Chiquitq:
I've been there. Not divorced but separated. It's been over 6yrs. It was easy despite that the relationship was extremely toxic. I mourned for the wasted time and abuse tolerated. I was bitter about financial and material things lost in the course of the union. I was distraught by the embarrassments and insults metted out to my family and friends. I relocated to a new city and started totally afresh with my children. Got a job and started a business.
The man that I was married to was the evil of the earth and a fraudster and womanizer. To top it all, he was grossly manipulative. Being extremely manipulative made it hard for me to leave early or even set boundaries thoroughly.

When you say this your husband left suddenly, I believe you totally. He might be a narcissistic. sociopath. That's what he did to all the women he dated during our marriage. Many did not know he was married. He would promise them heaven, use them and disappear suddenly from their lives. Read more about narcissists.

Don't be in a hurry to remarry and if you date again, don't be in a hurry to procreate. I chose celibacy as a means to be totally free and live my best life. I have concluded that all relationships are challenging judging by other people's experiences and mine. On few occasions, one may be lucky but I'm too lazy to and lack motivation to try again. That works for me but it might not work for you.
Find a hobby and most importantly, improve on your finances and network. You would be fine in the end. Many nights, you would have flashbacks of events and be bitter but time would do justice. Try to have as little contact with him as possible. If he wants to speak to his son, doesn't have to be through your phone. Don't allow him to Hoover his way back into your life because he would just hurt you a second time. Stop listening to gist about him. It would help you to move on.

So this is you Benny using another Monika.. I will write a book about our separation cus you choose to leave the marriage yourself

Amumaigwe:


What did you do to stem the descent? You were just watching the descent and now turn around to complain.

In your mind now I can control the action of people who sign on a platform I don't own. That's why there are moderators. You guys call your self Gen Z and are very opinionated. You guys are the perilous generation the bible is talking about - selfish to the t, hateful, lovers of pleasure rather than God

femmoy:



No reasonable man will marry you except unfortunate one,with this your belief/attitude.

After 15 years of marriage 😂😂

🤣🤣🤣🤣 the thing pain una. If you become a tenth of who my husband is, You have made it in life. All this Mummy's boy that don't know what it means to be a man and a correct husband. What do we do to you? You and the girls of this generation, you all fit each other

femmoy:



Did you call 2012 till now 17yrs?

I had one account with the moniker totalabi which I opene in 2006 but forgot the password and couldn't reset the password due to glitches then.

Idaytesj29:


Another future divorcee. If you don't give him enough sex, you don't cook for him, you don't wash his cloth- occasionally, you don't off his jacket or do those little loving things or even put warm or cold water in the bathroom for him to freshen up, after a days job, WHAT HOLD or BOND DO YOU HAVE ON HIM? The marriage certificate? That paper?

You said he doesn't need a wife but house girl, but you expect him to solve all financial problem, may be women also don't need a man or husband, they just need a bank.

Did he tell you he is the one solving her financial problem? The mistake you all make is thinking marriage is about cooking, washing clothes and sex. and getting financial rewards for doing all that. All those things don't make marriage. If he is married to Beyonce or Serena Williams who go on tours everytime - do you think financial rewards is all he can provide them in exchange for them doing the house chores. You guys should step up and reason with the mindset of an advanced human being. Poverty too full una mind. Imagine still putting hot water in the bathroom when there is water heater.

Amumaigwe:


You are right. That's why house girls now snatch madam's husband and elevate their status to wife, while reducing their madams' status to mere side chick.

Na since Abraham time and Jacob time house girls dey elevate. Na the tribe of men dey disloyal to their wife. Sarah called Abraham Lord still he sleep with Hagar. Some men, even if you handover your two eyes to them, they will stray. They have no control of their libido. Despite David being King feared by everyone, he still go carry another man wife. No be matter of house girl snatching Madam husband. If a man is useless, he is useless period

Osanoghodua1:
Actually, God hates divorce. This is why God wants you to be led on whom to marry, any pastor teaching that after Adam accused God of the woman he gave him leading to his fall that God has since stop giving wives that it's now whosoever finds a wife" trash and fake.

