bizme:
No, I am not destroying my children. The two of them are some of the most behaved and kind kids you will find around. More importantly they are very free with and close to me. My mother-in-law called me yesterday to commend the upbringing of my son, after she observed his attitude and smartness...very high for his age. When I was his age I had already learned how to be scared of my own parents.

So, I believe my wife and I are doing something right. Our goal is to raise kind, focused and disciplined human beings.

The word discipline doesn't mean beating by the way.

""Our goal is to raise kind, focused and disciplined human beings.""

And u think I lack focus, discipline and kindness because my mum flogged me

I must flog ooo, after all now no b beating them dey chop, na we wey even neighbours go correct u, teacher will correct u ur mama no go go fight teacher, my dad doesnt beat at all only sit u down and talk well. We are no lunch box Gang then.

No b now wey kids carry trolley bag and lunch box bag to schl , teacher dye fear may him no touch pikin wahala go follow

Bunsenbun:
What you lots advocating for beating children fail to realise is that the europeans have been there too.They came to realise the folly that a hard whipping will bring about good kids.inflicting physical pain will never bring out the best in children.I heard some people saying their parents whipped them and they turned out fine,you did not.You clearly have gotten used to being battered by your parents,you were used as a means of dispelling their anger.
People say kids are rude to them today,have you ever considered if you were actually being silly?.Yes adults can be silly too.Nigerians need to shed the stupid mentality that "an older person is always in the right".

The only thing that makes it looks as if not beating a child in Western word is yielding result than ours boils down to the economy. African environment is frustrating alone. What's your take on your child calling police on you. Are you advocating for that too?

Depends on the situation. I don't spank everytime but employ words and punishment as well. The truth is children have to know there is a limit and caning is one of the ways to set a limit.

Mindlog:
Not an advocate of beating up a child.

Has the beating many Nigerians received during childhood translated to a more humane society, a less angry society, do we have less kidnapping, ritual killings, fraud, corruption, runs etc?

It seems childhood beating did not instill morals in many but succeeded in repressing them who later become wolves!

when a system of government isnt working in a country, leads to all what you mentioned not child's beating

descarado:

Thank u
If u have a more emphatic people in the society, it will show in the level of corruption, wickedness, lawlessness and greed we have here. I have been asking, have we benefited through beating?
Some said if their parents didn't beat them, they wouldn't have turned out good. That's a very big lie. If your parents had seen u as a human and a friend first, talk to u like one, listen to your need (any child that's rebellious has need that's neglected), solve it or look for alternative, that child will know he or she is loved and cherished.
And in response will do anything to make you happy.

Also, thanks to religion. Pastor will tell you spare the rod and spoil the child and u will foolishly believe such stupid ideology cos it's written in the bible. It is well

with these you have said, indirectly you mean parents just beat their wardsnfor no reason... only a stupid parent will do such.

when a child errs, scold him or her. and if it is beating, insert it.

and when it is play, play and be more friendly with them. it is an adult you will beat that will have grudge against you... but not children... if you beat a child to correct him or her ... few minutes later he or she has forgotten when you buy them their favorites like ice creams or biscuits.

bizme:
God did not say those things; they were said by some human beings who didn't know 1/100th of the things we know in our days, and who lived under completely different (even unbelievable) social situations.

Proverbs 22:15
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Proverbs 23:13
Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.

Proverbs 29:15
15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

Whatever you think is new now, has happened before, in child up bringing, there is a place for flogging

CalliDora1:
Why are most people here making it look like you just wake up and start beating a child for no reason? Of course no one in their right senses would do that. However, I feel it's necessary to employ flogging as a measure of correction when a child is being unruly and obstinate. Though, temperance should be observed when meting out such punishment.

Children have the tendency to grow wild and beyond control if not tamed in time. I am a product of moderate flogging and it has helped shaped my life for the better.

I once left my after school lessons and ran home to watch Robinhood. That day marked the beginning of the end of running away from lessons as my dad flogged the hell out of my body that day. It made me take my studies seriously.

