Flesh10:



This is where I get angry at ladies and parents that force in-laws to do elaborate church wedding that doesn't protect them or their daughters when what they should be pushing for is court wedding.

I have had serious arguments with ladies who insist that they cannot marry a man that insist that there will be no white wedding.

Whenever I hear a girl say that or their parents say that I shake my head and marvel at their ignorance.

I lost a good friend of mine because of her abusive husband. This man so tortured her emotionally and ended up sending her packing empty handed after years of labouring and suffering with the man, he decided that she wasn't good enough when money came.

My friend went back to her parents house empty and died from frustration after 5yrs.

I remember their elaborate white and traditional marriage all for nothing since her experience I vowed never to allow my daughters marry any man that is not willing to bind the marriage legally.

To hell with white wedding, you can skip it but you must go-to marriage registry and seal the union with my daughters.

Earlier we realize that it is only the court that protects wife's right in the country the better. An average Nigerian man is domineering and has the tendencies that traditional men have.

Abusive and egocentric like what we watch in nollywood where at the slightest provocation the man throws the lady's bags out shouting leave my house, at slightest provocation he hits her, at slightest provocation in-laws meddle in their lives. The court brings checks and balances.

If you misbehave there are consequences both the man and the woman must behave themselves and make their home work else there is a law waiting to punish the guilty party.

What's correlation of wedding with story u narrated? Hope u re not a toxic man oo? A man who will never shift his ground?

Such a man will have problem in marriage, and his marriage failure has nothing to do with "wedding, his own personal behaviour cause marriage failure.

Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise.

For the fact that you still think about him shows that the reason for the divorce wasn't from him.

So, I advise you take time to focus on yourself and child while working on yourself to ensure you build up characters if need be to ensure your next relationship works fine.

Tzar:
You didn’t tell us the circumstances that led to your divorce.
Men don’t usually just abandon their kids, especially sons. Maybe he has reasons to doubt the child’s paternity. Or you hurt him so badly, he transferred some of the dislike for you to the child/
Anyway ignore the facade of him moving on. Divorce is usually not easy on both man & woman. For a man, it is difficult, but doable. We just find another woman or hobby to occupy our mind.
For a woman looking to move on and get another man to wife her, I am sorry, but you are a bit fvcked… especially with another man’s child with you. You will always be on the defensive to keep the next man in your life.
We men don’t want to have to take care of another man’s child or share your affection with a child that isn’t ours. You may be on a long journey to men who may continually use and dumb you, because they will be reluctant to comit. You can date, but to find another man to wife you will be difficult.
You may have to settle for a man lower in value than you want & you MUST NEVER let him feel you settled for him, otherwise he will be gone too.

Lol this your mind set of a woman not finding another man of her choice because she has children is false & I guess you're from SE.
My having something to do in SS has changed my views or opinions about man & woman matters.
A woman with 4 children in SS can marry a brand new man of her choice.
Please bro stop living in the past cos things have changed

Just like someone shared how a neighbour in the SE was dating/ sleeping with his kinsmen wives & this led to a fight in his house between the two married women & not minding that their husbands might divorce each of them.
Bro women are behaving like men so any man, any woman that was or is fortunate to marry a responsible spouse should love & cherish him or her, this's my candid advice.

Fiscus105:



What's correlation of wedding with story u narrated? Hope u re not a toxic man oo.

Shut up. If it was a court marriage they had that man dared not abandon her and the kids.

You have brain but don't reason

If he has not been taken, message him

dealslip:

I won't descend so low to marry a man that reasons like you. Aren't you worried your wife is not excited about sex with you? Women's sexual need are stimulated emotionally and it's obvious you are not emotionally intelligent so you will continue to abuse her emotion and expect her to be all wet for you. After 15 years, our marriage is even sweeter and I will do anything for a man that is empathetic towards me. Person say he no dey alright to cook and you still want her to fry egg. No be cooking egg be. Selfish man

Mtchwwww, we know ur type not be only 15 years, na 50 yrs.
Bunch of manipulative species.

Saccharne:
NL is the most toxic place to seek for advise if you're a woman so take everything written here with a pinch of salt
6
Prepare to be blamed, await the righteous crew, the ashawo crew, the women are evil crew, the 'I'm afraid to marry crew,all women are liars crew, the prayer crew and the fight for your home crew

In as much that you're very Correct with this your claim... I'll still resolve to the fact that: it'll be dumb of her if she can't find a true advise from the combination of all the advices from this different spheres of people

akaahs:

Mtchwwww, we know ur type not be only 15 years, na 50 yrs.
Bunch of manipulative species.

No wonder your wife has stopped loving you. You believe everyone's life revolves around you. You find it strange people can be married for 15 years because you don't see your self in that place.