If you need to hear God in 5yrs on the choice of your spouse, wait till then, the choice of your spouse determines the quality of your life here on earth and 98% will determine your eternal destination.

On the issue on how you move on after divorce: I'll give you a guideline once I see the chronicles that led to the sudden divorce and the man not taking care of his son. It's the highest level of irresponsibility to not take care of your children even though you're divorced.

Young brothers and sisters yet to marry, don't look at beauty and finance, if you need to fast for days to secure the voice of God pls do. I was led of the Holy Spirit to marry my wife, I was led in my heart, The Holy spirit had a conversation with my spirit and I heard it in my heart not ear okay? Today, people think she's my younger sister. It's heaven on earth since day1, she submitted her salary to my hand while was was on a paid job, I bless it and hand it over to her again, sometimes I took 1-3k and usually I feel very shy this is as a result of thorough Sunday school teaching. I am not telling you to submit your salary to a gambler, womaniser, scammer or a trick star, no! Wisdom is profitable to direct.

As far as I'm concerned your submission is the one statement worth my time going through this thread. Yours is the ONLY wise comment on this issue.

I am in agreement with the bolded. It is as if you made a photocopy of my thoughts on issues like this. God bless.

I earn 6 digit income monthly.
I'm highly educated...
I'm very Manny...
I'm blessed with a pleasant voice...
I'm a survival....


Trust me, it's her lost, not mine!

Kobojunkie:
Nonsense! So you offer the lady a lie to keep her enslaved praying in vain for a man who abandoned her?

Here she comes to conflate a simple enough issue and twist it in such a manner that someone with a valid opinion has to answer a million of her questions in a manner that his opinion wasn't intended to potray.

You need heavy gbola. Good luck

matrix199:
I earn 6 digit income monthly.
I'm highly educated...
I'm very Manny...
I'm blessed with a pleasant voice...
I'm a survival....


Trust me, it's her lost, not mine!

Hope the 6 digit no be 100k 😂

Any man not earning 7figs monthly should stay single 🏃

Nisland:
Haaaaa you remember me again.my wife dirvoice me 9 years ago.and am still single till now but this year am just getting back to myself and for another spouse.its not easy my brother I face so many chanlleng.

Nawao, 9 years a woman left you and you have not been yourself for all those years?
How una take dey be like this?

Even if I’m married to the queen of America, and she leaves, I will forget about her in 3months.

Nisland:
Haaaaa you remember me again.my wife dirvoice me 9 years ago.and am still single till now but this year am just getting back to myself and for another spouse.its not easy my brother I face so many chanlleng.

There is nothing wrong with being single so long as you are still enjoying your life. And I am not talking about sex and prostitutes.

Kobojunkie:
Stop lying to deceive your fellow humans using the name of God who washed His hands off marriage from right after the beginning - Genesis 3 vs 16 - and reminded you in Luke 20 vs 34 - 36 that your marriages are of the world of men and not of the Kingdom of God.

You are very lost and sick upstairs if not you won't be attacking me on this page as if my advise is for you. Let the wise heed the voice of wisdom but as for you,I could perceive you are in deep depression already, please don't contaminate the innocents

Charly68:
You are very lost and sick upstairs if not you won't be attacking me on this page as if my advise is for you. Let the wise heed the voice of wisdom but as for you,I could perceive you are in deep depression already, please don't contaminate the innocents

Look at this liar thinking attacking me, and not the message, in some way diminishes the facts stated.

You church people... na una way. Always coming up empty and resorting to silly attacks when confronted.

