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Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. - Family (19) - Nairaland

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by SweetCunt97(f): 9:46am On Jun 01, 2020
pmoye:
Why are you particularly vexed by my post that you had to go all the way to quote me?

But for the sake of argument, the family that contributed to his/her traveling out is officially entitled to his/her wealth and he/she is duty-bound to come to their aid. And that "family" is not undefined; it doesn't mean that every tom-dick-and-harry from the extended section of that family who had not hand in his/her traveling out now by virtue of existing on the tenuous fringes of that ill-defined group of people have right to make claims.
As a man your parents and immediate family members are your responsibility whether you're home or abroad. That shouldn't be too difficult for you to understand. And if there's any friend or acquaintances who have been of help to you, then they deserving reciprocating that help. Unfortunately that doesn't extend to individuals that see you as an ATM. Individuals that are only interested in you to the extent that you send them cash. That should not be too difficult for you to understand. And if it is, sorry, I cannot help you.

OK I get you now. We thinking along d same line. I thought you meant when they abroad, they should bone everyone.
Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by Sarang(f): 9:46am On Jun 01, 2020
NoToPile:
The poster is even taking it too far abroad loun loun

Even here in naija once it is presumed you live a 'good life' - have a good job (God help you its one of those popular organization that 'pays well' ) drive a decent car, just normal things you seem to have the request starts pouring in and every body feels you are rich.

-family members

-Church members ( they will tell you to donate a huge amount)

-Even the vegetable seller on your street if you price too much she ll say madam na wa ooo you carry jeep come dey price my vegetable like that grin grin

-Everybody starts begging you for one thing or the other.

If you finally want to nail yourself go and flaunt on Facebook whether you are in abroad or naija the requests will be extended to friends acquaintances distant family.


We have this entitlement mentality.

My cousin , he should be older than me with nothing less than 20years asked my retired mum for 50k to add to house rent about 2years back, mumsie came up with 25k the dude came to her house collected the money and didn't open mouth to say thank you, mumsie didn't believe it. She told me I just laughed, she couldn't bear it she had to tell his younger sister that one said Iro ooo it's not possible, she called him and said egbon is it true somebody dashed you 25k you just collected it and left he was blabbing.

He now called mumsie and was trying to apologise, last year he got married, its family that still contributed, mumsie sponsored the food part of the wedding.

This same cousin refused to tell another cousin of mine he was getting married simply because he asked that one for money and the other cousin said he's not really boxed up presently because his daughter got admission to college of medicine and he has paid huge amount as fees, my guy lock up stopped calling the other cousin despite all he has helped him with in the past.


After this my cousin got married I sha told mumsie to be ready too, she will pay hospital bills and train pikin. Wifely gave birth this year during lockdown, they say called to rejoice I was watching, the next day it was ermm no money to discharge , its was a normal delivery ooo no complications mumsie was like what you no get money you go private hospital angry angry. You didnt know the amount they charge before ni .He now said his wife said general hospital wahala is too much she can't go through that stress. Issorait.

Mumsie vex me sef I vex join even me I didn't use private as I know quality private hospitals are pricey its General hopsitaly I jejely went for antenatal as they will have specialists too and price will not be too much.

After about one week he now called and said he was expecting that mumsie would have sent him some money, that's how mumsie para grin grin grin wella and started listing the amount of money she spent on medicines for that month that she too has expenses that who will she tell.

I was just looking at the both of them. The annoying part is that he's working.

If people can still try to collect money from a retired old woman who is now free.

The entitlement sha.

grin cheesy grin
Was funny
Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by Sterope(f): 9:47am On Jun 01, 2020
Yeah. They should keep spending low when at home too. Once people know you for who you are, they wont make silly demands.


onegig:


Exactly. Small circle, mind what you post.

I am not against people flaunting their wealth but what i have realised is that most of these requests are coming from people who think you are large and made based on your social media history.

People post pictures online claiming "new whip", "vacation in Bahamas" and so on without explaining that most of these were funded by years of savings . Don't be offended when you get numerous requests from people sending you messages to "help your boy". It's not your fault it is just the culture.
Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by Samcent: 10:01am On Jun 01, 2020
Mayflowa:


When I am in government, I am going to look for you to lead my critical projects. The guy meant no harm but adding flesh to what the OP has said. Or are they not wanting Nigerians to speak on their perspectives from Nigeria? I study in US. There are rich Nigerians here for those working with graduate degree in health and quantitative sciences, including accounting and statistics. But there are also tons of Nigerians living from hands to mouth.

