deanxy:
My fiancee and I have been in a relationship for 5 years now. I met her since she was in secondary school. We both love each other and she is very nice, loving and supportive too.

We have talked and started planning on settling down and that should before the end of the year but I am beginning to have a second thought.

The problem is not my fiancee but her mom. The woman is very nice and welcoming but lately, she did something that I am not comfortable with. Last week she sent me a text asking for financial assistance. That her daughter (my fiancee) is yet to pay her house rent at school and that my fiancee younger brother is yet to pay his registration fee. And so she had asked me to loan her some amount before the end of the month when she will remit it. That she considered me a son and that's why she confided in me. I later sent her SMS that I don't have anything.

I was like why would she asked me for loan when her daughter never asked for one naira in our Five years of relationship? So my fear is, should I marry her daughter, wont she trouble me with further demands? Please is there anyway around this? Please what do I do?

What is wrong with you rendering help to your mother or mother in-law, if you really love your girl you will not hesitate to render any firm of health to her family members, grow up .

kmcutez:
Let her go. You don't love her.

I concur!!!

deanxy:
My fiancee and I have been in a relationship for 5 years now. I met her since she was in secondary school. We both love each other and she is very nice, loving and supportive too.

We have talked and started planning on settling down and that should before the end of the year but I am beginning to have a second thought.

The problem is not my fiancee but her mom. The woman is very nice and welcoming but lately, she did something that I am not comfortable with. Last week she sent me a text asking for financial assistance. That her daughter (my fiancee) is yet to pay her house rent at school and that my fiancee younger brother is yet to pay his registration fee. And so she had asked me to loan her some amount before the end of the month when she will remit it. That she considered me a son and that's why she confided in me. I later sent her SMS that I don't have anything.

I was like why would she asked me for loan when her daughter never asked for one naira in our Five years of relationship? So my fear is, should I marry her daughter, wont she trouble me with further demands? Please is there anyway around this? Please what do I do?

you obviously are not ready for relationship or marriage.

you did not manage the situation so well.

in your shoe u know what I would have done,I will call my babe raised the little I can and give the daughter to give her mum and apologized that this is the little I can afford for now.and if ur finance later ask you just show her the message shikenna

you don't know women the fact that ur finance never asked u money does not mean she did not need money.

you messed up

I really think the mother and her daughter are trying to pass a test to you. You said you and her have started talking about marriage plans and i am sure she would have told her mother about it and even told her that she has never eaten your money before.

Well, for me, your reply was cruel... You would have called her daughter first and hear from her on what her mother asked you about. Her mother asking you for money on the ground of my daughter's boyfriend is wrong, but you would have applied wisdom. I know you are have been bonking her for the five years and she never for once asked you for money... My guy, that girl deeply loves you and she is not materiality. It is very rare to see that kind of girl in Nigeria.. I am beginning to think that "she never open eye".

HEY!!! she is your wife!! if you are man enough!! There is no girl out there who can stay with you that long without demanding from you.

If you have, don't give her mother everything she asked for, you can give her half of the money and explain to her that it is what you can afford and be bold enough to tell her that it is not right of her to ask you for money at that stage.

GOODLUCK MAN.

oga listen and listen well
1. If your fiancee whom you plan to marry before december hasn't paid her school rent and you dont know about it, you need fixing sir

2. If you dont know the financial status of your in-laws their financial capability and income flow to an extent to determine if her mum is serious or bluffing, then you need serious fixing sir.

3. If before coming to waste space on NL you dint try investigating from your woman or her brother thats if you are have some sort of relationship with him which is expected, sir you need refixing

4. If you think there wont be some form of financial obligations towards her family basically after marriage, oga something is wrong somewhere sha

I think you need God to touch you sir... Thank you

deanxy:
My fiancee and I have been in a relationship for 5 years now. I met her since she was in secondary school. We both love each other and she is very nice, loving and supportive too.

We have talked and started planning on settling down and that should before the end of the year but I am beginning to have a second thought.

The problem is not my fiancee but her mom. The woman is very nice and welcoming but lately, she did something that I am not comfortable with. Last week she sent me a text asking for financial assistance. That her daughter (my fiancee) is yet to pay her house rent at school and that my fiancee younger brother is yet to pay his registration fee. And so she had asked me to loan her some amount before the end of the month when she will remit it. That she considered me a son and that's why she confided in me. I later sent her SMS that I don't have anything.

I was like why would she asked me for loan when her daughter never asked for one naira in our Five years of relationship? So my fear is, should I marry her daughter, wont she trouble me with further demands? Please is there anyway around this? Please what do I do?

you'll are missing one symbiotic link here !!!! This guy just said he met the girl at secondary school and you guys can't question his mentality and personality? This guy is a pedophilic

Bros you stingy no be small.

deanxy:
yeah I know but that the girl never asked doesn't mean I don't do anything. I buy gifts even for her younger ones and the mother knows about this. I just feel it's not okay she asking.

A glance at the thread reveals the subtle conditioning of men to bow to financial pressure exerted by their girlfriends. Now, it is a thing of pride to pay your girlfriend for love. It is also shameful to refuse to give. If you love a girl, you will buy heaven and earth for her. Pay for her every whim because she is your girlfriend.

