ImaIma1:
You guys are already married. She is depriving you of your conjugal rights. Some people believe that they are married only after white wedding.

Op call a meeting with your family, her family and probably your pastor to settle this matter.

Let's go back to 100years ago! Was there church marriage? Traditional marriage tops it all then. Things have changed. If she's not a virgin, the marriage will eventually crash.

healthserve:



Here's the fear


EkperemoEgbabi A pitch


Tell these guy to deal with himself.

Not a crime that you can't think for yourself dude.

NLSavage:
how are you even sure she's a virgin?

see bro, I've dated a girl that told me she is a virgin but when i went down with her, she was as loose as a borehole. funny thing is that when we broke up, one of my guy approached her and she kept on insisting that she's a virgin. Its a funny world we live in bro.

My advice: Take her to a clinic for a virginity test.

Had a similar experience.Lol

nextstep:


OP, please fulfill her wishes. She doesn't feel fully married until all the rites and ceremonies, legally binding, church, and traditional. You agreed initially, though you both didn't hammer out the full details.

You love her right? Complete all the ceremonies because they are important to her - and she can use it to shame her enemies.

Why? For sake of your future peace of mind. You don't want this to be a source of argument in some future. Trust me... your future self will thank you.

PS. Please don't combine words like "paid bride price" and "right to her body" in the same context again... it's debasing.

You are indeed a mature mind! Majority don't know what it takes/means to be HAPPILY married&it's Y most are emphasising the bride price/right to d body.

cococandy:
Let’s agree to disagree

On some of the points actually. Since I for one don’t agree with over-religiousity (if there’s a word like that)

And she packed her bags to go and live with him in abuja

People like that don't live together. She should be staying with her pastor's family or her parent.
Tempting the young man unnecessarily yet saying no.
She is lucky. Very lucky indeed.
She is already living in sin as she is an enabler of sin

All these our church people.

BarrElChapo:
Lol.. You know this is the worst kind of hypocrisy, when you want to get married if you aren't already, this B.S that you spewed below, is it what you're gonna do ? lemme answer for you. No. don't advise someone what you won't do yourself and by the way if you got a lawyer friend ask them to explain to you the kind of marriage that the law recognizes in Nigeria. it will broaden your mind. Goodluck

am sure you quote the me wrongly

Mogambo123:
If she's not a virgin then you av been scammed.

That is, if the guy is a virgin! Which I doubt!

Enemyofpeace:
At the end of the day you will discover that some people have been there before you. I just hope you didn't pay too much dowry on her. What is bad in test driving a car? I ate nonsense.

Why & how won't you eat nonsense?

scaramucci:
So instead of you to fast track the wedding to the next available Saturday in order to get to shift her pant you decided to put it on hold, right?

God blessed you with everything in life! You're not 100 percent complete, until you beg Him to give you some sense!

Offpoint:

An African man doing a white man wedding

Please what's the Biblical requirements before one is declared husband and wife?

The moment I pay your bride price and our both parents gives their blessings, we are officially husband and wife.

To Hell with white wedding, almost most of our parents didn't had 'White Wedding' doesn't mean God didn't approved their unions.

You claimed she's 'Disciplined woman's so the guy that obliged to her wish till he paid her bride price isn't disciplined?

What if he can't afford White Wedding?

The so-called white wedding doesn't have to be a lavish one;in fact, ppl (esp easterners) spend more on d trad. than to receive the priest's blessings.
That aside, the point here is that there was an agreement.

Bro, since you agreed to her early request of no church wedding no sex, do the needful. You are the one breaching the contract here.

mignone:

Why & how won't you eat nonsense?

At the end of the day you will discover that some people have been there before you. I just hope you didn't pay too much dowry on her. What is bad in test driving a car? I ate nonsense.

Bye bye you don enter one chance.

