From the beginning.You don't force relationship.If he/she will love you,it has to b with your baggage inclusive.most relationship where stuff like this are not disclosed have trust issues even if the marriage/relationship continues cos if you don't trust then you have nothing.

Zeinymira:

Are you ok? This has to be a new level of stupidity. Next time, read the post slowly hopefully you will get the message instead of jumping.

It only shows that not everyone who comes online come with their brains obviously.

PastorFire:
Grow up man.. There is nothing wrong in that. Mine had a kid for another man while in the relationship and we are getting married.


Too much of rules here and there makes your relationship life too toxic for a happy life.

Wait a minute!

Your girlfriend got pregnant and had a baby for another man while you two were still dating and you're going ahead to marry her?

Wow!

I'm speechless.

I hope you're prepared to raise other people's children through her cos you may have 10 kids and none would be yours eventually.

Anyway, good luck.

Immediately you introduce yourself ,...

I prefer knowing early,A child is not a curse rather a child is a blessing..

Dainy1:
What is the actual time? Immediately you met? Weeks, months after you met? Before you establish a relationship with him/her? When is the appropriate time that he/she will not get hurt nor walk away especially if they both met and love immediately?

From the moment he asks you out and you agree to date him. Tell him then

BeautifulWoman:
DON'T TELL HIM until he proposes. No man is worth knowing about your personal life unless they are willing to spend their lives with you.

The best time to tell him is the day he pops the question(proposes). The moment he does, don't say yes yet but tearfully tell him you don't deserve him or a good man like him. He will be curious and ask why. That is when you tell him. At that point, he will be sober and trying his best to show you he loves you regardless.

UPDATE: I woke up to lots of criticism as replies and I really do appreciate them all. I thought hard about your comments and I agree I was wrong all along. Thank you for changing my perceptions on 'telling all'. Nairaland is transformative if only one can absorb the jabs but take in the message. Thank you.

I had to ignore every other comments to read the replies under you comment.
You need to visit a very good and intelligent marriage councilor before you consider going into marriage with any man. You seriously need help my sister.

HeavenlyCherub:


That’s different. I was referring to men who go around having kids or women who do the same and then blame the ex to why they’re not with the children’s father.

okay

Dainy1:
You see? What if she turn out to be a nice person and you never get to discover because she told you immediately you met?

Being nice or unnice is not the problem here. A child from a previous relationship is the problem. Most guys, especially me don't like scattered families. It's not too much to ask, so don't guilt trip anyone to choose what they don't want.

The right time to tell him is the day he asks you out. Some men don't have any problem with dating or even marrying a lady who has a child already. But there are those ones who mind and you should let them know to avoid telling them things like "I thought you loved me" when they finally find out and want to leave the relationship.

Day 1, after he has seen the goodness in you. But certainly not beyond Day 1.

Anything beyond Day 1 is deception.

Hathor5:


As soon as you meet. I have seen a friend do it once when we were younger. She already had a child. We went out, two guys approached us in a bar and we started talking. She mentioned her son in the first 5 or 10 minutes of the conversation. Proudly. I was thinking to myself that this is how it is supposed to be. What is the point of hiding your child or withholding the information? To what end? For how long?

What later happened?

Right from the get-go

The earlier the better

LewsTherin:
Hang on, what's a first date supposed to be about? Isn't that where you both introduce yourselves? Tell each other the basics about yourselves? Is having a child from a previous relationship (or even still being in a previous relationship ) not a basic fact about yourself your new relationship should know about?

Except you choose to be deceptive. Then in the long run, you shouldn't complain about what happens.

You have a point and that's exactly how it should be. But going by our own culture and mentality here, I don't think any positive thing will come out from it, ten out of ten. Plain and simple. What can only work positively here is that the confessing party should wait for a little bonding before spitting it out. There's chance that it might work that way, not guaranteed.

It should be when the partner started showing real interest in you, possibly the first date so he or she should know what they are putting their hands into.



As for me I can't get serious with such girl, knowing myself I don't think I can stand it and I don't want problems like the child father later coming to disturb for his child or causing trouble by disturbing the woman and the child might later be feeling left out or maybe the child don't like me.

I no ft handle those kind stress jareh, let me know what's mine is mine thank you

Dainy1:
What is the actual time? Immediately you met? Weeks, months after you met? Before you establish a relationship with him/her? When is the appropriate time that he/she will not get hurt nor walk away especially if they both met and love immediately?

Doesn't have to be like immediately immediately you meet the person but please let the person know before you start a relationship with him/her

Your child's picture should be your screen saver that's the very first bomb you drop before genotype self

BeautifulWoman:
DON'T TELL HIM until he proposes. No man is worth knowing about your personal life unless they are willing to spend their lives with you.

The best time to tell him is the day he pops the question(proposes). The moment he does, don't say yes yet but tearfully tell him you don't deserve him or a good man like him. He will be curious and ask why. That is when you tell him. At that point, he will be sober and trying his best to show you he loves you regardless.

UPDATE: I woke up to lots of criticism as replies and I really do appreciate them all. I thought hard about your comments and I agree I was wrong all along. Thank you for changing my perceptions on 'telling all'. Nairaland is transformative if only one can absorb the jabs but take in the message. Thank you.