Well, I think that's bollocks.

Do not be browbeaten by these conditioned young men and these manipulative nairaland ladies. What the hell does the duration of a relationship have to do with financial obligation? Are you paying her for staying with you? Are you such a terrible person that you must compensate your girlfriend for being with you? This is amusing.

It is wrong, on every level, for your girlfriend's mother to ask you (directly) for that money. This is classic manipulation and there is no pride in being asked. Some people use the term "borrow" when they intend to obtain large sums that they cannot ask you to dash them. Now that you have turned her down, I hope you realise that she is no longer your number one fan. Get a sweater cos she's going to be cold with you from now on.

Don't let anyone manipulate you with guilt. I see you try to vindicate yourself by telling us how you bought her expensive gifts and other stuff for her siblings. That is nice but not obligatory.

This is a relationship not tax.

I know someone who ended up paying rent and school fees for their in laws. It began with one simple request that led to another and another. When the brother started complaining about the frequent requests, the same "nice mother" shipped her daughter off to marry a new guy. No time.

There are other similar cases where in-laws manipulate the "lover boy" so that he is ashamed to turn down their requests then he ends up trapped in a financial quagmire.

Do not be ashamed to say "no" when "yes" seems forced upon you.

To you ladies screaming "stingy", you should be ashamed of yourselves. This sense of entitlement is nauseating. Have you no dignity?

Send me the girl, let me pay for her for God's sake....this guy is probably a boy with a dic.k

deanxy:
babe calm down. I no stingy like that oooo. That she never asked, does not mean I don't do anything. I send this girl money like every month, unless when I don't have. I just feel the mother shouldn't be the one asking.

Her mother is the one asking because the girls knows how difficult you are. There's a rreason why she doesn't come to you with her problems so let's tell ourselves the truth.

deanxy:
My fiancee and I have been in a relationship for 5 years now. I met her since she was in secondary school. We both love each other and she is very nice, loving and supportive too.

We have talked and started planning on settling down and that should before the end of the year but I am beginning to have a second thought.

The problem is not my fiancee but her mom. The woman is very nice and welcoming but lately, she did something that I am not comfortable with. Last week she sent me a text asking for financial assistance. That her daughter (my fiancee) is yet to pay her house rent at school and that my fiancee younger brother is yet to pay his registration fee. And so she had asked me to loan her some amount before the end of the month when she will remit it. That she considered me a son and that's why she confided in me. I later sent her SMS that I don't have anything.

I was like why would she asked me for loan when her daughter never asked for one naira in our Five years of relationship? So my fear is, should I marry her daughter, wont she trouble me with further demands? Please is there anyway around this? Please what do I do?

You are not serious.

Chaii stinginess of the highest order

Acidosis:
Whether you want to marry her or not, there is nothing wrong in rendering help to someone you've dated for 5 years. It's 5 years bruv?! She didn't ask you for money for aso-ebi or food. The money is meant to pay the school fees of the same girl you've dated for 5 years.
If she has never disturbed you for money in the past, then you will be committing a crime against humanity to rebuke or insult the poor woman. Don't read too many meanings until you find real proofs.

Exactly. Like I've always said, if the money is for something vital, no matter how little you have, you should be able to sacrifice some basic conveniences for someone you truly love. The issue is when girls start asking for money to buy frivolous stuff. Imagine someone asking you to give you out of the money you're saving to pay your house rent so she can buy iPhone. That's how asinine some girls can be

ireneony:
hi..How are you doing?
Happy Valentine in advance

Thanks. Happy val dear

Bros is like you are stingy oooo or you are trying to be. If you truly love her u will do everything for her and her family. Remember you are not just getting married to her alone but to her family as well. Hmm if you don't do it now u will still do it later during pride price that woman go double the money for u.

Are you not suppose to pay the rent in the first place?

Do u think ur money worth everything? Learn to appreciate ur babe and her family by lavishing them with money and other gifts. Love is not only about telling her over and over again that you love her but can't sacrifice even a dime on her! If you decide to value ur money more than ur betterhalf and some1 take-over, you'll never get her back. It is often said that, 'the most painful thing is to see the one you love loving someone else beside you'. Be wise enough! Never develop a problem that has no solution my dear!

olaboy1:


You never get the part of your comment wey dey vex me. See the part below

“A girl he probably sleeps with (free), she cooks for him (free) etc etc et”

And what was my comment after the aforementioned?

op u are an epitome of stinginess ... Omg, 5 yrs of solid relationship and u cant lend your to be mother in law money? i pray that my daughters will never meet a man like in Jesus Name...Amennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.


even strangers we do help them in time of trouble not to talk of your second to be family.

i pray again, any man like op that will come my daughters way ...may desert wind blow them away Ijn

Op just see your life outside
Chia your akagum no be here

Immature stingy lover boy

spending on a lady is part of the game has u have even decided to marry her. If she is put to shame by being kicked out by their landlord, the shame is yours too.