Women always suffering psychological damage after divorce.
As long as a man does not suffer financial impact, divorce is a huge freedom for men in the hands of toxic women

Kobojunkie:
I hope you feel this same way when it is the woman who up and abandons the man in marriage instead.

sure my wife abandoned me too and left for months now simply because I requested her submission and respect. You see any woman with a sharp mouth is doing herself more harm than good...

Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise.

please tell us the truth, what did you do to him??

Mysteriousworld:

Woman don break my heart before... Never again.. I dont mean to judge, but i realized that lack of submission by women is the problem with most marriages...
They want to eat their cake and still have it...
Just honor him and see him love you.
The bible tells the woman to first submit... Then the man should love... Thats because the love automatically comes when shes submissive ...(exemption of some werey men)

you deserve a chilled cocktail with Mexican pizza

Mysteriousworld:


The problem with women is that they wont listen while the man was warning them... Change or ill.....
Women just believe you're trapped because you married them... Now its too late... Remember how you argued with him, remember how unsubmissive you were while he was warning you... Even begging you to honor him , or at least mot disrespect him... Its well. May you find yours.

That's the Koko.

Women never listen or at best always underestimate their husbands.

Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise.

Tell us the whole story. Titbits won't cut it

Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise.

Let me be your toy, I can help you forget him

I don't have this experience, but I think the logical thing to do, if I was in that situation, will be to go through the motions now, - when I am by myself during this period, I will reminisce on the good and bad that my brain can muster, - i will cry if e reach like that, but I will quickly do a personal reinforcement.

I will hone in on my plans, go with the daily motions. I will try not to remain a wreck - easier said than done - especially if your lifestyle is going to degrade financially and if he was a great assistance like helpful with things - say if he was the one that drove you everywhere; basically if outside of finance or sex, he did something(s) that you can do, but since he's not around now, it will extend your doing times. If so, adjust to that reality.


Don't sob for too long. If your child gets too inquisitive, tell him/her what happened without bashing the other partner. Prepare your child or children of the upcoming adjustments. But don't stay in the helpless mode.

Try to survive and live. Keep your mind sharp and not bogged down with worries. As of today, nobody go live reach 150. So, appreciate everyday. Is easy for me or anyone to say, but the aim is to be on that mindset track. It will bring you glow. That glow will open more doors for you. That clear mind will help you and others around you.


Your husband/wife might get cold feet or see reality and come back better, if so, you reassess, and see if it will work for you.


Am no expert or have the blueprint on how to navigate times like these, but am sure there are numerous ways you can muster courage, and face your reality.

Goodluck

aswani:
Sorry to hear about op's issues but in marriage situations, we must never just hear one side of a story.

We once dealt with an issue in a marriage where the woman painted the man as the devil. This same woman can spend over one hour saying how the man wronged her.

The man on the other hand simply stated that the woman's provocative behaviour was the cause of the marriage issues. He also gave examples of each occasion that he had reacted to which the woman had no comeback except to jump to another issue where she had been wronged.

We begged the woman to ease up on the anger and disrespectful words to no avail. Apparently we were trying to cheat her. Sadly also she had a couple of friends that were pushing her to continue to "not be a fool to her husband" when cool heads was all that was needed.

Fast forward a few years and they have gone their separate ways. The woman has now fought with her friends claiming they destroyed her marriage and her bitterness continues till today. The man too was also sad about the end of the marriage but realised it was for the best.

Guess which of the two is codedly trying to get back with the other as they are both still single after all this time?

let me guess wrongly.the man sir

Most women never learn.they allow friends to push them until she leaves the husband house and she there after face the reality when it's almost or already late

Exceed15:


I see why he left you.

You dey mind those bitches. They get married and bring in feminist attitude and expect not to be served hot breakfast. Men now have very short fuse for nonsense from their disrespectful wives. No need to shout or hit them. After just two warnings, send her packing.

Flesh10:


Shut up. If it was a court marriage they had that man dared not abandon her and the kids.

You have brain but don't reason

If u married, i pity the woman in your house, .. ...."for she married one of beasts in man form. Such woman only leaving in bondage called marriage.

Meanwhile, why should you even married with mindset that the marriage will not last.

Anyway, I have diagnosed and also told you, ur problem in my last comment.

Bye.

Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise.

It is never going to be easy. You'll need to apply yourself more to your job/business. It is a positive distraction.

Realashbobby:


Financially, I am not missing him the highest I get from him was 25k monthly after we had a son last year. If that is what your dirty mind is thinking.

I am not missing him sexually, it's just that I can't imagine myself getting down with another man.
It's somehow to me. I will rather remain celibate.

Just give the full story without being bias so that every body can understand.

