conclude doubt he was homeless as well. Leaving the house doesn't mean the end of a relationship. It could actually mean the beginning of saving a relationship. Moving to enemy mode swiftly with someone you share kids sha, someone you probably claimed to love tori torun.

icon8:


Didn’t say he should go back. Of purse, there are other windows open to him. But going back is hardly a death sentence like some would make it seem, is it?

Absolutely, and one of those windows is saving his marriage, someone advised involving pastors or imam which isn't a bad idea.

Courts and Tribunal na the last stage of dispute resolution oo, first try Negotiation since e don happen, Mediation etc before we now end up for litigation or Tribunal.

Even if na naija dey wan divorce they will have to stay together for 2yrs before Courts can even make a decision. Believe there is a similar requirement in Canada as well

I beg, Seniors, do I really need International Driving License or I can use the Nigeria Driver's License in the UK?