pocohantas:


He isn't emotionally attached, but he is financially attached

Last last, he will marry one slayqueen that will deal with him. He will na come online and be disturbing us with philosophical quotes.

If you don't want someone, why not let him/her go? He has refused to do that. This same guy will meet another girl tomorrow and marry her in a week, while spending on her. You can never understand these sons of Adam...

slay queen is his portion

jookunlaja:
Having read your story, I noticed that you and i, have many things in common.
1. Even to buy food from the Canteen, I find it very hard to arrive at a perfect conclusion. I also most times regret my decisions.
My present wife and mother of my children was also like your girl, bros. We met while in school without any string attached whatsoever, she was just a good Christian friend. She does not have any of the physical/beautiful qualities I love and desire in a wife material. I hate short, dark, no boobs, no backside ladies.
In actual fact, she was totally the exact opposite of everything I desire in a lady physically. However, when it comes to emotional and psychological strength and wisdom. She has double Phd in that. She is the desire of all my friends. In fact, she has many who love her for these qualities. Though physical beauty, she no get for my eye. Since there was no emotional attachment between us, we always discuss our sexual escapades. I tell her about my new toast and likewise she lets me in into hers also.
As church people, we also pray and fast for God to give us good spouses. we attend programmes together. Remember, no single sexual attachment or string between us. She is someone I can sleep with on the bed and feel no single sexual feeling chemical for.
We were just platonic friends until each of us began to experience serious heartbreaks from potential dates.
We continued to pray until we realized that God meant us for each other. Even my friends who were not Christians were begging me to marry her.
Remember there was no single sexual attachment between us. And that was the main reason I said I can never marry her. In fact,any time I have thought about marrying her, I always bind and cast out the evil thought, saying what type of rubbish is that. However, after praying and confirming that she's God will for me and I accepted with a lot of cries and tears, I cant really explain how I started falling in love with her With time, our emotional bond began to grow and I started having sexual desire or emotional attachment towards her.
Though it was not easy growing inlove with her at the beginning, but with time, we are now like five and six.
However, I cant advise you that your case may be like mine[b] but you are the architect of your life.[/b]
Take time to think over this issue so that you wont regret till the end of your life. I have people who are regretting presently. You can decide to go on or break off. its your choice. You cant make your decisions based on my own personal experience. Experiences are quite individualistic and personal. However, people can grow in love and also love can grow wane after some years.
However, if she is as great and good as you painted, then you might just take a blind leap. But if you feel you can get someone better, especially in the area of emotional connection, then you can find a way to peacefully break off from her.
But the handwriting on the wall is favourable and nice from my personal perspective.
Make your decisions on time and don't waste her time and life.
Till date, I always find it hard to arrive at a decision I wont regret after taking it. I buy this shoe today, tomorrow I regret that oh, I should have taken the other design. I walked for almost two hours recently looking for a simple men's wear and I could not get one that would satisfy me. God will help us boo

You must be an intelligent person.

Ugosample:


don't you know that what you said up there will pain the "sshest" of many here??,?

Nothing concern me with those ones. If say na you, I will just modify the comment

U dont have feelings for her yet you asked her out. Na wah for u oo.just look at d hole wey u don dig for urself. Anyway its not too late since u both havent married. Just sit her down and explain tins to her . She will see reasons.