If you have to seek counsel from nairaland for your better self then you wrong. Spend quality time developing you off here and remain focus on a goal. I come in PEACE

Do, so that we can know where to make judgement from, one dont learn to work in the middle of the river, we start from the bank.

dealslip:

Did he tell you he is the one solving her financial problem? The mistake you all make is thinking marriage is about cooking, washing clothes and sex. and getting financial rewards for doing all that. All those things don't make marriage. If he is married to Beyonce or Serena Williams who go on tours everytime - do you think financial rewards is all he can provide them in exchange for them doing the house chores. You guys should step up and reason with the mindset of an advanced human being. Poverty too full una mind. Imagine still putting hot water in the bathroom when there is water heater.

And how many Beyonces do we have in the world? And do these Beyonces goes on tours every hours of their life? I bet that it will shock you that she sometimes make meals for JayZ on special occasions despite her tours and wealth that you are using as alibi and she gives him more sex than many local forming posh Nigerian women give to their husbands. Cos if she doesn't, they would have divorced a long time ago.

Okay, what makes marriages work if you remove all of that from what you can offer your man? So, what's the usefulness of a woman in a marriage when she can't offer sex, can't do laundry sometimes, can't help with his jacket after a days job or put on the heater for him?
(Not every home has a water heater, some that do doesn't have electricity to power it, some are just taps and that's the reality)

Mind you, the money you women get from us is not a reward for doing all that. We are simply taking care of you and doing our responsibilities.

But all of the above, are just ways to show that you care about us, love and honour us.

So, if as a woman, you can't do all of these to bond and honour your husband, what's the essence of your presence in a mans house as a wife? To watch soap operas? Common, you can enjoy that without having to get married. So, don't expect that solid love from him either, if you can't come down from your high horse and honour that man as the Bible demand or even punish him by getting married to him. Cos such marriage is a punishment for the man.

Chiquitq:
I've been there. Not divorced but separated. It's been over 6yrs. It was easy despite that the relationship was extremely toxic. I mourned for the wasted time and abuse tolerated. I was bitter about financial and material things lost in the course of the union. I was distraught by the embarrassments and insults metted out to my family and friends. I relocated to a new city and started totally afresh with my children. Got a job and started a business.
The man that I was married to was the evil of the earth and a fraudster and womanizer. To top it all, he was grossly manipulative. Being extremely manipulative made it hard for me to leave early or even set boundaries thoroughly.

When you say this your husband left suddenly, I believe you totally. He might be a narcissistic. sociopath. That's what he did to all the women he dated during our marriage. Many did not know he was married. He would promise them heaven, use them and disappear suddenly from their lives. Read more about narcissists.

Don't be in a hurry to remarry and if you date again, don't be in a hurry to procreate. I chose celibacy as a means to be totally free and live my best life. I have concluded that all relationships are challenging judging by other people's experiences and mine. On few occasions, one may be lucky but I'm too lazy to and lack motivation to try again. That works for me but it might not work for you.
Find a hobby and most importantly, improve on your finances and network. You would be fine in the end. Many nights, you would have flashbacks of events and be bitter but time would do justice. Try to have as little contact with him as possible. If he wants to speak to his son, doesn't have to be through your phone. Don't allow him to Hoover his way back into your life because he would just hurt you a second time. Stop listening to gist about him. It would help you to move on.

well said

Women dont miss men, they only miss what they were getting from him..

Kobojunkie:
Stop lying to deceive your fellow humans using the name of God who washed His hands off marriage from right after the beginning - Genesis 3 vs 16 - and reminded you in Luke 20 vs 34 - 36 that your marriages are of the world of men and not of the Kingdom of God.

The verses you quoted, how did it against marriage? Just like that guy said, u really sick upstair. I will advise you to give your Bible for Bible scholar to sit you down and purge you off of heresy.


If Muslim see this now, he too would go out and be misleading people.

In Luke, Jesus was talking about the dead who have ressurrated , and expecting to enter paradise, ............now, is dead do marriage? Did they do marriage in paradise?

Even at that, Jesus still not condemn marriage.



If you are impotent or not being able to marry for whatever reason, you should have come clean on I rather than misquoting Bible to cover up your problem.

Fiscus105:
The verses you quoted, how did it against marriage?
....

Why una brain no fit logically connect the dots at?