What if u end up not having a white wedding does she mean to no sex again. Go home n ask her this question her answer would determine if u will move on or just take ur bride price back from her family mind u the white wedding is just a church blessing that's all because even the church will ask u if u have done your traditional marriage before the white wedding

igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks

BiggyB242:


Beside sex, your wife is headstrong, I pray you will be able to cope in future. Being a virgin doesn't make her a good wife; her character is most important and submissiveness.

Headstrong? are you kidding me? I hope you realize that God's commandment is more important than anything in this world! you want her disobey God to please him? you must be joking!

igwegeorgiano:
not at all. I did not considered her virginity but cos she has proved beyond doubts to be the woman I wanted but with this over righteous attitude and not taking into cognisance that I have paid her bride price and other traditional obligations is what I don't understand

Oh please! so what? I'd be disappointed if she succumbed to your pressure...sex is no food! I cant believe we still have people who reason this way. What is the big deal in having a small church wedding and devouring her that night? think man, you are starving yourself by delaying because she wont have sex with you until you do the rightful thing. The church wedding can be a very small arrangement, not necessarily an elaborated one and reception could be out of it. Be a man please.

Op must be thinking about how much hookers he wud have gotten in his bed with the bride price paid and all the expenses for the traditional...* anyways, whr I come from, both traditional and religious wedding are like 5&6* probably if you had tried dt we wouldn’t be having this conversation or post!

I understand that you are a man n those Tns matters a lot which most of those girls doesn’t consider but so selfish and sticks with the so called no sex before marriage tn* she mit be a real virgin you never can tell, she might mean it...forget that there’re experienced, dirty and borehole virgins out there*

Just respect her decision and trust your instincts...

You can hold yourself or go help yourself wisely whr safe*

Respect her

do you really think you re the first person she is sleeping with.? mugu.

dennel:
Op must be thinking about how much hookers he wud have gotten in his bed with the bride price paid and all the expenses for the traditional...* anyways, whr I come from, both traditional and religious wedding are like 5&6* probably if you had tried dt we wouldn’t be having this conversation or post!

I understand that you are a man n those Tns ma.tters a lot which most of those girls doesn’t consider but so selfish and sticks with the so called no sex before marriage tn* she mit be a real virgin you never can tell, she might mean it...forget that there’re experienced, dirty and borehole virgins out there*

Just respect her decision and trust your instincts...

You can hold yourself or go help yourself wisely whr safe*

Respect her

Why is Church wedding so important in your place? Is it about the foreign British suit and white gown or the fact that you need your pastor's blessings? If the latter is your reason, why cant a man just go on a visit to the pastor's office along with his bride for blessings? I hope you won't quote any scripture or make reference to the bible cos that tradition is non existence in the same book you and your pastor hold in high regard.

midnighter:
But you're still going to marry her in the church so what actually is the problem?

Somebody told you something ahead of time, you say you did not take her serious. now the thing is coming to pass and you're complaining. Nawa

Church wedding is important to some people because of the spiritual implications, why did you go ahead with a born-again if you can't even respect a basic decision like this

And on top of it you put the wedding on hold so you can force her to compromise on her principles Wow

Shouldn't you be happy that you married somebody who actually stands on their word and does as they say? Is this not a good quality to look for in a spouse?

God bless u my dear, I feel like sending any available Boko haram person to his location. The girl been honest and transparent to him yet he's still lamenting, maybe he only wanted sex and the girl played smart on him

martowskin1:


Trustworthy?

Let's look this from another angle.

From his post they are already living together after the traditional marriage.

If she believed she is not married yet, why live with him....

This things are simple, u can't be living with him like a wife and said till wedding night.

Is that not hypocrisy?....

You are so right. She should have stayed with her family till the white wedding instead of living with him as a "half wife".

If she's going to be his wife, she has to do it completely with all the benefits. She can't sleep in his bed as his wife and expect him to free her.

igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks

She may be a Virgin. But know that she MAY not like sex afterwards. She MAY BE complaining of pain during sex. Speaking out of experience. Meet my wife a virgin. But lovemaking name once in 2 wks

kunleweb:



No disciplined. Her life, her beliefs, her freedom, her vagina

There's a thin line between being disciplined and stubborn. We should know when to drop the walls.