So a little flogging here and there is not bad.

thank you ooo, that is what i have been saying... they are making it looks like parents just wake up one morning, call their wards and start to beat them for no reason...

even cows, that are animals, no herdsman will just flog any cows for no reason that is meant to be bad ... except tha cow goes off tha direction then tha herdsman wont spare tha rod on such cow.

BeigJawnson:



thank you ooo, that is what i have been saying... they are making it looks like parents just wake up one morning, call their wards and start to beat them for no reason...

even cows, that are animals, no herdsman will just flog any cows for no reason that is meant to be bad ... except tha cow goes off tha direction then tha herdsman wont spare tha rod on such cow.

Exactly.

I pray we don't spoil these children to the point where the adults will no longer have a say whenever the children are around because of what they would have turned into.

I know of a boy who the parents never flogs and never allows anyone to touch him. Now he's has grown wild and beat the mother up one day that she ran to higher hefty guys to come and help her handle the boy. Till today, she's afraid of the son. To even speak to him is a problem and the boy now moves with notorious people in the area. School, e nor go. Work e nor gree learn.

The mother bows her head in shame whenever the boy is passing.

kalu61:
The only thing that makes it looks as if not beating a child in Western word is yielding result than ours boils down to the economy. African environment is frustrating alone. What's your take on your child calling police on you. Are you advocating for that too?

I have seen situations that yes a parent deserved to be arrested,for crying out loud do you people know the emotional and physical abuse many parents put their children through in Nigeria?.You don't?. Do you think that girl who excelled brilliantly was brought up in the same condition as our hustling boys?.
The economy is a reflection of the type of people existing in that society.

You're a perfect example of how not to raise a child. Instead of countering my points you would rather abuse me. This kind of aggression is pretty common in Nigeria: now you know why. Too much beating by mum ad dad made you wanna attack anyone with contrary opinion. It is a form of trying to beat dissenting opinion into submission. I hope you heal though.

Logan23:



**Because with respect to violence, sexual indiscipline, breach of trust, corruption, malice, racism, religious intolerance, crime etc... Nigerians are much worse than any of the developed Oyinbo countries on planet earth**


U are blatantly blind, backward, unexposed, uniformed etc.

stanliwise:

It wouldn’t, we never learn to live together, there is nothing really as such. My parent hoped everything would be fine, now I am here hoping same. This problem ain’t just a Nigeria problem, most African Countries suffers this problem of greed and corruption especially to a National level.
Maybe we should start accepting some reality for once in our existence.

You see any solution?
If you had an idea of how the problem can be solved, how do you envision it panning out if people were to follow your idea?

bizme:
God didn't say that, it was a man sharing his personal opinion. That something is found in the Bible doesn't mean God said it.

Western society has produced better more responsible and more beneficial human beings than the Nigerian society has managed to produce. We have produced weaklings and corrupt human beings (corruption everywhere, sex-for-grade, grade-for-sex, yahoo-yahoo, fake MoGs, the list is endless) that are incapable of demanding decent living in their own country.

Prov 23:13-14, Prov 22:15, Prov 29:15

Read and thank me later.

J111333:
Spare the rod spoil the child is no longer for today's world especially since we began copying oyibos. I'm sure we can all see the impact in our society today where ordinary high school kids engage in immorality everyday and no one can whoop their asses without child rights folks calling for people's heads.

Yea, I may be against beating kids but I will support a few spanking in certain scenarios especially when it is solely used as corrective measure.

I can count how many times my dad whooped my ass because he rarely did and I felt bad at that time about the spankings but now, I'm glad he did. My mum's frequent slaps also helped to curb my naughtiness.

U have said it all
Me I still beat my kids when they do wrong

So far, all those saying I talk to my kids and they listen all say their kids are under 5 years old. I want to hear the opinion of those who use either methods and what the outcome was when the kids approach 16 years old and entered adulthood.