jookunlaja:
Having read your story, I noticed that you and i, have many things in common.
1. Even to buy food from the Canteen, I find it very hard to arrive at a perfect conclusion. I also most times regret my decisions.
My present wife and mother of my children was also like your girl, bros. We met while in school without any string attached whatsoever, she was just a good Christian friend. She does not have any of the physical/beautiful qualities I love and desire in a wife material. I hate short, dark, no boobs, no backside ladies.
In actual fact, she was totally the exact opposite of everything I desire in a lady physically. However, when it comes to emotional and psychological strength and wisdom. She has double Phd in that. She is the desire of all my friends. In fact, she has many who love her for these qualities. Though physical beauty, she no get for my eye. Since there was no emotional attachment between us, we always discuss our sexual escapades. I tell her about my new toast and likewise she lets me in into hers also.
As church people, we also pray and fast for God to give us good spouses. we attend programmes together. Remember, no single sexual attachment or string between us. She is someone I can sleep with on the bed and feel no single sexual feeling chemical for.
We were just platonic friends until each of us began to experience serious heartbreaks from potential dates.
We continued to pray until we realized that God meant us for each other. Even my friends who were not Christians were begging me to marry her.
Remember there was no single sexual attachment between us. And that was the main reason I said I can never marry her. In fact,any time I have thought about marrying her, I always bind and cast out the evil thought, saying what type of rubbish is that. However, after praying and confirming that she's God will for me and I accepted with a lot of cries and tears, I cant really explain how I started falling in love with her With time, our emotional bond began to grow and I started having sexual desire or emotional attachment towards her.
Though it was not easy growing inlove with her at the beginning, but with time, we are now like five and six.
However, I cant advise you that your case may be like mine but you are the architect of your life.
Take time to think over this issue so that you wont regret till the end of your life. I have people who are regretting presently. You can decide to go on or break off. its your choice. You cant make your decisions based on my own personal experience. Experiences are quite individualistic and personal. However, people can grow in love and also love can grow wane after some years.
However, if she is as great and good as you painted, then you might just take a blind leap. But if you feel you can get someone better, especially in the area of emotional connection, then you can find a way to peacefully break off from her.
But the handwriting on the wall is favourable and nice from my personal perspective.
Make your decisions on time and don't waste her time and life.
Till date, I always find it hard to arrive at a decision I wont regret after taking it. I buy this shoe today, tomorrow I regret that oh, I should have taken the other design. I walked for almost two hours recently looking for a simple men's wear and I could not get one that would satisfy me. God will help us boo

hm this ur story sounds so nollywood. If a man allow imsef to fall into the trap of marrying a lady he's not attracted to he will definitely have a side chick that meets his specification and satisfies his urge. This will have nothing to do with being God fearing cos if u get wife wey yu no dey sexually attracted to or u dont have feelings for then u will definitely get a sidechick to fill up dat empty void. Imagine u come home then ur wife come meet u...u look her face then disapointment register in ur heart...or u wake up in d mornin then the wife next to u is like a stranger all cos u dont have any single feeling for her.omo dats worse dan life imprisonment for a man.

Immature boy.. How do u even call someone u r not emotionally attached to your fiancee...
U sure need koboko soaked in pepper water... Idiot....
FYI.. U better open up n tell d poor lady...
Ode oshi.....
So she can find someone who emotional has her in mind

tsharp:


You don't have to marry the person you love, but you must love the person you marry. And your girlfriend is loveable.

if op follow this ur advice he might end up just having a sidechick by the side .its important the lady u want to marry u must have feelings for her cos if ur heart is cold towards her that marriage wont last no matter how steadfast u claim to be.dem no marry person out of pity.

lefulefu:
if op follow this ur advice he might end up just having a sidechick by the side .its important the lady u want to marry u must have feelings for her cos if ur heart is cold towards her that marriage wont last no matter how steadfast u claim to be.dem no marry person out of pity.

Lefu, even if OP marries the one he loves, are you saying or guaranteeing that he will remain faithful all the days of his life on Earth? If OP was not sure of what he feels for the innocent lady, he should have allowed integrity set in by not allowing the lady invest her time, emotions, resources and be completely loyal and dedicated to him.

That is the area i fault him but that same lady is lovable if he puts his mind into it by looking at the essentials and not the physical attributes that will definitely fade in a matter of years.

Op you are an opportunist and wicked. You are the reason ladies call us "scum".

You are holding on because of the abroad trip and wants to dump her after fulfilling your dreams of travelling. Probably no one in your lineage has gone abroad. Ode.

sacramento1212:


Lefu, even if OP marries the one he loves, are you saying or guaranteeing that he will remain faithful all the days of his life on Earth? If OP was not sure of what he feels for the innocent lady, he should have allowed integrity set in by not allowing the lady invest her time, emotions, resources and be completely loyal and dedicated to him.

