@Girlwhocares

breakfast or dinner in bed once or twice a week will get the job done. good luck in advance.

Trustworthiness:


Here lies the real problem.
You are rich and take care of your bills but couldn't get a husband, right? Out of desperation, you married a guy you never love, just to satisfy your parents, family, friends and colleagues at work who are already married.
Because the guy is not as rich as you are, you see him as someone not same level with you.
That is why you cannot connect with him as you are not ready to submit to him as his wife but to get a child that is yours through him.
I want to believe you initiated the idea of two of you sleeping in different rooms.
I believe if he is Dangote, Otedola, or any very guy, you will quickly connect with him.
Please!! Discuss with the guy and both of you should go your separate ways. Let the guy go search for real love somewhere else.
I believe the guy is crying internally for marrying a woman with worldly heart.

for selfish reasons, she won't let go. Where will she see a doormat again? She prefers to keep him but still cheat

Yes I know it’s not easy for you to pour all this down. Hmm for all those who talk without listening and having a feeling. I just get sick of you guys (Mind you I’m a married man). Sometimes is good to discuss with your spouse and be very real with him. Ensure he’s in a good mood. Don’t go to a marriage counselor or pastor always. They cannot change the situation. But only you can connect to him by talking to him.

Learn to be appreciative and thankful, probably that’s where the issue is starting from. Talk to him intimately including your sex life and how bad you want it to change. He’s yours handle him like you own him.

I got married to my beautiful emotionally depressed wife. It was a a real big deal. I knew before getting into it. But I love my wife like that and I have followed her to the psychiatrist hospital to get drugs, see her doctor, though I always make her see reasons why she shouldn’t. But we talk things out a lot. Yes we still have our ups and downs. But what if I get married to the most beautiful and richest and she develop the same issues. I love her and nothing can change that. In all she told me all this before getting into it, even her parent did, but we are like the best in world. She has not taking her drugs or feel depressed for so long now because of communication and the smile I put on her face. I don’t mind what I’m going through. I just want to see her happy. It gladdens my own heart. We have issues but we talk it out. Even the most irritating and past ones before marriage.

He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool but he who knows not and knows that he knows not is not a fool. My dear, u know the fault is not from ur husband, so u are not a fool.
Pls start from what made u fall for him in the first place. It will all come back. Thats how the devil works. Every marriage has its ups and down. Its how u manage it that determine how the marriage works. Especially when u are the woman. Pls forget his wrongs and work ur marriage out. U don't need a canselour to advise u.

Girlwhocares:


Yes,I accept my mistake for going into the marriage when i knew i was not not totally into him but i was made to believe love wasnt enough and one can grow in feelings and love in marriage.

But the best thing is for you two being best of friends before marriage.tge way h put it is just like he was forced on you without u knowi g him at all.
If it had been u really loved him from the start befoy marriage,I would say u should go spiritual on it,cus it does happen that some forces might wanna break u apart.
If you didn't love him or were not friends with him before marriage,then j would say u really messed up the guy's life.u wasted part of gis fruitfful life on a baseless marriage.
We do grow in love in marriage,that's if there is a building foundation of friendship-real friendship

This may sound harsh, but here goes. It is obvious you do not love your husband. You need to file for divorce and work out a joint custody arrangement for the child. You and your husband will be happier in the end.

Girlwhocares:


I have opened up to two counsellors to seek for their professional therapy but they ended up been biased and sentimental,hence their involvement was fruitless.

However,there's no harm in trying another therapist who will more professional in his/her dealings.

Thank you so much for the suggestions and i will surely look into it.

Why wasting money looking for a more professional therapist again. You've already had sessions with two different therapists and you tagged them bias because the outcome was not in your favour.
Three years without sex and staying under the same roof is proof you can not love him,don't fake it.
It hurts every part of you to live a loveless life. If you don't leave now when you are still young to find love again, you will still leave later or he leaves you when you least expected.

Girlwhocares:
Please help me, I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad I will make them feel, also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant, we hardly have any conversation, we do things differently, we share different rooms, no sex for the past 3 years! Even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage I can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday, we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, I hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best, which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times, I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely, bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because I know I might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.

Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind, my heart is heavy, I need someone to talk to, I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly don't need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through a lot. All i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

If you are in Abuja please reach out to me. My church has a Marriage Enhancement Class (Course) trust me it’s worth trying before you give up. People has passed through worse.

Girlwhocares:
@bankowner,
Thank you so much I've been looking up for counsellor(s) online to rebook appointment with and I'm open to all critics as long as I wil yield a positive result.

Once again,thank you.

What's your occupation?

Very nonsense post from the beginning to end.
If marriage no pay you,abeg jejely Waka,cus the marriage was doomed from the get go

Wow

Girlwhocares:
Please help me, I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad I will make them feel, also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant, we hardly have any conversation, we do things differently, we share different rooms, no sex for the past 3 years! Even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage I can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday, we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, I hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best, which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times, I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely, bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because I know I might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.

Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind, my heart is heavy, I need someone to talk to, I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly don't need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through a lot. All i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

You need counselling. Search for @kingsleypst on Instagram. Follow him, listen to his teaching. You can reach out to him for counselling

Madam you need couselling preferably from a respected married female pastor or marriage counselor

Ehya!!! I know this kind of guys during my UNi days,they are just fantastically intelligent that they are romantically dull. My dear I can identify with you cus the foundation was not built on the internal mind the spiritual person that make the saying true that love is blind deaf and dumb,but this is my advice. Relax,pray to God,meditate on the goodness of this man compare with how some people complain about their husband in areas your husband is good at,e.g he does not cheat,call him and pray with him,try and remove that initial notion you had in your head that you will grow to love him,see him as all you'v got,look for ways you could sacrifice for him.try this and see how God work things out,but i hope the story is complete,hope you have not being seeing someone else cus that also will need a different therapy .I wish you Goodluck

Girlwhocares:


He's highly intelligent which is a great turn on for me in any relationship,we never dated,but we were good friends!
The issue of us getting married was as a result of making his intention known to my people which they accepted all cos he was a good guy whom my mum said he knows he will never treat me wrong!
Yes,i accepted to marry him not for love cos all through our friendship i never see us as lovers but i thought i will overcome all the anxieties and will grow to love him as we grow together(what my mum made me understand)now
I have been struggling with feelings of loving him and its isnt just adding up.

You are not the only one feeling this way, Although some women would argue. Some women don't feel shit about their husband anymore they are just there because probably they don't want to get divorced or because of breeding. You alone will proffer solution to your problems, forget about seeing a psychologist or relationship expert for now.. You need to be honest with yourself. Ask yourself these questions first
1) When you married him, did you love him at all? If yes? Then what changed? If no, I do not think you need help, you need to get out..
2) If you loved him when you married him, do you still love him? If yes, then probably you and your husband needs to seek help
If no, then it's probably you have someone else or something changed
See my sister, marriage is isn't as easy as we all think it is...
Don't delude yourself thinking your husband does not know something is wrong.. For you guys not to be intimate for God knows when says a lot, and for him to keep trying to make you happy also says a lot...
If you still love him, then you guys can still make it work, but since you find him repulsive, I want to believe you don't love him anymore..
Either way, you need to speak to him. Communication is key, let him know how you see things in your marriage plain and simple.. If you want out, let him know, if you still want him, only you guys can make it work.

pbidex:
Yes I know it’s not easy for you to pour all this down. Hmm for all those who talk without listening and having a feeling. I just get sick of you guys (Mind you I’m a married man). Sometimes is good to discuss with your spouse and be very real with him. Ensure he’s in a good mood. Don’t go to a marriage counselor or pastor always. They cannot change the situation. But only you can connect to him by talking to him.

Learn to be appreciative and thankful, probably that’s where the issue is starting from. Talk to him intimately including your sex life and how bad you want it to change. He’s yours handle him like you own him.

I got married to my beautiful emotionally depressed wife. It was a a real big deal. I knew before getting into it. But I love my wife like that and I have followed her to the psychiatrist hospital to get drugs, see her doctor, though I always make her see reasons why she shouldn’t. But we talk things out a lot. Yes we still have our ups and downs. But what if I get married to the most beautiful and richest and she develop the same issues. I love her and nothing can change that. In all she told me all this before getting into it, even her parent did, but we are like the best in world. She has not taking her drugs or feel depressed for so long now because of communication and the smile I put on her face. I don’t mind what I’m going through. I just want to see her happy. It gladdens my own heart. We have issues but we talk it out. Even the most irritating and past ones before marriage.

www.nairaland.com/attachments/3312536_bestcomment_pngb2ec90533d9845da22279f617696ee5f

Your heart is heavy, Un_forgiveness is a burden,
BEING happy is a choice. We just have one life to live. Just whisper to yourself, "I LOVE MYSELF" then see things unfolds. If you don't love yourself you can't love other people. You are just takng it too hard on yourself. Just try meditation

I sense you are taking out your grievance on him because you are angry that your father refused to accept the one you truly love. You cant take it out on you father so its easy to take out on him.

But the first question you must answer is do you want to make it work. Not because you feel bad about what you have put him through or because you pity him. If yes you must first forgive your father true and true, if you are not angry at your father then no reason to transfer the aggression to. If possible have an open conversation with you father telling him what has happened and tell him you have forgiven him

Two re define love in terms of this gentleman. Not your ex

Ask God; the Author nd Finisher of marital bliss to help you see ur hubby the Right way as you're supposed to See, Appreciate, Accept nd Love him for who he is to you. Then you'll be at Peace with urself.