Besides, her body is no longer hers alone.

micxwell:
Let's go back to 100years ago! Was there church marriage? Traditional marriage tops it all then. Things have changed. If she's not a virgin, the marriage will eventually crash.

That was my point. She's just being stubborn

BiggyB242:


I'm telling you. I have seen a lady who had a no-sex relationship for a year, but had sex within a month of meeting a new guy.
From my own perspective, if a girl gives me conditions of any sort and she still stick to it after a month then I know she isn't really into me, I quietly move on.

What you just described is totally different from what the OP is saying.

This is a case of religious woman who wants a church wedding, that is all.

Before you bought the package it was clearly written, "OPEN ONLY AFTER WEDDING" so why are you trying to be a thief?

ImaIma1:


There's a thin line between being disciplined and stubborn. We should know when to drop the walls.

Besides, her body is no longer hers alone.

Stop subjecting people to your standards madam. Your principles your biz, hers her biz. That's how it works.

ImaIma1:


You are so right. She should have stayed with her family till the white wedding instead of living with him as a "half wife".

If she's going to be his wife, she has to do it completely with all the benefits. She can't sleep in his bed as his wife and expect him to free her.

Actually, the problem is Ignorance. This is what happens when you're dating an Ignorant person who has told you she is ignorant from the jump & you still went ahead.

Church wedding & Traditional is totally unnecessary, proper waste of funds.

- Go to Court
- Tie the knot
- Take pictures together
- Then head to a decent low-budget reception

Go home & Fvck your wife happily, Then head to Obudu Cattle Ranch for honey moon.
Finito.

kunleweb:



Stop subjecting people to your standards madam. Your principles your biz, hers her biz. That's how it works.

It's not "my standards". It's real life. I did trad, court and church before I moved in.

Would you call that my standard?

What is the standard? Is traditional marriage accepted as marriage?

Is only court or only white accepted as marriage?

It's her life, her business, her body...yet.she moved into his house after the traditional marriage as his wife...for what? To assume other wifely duties excluding sex.

Acidosis:


Why is Church wedding so important in your place? Is it about the foreign British suit and white gown or the fact that you need your pastor's blessings? If the latter is your reason, why cant a man just go on a visit to the pastor's office along with his bride for blessings? I hope you won't quote any scripture or make reference to the bible cos that tradition is non existence in the same book you and your pastor hold in high regard.

Well, you can’t force everyone to reason just like you and that’s why we have different opinions, races, beliefs, religions, tribes and all...

We all can’t sleep a turn our heads on a side, so dts why you need to look deep into others perspectives and either take or leave their decisions or ideas...

Mind you, I still didn't oppose or claim you’ve spoken wrongly responding* Ts your own opinion n you damn entitled to it*

ImaIma1:


It's not "my standards". It's real life. I did trad, court and church before I moved in.

Would you call that my standard?

What is the standard? Is traditional marriage accepted as marriage?

Is only court or only white accepted as marriage?

It's her life, her business, her body...yet.she moved into his house after the traditional marriage as his wife...for what? To assume other wifely duties excluding sex.

She reserves a right to her definitive of principles and institutions ma

okoroemeka:
I don't believe the op has got a good wife like u saying,how can she be a good wife when konji is destroying the man that paid her traditional bride price and she does nothing, something is definitely fishy here and also there will be compatibility issues,the man is virle and ready for love, while the lady can relate with the guy for 1year and not feel anything,the op is definitely getting married to a frigid woman and his sex life will suffer,how can i take something for life without testing it and seeing how it works,well it seems the op is a perfect gentleman because many men I know will not tolerate that rubbish, Even before going for the traditional stuffs I must start the engine and Rev it to Max power,the lady even live in owerri and still claiming virgin, haaaaahaaa!!!

Hahaha maximum power