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What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? - Family - Nairaland

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What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by litigator(m): 5:36pm On Apr 02
One advantage of being a litigator, a student of psychology and a relationship counsellor (Mediator) is access to premium gist.

While most of these discussions are private and privileged, I can say for sure that it's never a pleasant experience to handle a case of infidelity in marriage.

I have always prided myself as one without emotions in matters like this, as I have seen it all. But the last case I handled saw me shedding hot tears when she finally left my office.

I believe the tears simply itself back because it won't be professional to cry in the presence of a client or join in a crying competition. But I couldn't stand a senior citizen cry like a baby.

Whilst I could feel her pain, I could not help but ask what's it like to have your spouse cheat on you?

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Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by Michelle55: 6:19pm On Apr 02
It's a terrible experience just take a relationship as example, you will understand the pain and hurts one of the spouse go through when your supposed partner cheats on you. It makes you feel like you're never enough and may never be for the person no matter what you do.
The thoughts of never being enough for him or her is killing, just don't want to think about the heartaches at night.

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Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by Klass99(f): 6:34pm On Apr 02
The Litigator, thankfully you didn't write in that annoying legal language that gives me a migraine.cheesy

This was clear and direct communication and I also felt your humanity come through in your words, you lawyers need to keep things simple when communicating.

Now, to the topic. Ordinary boyfriend that time I been wan craze grin I can't even imagine what it's like when it's a spouse. It was a roller coaster of different emotions;

1. Hurt/pain.
2. Anger towards boyfriend.
3. Jealousy towards the other girl.
4. Feeling insecure, like wasn't I okay or good enough in looks, carriage and all for him to cheat......

Until I grew up and matured some more to understand that, it's just the way of you men.

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Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by FORWARDEVERLY: 7:23pm On Apr 02
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Women no get right to complain of cheating.. men are polygamous in nature.

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Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by litigator(m): 8:52am On Apr 03
Klass99:
The Litigator, thankfully you didn't write in that annoying legal language that gives me a migraine.cheesy

This was clear and direct communication and I also felt your humanity come through in your words, you lawyers need to keep things simple when communicating.

Now, to the topic. Ordinary boyfriend that time I been wan craze grin I can't even imagine what it's like when it's a spouse. It was a roller coaster of different emotions;

1. Hurt/pain.
2. Anger towards boyfriend.
3. Jealousy towards the other girl.
4. Feeling insecure, like wasn't I okay or good enough in looks, carriage and all for him to cheat......

Until I grew up and matured some more to understand that, it's just the way of you men.


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Les Brown once said, " anything worth doing at all, is worth doing badly as long as you are committed to learning and getting better at it." We learn every day and we will keep learning.

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Once more, thank you for your honest feedback. Please endeavour to point out more blunders we have committed in the past as this will enable us to sharpen our writing skills.

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Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by litigator(m): 8:53am On Apr 03
FORWARDEVERLY:
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[color=#990000]



Women no get right to complain of cheating.. men are polygamous in nature.

Meaning you will readily cheat on your partner without a second thought. Na wah for you.

20 Likes 1 Share

Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by litigator(m): 8:59am On Apr 03
Michelle55:
It's a terrible experience just take a relationship as example, you will understand the pain and hurts one of the spouse go through when your supposed partner cheats on you. It makes you feel like you're never enough and may never be for the person no matter what you do.
The thoughts of never being enough for him or her is killing, just don't want to think about the heartaches at night.

Your response, more particularly your last line caught me off guard and got me thinking. How does cheating affect the self esteem of a lady?

Kindly educate my ignorance.

Thanks

1 Like 1 Share

Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by FORWARDEVERLY: 11:50am On Apr 03
litigator:


Meaning you will readily cheat on your partner without a second thought. Na wah for you.


You are free to be faithful to your partner..
As for me, I would have girlfriends apart from my married partner..
I no be the religious type nor the westernized man type.. simple.

20 Likes

Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by Michelle55: 12:09pm On Apr 03
litigator:


Your response, more particularly your last line caught me off guard and got me thinking. How does cheating affect the self esteem of a lady?

Kindly educate my ignorance.

Thanks

The lady suffers from the worst kind of betrayal thereby making her uptight and unable to relax and be free anymore, she ends up developing self-esteem and confidence issues. That act alone will automatically make trusting the next person difficult, being cheated on will make you wonder if you're not attractive/good-looking enough for your partner or probably you deserved to be cheated on( its truly not a funny experience certainly not one worthy of recounting).
It will leave you in doubt of your worth and you begin to contemplates if the relationship has been a lie from the onset, when a girl gets cheated on, she oftentimes loses faith in her worth and abilities.
She starts to undervalue her capabilities and as a result, accepts herself as a girl of average or below-average value.
She does this when the man who meant the world to her shows her how little she means to him. He’s the person she trusted with her mind, body, and soul—and his opinion mattered to her the most.
But because he decided to cheat on her regardless of how much his opinion meant to her, the girl takes his cheating personally and experiences the worst pain imaginable, she suffers from betrayal and begins to wonder what she did to deserve it.

