My brother all these contentions are unnecessary. Marry her in church quickly so that u can get what u want. You have a lifetime to enjoy this thing so why all these temporary drama? You now feel your ego has been bruised because she insisted on what she said from the beginning. What if she compromised, will you ever take her seriously? Look on the brighter side bro. Do what you know is right till the end and then if she still tell stories, then she has a case to answer but for now, it's her call.

igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks

You are like toitose ...you 've been in a hole for donkey years ...without any help of rescue. ..one day help eventually came and you started shouting ...take me out of here you fools ...the point I am making is that why are you now in a haste to sex her ...why not have patient and eat that fattest bone at the end. May be you are into this marriage for sex alone.....but sex is just one reason for marriage....Don't worry marriage is for better and for worse....you go sex taya and sex go taya you.

Calm down na you get am.

Your wife is akiriboto

Martinez39:
Why are you disturbing Nairaland? The solution is simple. No sex, no white wedding. She is probably trying to perfect her bait and switch strategy. She probably thinks white wedding will secure her and trap you to herself so that you won't leave no matter what you find out on your wedding night.

Call a meeting with your in-laws and parents. She had better sit up or you end the marriage and collect your money.

ur comments are always awesome; I have noticed that here on many occasions. I must commend u. Kudos to u dear

Ask her the kind of Virgin she be because their are two type of Virgins.

1. Virgin Virgin- means never chop joystick before

2. Virgin after repentance. For this virgin eh, after you don chop all kinds of joystick come give your life to Christ. They come born you again making you born again. She be virgin in Christ Jesus so bro find out the one she b...

Thank me later

igwegeorgiano:
my dear am tempted to ask thus question is church wedding actually in d bible? To the best of my knowledge and I stand to be corrected church wedding is a western ideology its not an African stuff at all

Why not do court and Thanksgiving?

scaramucci:
So instead of you to fast track the wedding to the next available Saturday in order to get to shift her pant you decided to put it on hold, right?

pls he is already married. Traditional wedding is the true wedding, white wedding is a borrowed culture which is the trad wedding of the white man. Even the church will not wed you if u haven't done trad. So what the girl is doing is rubbish

sharone21:

My QUESTION is: Are you REALLY a CHRISTIAN or just attracted to a born again virgin? Have u not heard of people who did only traditional weddings, slept with their brides and impregnated them( since the lady would believe you are already her husband) only to be dumped?

people who did white wedding and spend millons on thier honeymoon also get dumped as well.

If you are 100% sure she is a virgin, you can wait for her. If not, the decision is yours. Anyway, I can't wait this long.

Fvck jesus Bleep church

midnighter:
But you're still going to marry her in the church so what actually is the problem?

Somebody told you something ahead of time, you say you did not take her serious. now the thing is coming to pass and you're complaining. Nawa

Church wedding is important to some people because of the spiritual implications, why did you go ahead with a born-again if you can't even respect a basic decision like this

And on top of it you put the wedding on hold so you can force her to compromise on her principles Wow

Shouldn't you be happy that you married somebody who actually stands on their word and does as they say? Is this not a good quality to look for in a spouse?

sharone21:

My QUESTION is: Are you REALLY a CHRISTIAN or just attracted to a born again virgin? Have u not heard of people who did only traditional weddings, slept with their brides and impregnated them( since the lady would believe you are already her husband) only to be dumped?

Traditional wedding is the most recognized form of marriage even God and earthly parents approve of. So nothing wrong impregnating your wife... In fact No church can wed without the parents consenting to it traditionally. White wedding is ceremonial and it's not a must. But traditional marriage is a must do thing.

Fuckgovt:
pls he is already married. Traditional wedding is the true wedding, white wedding is a borrowed culture which is the trad wedding of the white man. Even the church will not wed you if u haven't done trad. So what the girl is doing is rubbish

You get brain my bro.....
No mind people wey dey say white wedding like say na by force.