Ask God 9n prayer; the Author nd Finisher of marital bliss to help you see ur hubby the Right way as you're supposed to See, Appreciate, Accept nd Love him for who he is to you. Then you'll be at Peace with urself.

matrixmuzi:
Your real husband is down in the ocean. Check your dream life. That man is suffering from what he knows nothing about . Your inner man is not comfortable and wants u to make the mistake which is being a single parent. And once you achieve that regret sets in and it will be too late to make amends. Fight off those thoughts and draw close to God.

Invariably spirit husband dey worry her. Lol. However I must agree with you

Girlwhocares:
Please help me, I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad I will make them feel, also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant, we hardly have any conversation, we do things differently, we share different rooms, no sex for the past 3 years! Even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage I can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday, we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, I hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best, which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times, I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely, bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because I know I might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.

Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind, my heart is heavy, I need someone to talk to, I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly don't need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through a lot. All i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

You are your number one problem.

1. You are expecting him to behave like other men towards you, nothing that he does pleases you because he is not doing it like your ex

2. You are seeing another man, your ex or some one in office or having one night stand.

3. You are wicked, for making it look like the man is the problem when your feelings is still somewhere else

KVC1970:
Please go for deliverance in a Bible believing Church so that God will free you from either spirit husband or demonic influence. That's only what will free you. You're the problem not your husband

Sounds strange at times but I’ve listened to some testimonies along this line.

Am beginning to suspect this OP, have u noticed how 'self confess'spouses rush to nairaland to tell their 'heart touching ' stories.
Me I wounder what this lady expect from mere mortals on nairaland.
Your matter is in God's hands and yours too..

Meanwhile...

Call/whatsapp: 08124437736 to have all your CAC, Tax/Audit, DPR, BPP, NSITF, ITF, NIPEX, SCUML registration matters handled nationwide.

Integrity and confidentiality: our watch words

Send mail to me at astar2010@yahoo.com. so that I can communicate further on helping out. This is small for my God to handle.

Girlwhocares:
Please help me, I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad I will make them feel, also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant, we hardly have any conversation, we do things differently, we share different rooms, no sex for the past 3 years! Even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage I can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday, we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, I hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best, which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times, I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely, bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because I know I might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.

Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind, my heart is heavy, I need someone to talk to, I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly don't need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through a lot. All i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

for u r husband to stop having sex with u that long, prolly has observed you have tendency to cheat, hence he is getting it outside, and he noticed from ur attitude you never loved him but he needed a good wife. unfortunately got a woman who was forced to marrying him and not loving him.
I sense u have started cheating u because u insisted on a divorce.

Talk to God..

Girlwhocares:
Please help me, I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad I will make them feel, also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant, we hardly have any conversation, we do things differently, we share different rooms, no sex for the past 3 years! Even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage I can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday, we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, I hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best, which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times, I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely, bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because I know I might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.

Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind, my heart is heavy, I need someone to talk to, I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly don't need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through a lot. All i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

Aunty this is weakheadness!!! You deny this man of love,sex and everything a husband should get from his wife?haba! First you need to get him a woman that will give him d wasted 3years of no sex, while u listen in the other room doing whatever it is that pleases u. I think u married him because u were getting old? And there is nothing we say here that can make you change the way u feel about him.You cannot love this man again..what you can do if kneel down,applogize to him for wasting his time,then sponsor him to travel abroad so he can find love and a green card.

Girlwhocares:
Please help me, I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad I will make them feel, also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant, we hardly have any conversation, we do things differently, we share different rooms, no sex for the past 3 years! Even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage I can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday, we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, I hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best, which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times, I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely, bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because I know I might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.

Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind, my heart is heavy, I need someone to talk to, I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly don't need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through a lot. All i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

Madam sidon with your husband talk. Tell him all you are going through after all you two were friends before marriage. He endured all those years you were with your 1st love. I think he has gone through alot from the marriage and deserves the best you can wish for him. May God give you the desires of your heart.

Girlwhocares:
Please help me, I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad I will make them feel, also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant, we hardly have any conversation, we do things differently, we share different rooms, no sex for the past 3 years! Even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage I can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday, we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, I hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best, which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times, I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely, bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because I know I might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.

Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind, my heart is heavy, I need someone to talk to, I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly don't need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through a lot. All i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

Can you list out what you actually want in a man, I mean your ideal man.

Girlwhocares:
Please help me, I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad I will make them feel, also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant, we hardly have any conversation, we do things differently, we share different rooms, no sex for the past 3 years! Even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage I can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday, we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, I hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best, which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times, I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely, bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because I know I might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.

Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind, my heart is heavy, I need someone to talk to, I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly don't need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through a lot. All i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

Eh so why exactly did you say "I Do" in the first place?

You have to find something to bring the spark but it seems d spark was never there to begin with. Well, if na oyibo, they'll simply walk away cos they don't give a shit about what family or friends would say. If u got d balls which I doubt you do, simply walk away or be condemned to a life without love, romance and passion... Which is quite pathetic

golddare:


Can you list out what you actually want in a man, I mean your ideal man.

Wanna apply?