Overall, it is easier to survive here even if you do mania jobs. Some people complain to much because they were asked money. If you don’t have, say you don’t have. But it will be absurd to think you won’t support your parents or siblings in Nigeria. Sometimes, some people who refused helping others benefitted the most from families and friends on their way up. For me, I prefer to send opportunities their ways. How they will take the necessary test or application for schools so they too can be here. I try to support by contributing to the test fees. Truly, I have helped a few people, family and friends, this way.

God bless you bro!

I am shocked to see comments by some vowing not to help their siblings, including the parents that brought them into this world and sent them to school.

Those that want to help, and can help, should help. Those that don't want to help should keep their help.

Like someone said, who go blow go blow.

Na God get the final say!

1 Like

Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by omonnakoda: 10:12am On Jun 01, 2020
Samcent:


God bless you bro!

I am shocked to see comments by some vowing not to help their siblings, including the parents that brought them into this world and sent them to school.

Those that want to help, and can help, should help. Those that don't want to help should keep their help.

Like someone said, who go blow go blow.

Na God get the final say!



Can you quote the person that vowed not to help their parents?

No need to tell foolish lies to advance your beggar agenda.

Nobody did that on this thread.

Go and work ,if you want to beg go to the road.if you want to rob go and get a gun

2 Likes

Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by Samcent: 10:16am On Jun 01, 2020
omonnakoda:


Can you quote the person that vowed not to help their parents?

No need to tell foolish lies to advance your beggar agenda.

Nobody did that on this thread.

Go and work ,if you want to beg go to the road.if you want to rob go and get a gun
Thanks for your advice. It's taken already.

I work and pay my bills.
Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by omonnakoda: 10:25am On Jun 01, 2020
Samcent:

Thanks for your advice. It's taken already.

I work and pay my bills.

Why do you have to lie to make your point ?painting a sentimental picture

The reality is not just to people abroad but even in Nigeria.

There is a tendency to feel

WE MUST BE EQUAL IN POVERTY
A Person is not happy if his brother takes his children abroad for holidays or sends them to private schools while his children are in public schools
His wife has a jeep and I am riding okada
The underlying idea is

HIS WEALTH IS OUR WEALTH

He must not enjoy if I am poor

once we purge ourselves of that idea there will be progress.

Nobody owes any brother or sister. If he chooses to give fine if not fine.

3 Likes

Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by Ibechris2: 11:10am On Jun 01, 2020
Prechgold1180:
Oga dey dont care about u simple
See am a benin guy my grand dad gave birth to like 20 children days if e nurr pass
16 out of the 20 are scattered all over Europe even my own grand mother travelled to France before I was born now am going close to 25

But I have not gotten help Nur any other family member in naijagotten help from any of them
I remember all through my National diploma in auchi my grand ma was only able to send me just 20k 50euro if u ask her for money she ll say she has rent to pay
My ND program was like hell cause I was always broke
I graduated from auchi I had to go into labour market with just National diploma result to gather money for my HND
Gained admission after spending 1 year hustling
I called grandma just for kill assistance she gave me same story
I blocked her number and told my mum dat I v disown her
D next week I heared she sent over a 2000 euro to my granddad for his coronation celebration




This guy funny die...e say him disown his grand mama.

Hahahhahahha
Jesu! Naija guys no go ke person.
Hope say she know say u don disown am?
Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by Mayflowa(m): 11:14am On Jun 01, 2020
omonnakoda:
Hmm,

Which one be mania job grin

Lol. I meant “menial” . You suppose know sef
Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by omonnakoda: 11:38am On Jun 01, 2020
Ibechris2:





This guy funny die...e say him disown his grand mama.

Hahahhahahha
Jesu! Naija guys no go ke person.
Hope say she know say u don disown am?
imagine the idiocy!
Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by omonnakoda: 11:39am On Jun 01, 2020
Mayflowa:


Lol. I meant “menial” . You suppose know sef
I no know book o grin grin
Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by Ibechris2: 11:42am On Jun 01, 2020
carpdiemz:



Don’t mind the op , if your uncle could go for his master degree in Australia it means you guys are from rich homes , schooling in Australia is no beans , and with the part that he came back home ; your uncle came back home bcuz he has family money or someone to fall back too , Australia is better than USA and better than some of the countries Nigerians always go for , talk of jobs there many jobs there with good pay , why won’t u pay tax are u in Nigeria ? Where u don’t pay tax , even Nigerians in Australia don’t want anyone to come and spoil it for them it’s a virgin land , pls stop deceiving people , u want to compare the standard of living in Australia to someone who has millions in Nigeria grin life span is very low here , and talk of money u can’t beat the exchange rate , how many jobs are here in Nigeria , when people say Nigeria is a land of opportunities I laugh , if you don’t have anyone to give u that opportunity my dear u will get old . Living a better life abroad is better than having millions in Nigeria and to get the millions it’s like dreaming


U are on point but,Nigeria is a land of opportunity only if u have from 10million and above even 5million can set-up to see those opportunities. I still see Nigeria as the only tax haven country in Africa.