OP see where you carry your wife come for people to ridicule your marriage. If you are a Christian you should know what is right. You have eaten the snake from the tail to the neck, just the head left and you are here seeking advice from some people who know nothing about you and your wife. Goodluck!

greggng:



You are like toitose ...you 've been in a hole for donkey years ...without any help of rescue. ..one day help eventually came and you started shouting ...take me out of here you fools ...the point I am making is that why are you now in a haste to sex her ... why not have patient and eat that fattest bone at the end . May be you are into this marriage for sex alone.....but sex is just one reason for marriage....Don't worry marriage is for better and for worse....you go sex taya and sex go taya you.

At the bolded

Eroms4life17:
My brother all these contentions are unnecessary. Marry her in church quickly so that u can get what u want. You have a lifetime to enjoy this thing so why all these temporary drama? You now feel your ego has been bruised because she insisted on what she said from the beginning. What if she compromised, will you ever take her seriously? Look on the brighter side bro. Do what you know is right till the end and then if she still tell stories, then she has a case to answer but for now, it's her call.

pls he is already married. Traditional wedding is the true wedding, white wedding is a borrowed culture which is the trad wedding of the white man. Even the church will not wed you if u haven't done trad. So what the girl is doing is rubbish

Guest007:
If you're Christian then the church is the REAL marriage, the traditional isn't Christian. She's a born again so how does tradition become more important than her church?

Op is the problem.

So the church comes before the land? Infact it's not church but WHITE WEDDING

If you are 100% sure she is a virgin, you can wait for her. If not, the decision is yours. Anyway, I can't wait this long. Since she is an Ibo lady, I dont believe her story of being a virgin. Please try it out by fire by force. I mean you know what I imply.

Drkeo:
She's hiding something from you....

.my tot exactly, wedding night my foot,do such lame comment still exist sef!!!? For this kin generation way everybody don tear eye

LilMissFavvy:
If you were not mature to date a staunch born again Christian, then you should not have dated the lady. Wether she is a virgin or not, she gave you her word, no sex before marriage. I know few gals who maintained such rules, and dated till marriage before sex.

Let me not bring in my own personal rules anyways, but if you came this far to ruin your marriage with her, so be it. Just that you have wasted her time. Otherwise, stop wasting time, fix the white wedding and have your wife. Go for all medical tests, not every girl who says no sex before marriage is hiding something, that's it.

What do you mean by no sex before marriage ?

The traditional marriage they did is what?

She not serious. People like that are usually the one with some to his about their sexuality.

.

NoToPile:
But you were the one that said in your post that you had asked her initially and she had said no sex till AFTER CHURCH WEDDING and you agreed, so whats all the fuss about now.

You agreed so why back out of the agreement, the fact that you had known what to expect before hand is the issue, its not a matter of whether we should consumate the marriage after trad or not.



To my personal opinion about the matter as a christain, do the church wedding as planned and consummate the marriage thats all, I believe the marriage should be consummated after all wedding/marriage procedures you planned for have been completed, if you want to do trad only do and consummate your marriage but if you have planned for church wedding just wait till the whole stuff is over.
This is the major reason I dont support all these do traditional marriage now, do church wedding in 6 months time, that is what is causing all this back and forth arguments. If it was 2 weeks interval all this wont crop up. But op if you are not really a christain you can ignore this 2nd paragraph.

let me understand something you don't support traditional marriage that's your way..
buh you support white wedding that isn't your own..
if am wrong tell me cause a nigga is confused

id2019:
What's stopping you from fixing date for the white wedding. She told u all this before the relationship started.

Exactly.Poster why not do the white wedding sharply even if its low key..

Wen u finally discover dat she's nt a virgin d next tin she will say that she was raped. Op pls if u ar a guy dat loves sex alot don't marry her cos ur wife looks like someone dat will b giving u condition anytime u wan to sleep with her.i fear born again women shall,dose people get mind wella

okoroemeka:
I don't believe the op has got a good wife like u saying,how can she be a good wife when konji is destroying the man that paid her traditional bride price and she does nothing, something is definitely fishy here and also there will be compatibility issues,the man is virle and ready for love, while the lady can relate with the guy for 1year and not feel anything,the op is definitely getting married to a frigid woman and his sex life will suffer,how can take something for life without testing it and seeing how it works,well it seems the op is a perfect gentleman because many men I know will not tolerate that rubbish, Even before going for the traditional stuffs you I must start the engine and Rev it to Max power,the lady even live in owerri and claiming virgin, haaaaahaaa!!!

so there is no virgin in owerri now

ibietela2:


So the church comes before the land? Infact it's not church but WHITE WEDDING

She is a Christian. Whether you wear white or you wear blue makes no difference. The church is different to your African tradition. She made herself very very clear and the only one with stories that touch, is op...