She asked for two things, if you are financially okay, pay the house rent only and tell them that's all you have cos if you do both, she will still come weeks or months after for another help Thinking you have it all.

shilz:
he wrote he sends her money monthly, maybe thats why she doesnt ask, she might also feel it will be selfish on her part if she demands for more expecially now she really needs to sort her accomodation ish. the question should be how much does he send her monthly and how much is the mum asking for?lets remember its a loan she asked for not a gift.

In the ops write up, I didn't see where he gave his fiancee monthly stipend... maybe u should read again

deanxy:
My fiancee and I have been in a relationship for 5 years now. I met her since she was in secondary school. We both love each other and she is very nice, loving and supportive too.

We have talked and started planning on settling down and that should before the end of the year but I am beginning to have a second thought.

The problem is not my fiancee but her mom. The woman is very nice and welcoming but lately, she did something that I am not comfortable with. Last week she sent me a text asking for financial assistance. That her daughter (my fiancee) is yet to pay her house rent at school and that my fiancee younger brother is yet to pay his registration fee. And so she had asked me to loan her some amount before the end of the month when she will remit it. That she considered me a son and that's why she confided in me. I later sent her SMS that I don't have anything.

I was like why would she asked me for loan when her daughter never asked for one naira in our Five years of relationship? So my fear is, should I marry her daughter, wont she trouble me with further demands? Please is there anyway around this? Please what do I do?

I dnt know how you run your relationship with your girl/dnt care,.but here is my advice

1)Reason you gave is not enough to call off the relationship

2)Yes its wrong for your girls mother to be asking you of financial help but she has stated part of it is for your girls edu,talk with your girl and find out,then offer aid tru her that you can, mostly the one concerning her

from your explanation you sound more like a growing man,you cnt grow if you carry too much financial baggage on ur back mostly unnecessary ones that can fall off at any point in time

3)Only do what you can and mostly be able to continue doing(if someone ask to borrow 5k and you dnt have but can only afford 1k without breaking the bank and expecting it back then give ).cos people will still call you names when you stop going doing for any reason so do when you have the means.

4)Lastly financing a girl is not a guys responsibility neither is it a means of exchange for her love till marriage woman no be investment but show love in any way you can i mean anyway.

but bros 5years? that one don pass working experience requirement for oil and gas work na haba!

clemmonce:
hmmmm... my brother some girls dont ask guys for money they have this independent mindset.... and secondly they don't want to bother or scare you away..... if you really dig deep you will see she has been struggling alone without you even knowing... I am talking from experience.... Whether her mum will disturb you with further financial disturbance..... well don't ever think their financial status will remain this way for ever.... things might change...... secondly ... Has her mother being disturbing you for such assistance before ?? with all what you said I can't see a problem..... No mariage is perfect no family is perfect no in law is perfect..

Can i give you a hug? I have this independent mindset and always try to work things out on my own. With the little i earn, i still put money in some investments because God knows i cant stand men like the op and to depend on his type is haram.

mickybeejay:

It's someone like you that'll visit and won't deem it fit to buy something along. For Pete's sake, even if it's not ur mother in law you should help. And it's someone like you that girls turn to ATM just like how the snake turns Benue Jamb office to ATM

thank you

You said your fiancé ? My dear you have to face the challenges okay, but don’t be stingy to your wife to be before other men shower her with money and you will come here crying

Guy you're stingy o. Five years of free bleeping.

olaboy1:


You never get the part of your comment wey dey vex me. See the part below

“A girl he probably sleeps with (free), she cooks for him (free) etc etc et”

This is what usually happens when an extract is quoted, and the follow up comment is edited.

I mean no harm.... I simply say it the way my brain processes the info, does not make my position right and your position wrong......

We are probably saying the same thing, using different ways of expression..... So let's agree to disagree...

Something is missing.the mother ought not to be the one asking .it really a development to be worried about.it is that the request is wrong but the circumstance.he should discuss the issue with the wife. And if indeed in need,see how far he can help.if I give u 1000 out of 100000,u won't say I no give,u will only say I give small and when reapingbtime reach,you simply ensure I reap small .

babythug:
As inappropriate as the request was/is, it's not enough to call off the relationship

Case closed.

I had exactly thesame experience. But I went ahead with the marriage. We have been married for 10 months now and I am not having issues with the mother's demand.

It worked because I had put them in their place from the onset. So I don't worry about it anymore

LegitBoy:
You're getting it all wrong. They have been dating for 5 good years and he attested she has never demanded for anything. I bet you if they are the materialistic type, they wont wait for 5years to make a first demand. I doubt if the guy loves the girl or he is suffering from some overbloated importance feeling because I can't fathom how someone can be so callous. I'm in school and not working yet but I can't imagine having a gf in financial mess like this and be waiting till she asks. ...even if it is just 20k, I will help her with it.

The guy should break up with her because she obviously deserves someone better.

it's funny when people equate love with money. We are all just receiving ourselves in this world.

Because he doesnt want to give money to a woman he has no relationship with now means he doesn't love loooolz.

Love and money. Pari Pasu.

Ever heard this? In love and war all is fair.

Enough said