Sometimes I feel for good women who got married to the wrong men. Only good women o.

ozo13:
let me guess wrongly.the man sir

Most women never learn.they allow friends to push them until she leaves the husband house and she there after face the reality when it's almost or already late

You might not be wrong

An aside to the story is one of these so called friends is also facing shege in her house but guess what, she is tolerating her own and going through reconciliation without telling her friends.

You need to move on my dear sister.. The lord is ur strenght contact me on 08037782248 if u like me let's move on start new life

Realashbobby:


Financially, I am not missing him the highest I get from him was 25k monthly after we had a son last year. If that is what your dirty mind is thinking.

I am not missing him sexually, it's just that I can't imagine myself getting down with another man.
It's somehow to me. I will rather remain celibate.

Lucky you, my sister left a 10 years marriage with two kids. She never got 25k in all the 10 years of marriage. She was responsible for housing, in fact built one, feeding, school fees, homes running, husband parents Christmas gifts, all sort. On top, the man only eat fresh soup, he womanizes, and has no support to give, uses my sister car to carry his concubines, no support at home, not even financially now. He is also a wife beater.

So, madam, not justifying that amount you are given monthly, but you are even luckier than some, even 100s of women out there.

My friend said, the reason she left was the beating, it was too much and heavy infections. Guy man was literally a dog, patronize brothels sometimes.

Newborn27:
Hmmmmmmmm


Dear Op,
My only advice for you is to make sure you're always busy...get your hands on something productive to make ends meet for yourself and son.

Watch the kind of company you keep... avoid downers and be optimistic.
If it were meant to be...he wouldn't have left irrespective of what might have transpired amidst you.

Appreciate your son... work on yourself...step up in every facet of life and be very careful going into another relationship in haste..... they've gotten nothing to offer than few minutes sex and cash... your son wouldn't be proud seeing you exchanging men.


Give it time... you'd overcome and attract the best man and things life had In store for you.


I wish you all the best Sis.

@bolded
This is the reason why women will continue to crash their marriages with eyes wide open and run to SM to lament.
"He wouldn't have left irrespective of what transpired amidst you" - including toxicity and infidelity?

That means that you ladies really think that the metalware you exchanged with your men on wedding day performs the same role as a handcuff. Unfortunately, those men you wrongly thought were in chains under your captivity can now break loose even before you could wink.

Realashbobby:


Financially, I am not missing him the highest I get from him was 25k monthly after we had a son last year. If that is what your dirty mind is thinking.

I am not missing him sexually, it's just that I can't imagine myself getting down with another man.
It's somehow to me. I will rather remain celibate.

Time heals everything. Be strong

If you are spiritually sound enough. You should know by now that a woman that leaves you wouldn’t want for you to make it after she has left you. You need to be prayerful and work hard and smart

Nisland:
Haaaaa you remember me again.my wife dirvoice me 9 years ago.and am still single till now but this year am just getting back to myself and for another spouse.its not easy my brother I face so many chanlleng.

Kobojunkie:
I hope you feel this same way when it is the woman who up and abandons the man in marriage instead.

“Life Is Short. Make Sure You Spend As Much Time As Possible on the Internet Arguing with Strangers.”

dealslip:

This is so apt!! To be honest Nairaland has the highest number of foolish people on a forum. I have been on Nairaland for almost 17 years and I saw it descend from an intellectual forum to a cesspool of filth, toxic and extremely foolish forum.

What did you do to stem the descent? You were just watching the descent and now turn around to complain.

dealslip:


You don't need a wife, what you need is a house girl.

You are right. That's why house girls now snatch madam's husband and elevate their status to wife, while reducing their madams' status to mere side chick.

dealslip:


You don't need a wife, what you need is a house girl.

Another future divorcee. If you don't give him enough sex, you don't cook for him, you don't wash his cloth- occasionally, you don't off his jacket or do those little loving things or even put warm or cold water in the bathroom for him to freshen up, after a days job, WHAT HOLD or BOND DO YOU HAVE ON HIM? The marriage certificate? That paper?

You said he doesn't need a wife but house girl, but you expect him to solve all financial problem, may be women also don't need a man or husband, they just need a bank.

Keep praying to see if God will bring back your husbdand because from the look of things you now.appreciate him after he left and felt pained because he care-less about you . The day a woman knows she got what it takes to conquer her husbdand, that will mark the end of trouble in her home . If all you believe is what a man can do ,a woman can do better then there can't be peace at the home front.
- Never say never, allow your emotional wound to be healed before contemplating any relationship. In any case,if he refuses to look for you ,try to let him know his child is missing him.. He must be there for the little baby and from there God will take total control .. When things become normal again,come back and give.us your testimony on this page . Good luck