That is the area i fault him but that same lady is lovable if he puts his mind into it by looking at the essentials and not the physical attributes that will definitely fade in a matter of years.

but then wen u marry a lady u are really attached to the tendency of u to cheat wont be as high as wen u end up with a woman u dont like or u have no sexual attraction for. At least that reassurance dat u have someone at home dat u love and adore go make u hold ur body. Most of these married men who are chronic womanisers and spend all their time stalking instagram girls..if u look very well u will find out dat majority of them are in an unhappy empty marriage. If u dont like a girl best tin is let her go than to be giving her false hope.

lefulefu:
but then wen u marry a lady u are really attached to the tendency of u to cheat wont be as high as wen u end up with a woman u dont like or u have no sexual attraction for. At least that reassurance dat u have someone at home dat u love and adore go make u hold ur body. Most of these married men who are chronic womanisers and spend all their time stalking instagram girls..if u look very well u will find out dat majority of them are in an unhappy empty marriage. If u dont like a girl best tin is let her go than to be giving her false hope.

Lefu, cheating some or most times have to do with the individual's lack of self control and discipline. A cheat will always do so even if he marries an angel that he truly loves.

That's why relationships should be defined from the onset, a guy or lady shouldn't get involved with a partner for immediate gains or selfish desires. Let our conscience be intact in whatsoever we do because so many don't have that.

XaintJoel20:


She doesn't have any of those "deformities" you listed up there.
She is better educated than myself as she has done her Msc while I am yet to further after by Bsc program.

I think it's a thing of the heart. Even when I try to fake it to make her happy, I know deep down that it's not real...

Bro, I have read most comments, her qualities you described, and was wondering what the problem really is. I felt for you being in this hard place, until I saw the statement here " I think it's a thing of the heart."

If your heart can't accept it, leave it! Never force yourself into anything your heart feels otherwise about, no matter how good it is on d outside; you will regret it.

Just what if with all the good qualities, God that sees beyond is trying to protect you from something? There are many good girls, God will give you your own, and you will know. So if you are not convinced, let it go!

I have been in your shoes before, I let go even when she knelt down begging me.

zedman1:
Wow! I hardly get inspired by motivational/relationship writings but yours here is deep. It's like you're talking to me. I had a slay queen for a girlfriend over so many years, there was absolutely nothing good about her except for her looks. I met a girl with just about the attributes of that of the Op after we broke up. She was everything good except for what quality I don't even know that she lacks, maybe because she wasn't as attractive as my ex? Who knows? it took me time to l really adjust. I will be getting married hopefully in April to an amazing woman. I just wonder how I would have felt if I had let her go. I won't lose that girl! I won't lose that girl!...... Thanks.

Nice one bro...I’m glad you realized that early enough.
I’m so happy for you and i wish you all the best and more more more blessings in your marriage

biggy26:

Bro, I have read most comments, her qualities you described, and was wondering what the problem really is. I felt for you being in this hard place, until I saw the statement here " I think it's a thing of the heart."

If your heart can't accept it, leave it! Never force yourself into anything your heart feels otherwise about, no matter how good it is on d outside; you will regret it.

Just what if with all the good qualities, God that sees beyond is trying to protect you from something? There are many good girls, God will give you your own, and you will know. So if you are not convinced, let it go!

I have been in your shoes before, I let go even when she knelt down begging me.

After sapping her, you mean. Who are you leaving out that details for?

sacramento1212:




That's why relationships should be defined from the onset, a guy or lady shouldn't get involved with a partner for immediate gains or selfish desires. Let our conscience be intact in whatsoever we do because so many don't have that.

i so much agree wit this..our relationship should be defined.op is jus caught on this relationship cos thw girl spends money on him.no matter how good or godly or god fearing a girl if chemistry no dey i no dey involve good girls boku everywhere biko.

deltateam:


After sapping her, you mean. Who are you leaving out that details for?

Lol...u too like gist. Sincerely no! I just realized that even though we were close she wasn't d one. Imagine even after telling me God told her to leave me alone, she still wan hold on. She no fear God?!

XaintJoel20:


Hopefully, I will keep you informed.

God will see us through.

