FanOfMyself:

You are letting your emotions get the better of you. He didn't just leave her just like that. The bolded shows that you are not a logical thinking human being. Nonsense!

Na dem dem

Always moved by emotion

Logic is not in their dictionary

Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise.

This is where I get angry at ladies and parents that force in-laws to do elaborate church wedding that doesn't protect them or their daughters when what they should be pushing for is court wedding.

I have had serious arguments with ladies who insist that they cannot marry a man that insist that there will be no white wedding.

Whenever I hear a girl say that or their parents say that I shake my head and marvel at their ignorance.

I lost a good friend of mine because of her abusive husband. This man so tortured her emotionally and ended up sending her packing empty handed after years of labouring and suffering with the man, he decided that she wasn't good enough when money came.

My friend went back to her parents house empty and died from frustration after 5yrs.

I remember their elaborate white and traditional marriage all for nothing since her experience I vowed never to allow my daughters marry any man that is not willing to bind the marriage legally.

To hell with white wedding, you can skip it but you must go-to marriage registry and seal the union with my daughters.

Earlier we realize that it is only the court that protects wife's right in the country the better. An average Nigerian man is domineering and has the tendencies that traditional men have.

Abusive and egocentric like what we watch in nollywood where at the slightest provocation the man throws the lady's bags out shouting leave my house, at slightest provocation he hits her, at slightest provocation in-laws meddle in their lives. The court brings checks and balances.

If you misbehave there are consequences both the man and the woman must behave themselves and make their home work else there is a law waiting to punish the guilty party.

My sister, as I read your post, my spirit just dey cry inside me, because I understand wetin you dey go through.

Make you take courage o, because, as long as life dey, hope dey also.

Dat thing wey make your husband to leave, e dey so terrible ni? You no get person wey im respect, wey fit talk to am? Reconciliation no dey possible?

If no hope of reconciliation, den make you begin concentrate on yourself, your child, and your work or business. With time, you go forget dat your ex-husband and find your feet.

Nothing dey new under the sun. No feel too bad about de situation.

I pray make our heavenly Papa give you im own strength, comfort and help, in Jesus' Name.

Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise.

Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise.

Did you cheat?
If yes, you deserve whatever you going through and even WORSE.
THAT'S ONE OF THE REASONS PEACE IS NEVER AN OPTION.

You didn’t tell us the circumstances that led to your divorce.
Men don’t usually just abandon their kids, especially sons. Maybe he has reasons to doubt the child’s paternity. Or you hurt him so badly, he transferred some of the dislike for you to the child/
Anyway ignore the facade of him moving on. Divorce is usually not easy on both man & woman. For a man, it is difficult, but doable. We just find another woman or hobby to occupy our mind.
For a woman looking to move on and get another man to wife her, I am sorry, but you are a bit fvcked… especially with another man’s child with you. You will always be on the defensive to keep the next man in your life.
We men don’t want to have to take care of another man’s child or share your affection with a child that isn’t ours. You may be on a long journey to men who may continually use and dumb you, because they will be reluctant to comit. You can date, but to find another man to wife you will be difficult.
You may have to settle for a man lower in value than you want & you MUST NEVER let him feel you settled for him, otherwise he will be gone too.

Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise.

are you from ihiala?

crackhaus:

What she's trying to say in between all those sentences is that NOTHING was her fault.

All this gender know how to lie , I never believed them. Me too I have this issue. With my wife she left me we have 4 children 20 good year of been together she live with me 3 children , she mess up with adultery , she put the blame on me that i didn’t take care of the family

Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise.

Madam, I had to go through several of your topics to have a better understanding of your situation.

I think you should grant the divorce and move on. There is a lot of mess already and a peaceful divorce is very necessary to maintain sanity on both sides and for the child to suffer less.

Look for another man to love, this one is gone.

Also learn from your failures in this marriage so you can prevent a repeat in future.

I remembered my guy saw some post of his ex on quora 2018 when making some randy search. If you see what this woman wrote about my guy, you will hate men and the comments that comes with it.. This woman frustrated my guy to the extend he lost his job, his relationship with friends and family, his business, his peace, moves him far away from what he really loves doing , when he couldnt take it anymore with her disrespect and her manipulation, he moved on leaving stuffs from his business to her, wandered around for almost three years and now my guy is doing fine, the lady still out there looking out for ways to once in a while reach him, he recently even gave room to see if she changed, but mehn, women hardly change. How can you put it on the social media lies and lies about a man that took you as his very own. Men, look out for someone with respect, someone who can communicate general growth, 4get if she smokes or living that kind of high life, If she got respect, loyalty and can breathe (communicate) growth - man, she's the real deal.