Lol. They have good messages, advice and the like. But would first say nasty things before making their points

all those piece of shiit of a woman coming here and be saying, a serious man, real man, true love will accept you and your said child are just piece of trash.

when you wear busying fvcking the guy and having for him, don't you think he was a real man there

if a woman has a child Before marriage, that's a bad luck in her side and no man should be responsible for any of her previous relationship leftover (child)

only a simp can go ahead and accept that piece of shiit of a woman.

By the way! if I'm in a relationship with those shiit head and she later told me about her previous leftover, that's the day all communication will cut.

no time to start fathering someone mistake. only simps those that.

and if I later know paraventure we got married (God forbid). that same week will be our divorce ceremony.

in this modern age we are. there is nothing like true love. it is give and take.

visiondee:
I will advice you to let him or her know ASAP, if not first meeting, please let the supposed admirer know during your second date, don't let any form of sex related thing even kiss to occur before you say it, never you be afraid of fear of losing supposed MR or MRS right, if he or she can't accept you for who you are, please run because there's nothing RIGHT there, also, pay close attention to the so called person even when he or she tells you no problem, see the reaction towards the child and if the so called is painting the child to the picture of both of you, if not, the pesin na chop and go. Let him or her know if there is any form of communication or not between the baby daddy because that will enable the person to know if he's making the child fully or partially his or hers' and mind you, never should you allow your past rule your present, I mean bring the bitterness or what you've passed through into the new found relationship, because that will surely determine the future. And again, put this at the back of your mind, be independent in the child upbringing, especially material things, don't ever force him or her to take the responsibility, let it come freely from the mind of your new spouse, let him or her make the conviction of I'm having the mother/father and the child as mine, once that can be done, you will see the magic of how strong the bond will be even flowing to the children you will later have. Please always put yourself in the new spouse's shoe if you are him or her, what will always be your feeling? Try never to make any difference in terms of showing the baby by action or word that he or she is not the real dad or mom. And above all, respect the new relationship, live and enjoy your life to the fullest responsibly, don't be desperate, don't judge by look (it might be deceitful), and NEVER LET YOUR PAST MISTAKE OR WHATSOEVER REPEAT ITSELF. You know yourself more... Thank you


please I sell vehicles... patronise me today #IamVisiondee

What happened to paragraphs?

virago:



Doesn't have to be like immediately immediately you meet the person but please let the person know before you start a relationship with him/her

So when does a person start a relationship? After the first date or after the fifth? 'cause i don't understand '...before you start a relationship...'

ATAKAM:
instantly.....some of us are good but made mistakes....we should consider as humans and carry on...love the kid as yours....

negative..

Dainy1:
What is the actual time? Immediately you met? Weeks, months after you met? Before you establish a relationship with him/her? When is the appropriate time that he/she will not get hurt nor walk away especially if they both met and love immediately?

take the child with you on the first date.

Hehehe... E be thingz oh

ibkayee:

Hey dear, there’s someone posing as you

Profile name is https://www.nairaland.com/safarigirI

Capital ‘i’ looks like a lowercase ‘L’. I noticed because I saw a comment he/she made about coronavirus being fake and just knew it couldn’t be you lol

Dainy1:
You mean once you met her maybe in ShopRite, you go ahead to introduce yourself and immediately include you're a father or mother of one?

Lol! No be so na baba! While the chat is getting sweet, you say wait, I just want to....

SirMichael1:
What happened to paragraphs?

They are in COVID-19 Isolation centre sir

Now.

TripleOh7:


Wait a minute!

Your girlfriend got pregnant and had a baby for another man while you two were still dating and you're going ahead to marry her?

Wow!

I'm speechless.

I hope you're prepared to raise other people's children through her cos you may have 10 kids and none would be yours eventually.

Anyway, good luck.

The said child is already with her father and for good.

I dey the same page with u..
Wey pretty Ladies full every..I go come dey manage the one wey don born for house...Its a Pure no no for me..
In my early years,I once met a gal ,pick her up for our first date from school,got talking,she mentioned she had a kid,
I dont over react,kept my cool,dropped her off..and that it's the end,we never saw again..though till date we chat once in a while..her boy is over 13 years now..for mostly of my igbo brothers..To the Yorubas,I guess it doesn't matter much..they see it as a test of fertility..so I was told..

One4me:



You have to tell me as early as we start showing interest in each other.
Once you tell me, l will stay away from you like leprosy!
I am not going to be saddled with someone's leftover and responsibility.
If you want to have a child with someone, please be prepared to marry them.
Life is too complicated, to add another level of eternal complication to it.

Anyway, that is just me sha.

From the onset.

dingbang:
If I were the guy you are seeing, I'd appreciate you tell me at the onset. Left for me to decide whether or not to continue

Exactly. Being open from onset goes a long way to fortify the relationship. A lady being secretive/telling lies is a huge turnoff.

Dainy1:
What is the actual time? Immediately you met? Weeks, months after you met? Before you establish a relationship with him/her? When is the appropriate time that he/she will not get hurt nor walk away especially if they both met and love immediately?

Before meeting for any date, let the person know!