1 Like

Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by komols856: 11:46am On Jun 01, 2020
Do you Know if the have extra money to give out. anyway,

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by efewizey(m): 12:30pm On Jun 01, 2020
Sleyanya1:


Hahaha that's so true sometimes.
The best you can do is just follow your heart and give as you're led to.

That was why i gave someone's 50naira because he said he wanted pure water. As bros see 1k notes he say make i change the money. I nearly collect my money
Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by centboy123456(m): 12:31pm On Jun 01, 2020
sunboy:

Yes you are bragging! And your exaggeration is out of this world wow!

In what state do you earn 100k and left with 40k after tax ... are they paying tax to God ? Abeg go and sit down Mr Shalaye


bro no mind them na so them dey lie

abi na the 100$ them they send for us na one faniish the money

2 Likes

Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by cooltola(m): 12:50pm On Jun 01, 2020
Sarang:


What is ajo
Ajo is when a group of 8 or 10 TRUSTED individuals come together and donate a specific amount of money together determined by the group every month or every three weeks or two weeks etc . They pick the time whose turn is to get the lump sum of money until the every individual has received his or her money. E.g Patience in January, Fred in February and so on.

3 Likes

Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by seanjy4konji: 1:53pm On Jun 01, 2020
Deh deceive yourself.

A stingy rat is always a stingy rat..

If you pound yam inside the shell of a ground but..person that would still eat from you and be satisfied would be...

A stingy rat will always be stingy. Whether with one dollar or seven million dollars.
Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by rhames: 2:08pm On Jun 01, 2020
eazzzy1:
Are you a Nigerian? do you have friends and family in diaspora or home who are doing well for themselves but will ignore your request to send money all the time? before you call them stingy or wicked, here are some of the reasons why rich friends do not give out money;

1. They don't have enough: Enough is subjective, someone can earn as much as $100,000/annum but feel he's not earning enough, some people have these dreams of being wealthy and that salary isn't sufficient to get them there. So you have a friend/relative who works in a big firm abroad, you think he's rich, he thinks he isn't earning enough. Even millionaires have needs too.

2. You are not the only one making financial demands: You think you are his best friend because you went to secondary school together and were seat mate or bunk mates in the hostel so automatically he should be predisposed to meeting your needs, well there are primary school best friends, university best friends, first love, NYSC best friends, Neighbours, uncles, aunties, brothers etc who think their request should be met too. It is impossible to meet all these needs.

3. Making financial demand is never a one time thing: I had this habit of giving money to people who ask for financial favors the first time. I thought since they never asked for such before, they must really be in need. I soon found out that after that first time they run to me whenever they need money again, sometimes they space out the request like two months, some every month etc. I then realize that the $100, $200 i send them is never going to be sufficient, they will always come back for more. So i joined the God will provide gang.

4. Yahoo boys : Not every fraudster hacks into companies accounts, or forge the accountants signature, or even find lonely older women/men to scam. Some yahoo boys have resorted to begging, they send you message of how their dad is dying in the hospital, how their sister got arrested for a crime she didn't commit and they need a lawyer bla bla, they call these lies format and once you send them money they pop champagne and call you client.

5. General realization : One day i was going through my bank statement and i noticed i gave out about $500 monthly to family and friends. The same me who will walk into H & M, see a shirt of $40 and think it's too costly. I either buy it grudgingly or wait till it's on sale to buy. I realized i wasn't taking care of myself enough. Most people will come to this realization at a point in their lives.

This thread isn't limited to just people abroad, it include people who work and earn who are home based too. How do you cope with demands?Diasporans what made you rethink your generousity?

Feel free to add yours.

How can they send you money when :

They pay weekly rent instead of annual rent and they pay the equivalent of what you pay annually in a month?

They pay more for food and clothings?

They are heavily taxed for breathing simple air?

