My fellow nairaland, pls kindly help me with this problem.

I met this lady and fell deeply inlove with her and we av been dating 4 over 4yrs now. I was there for her alwys cos she came from a sinlge parent's. She was this loving and caring lady from the beginning of the relationship which made me build my world around her. On many occassions, av assisted her mother for her annual rentage wen she was giving eviction letter. I was the one who had to take care of her SSCE, JAMB and so on. I make sure she neva lack anything cos i'm afriad of loosin her. She grew up to become a beautifull lady and of cause, her attitude towards me changed. She started having so many male friends, hardly come to my place, find it difficult to call me even wen i send her recharge cards, find fault in everything i do, controls the relationship, dictates for me, call her male friends even in front of me and keeps telling me lies. I tried calling her to my place to have a heart 2 heart chat wit her, but of cause, she ends up telling me not to disturbe her. It hurts me so much to the extent that i had a serious fight with her. i av neva beaten a woman b4, but somehow it started with this lady. I'm not justifying my actions, but i was thinking it will make her change. well it didnt, and i had to take my life one fatefull morning wen i opt to take rat poison. I almost died if not of the mercy of God. I was rushed to the hospital and i was admitted 4 three days. If i offend her, i beg, if she offends me, i still beg. I go on my knees atimes with tears on my eyes to beg her not to treat me like dirt. She yells at me at will, bang fone on me even if i call her wen trying to make amends. She's now working in an HOTEL as a bar attendance which she neva told me about the job or who got that job 4 her. Well, she later told me to my face that she doesnt want me anymore and dat she want to av her freedom. I have grown lean myself, cos i couldnt eat. i'm alwys in the pool of my tears every nite b4 going to bed. I love her so much to the extent dat i want her to be around me always. My heart is failing me and i cant control my emotions. I know she's cheating on me, cos wen this guys call, she's alwys in a romactic mood wen discussing with them right in my presence. Her father alwys ask me to come and pay her diary but her mother is alwys against it. I and d mother presently are not in good terms because of this. I have called friends to talk to her, but she refuse to change. She go about town telling people that her excuse of leaving me was because of the querells and fight we often had. If anything bothers me and i complain, she just ignore me and walk away. If this same lady needs anything from me and i dont give her, all hell will break loose. Its like a part of me is sinking and to be honest with u guys, a part of missed her so much. I av decided to let her go so as to give her the freedom. But Pls house, wat av done to deserve this treatment. She says she like everything about me but she wants me to stop beating her which i promised to stop. She still tells me she wants to opt out of the relationship. House, wat do i do?

How old are you and how old is she

let her go bro,

She will be 20 this year and i will be 30. but those age really matters?

seriously you drank rat poison cos of a lady dat doesnt give a hoot abt you ?

i find this story implausible

Reads like a nollywood movie script.
I've got just two words for ya-"Grow Up"

Next time you want to take poison go to a place where nobody will see you. You want to die because of a woman,i pity your life o.
My friend,let her go.

cheiii na 20 yr old gurl dey do you like yeye so?

Sweetheart let her go, she's just starting life, she thinks she's arrived, alot of them men have promised her gold, diamond and silver,and im sure her mum is loving it, she is yet to know that those men might be deceiving her, when she realizes it, it will be too late

I wish you all the best in your next relationship

Firstly,Why did you beat her?you are a very foolish man for that.
Secondly,she say she no want again,na by force?let her go.Haba.
Are you Educated at all,pls find some one else cos you will beat her again.
If you wan die,pls die well well.
Nonsense.!!!!!!!!!

@ Poster

So she was 16 and you were what? 26? when you guys started dating!

Hmmn! 

Oh well, I dont think you took into consideration the fact that she won't be gullible, young and foolish forever! She's grown up now fella . .  deal with it! 

@poster,

Is this gurl your first love?? and why must you beat a woman no matter what

I guess there is one cool guy at the background promising heaven on earth for your so call lady and never beat her like you always do.

young man, you can see the lady is catching her fun without you while you be the mugu for now and if she comes back you may still beat her.

wake up from your dream and come to reality, the gurl has discover another crude oil dude somewhere.

try move on with your life and learnt to control your emotion and your rage of anger afterall you're 30yrs old.

Mayb the mum knew about all these when the father said you should come and pay her price but You said she is from a single parent sha ooo??

Anyway you cannot force her to luv u, let her be and move on with your life somebody else may pay you back in the future

best of luck in your next searching 4 Luv

Next time date someone that is equivalent to you financially.