Ya know, it's funny how you niccawz are sounding like potential gay-bangers

Serzly, why the fraternization and brotherliness?

lefulefu:
but then wen u marry a lady u are really attached to the tendency of u to cheat wont be as high as wen u end up with a woman u dont like or u have no sexual attraction for. At least that reassurance dat u have someone at home dat u love and adore go make u hold ur body. Most of these married men who are chronic womanisers and spend all their time stalking instagram girls..if u look very well u will find out dat majority of them are in an unhappy empty marriage. If u dont like a girl best tin is let her go than to be giving her false hope.

I don't think you understand the design nature of man. We may be higher animals but we are animals nonetheless. Anatomically, we are designed to cheat, to have more than one woman just like any male specie, to frolic till exhaustion.
From the era of the dynasties of the far-east to the empires of the Babylonians, Medo-Persians, Greeks, Romans, Mongolians, Ottomans, up to present era religious times of Christianity and Islam, there have always been account of men great and small having more than one wife and keeping thousands of concubines.

Do not mind the injustice that Jesus did to us by forcing us to stick with one woman and one P.U.N.A.N.I through the new testament. Take a look at the old testament and you will see that even the wisest niccaw-king called Solomon who found favour in the eyes of God, had over 70 wives and 1000 concubines. Just try to imagine what an evening in his palace would look like - never ending orgies from dusk till dusk. Even the orgies in the SPARTACUS series are incomparable.
And then, there is bad-ass warrior cum mafia-king David whom despite all the women at his beckon in the land of Isra-el, still coveted after a young soldiers wife to the point of having him[soldier] killed in battle[mafioso style] so he could wet his C.O.C.K with her juice.
Also, we could talk about Prophet Mohammed S.A.W who married an older woman for her wealth and protection - obviously enjoyed the sex and all, yet still found the formless flat chests and hips of a 12year old attractive enough to make her a second wife[pervert]. He obviously had more wives and concubines.

The points to disprove your bolded statement are
1.) no single woman is capable of taming the beast within us so there is nothing like reassurance of love for a woman.
2.) Not even God can hold the body of a man let alone a woman. It is discipline

predatorX:


I don't think you understand the design nature of man. We may be higher animals but we are animals nonetheless. Anatomically, we are designed to cheat, to have more than one woman just like any male specie, to frolic till exhaustion.
From the era of the dynasties of the far-east to the empires of the Babylonians, Medo-Persians, Greeks, Romans, Mongolians, Ottomans, up to present era religious times of Christianity and Islam, there have always been account of men great and small having more than one wife and keeping thousands of concubines.

Do not mind the injustice that Jesus did to us by forcing us to stick with one woman and one P.U.N.A.N.I through the new testament. Take a look at the old testament and you will see that even the wisest niccaw-king called Solomon who found favour in the eyes of God, had over 70 wives and 1000 concubines. Just try to imagine what an evening in his palace would look like - never ending orgies from dusk till dusk. Even the orgies in the SPARTACUS series are incomparable.
And then, there is bad-ass warrior cum mafia-king David whom despite all the women at his beckon in the land of Isra-el, still coveted after a young soldiers wife to the point of having him[soldier] killed in battle[mafioso style] so he could wet his C.O.C.K with her juice.
Also, we could talk about Prophet Mohammed S.A.W who married an older woman for her wealth and protection - obviously enjoyed the sex and all, yet still found the formless flat chests and hips of a 12year old attractive enough to make her a second wife[pervert]. He obviously had more wives and concubines.

The points to disprove your bolded statement are
1.) no single woman is capable of taming the beast within us so there is nothing like reassurance of love for a woman.
2.) Not even God can hold the body of a man let alone a woman. It is discipline

yea we are wired to cheat but not every dude is willing to stick his snake into every willing hole...not in this era of deadly STDs flying around .some men have lost their penis cap shooking it into any hole that opens up 4 them .

hm.....pls..n pls ..... tell d poor lady u don't love her n set her free. set her free to meet d man that truly deserves her, Cherish n love her.
like they say....u don't know d worth of what u have untill lose them. I won't put d blame entirely on u cos it as to do with emotions...but ...y did u receive those treatments from her when u know u don't love her? y did u woo her in d first place?
pls set her free.....n let her start afresh with good man that will appreciate her qualities.
but I very well know u will never find a girl like her again! n u will forever regret it! it not a curse although it may sounds like it a curse ....
that's d reason y, B4 i say yes to a guy I will sit him down ....n plead with him to b honest with me if he truly loves me ....aw request him to pls confess ... I will beg with Allah's name to pls tell me if he truly loves me....if he doesn't, it may hurt but it better to feel d pain once n get over it than being in one sided love n unhappy marriage.m not saying it gurantee an Happy marriage o...that takes d grace of Allah
but pls bro ....set d poor lady free....let it hurt her now....n m sure with tym she will get over it ....cos forever is too long to b in an unhappy marriage

predatorX:


I don't think you understand the design nature of man. We may be higher animals but we are animals nonetheless. Anatomically, we are designed to cheat, to have more than one woman just like any male specie, to frolic till exhaustion.
From the era of the dynasties of the far-east to the empires of the Babylonians, Medo-Persians, Greeks, Romans, Mongolians, Ottomans, up to present era religious times of Christianity and Islam, there have always been account of men great and small having more than one wife and keeping thousands of concubines.

Do not mind the injustice that Jesus did to us by forcing us to stick with one woman and one P.U.N.A.N.I through the new testament. Take a look at the old testament and you will see that even the wisest niccaw-king called Solomon who found favour in the eyes of God, had over 70 wives and 1000 concubines. Just try to imagine what an evening in his palace would look like - never ending orgies from dusk till dusk. Even the orgies in the SPARTACUS series are incomparable.
And then, there is bad-ass warrior cum mafia-king David whom despite all the women at his beckon in the land of Isra-el, still coveted after a young soldiers wife to the point of having him[soldier] killed in battle[mafioso style] so he could wet his C.O.C.K with her juice.
Also, we could talk about Prophet Mohammed S.A.W who married an older woman for her wealth and protection - obviously enjoyed the sex and all, yet still found the formless flat chests and hips of a 12year old attractive enough to make her a second wife[pervert]. He obviously had more wives and concubines.

The points to disprove your bolded statement are
1.) no single woman is capable of taming the beast within us so there is nothing like reassurance of love for a woman.
2.) Not even God can hold the body of a man let alone a woman. It is discipline

hm.....stop being so.... confident about what u are ignorant about. you don't even know this righteous man ( prophet Muhammad S.A.W) u are talking about. he is a selfless man, a righteous man, a role model, he's a man whom without his coming to world we will all go astray. just to justify ur gibberish comments n earn cheap....attention. u stooped this low....I shouldn't waste my tym making u know but if u care to know...? d reason prophet Muhammad S.A.W married Khadija was pure love... a real pure love.

Stargurl20:

hm.....stop being so.... confident about what u are ignorant about. you don't even know this righteous man ( prophet Muhammad S.A.W) u are talking about. he is a selfless man, a righteous man, a role model, he's a man whom without his coming to world we will all go astray. just to justify ur gibberish comments n earn cheap....attention. u stooped this low....I shouldn't waste my tym making u know but if u care to know...? d reason prophet Muhammad S.A.W married Khadija was pure love... a real pure love.

Yea, you shouldn't waste your time. Wait a sec!! you just did because i really don't care about either of the two invasive religions that have brought more pain , misery and destruction to humanity than any other man-made creation.

predatorX:


Yea, you shouldn't waste your time. Wait a sec!! you just did because i really don't care about either of the two invasive religions that have brought more pain , misery and destruction to humanity than any other man-made creation.

if these religion actually brought u those things u mentioned....then go ahead n do whatever pleases u ....
Cos d last tym I checked, there's a freedom of religion...
n neither of dis two religion is forcing anyone to b part of them ....they can only preach n if u are touched....fine ...u may decide to join.
but pls... oga don't ever use Islam to seek cheap attention when u don't know d fact.
we ain't fanatics. but that doesn't mean we should tolerate what shouldn't b tolerated.

Hed0nist:
There has to be something you're not telling us. Is it that She is boring? Your world views are different? Does She have bad breath? The straff no make sense? Or She just no fine?

Nigga, you just described a smart, industrious woman who is dedicated to you as a person. You also implied that she respects your family. Don't hold her hostage because of her good qualities if you're not ready to put in work. Don't also end up with someone you'll end up hating later.