Dufil:

If you want a different feeling, try a different thing. Discreetly have fun and avoid stories about your husband. Open your ears legs to something new and you will get over it in the shortest time. I'm based in Ibadan.

I am based in Gaza

Chiquitq:
I've been there. Not divorced but separated. It's been over 6yrs. It was easy despite that the relationship was extremely toxic. I mourned for the wasted time and abuse tolerated. I was bitter about financial and material things lost in the course of the union. I was distraught by the embarrassments and insults metted out to my family and friends. I relocated to a new city and started totally afresh with my children. Got a job and started a business.
The man that I was married to was the evil of the earth and a fraudster and womanizer. To top it all, he was grossly manipulative. Being extremely manipulative made it hard for me to leave early or even set boundaries thoroughly.

When you say this your husband left suddenly, I believe you totally. He might be a narcissistic. sociopath. That's what he did to all the women he dated during our marriage. Many did not know he was married. He would promise them heaven, use them and disappear suddenly from their lives. Read more about narcissists.

Don't be in a hurry to remarry and if you date again, don't be in a hurry to procreate. I chose celibacy as a means to be totally free and live my best life. I have concluded that all relationships are challenging judging by other people's experiences and mine. On few occasions, one may be lucky but I'm too lazy to and lack motivation to try again. That works for me but it might not work for you.
Find a hobby and most importantly, improve on your finances and network. You would be fine in the end. Many nights, you would have flashbacks of events and be bitter but time would do justice. Try to have as little contact with him as possible. If he wants to speak to his son, doesn't have to be through your phone. Don't allow him to Hoover his way back into your life because he would just hurt you a second time. Stop listening to gist about him. It would help you to move on.

Easy

Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise.

Please tell us the full story. It is not that I do not believe.

Realashbobby:


Financially, I am not missing him the highest I get from him was 25k monthly after we had a son last year. If that is what your dirty mind is thinking.

I am not missing him sexually, it's just that I can't imagine myself getting down with another man.
It's somehow to me. I will rather remain celibate.

I feel ur pain my sister.if he isn't initiating the call.u call give him the call ooo.Devil is always out there to spoil things by giving each party more reason to leave until either or both parties face the realities out there.

If you are fortunate to have very enlightened and wise parents they will always advice you to spot red flags at the early stage of courtship.

The bitter truth is that no one heals totally from a divorce. I mean no one !

Happy marriages is the main target of the Devil himself.

The devil knows that the pain, regret, hurt, ailments and social deviance that comes with divorce is excruciating.

Studies from cardiologist reveal that aside from lifestyle and genetics, divorced people without a dedicated workplan have the highest prevelence of developing HBP.

The western world respected the African system of marriage as it was hierarchial and harmonious.

However, modernisation and westernization have altered the balance of the marriage structure.

In summary, it's better to have a broken relationship than a broken marriage as every party ends up getting hurt.

dealslip:


You don't need a wife, what you need is a house girl.

U need ur head to be checked. Na that stup*d notion carry go ur unfortunate husband house. I should go and buy food chop abi sex because no be house help i marry abi?
This is Africa, copy everything, na una papa house house una go alright.

I like your courage, dear. Be strong.

Chiquitq:
I've been there. Not divorced but separated. It's been over 6yrs. It was easy despite that the relationship was extremely toxic. I mourned for the wasted time and abuse tolerated. I was bitter about financial and material things lost in the course of the union. I was distraught by the embarrassments and insults metted out to my family and friends. I relocated to a new city and started totally afresh with my children. Got a job and started a business.
The man that I was married to was the evil of the earth and a fraudster and womanizer. To top it all, he was grossly manipulative. Being extremely manipulative made it hard for me to leave early or even set boundaries thoroughly.

When you say this your husband left suddenly, I believe you totally. He might be a narcissistic. sociopath. That's what he did to all the women he dated during our marriage. Many did not know he was married. He would promise them heaven, use them and disappear suddenly from their lives. Read more about narcissists.