Let her keep her virginity and you can go and collect your money and let us rest...

OP is a man of sex masquerading as a man of God to land a virgin. We heard

If she goes to deeper life she may be correct.

No sex before marriage means..

(1) No sex with my fiance but I can have sex with outsider. I want to preserve fiance, so I don't want him to sleep with me; but I can get it from ex or whoever.

(2) No sex with my fiance and no sex with outsider. I am not trying to impress my fiance, I am just again all forms of pre-marital sex. I may or may not be a virgin, but I can never bow to pre-marital sex again.

(3) No sex, I am a virgin.

you need to understand life before the bible and how coming of Europeans with their civil laws affected us and still affect us today

as per tradition their are now husband and wife, same if you use the bible aka he paid bride price for woman hence she now his wife

then the civil laws that came with Europeans, Europeans Incorporated their tradition, church and law to make it, Western white wedding whereby a civil wedding makes you husband and wife but in doing that they practise their tradition aka the groom father walks down his daughter etc

the confusion to us African is that we still do the two as separate things, and on both occasions its guy who finance everything therefore you are marrying twice

the question is tradition marriage not enough to make someone my wife ?

Eberex:
Nothing is wrong if she insist no sex before marriage, maybe that was the vow she made with her god. If she is the principled type, then please respect her decision.

I am telling you this in confidence because I was once in your shoes. My wife told me the same, even after traditional marriage she still told me no. Sex is a mind thing bro, don't let it ruin your relationship.

Las las we had the white wedding and I finally hit it. She was a virgin in truth by the way.

So guy, don't listen to all those telling you to do it or no wedding. They are the agents of the devil. Respect her wish and see how she would rate you when u finally marry her.

All these over religious people.... Agent of God

midnighter:
But you're still going to marry her in the church so what actually is the problem?

Somebody told you something ahead of time, you say you did not take her serious. now the thing is coming to pass and you're complaining. Nawa

Church wedding is important to some people because of the spiritual implications, why did you go ahead with a born-again if you can't even respect a basic decision like this

And on top of it you put the wedding on hold so you can force her to compromise on her principles Wow

Shouldn't you be happy that you married somebody who actually stands on their word and does as they say? Is this not a good quality to look for in a spouse?

Na only u get sense.
So did u ask if she's a virgin?

And why suddenly now forming a virgin if she no more a virgin? Or is something terribly wrong with her puzzy?

It's risky. U have to check out what's wrong or if it's actually a principle.

midnighter:
But you're still going to marry her in the church so what actually is the problem?

Somebody told you something ahead of time, you say you did not take her serious. now the thing is coming to pass and you're complaining. Nawa

Church wedding is important to some people because of the spiritual implications, why did you go ahead with a born-again if you can't even respect a basic decision like this

And on top of it you put the wedding on hold so you can force her to compromise on her principles Wow

Shouldn't you be happy that you married somebody who actually stands on their word and does as they say? Is this not a good quality to look for in a spouse?

See them here

Fuckgovt:
pls he is already married. Traditional wedding is the true wedding, white wedding is a borrowed culture which is the trad wedding of the white man. Even the church will not wed you if u haven't done trad. So what the girl is doing is rubbish

My brother nothing drink panadol for another man headache. Yes it's true what u said with the trad as the most recognized but also the key to a lasting relationship is compromise. This marriage is too young for all this agidi agidi up and down. There's no general formula to this thing. Some ladies have sex on first date but this one said till marriage and she specified what she wanted and he okayed it. So if it was you, u will cancel the whole marriage because of this? Are u getting married because of sex? Let's be reasonable and matured here. This is a testament to know if the marriage will last or not