I go advice you as a young Nigga coming up. Marry the babe. You guys will go places if She is as you have described. The love might develop over time. You might F around and end up faking it till you make it. She seems like who you need right now.

But bros tell us what you're holding back if any.

I'm guessing the bolded.

lefulefu:
if op follow this ur advice he might end up just having a sidechick by the side .its important the lady u want to marry u must have feelings for her cos if ur heart is cold towards her that marriage wont last no matter how steadfast u claim to be.dem no marry person out of pity.

My gee, you don't get it. "Feelings" which is peripheral always fades no matter who you marry. Love is deeper than mere feelings. Once you are switched on enough to identify the right partner, with discipline, prayers, and humility you will build love.

JhyMedex:


There's a way the universe works....n It's really fascinating...I swear u n i r in exactly d same shoe.. I totally get whr u coming from....

as u were describing ur gal I was seeing my gal...All d talk abt leaving d country ..we've talked abt dt too..

Bt like u...i dnt feel emotionally attached to her...She's tall n pretty...doesnt parasite..Excellent cook...intelligent too...

Shocker...I'm almost sure she's spent more on me dan I av on her..she loves me so hard sumtyms it brks my heart ..sumtyms I'm almost moved to tears to tink I dnt love her....On occasion i stay awake at nyt n jst stare at her wen she sleeps..Shes almost perfect...

we've bn 2geda 4 ova 2yrs now..She's gon make a very grt partner..Bt I've bn in luv b4 n d way I felt den...i dnt feel it wit her...

I'm tryna make a decision by dis year's end whether to continue or let her go...But I'm almost sure I'm gon regret it...

Could u tell me ur final decision..mayb dt'll guide me on wat to do to..Tanx boss..

I will be marrying her.
Our wedding will be coming up in August...

Bros please marry the lady that loves you.
I mean that lady. I am thinking God today I didn't allow my lust to guide me. I now love her more than anything in the world.
Thanks.

Op I know the feeling, I advise you not to make the mistake of marrying her out of pity, I once experienced it, I met this beautiful girl I loved so much she was so respectful she never called me by name she greets me with sir kind soft hearted she never argued with me or saw anything wrong with whatever I say or do at a point I felt different about her like she was too good for me, the sexual feeling I had when I first saw her just died within me cause I just couldn't think dirty with her in mind, the feeling I had for her was more like a brother to sister type of love still don't understand how or why that happened,

XaintJoel20:


I will be marrying her.
Our wedding will be coming up in August...

Bros please marry the lady that loves you.
I mean that lady. I am thinking God today I didn't allow my lust to guide me. I now love her more than anything in the world.
Thanks.

Wow..congrats bruh..I hear u Sir..

tsharp:

You don't have to marry the person you love, but you must love the person you marry. And your girlfriend is loveable.

Bro did you do this part ?

Think well and pray well over it brother. you remain in that relationship for selfish reason which are those things you mentioned up there, but there is one thing your soul long for in a woman which she does not possess. you might not be able to point it out(maybe complexion, maybe level of intelligence, maybe her social life etc), you have to think deeply and let her go if you wouldnt be able to get yourself attach to her. There are many reasons why many men cheat in marriage and this is one of them. No matter how the girl might try to satisfy you, you will never find happiness in her. The implication is that you wouldnt be able to make her happy in marriage cus non of her attitude will make u happy and this will ruin both of you emotionally. It happened to me after my undergraduate days when i got involve with one lady base on her industrious attributes(she is hard working n can give her eyes to people, she loved me like jesus love the world) but with all those attribute,i find it difficult to attached to her emotionally. I think and evaluated it throughout my NYSC and i decided to let her go after one year of no reasonable way to get myself attached to her ( i did not get any woman until i was able to resolve with her......no other girl during my NYSC n i did not have sex with her too cus i was not sure of where the relationship was heading). I later thought maybe it was her intelligence level/complexion but i could not really point out one particular thing. Pray hard b4 ur final decision cus it might be devil that wants to take away good thing from your hand. God will lead you right

Successdude:


Bro did you do this part ?

yes sir

tsharp:


yes sir

So how has it been ?

And I'm sure now you must have been find of the love you generated.

Like u now love her too ? Like the rule is really feasible ?