Don't be in a hurry to remarry and if you date again, don't be in a hurry to procreate. I chose celibacy as a means to be totally free and live my best life. I have concluded that all relationships are challenging judging by other people's experiences and mine. On few occasions, one may be lucky but I'm too lazy to and lack motivation to try again. That works for me but it might not work for you.
Find a hobby and most importantly, improve on your finances and network. You would be fine in the end. Many nights, you would have flashbacks of events and be bitter but time would do justice. Try to have as little contact with him as possible. If he wants to speak to his son, doesn't have to be through your phone. Don't allow him to Hoover his way back into your life because he would just hurt you a second time. Stop listening to gist about him. It would help you to move on.

I don't believe all U have said.....
U are saying U are the saint in the union

[quote author=Realashbobby post=96461928]Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

You will be fine by God's grace

Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise.

Do a deep assessment of the possible cause(s) of the divorce. Take steps to improve and develop yourself better. Remove hate and bitterness from your mind and be hopeful for the best.
Live with a happy mindset and you will find a man that will love you as you are. Don't stress him with issues from your past relationship. With time everything will be okay. And train your son to be very respectful and studious
All the best. Run from lazy gigolos!

[they will not say what they did that made the man to leave oh. U obviously did something wrong that made him seek for divorce.
quote author=Realashbobby post=96461928]Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise. [/quote]

Chiquitq:
I've been there. Not divorced but separated. It's been over 6yrs. It was easy despite that the relationship was extremely toxic. I mourned for the wasted time and abuse tolerated. I was bitter about financial and material things lost in the course of the union. I was distraught by the embarrassments and insults metted out to my family and friends. I relocated to a new city and started totally afresh with my children. Got a job and started a business.
The man that I was married to was the evil of the earth and a fraudster and womanizer. To top it all, he was grossly manipulative. Being extremely manipulative made it hard for me to leave early or even set boundaries thoroughly.

When you say this your husband left suddenly, I believe you totally. He might be a narcissistic. sociopath. That's what he did to all the women he dated during our marriage. Many did not know he was married. He would promise them heaven, use them and disappear suddenly from their lives. Read more about narcissists.

Don't be in a hurry to remarry and if you date again, don't be in a hurry to procreate. I chose celibacy as a means to be totally free and live my best life. I have concluded that all relationships are challenging judging by other people's experiences and mine. On few occasions, one may be lucky but I'm too lazy to and lack motivation to try again. That works for me but it might not work for you.
Find a hobby and most importantly, improve on your finances and network. You would be fine in the end. Many nights, you would have flashbacks of events and be bitter but time would do justice. Try to have as little contact with him as possible. If he wants to speak to his son, doesn't have to be through your phone. Don't allow him to Hoover his way back into your life because he would just hurt you a second time. Stop listening to gist about him. It would help you to move on.

Many of you usually blind by lust, pressure or material things, before marriage, what u cannot take in marriage do not take it during relationship.

A guy or lady who is narccsist , did he/she suddenly become a narccsist after marriage.

Life goes on

FanOfMyself:

You are letting your emotions get the better of you. He didn't just leave her just like that. The bolded shows that you are not a logical thinking human being. Nonsense!

take it or leave it, some women doesn’t deserved to be loved, many of them are meant to be used and dumped. They are mostly meant to be down, put them up, they will slip away

gucci20:
■ It's not easy though, loneliness kills faster than anything. But, still trying to look for that right woman.

Marriage is not a cure for loneliness. In fact, one of the worst kinds of loneliness is the kind people suffer in marriage surrounded by spouse and kids..

mariahAngel:


What went wrong that could not be fixed?
People don't just leave their loved (or once loved) ones and never look back.
Something serious must've happened.

Sometimes people leave because they have found another person not because their former isn't a good spouse. You may be thinking that one spouse may be bad before the other moves away until you know of someone that has been good & you will begin to wonder why people throw away Gold to look for nonsense. The reason being that life is not usually fair

Mysteriousworld:

Woman don break my heart before... Never again.. I dont mean to judge, but i realized that lack of submission by women is the problem with most marriages...
They want to eat their cake and still have it...
Just honor him and see him love you.
The bible tells the woman to first submit... Then the man should love... Thats because the love automatically comes when shes submissive ...(exemption of some werey men)

All this na the regular meaningless storyland. Again, I hope you feel the same exact way when a woman up and abandons a man in marriage as OP claims to have been abandoned.