They struggle to buy Sunday and Friday clothes to put on and be neat and even buying casual clothes is hell?

I have never sought either financial or any assistance from any of my relations abroad for anything because my own uncle spent close to thirty years there as a civil servant and retired back here in Nigeria and still receives pensions here through the UK High Commission here. He had little to show for his stay there.

I am an advocate of struggle and never of begging. When I lost my job, i sold my car and a lot of other assets and invested in shares and real estate. Today i have a business and a chartered accountant and a Ph.D. holder. Please stop begging them money. Concentrate on your talents and let it work for you and pray very very very hard to have a brakthrough in your lives.

God Bless Nigeria.

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by sunboy(m): 2:20pm On Jun 01, 2020
centboy123456:



bro no mind them na so them dey lie

abi na the 100$ them they send for us na one faniish the money

Who knows maybe his cousin was a care giver without papers sef cheesy

1 Like

Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by madridsta007(m): 2:26pm On Jun 01, 2020
kaymart:

Bro, I read your comment. Perhaps, the person do not understand how much work you put in.
I have been looking for a scholarship opportunity to study abroad but it's not forth coming. I'm a Health professional here in Lagos and on the average I earn comfortably well but I crave for international education. If you can help me with a link for scholarship I will remain grateful and indebted to you.
I anticipated your reply.
Thanks

Noted.
Well sir, I did this out of my own free volition, when I was still a PhD student and had some time to follow things up as this.
I am still in academia, now an assistant professor, hence it’s become so busy for me. I don’t have that much time. To be honest, I only come on NL to “cool off”. I’m afraid I can’t take such requests because of I can’t assure you that it will be completed. However, I have some friends at Cambridge and Toronto who have set up a mentoring scheme of some sort for Africans in Africa wanting to pursue postgraduate studies. I’ll speak to them and drop the details once I get it.
Cheers.

2 Likes

Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by centboy123456(m): 2:37pm On Jun 01, 2020
sunboy:

Who knows maybe his cousin was a care giver without papers sef cheesy

hahahah inside life
yeyeye people

2 Likes

Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by Sleyanya1(m): 3:33pm On Jun 01, 2020
efewizey:


That was why i gave someone's 50naira because he said he wanted pure water. As bros see 1k notes he say make i change the money. I nearly collect my money

Hahahaha...
Inside life grin cheesy
Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by Sleyanya1(m): 3:34pm On Jun 01, 2020
salford1:

True. Once I have a pay rise, my monthly allocation to family back home gets a top up too. smiley

You're a good guy, God bless you.

2 Likes

Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by salford1: 3:39pm On Jun 01, 2020
Sleyanya1:


You're a good guy, God bless you.
God bless you too sir.

2 Likes

Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by Nobody: 3:59pm On Jun 01, 2020
omonnakoda:
Why do you have to lie to make your point ?painting a sentimental picture

The reality is not just to people abroad but even in Nigeria.

There is a tendency to feel

WE MUST BE EQUAL IN POVERTY
A Person is not happy if his brother takes his children abroad for holidays or sends them to private schools while his children are in public schools
His wife has a jeep and I am riding okada
The underlying idea is

HIS WEALTH IS OUR WEALTH

He must not enjoy if I am poor

once we purge ourselves of that idea there will be progress.

Nobody owes any brother or sister. If he chooses to give fine if not fine.

Begging is part of our culture. We are not satisfied with what we have. We feel entitled to what doesn't belong to us because it's ours. Don't go to far, the politicians we support are part of that. Or is it our religious leaders?
It's never seen as some thing to be frowned upon.
It's like adrenaline rush.
Let's not only narrow this to family and friends. That's the Nigerian system irrespective of class.

What do we do with the money?
Enjoy life. No politician in this world enjoys life like Nigerian politicians and we enable them. We campaign and support them. Yet we are here condemning the same thing we support grin

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by Nobody: 4:00pm On Jun 01, 2020
salford1:

God bless you too sir.
Your head don swell grin

U are a good guy indeed kiss kiss
Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by covid2019: 4:03pm On Jun 01, 2020
rontolo:
A reason many people don’t have much to give abroad can sometimes be traced to a lack of financial education. People tend to ‘spend up’ as wages remuneration increases. It’s a common problem with our consumption mentality

If you haven’t already, please read the book Rich Dad Poor Dad and /or the richest man in Babylon. These are basic /starter books I read a decade ago and has been life transforming

The secret is: Spend less on consumption. Your income should come more from assets and less your job. Invest-Take advantage of historically low cost of capital to grow your asset columns.