In the same passage that is Genesis 3 vs 16 - 24, God equally cursed the works of men, as well as the lifespan of man, does that equally mean God is against man working to feed himself or that God is against man living life altogether?

Don't bother responding at all and this is instead an attempt to force you to begin to properly reason all you read especially in Scripture.

Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise.

You need a new man friend to fill the vacuum, how cute are you?
May be we can, you know, unless you are not cute.

Realashbobby:


I don't like writing Epistles. It seems you are interested in the whole story. I will share the whole story soon.

You sounded like you did what led to the divorce.

Hit the gym to keep fit, to clear your mind and focus on your son for now.

You women don't think of repercussions of your action, especially when you use harsh words on your men.

If you still miss him, i'm sure he wasn't an abusive man.

I believe some people influenced or goaded you... They're not here for you now.

May God be with you.

Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.



Kindly advise.

Just calm, time will heal you, but also be open to possibilities of meeting someone, or just focus on your son for the now.

crackhaus:

Baba want nack

I am Yoruba. Well I only said my opinion from over 40years experience of dating and I have lived long enough in the West to tell you even in today’s woke madness here, single women with children are having a hard time finding a high value man to marry them.
It is not impossible to find a man, but a single mother will usually have to settle down for a simp, lower value man or a polygamous/ very old man. Most and not all of them are compelled to date down, not date up like women always want most times.

TheMostComplex1:


Lol this your mind set of a woman not finding another man of her choice because she has children is false & I guess you're from SE.
My having something to do in SS has changed my views or opinions about man & woman matters.
A woman with 4 children in SS can marry a brand new man of her choice.
Please bro stop living in the past cos things have changed

Just like someone shared how a neighbour in the SE was dating/ sleeping with his kinsmen wives & this led to a fight in his house between the two married women & not minding that their husbands might divorce each of them.
Bro women are behaving like men so any man, any woman that was or is fortunate to marry a responsible spouse should love & cherish him or her, this's my candid advice.

dealslip:

After 15 years of marriage 😂😂

🤣🤣🤣🤣 the thing pain una. If you become a tenth of who my husband is, You have made it in life. All this Mummy's boy that don't know what it means to be a man and a correct husband. What do we do to you? You and the girls of this generation, you all fit each other

Senseless comment, from a senseless person

femmoy:


Senseless comment, from a senseless person

God bless you too

dealslip:

After 15 years of marriage 😂😂

🤣🤣🤣🤣 the thing pain una. If you become a tenth of who my husband is, You have made it in life. All this Mummy's boy that don't know what it means to be a man and a correct husband. What do we do to you? You and the girls of this generation, you all fit each other

Any woman that defends other troubled women misdemeanor suddenly claims to have an excellent husband: that is such a man that tolerates shittier attitudes than that of the troubled woman. Soon, jungle will mature and someone will register with an alternate monika to lament about her husband in an attempt to escape from shame from lies told using the original monika.

Amumaigwe:


Any woman that defends other troubled women misdemeanor suddenly claims to have an excellent husband: that is such a man that tolerates shittier attitudes than that of the troubled woman. Soon, jungle will mature and someone will register with an alternate monika to lament about her husband in an attempt to escape from shame from lies told using the original monika.

Life is not how you see it or wish it should be. You think everyman thinks alike - some have sense and some don't. My husband isn't a child like many of you here. He also has sense and will never turn another human being into a bag of sadness. He also knows how to earn a woman's respect. You people will just look at a woman and want to reduce her into your house girl. Your low self esteem will be pushing you to disempower her rather than empower her. You think the likes of Dora Akunyuli, Ngozi Okonjo, Ibukun Awosika became powerful women in Nigeria because their husbands were giving them monthly stipend while they cook and wash pants. They were married to real men who saw potentials and supported them not insecure ones like we have in this generation, who think giving a woman money makes you Lord and Master.
I will continue to speak against the abuse of women either emotional or verbal or physical. We don't need to be pretending we say it as it should be. If your unsecured mind feels attacked, then it's time for you to step up