Sorry to hear about op's issues but in marriage situations, we must never just hear one side of a story.

We once dealt with an issue in a marriage where the woman painted the man as the devil. This same woman can spend over one hour saying how the man wronged her.

The man on the other hand simply stated that the woman's provocative behaviour was the cause of the marriage issues. He also gave examples of each occasion that he had reacted to which the woman had no comeback except to jump to another issue where she had been wronged.

We begged the woman to ease up on the anger and disrespectful words to no avail. Apparently we were trying to cheat her. Sadly also she had a couple of friends that were pushing her to continue to "not be a fool to her husband" when cool heads was all that was needed.

Fast forward a few years and they have gone their separate ways. The woman has now fought with her friends claiming they destroyed her marriage and her bitterness continues till today. The man too was also sad about the end of the marriage but realised it was for the best.

Guess which of the two is codedly trying to get back with the other as they are both still single after all this time?

Mysteriousworld:


The problem with women is that they wont listen while the man was warning them... Change or ill.....
Women just believe you're trapped because you married them... Now its too late... Remember how you argued with him, remember how unsubmissive you were while he was warning you... Even begging you to honor him , or at least mot disrespect him... Its well. May you find yours.

In fact, I gave u 70%. Apart from beasts in man form, several times, wives are the one who make marriage toxic, several of such attitudes u highlighted up thr.

when the husband final left, it would now down on them, that, no man can take care of another man's kids like him, and that, ...... other side not always greener as they thought.

Several emotional abusives they normally subjected man to, they won't mention it but claiming victims as usual.

Just look at the single mother of 4 kids that her story was posted on front page , which she wanted to leave her husband for reasons which are not solid enough, if she stepps out and latter realises her foolish action, she would still blame man and exonorate herself.

Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise.

I just read how your divorce came about and I feel really sad that it happened and its already done and dusted.

At this point I think you need to consider being open to start a new relationship. But you need to learn a good lesson from your former marriage. From your story on the other thread it appears you had a good man who really loved you and you had loved him too but poor communication and pride from both of you messed things up for you guys.

Unfortunately you seem to be the only one in deep regrets. I mentioned in your divorce thread that I have a good marriage with a real woman. However it not like we've never had issues. Based on our simplicity and good communication we've only had one major misunderstanding in our 11 years of relationship. It was as serious that we could have separated. That was about 5 years ago and it marked a turning point in our relationship. My wife now knows the boundary not to cross and I also know what to let go, so we have much more peace.

While it would have been a really tough one I believe you should have joined your husband in Lagos and look at transferring your school program. If you people did lot allow pride to kill communication you could have discussed it and found a way forward in that direction so that it doesn't hurt your academics. At worst if you can really trust your husband then you could have abandoned the program if you can't transfer. Its just unfortunate that some men can let you down and make you regret sacrificial decisions you made

A divorced woman can Never speak good about her Ex.
Always bitter and put the whole blame on him because he is not around to defend himself.
That was how One divorced bitterd woman almost forced herself and daughter on me. She wanted me to marry her by force but doesn't want to tell the truth about what she did to her ex husband before he left.
She moves around with older men old enough to Father her and you want me to marry you so that you can continue with your lifestyle that made your ex leave. Men before you marry any woman, please research well. Dating and marriage are two different things ooo. It is when you enter into marriage you will see the true nature of the person you married.

Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise.

Do you mind sharing the cause of the breakup
It will help

akaahs:

U need ur head to be checked. Na that stup*d notion carry go ur unfortunate husband house. I should go and buy food chop abi sex because no be house help i marry abi?
This is Africa, copy everything, na una papa house house una go alright.

I won't descend so low to marry a man that reasons like you. Aren't you worried your wife is not excited about sex with you? Women's sexual need are stimulated emotionally and it's obvious you are not emotionally intelligent so you will continue to abuse her emotion and expect her to be all wet for you. After 15 years, our marriage is even sweeter and I will do anything for a man that is empathetic towards me. Person say he no dey alright to cook and you still want her to fry egg. No be cooking egg be. Selfish man