It is those outcomes I want to hear, because at less than 5 years old, most kids are still very dependent on their parents, the true test of any approach is when the child has grown and still follows the values you inculcated in them.

thinkmoney:

You see any solution?
If you had an idea of how the problem can be solved, how do you envision it panning out if people were to follow your idea?

One obvious way out is society consciousness toward public interest. If me and you starts to speak up against the state of our present community and majority of people in the society put hands together and call the responsible people to order. Then and only then we can have a good and healthy Society. All this white wash talk and gloating with hope of better future we did not create ain’t taking us anywhere.

bizme:
You're a perfect example of how not to raise a child. Instead of countering my points you would rather abuse me. This kind of aggression is pretty common in Nigeria: now you know why. Too much beating by mum ad dad made you wanna attack anyone with contrary opinion. It is a form of trying to beat dissenting opinion into submission. I hope you heal though.

Mr, I am still waiting for your answer to my question here:

https://www.nairaland.com/6335614/child-discipline-believe-beating-child/4#97664255

Ishilove:
Yes, but there should be a limit. I was thoroughly flogged while growing up but I turned out very well. There is a thin line between discipline and abuse and many parents cross the line without knowing.

Know when to use the cane and when to use your mouth

Its a shame you are a child abuser

So if your spouse offend you, will you also flog the hell out of him/her?

Abuse that child all you like, the very moment he becomes an adult and you are pathetically old and senile he dumps your nasty self .

We have seen this scenario repeat itself time and time again. You better have a rethink to avoid a living a miserable old age.

Discipline your child with love,kindness and firmness and he will grow to love and respect. Be violent and abusive and he abandon you when you are old. Please be wise

Is the non-beating helping the issue now?

Mindlog:
Not an advocate of beating up a child.

Has the beating many Nigerians received during childhood translated to a more humane society, a less angry society, do we have less kidnapping, ritual killings, fraud, corruption, runs etc?

It seems childhood beating did not instill morals in many but succeeded in repressing them who later become wolves!

Well, there are so many of them a few Google clicks away, some of these are outcomes of research studies.

Gamesmart:


Please can you highlight this alternative disciplinary measures?

"By 2000, research on physical punishment had expanded beyond its effect on child aggression. Studies were showing associations between physical punishment and mental health, physical injury, parent–child relationships and family violence in adulthood. One of the first such studies linked slapping and spanking in childhood with psychiatric disorders in adulthood in a large Canadian sample, and its findings have since been supported by an ever-growing number of studies. Physical punishment is associated with a range of mental health problems in children, youth and adults, including depression, unhappiness, anxiety, feelings of hopelessness, use of drugs and alcohol, and general psychological maladjustment. These relationships may be mediated by disruptions in parent–child attachment resulting from pain inflicted by a caregiver, by increased levels of cortisol or by chemical disruption of the brain’s mechanism for regulating stress. Researchers are also finding that physical punishment is linked to slower cognitive development and adversely affects academic achievement. These findings come from large longitudinal studies that control for a wide range of potential confounders. Intriguing results are now emerging from neuroimaging studies, which suggest that [b]physical punishment may reduce the volume of the brain’s grey matter in areas associated with performance [/b]on the Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale, third edition (WAIS-III). In addition, physical punishment can cause alterations in the dopaminergic regions associated with vulnerability to the abuse of drugs and alcohol."

Excerpt from: Joan Durrant & and Ron Ensom. Physical punishment of children: lessons from 20 years of research. CMAJ. 2012 Sep 4; 184(12): 1373–1377.

bizme:
Well, there are so many of them a few Google clicks away, some of these are outcomes of research studies.

No, you proposed the topic and took a side.

You tell me the ones you use or will use please.