To be honest with you, reading that was not easy, I mean I can not BELIEVE you put on
with that Never love someone more than yourself (well even  if you do, do not show it)
but in this case you when beyond that, dropping all your self- respect for a girl, who
obviously feel nothing for you. You should have called it quit long a ago. In love well
nowdays love, the rule is, LOVE GOES BOTH WAY, if the person you love feels nothing
for you, move on, even if you love them, pretend to dislike them, eventually the pretend
will turn into reality one day.

When I was reading your story, my mind went straight to Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Ten silly Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives.

And the first thing on her list:
1. silly Chivalry
By getting involved with the wrong woman (weak, flaky, damaged, needy, desperate, silly, untrustworthy, immature, etc.) you think that your love will save/transform her.

you have already done that man, do not commit the rest 9 to mess up your life completely, count your blessings,
thank God and move on.

@poster, bros wetin dey do u self?no fall hands abeg.
allow the girl go.

rokiatu:

To be honest with you, reading that was not easy, I mean I can not BELIEVE you put on
with that Never love someone more than yourself (well even  if you do, do not show it)
but in this case you when beyond that, dropping all yourself respect for a girl, who
obviously feel nothing for you. You should have called it quit long a ago. In love well
nowdays love, the rule is, LOVE GOES BOTH WAY, if the person you love feels nothing
for you, move on, even if you love them, pretend to dislike them, eventually the pretend
will turn into reality one day.

When I was reading your story, my mind went straight to Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Ten silly Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives.

And the first thing on her list:
1. silly Chivalry
By getting involved with the wrong woman (weak, flaky, damaged, needy, desperate, silly, untrustworthy, immature, etc.) you think that your love will save/transform her.

you have already done that man, do not commint the rest 9 to mess up your life completely, count your blessing,
thank God and move on.

Didnt you see the part where he said he 'promised' to stop beating her  

As far as I'm concerned, he had it coming!  

Ujujoan:

Didnt you see the part where he said he 'promised' to stop beating her

As far as I'm concerned, he had it coming!

I saw that. and I believe he had a part in ending the relationship, but the girl
started behaving badly even before he lay hands on her.my philosophy is
'if a man (any man) lays hands on you, drop him like he's hot'. But she didn't
quit the relationship, she stay instead treat the guy like dirt, which I think
is not really fair.

Guy ur attitude is not out of the ordinary, all these poeple here talking tough, have had worse experiences, they can only talk now because they learnt their lesson @ the end of the day, and now it's time to learn urs. don't tie ur life around any human being, they r very volatile n not trustworthy. You are better off without her.

Ujujoan:

Didnt you see the part where he said he 'promised' to stop beating her  

As far as I'm concerned, he had it coming!  

Thats exactly what you were looking for! When a guy f*cks up, its usually the way they behave. But if its a  woman, she was pushed into it or rather, the fault is from the guy.
I hate one-sided comments.
You should blame the both of them not just the guy.
NB
Beating up the lady doesn't justify what was done to him. I had to add this cos the next minute you'll label me a woman hater or whatever you come up with.
@Poster,
Sorry to say this, but you be complete agric fowl. No be local one ooo.
To allow yourself to be disrespected like this, you need 24 lashes directly on your buttocks till you wake up.

^^^ 24 lashes? Hehehe. Buh poster u realy mean say u drink rat poison? Nawa 4 u o, because of ordinary t.o.t.o. U fuk up o.

She asked for her FREEDOM, why cant you give it to her? Just because you sponsored her dont mean you own her. SHE DONT NEED YOU NO MORE!

@ poster, had similar experience, it was really painful, but you have to let go. try and forget all that happen and definitely you will get someone better. if i tell you what i went thru you will know that yours is a child play. if only you can transmute all the energy towards positive things, you will see a major progress in your life.

othuke7:

My fellow nairaland, pls kindly help me with this problem.