Otherwise, the rat race the op projects will be your trap

low cost capital from where naa?
Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by salford1: 4:37pm On Jun 01, 2020
sassysure:

Your head don swell grin

U are a good guy indeed kiss kiss
grin grin
I believe you tongue
Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by Coolabbie: 5:58pm On Jun 01, 2020
rhames:


How can they send you money when :

They pay weekly rent instead of annual rent and they pay the equivalent of what you pay annually in a month?

They pay more for food and clothings?

They are heavily taxed for breathing simple air?

They struggle to buy Sunday and Friday clothes to put on and be neat and even buying casual clothes is hell?

I have never sought either financial or any assistance from any of my relations abroad for anything because my own uncle spent close to thirty years there as a civil servant and retired back here in Nigeria and still receives pensions here through the UK High Commission here. He had little to show for his stay there.

I am an advocate of struggle and never of begging. When I lost my job, i sold my car and a lot of other assets and invested in shares and real estate. Today i have a business and a chartered accountant and a Ph.D. holder. Please stop begging them money. Concentrate on your talents and let it work for you and pray very very very hard to have a brakthrough in your lives.

God Bless Nigeria.
Wow!!!

God bless you too

1 Like

Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by KoolBigk: 7:02pm On Jun 01, 2020
Chairmo! Abroad people call you every weekend to demand for money, as Dangote or Otedola wey you be grin.

If we check well, na people like you dey beg for yankee visa o! You're not in the abroad, all your assumptions about the earnings & standard of living in the abroad are baseless!
rentAcock:
Abroad people call me every weekend asking me to send money (not bragging). Many of them are frustrated over there. They work long hours including overtime but the government takes federal, state, city, social security, medicare, medicaid and disability taxes. On top of that, when they buy biscuit, they will still take sales tax. They pay exorbitant rent; those who "own" homes are locked in a loan repayment for 30yrs of which they still have to pay annual taxes for their house. Phone bill can cost over $60 per line, cable $120, internet $80 and they still pay tax on top of it. Burger and chips with soft drink can easily cost you $16 plus tax.

Sure some folks are making over $100,000 theoretically especially healthcare workers in expensive states like California and new York, but by the time they deduct all those taxes from their check, they are left with just $40,000. Then they still have to pay more taxes on every thing they buy. That's not life. It's like a rat wheel, oscillating but not making any progress. I have a cousin who was in the same situation in America, after 10yrs working as a social worker, he returned home and we started up a business. He still regrets all the years he spent slaving away in America. Today, he travels the world on vacation and visiting places he didn't even have time to visit when he was living abroad. It's not too late for Nigerians living abroad to return home; you can make it big here with less stress and you will extend your life span.

3 Likes

Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by kaymart: 7:08pm On Jun 01, 2020
madridsta007:


Noted.
Well sir, I did this out of my own free volition, when I was still a PhD student and had some time to follow things up as this.
I am still in academia, now an assistant professor, hence it’s become so busy for me. I don’t have that much time. To be honest, I only come on NL to “cool off”. I’m afraid I can’t take such requests because of I can’t assure you that it will be completed. However, I have some friends at Cambridge and Toronto who have set up a mentoring scheme of some sort for Africans in Africa wanting to pursue postgraduate studies. I’ll speak to them and drop the details once I get it.
Cheers.
OK.
Thank you for your reply.
I sincerely do appreciate

1 Like

Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by carpdiemz: 7:20pm On Jun 01, 2020
Ibechris2:



U are on point but,Nigeria is a land of opportunity only if u have from 10million and above even 5million can set-up to see those opportunities. I still see Nigeria as the only tax haven country in Africa.

You are right but I don’t want to sound negative but let me leave these here.....

Getting 10 million in Nigeria is not easy and 5 million, even 1 million not easy either, the problem with Nigeria is that we have stupid government policies that can make someone that invested 10million naira on a business to return to zero and still be in debt an example is the cancelling of Motocycles in Lagos recently which affected O pay do you know how much money the company loose? and I’m hearing they are planning to get them back on road ... nothing is certain in Nigeria , u can be up today and rerun to zero tomorrow always prepare for the worse if You plan to stay here. Other African countries don’t just change policies the way Nigeria do, it’s all wickedness, a politician can decide to withdraw some organizations license just bcuz one of his girlfriend is about to open same business ;lots of uncertainties .

4 Likes

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