Yes I do

This perhaps explains why we have so many angry and aggressive human beings in Nigeria. Whenever I am in Nigeria and I drive on the roads, it is like you have offended everyone and they can't wait to pour their wrath on you with so much insults and curses. The same when you visit any office, or even go to market to buy stuff and people are just by default discourteous. Everyone is angry probably because the parents have done a great job raising so may of us with pent-up anger, a form of psychiatric problem by the way. I repeat we are doing a terrible job raising kids in Nigeria. We raise selfish, unkind, social misfits that end up becoming yahoo-yahoo, entitled human beings, serial cheats in relationships with unbelievable levels of paternity fraud, thieving clerics, sex-fo-grade and grade-for-sex, runz girls, corrupt policemen, boko haram, and worse still corrupt public officers who don't bat an eyelid diverting money meant for the public healthcare, education, survival, even pension into their own pockets. Most often than not these individuals were all raised with heavy beating by parents , teachers, society (so much that we have accepted physical abuse by the police and soldiers as okay)... One would be surprised then that we have so many damaged individuals in Nigeria, if indeed we were doing everything right. By the way, family upbringing is responsible for society and not the other way around, in case some will again bring up the excuse that it's the Nigerian society that makes us turn out these horrible ways.

bizme:
"By 2000, research on physical punishment had expanded beyond its effect on child aggression. Studies were showing associations between physical punishment and mental health, physical injury, parent–child relationships and family violence in adulthood. One of the first such studies linked slapping and spanking in childhood with psychiatric disorders in adulthood in a large Canadian sample, and its findings have since been supported by an ever-growing number of studies. Physical punishment is associated with a range of mental health problems in children, youth and adults, including depression, unhappiness, anxiety, feelings of hopelessness, use of drugs and alcohol, and general psychological maladjustment. These relationships may be mediated by disruptions in parent–child attachment resulting from pain inflicted by a caregiver, by increased levels of cortisol or by chemical disruption of the brain’s mechanism for regulating stress. Researchers are also finding that physical punishment is linked to slower cognitive development and adversely affects academic achievement. These findings come from large longitudinal studies that control for a wide range of potential confounders. Intriguing results are now emerging from neuroimaging studies, which suggest that [b]physical punishment may reduce the volume of the brain’s grey matter in areas associated with performance [/b]on the Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale, third edition (WAIS-III). In addition, physical punishment can cause alterations in the dopaminergic regions associated with vulnerability to the abuse of drugs and alcohol."

Excerpt from: Joan Durrant & and Ron Ensom. Physical punishment of children: lessons from 20 years of research. CMAJ. 2012 Sep 4; 184(12): 1373–1377.

Do you have your own biological kids, and you are raising them directly with your spouse?

Gamesmart:


No, you proposed the topic and took a side.

You tell me the ones you use or will use please.

bizme:
Do you have your own biological kids, and you are raising them directly with your spouse?

Mr, that is not an answer to my question.

Please can you highlight the alternative disciplinary measures you would use/you use instead of spanking?

Visit Google and do a search yourself. If you cannot do that, then I am not interested in engaging you. Take care.

Gamesmart:


Mr, that is not an answer to my question.

Please can you highlight the alternative disciplinary measures you would use/you use instead of spanking?

Ulunne777:
Yes on a good day after you've been warned several times.
This year alone I had bought up to 3 slippers for them and they'd throw it over the next compound while playing.costly kiddies footwearsoo. They usually land in a big gutter there which means no retrieval. I talked, threatened yet when I buy another one the same story.

I have had enough and after flogging them very well presented a new one. The one called bathroom slippers�.each #150

OMG,6 months after they are still intact to be washed every Saturday. If you see the carefulness. Lol

CalliDora1:


Exactly.

I pray we don't spoil these children to the point where the adults will no longer have a say whenever the children are around because of what they would have turned into.

I know of a boy who the parents never flogs and never allows anyone to touch him. Now he's has grown wild and beat the mother up one day that she ran to higher hefty guys to come and help her handle the boy. Till today, she's afraid of the son. To even speak to him is a problem and the boy now moves with notorious people in the area. School, e nor go. Work e nor gree learn.

The mother bows her head in shame whenever the boy is passing.

imagine something... no wonder the white man do say, spare the rod and spoil the child.

bible even confirms it that train up a child in a he should go that he will give you rest ... now that woman cant find rest cos she never train her son... now she is digging her heads into shame.