I met this lady and fell deeply inlove with her and we av been dating 4 over 4yrs now. I was there for her alwys cos she came from a sinlge parent's. She was this loving and caring lady from the beginning of the relationship which made me build my world around her. On many occassions, av assisted her mother for her annual rentage wen she was giving eviction letter. I was the one who had to take care of her SSCE, JAMB and so on. I make sure she neva lack anything cos i'm afriad of loosin her. She grew up to become a beautifull lady and of cause, her attitude towards me changed. She started having so many male friends, hardly come to my place, find it difficult to call me even wen i send her recharge cards, find fault in everything i do, controls the relationship, dictates for me, call her male friends even in front of me and keeps telling me lies. I tried calling her to my place to have a heart 2 heart chat wit her, but of cause, she ends up telling me not to disturbe her. It hurts me so much to the extent that i had a serious fight with her. i av neva beaten a woman b4, but somehow it started with this lady. I'm not justifying my actions, but i was thinking it will make her change. well it didnt, and i had to take my life one fatefull morning wen i opt to take rat poison. I almost died if not of the mercy of God. I was rushed to the hospital and i was admitted 4 three days. If i offend her, i beg, if she offends me, i still beg. I go on my knees atimes with tears on my eyes to beg her not to treat me like dirt. She yells at me at will, bang fone on me even if i call her wen trying to make amends. She's now working in an HOTEL as a bar attendance which she neva told me about the job or who got that job 4 her. Well, she later told me to my face that she doesnt want me anymore and dat she want to av her freedom. I have grown lean myself, cos i couldnt eat. i'm alwys in the pool of my tears every nite b4 going to bed. I love her so much to the extent dat i want her to be around me always. My heart is failing me and i cant control my emotions. I know she's cheating on me, cos wen this guys call, she's alwys in a romactic mood wen discussing with them right in my presence. Her father alwys ask me to come and pay her diary but her mother is alwys against it. I and d mother presently are not in good terms because of this. I have called friends to talk to her, but she refuse to change. She go about town telling people that her excuse of leaving me was because of the querells and fight we often had. If anything bothers me and i complain, she just ignore me and walk away. If this same lady needs anything from me and i dont give her, all hell will break loose. Its like a part of me is sinking and to be honest with u guys, a part of missed her so much. I av decided to let her go so as to give her the freedom. But Pls house, wat av done to deserve this treatment. She says she like everything about me but she wants me to stop beating her which i promised to stop. She still tells me she wants to opt out of the relationship. House, wat do i do?

Sorry mate, she doesn't want another father. She wants a boyfriend. Let it go, this one is over.

rokiatu:

I saw that. and I believe he had a part in ending the relationship, but the girl
started behaving badly even before he lay hands on her.my philosophy is
'if a man (any man) lays hands on you, drop him like he's hot'. But she didn't
quit the relationship, she stay instead treat the guy like dirt, which I think
is not really fair.

That (the bold) is just an assumption. Maybe the girl was just reacting to years of intimidation and bullying! It happens ya know!  

cantell:

Thats exactly what you were looking for! When a guy f*cks up, its usually the way they behave. But if its a  woman, she was pushed into it or rather, the fault is from the guy.
I hate one-sided comments.
You should blame the both of them not just the guy.

This is not a one-sided comment. I'm sorry, but I dont see anything good in a guy who's involved with an underage girl and beats her! She was 16 for God's sakes. How does a man of 26 get involved with a 16 year old  

its high time we see b4 jumping into i love u shi.t

brother, from what you said, you have not done anything wrong to her but the stupid thing you did is to drink poise because of a girl which is very very very bad of you. Do you know that assuming you die, she will continue to enjoy her life on this earth while you enjoy in the hell.

my advice is let her go for good while you continue with your beautiful life. Always expect disappointment in whatever you do in life.

all the best bro.

Next time poster, Stop doing oju kokoro and following small girls about. Date a matured girl around your own age range or you will be dissapointed once again. A 20 yr old girl thinks she has arrived, She thinks she is hot suff cos guys are prolly toasting her left and right. At you age, you need someone ready to settle down, Not someone just starting out in the dating game. On another note, Neva hit a woman, It takes a big man to walk away from a womans wahala.

My dear friends, I understand ur comments and of cause ur critism. I'm ok with it. wen i fisrt met her, it was just like a play thing. i know she was very young then and so i keep my distance. She keeps comming to me even wen i tried chasing her away. Pls i'm not saying wat i did was the best. I dont think its the right thing for me to lay hands on her for any reason. When she started work in dat HOTEL, I had to help do some things for her like cooking, washing some of her dirty clothes, cos she looks very weak and tired anytime she comes bak from work. I did all dis not because i'm stupid, but because i want her to know dat i'm always available for her. i know with time i will get over it.

othuke7:

My dear friends, I understand your comments and of cause your critism. I'm ok with it. wen i fisrt met her, it was just like a play thing. i know she was very young then and so i keep my distance. She keeps comming to me even wen i tried chasing her away. Pls i'm not saying wat i did was the best. I dont think its the right thing for me to lay hands on her for any reason. When she started work in dat HOTEL, I had to help do some things for her like cooking, washing some of her dirty clothes, cos she looks very weak and tired anytime she comes bak from work. I did all dis not because i'm silly, but because i want her to know dat i'm always available for her. i know with time i will get over it.

Stop lying jor. You said she was 'loving and caring' at the beginnig of the r/ship. You never said anything about her being an underage s.l.u.t You wanted to 'play' with a 16-year old  and you burnt in the process.