I can go on and on in recounting what cheating does to not just the women but also to men who enjoys the sanctity of true relationships/marriage.

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Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by TonyeBarcanista(m): 12:26pm On Apr 03
While women whose partners cheat on them to feel devalued and lose confidence in themselves and esteem, especially if they consider the person he cheated with less beautiful, educated or younger than them. They develop jealousy and hatred towards the lady their men cheated on (not really their men) and will be more protective of their territory (their men) going forward. They could easily forgive their men if he pledges to cut off from the particular lady and commit to them.

But when cheated on, men feel betrayed, disrespected and ego bruised. It doesn't matter whether the person she cheats on is cuter, richer, more intelligent or famous. A man loses 99.9999% of the love he has for his woman that cheats and never forgive such betrayal nor forget such betrayal.


PS: I'm talking of men that know what being a man is not Simps and weaklings

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Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by Mariangeles: 4:37pm On Apr 03
TonyeBarcanista:
While women whose partners cheat on them to feel devalued and lose confidence in themselves and esteem, especially if they consider the person he cheated with less beautiful, educated or younger than them. They develop jealousy and hatred towards the lady their men cheated on (not really their men) and will be more protective of their territory (their men) going forward. They could easily forgive their men if he pledges to cut off from the particular lady and commit to them.


But when cheated on, men feel betrayed, disrespected and ego bruised. It doesn't matter whether the person she cheats on is cuter, richer, more intelligent or famous. A man loses 99.9999% of the love he has for his woman that cheats and never forgive such betrayal nor forget such betrayal.


PS: I'm talking of men that know what being a man is not Simps and weaklings

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Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by JOACHINpedro: 5:24pm On Apr 03
In relationships, I don't even know what is cheating again, reason being that I don't get a definite relationship. My first three was platonic and Zero financing.
The first one I had in Uni ended as the girl thought I was a weakling or perhaps it was me thinking I was dating myself. Though, I didn't invest much on it cus my playboy cousin always advised me not to be overtly emotional on relationship matters, hence the assumed breakup had zero impact in my wellbeing.

The second was when I became famous in school, swore I wouldn't invest any emotions since my last breakup subtly ended on a good note. I assumed relationships were meant to end even before they start. The said second girlfriend noticed my lackadaisical manner of approach and was unsure to commit. yes she cheated and I wasn't moved.

The third girl was due to my love for intelligent people, I really tried to invest emotion but covid-19 break gave me enough reason not to. Distance was a barrier, though I tried to follow up but damn it looked like she became too busy for me. I came back to square one. Started flirting other girls online and boom I made lots of catch.
In other not to be bad, I tried to know if I was still in relationship with her but she wouldn't give us time. I locked up and assumed she was tired of me.
School resumed and I tried to know our stand in but it seems she's still forming busy. I took it that we have broken up and tried going sexual to know if that's what brings mutual connection.....

5 Likes

Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by culf: 5:31pm On Apr 03
its worst when the partner at the receiving end is the emotional type. It's explainable feeling, no matter how well you prepare for it, it still hurt like hell.
May God help us

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Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by litigator(m): 9:34pm On Apr 03
FORWARDEVERLY:



You are free to be faithful to your partner..
As for me, I would have girlfriends apart from my married partner..
I no be the religious type nor the westernized man type.. simple.

Your matter need serious village meeting. We need call the elders for you grin

Permit my asking, how many wives did your father marry?

2 Likes

Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by FORWARDEVERLY: 11:37pm On Apr 03
litigator:


Your matter need serious village meeting. We need call the elders for you grin

Permit my asking, how many wives did your father marry?


Lol..
Funny enough my Dad was a devout christian, married and wedded my mom.. and we are just four children both of them gave birth to..
My Gee, many Africans are raised not to question the status quo they met in the society, so I am not surprised at your own surprise on my choice and opinion, as for me.. I can't tie myself down with only one woman.. I must have girlfriends outside (preferably younger and fresher ones) anyday she tries to even think of having another man, I drive her out of my home and life..
I am a traditionally reserved man not a westernized effeminate fellow..
Cheers..

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Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by litigator(m): 10:04am On Apr 04
FORWARDEVERLY:



Lol..
Funny enough my Dad was a devout christian, married and wedded my mom.. and we are just four children both of them gave birth to..
My Gee, many Africans are raised not to question the status quo they met in the society, so I am not surprised at your own surprise on my choice and opinion, as for me.. I can't tie myself down with only one woman.. I must have girlfriends outside (preferably younger and fresher ones) anyday she tries to even think of having another man, I drive her out of my home and life..
I am a traditionally reserved man not a westernized effeminate fellow..
Cheers..


You remind me of my father-in-law. Same thought pattern and beliefs. grin grin

We were so close he would freely discuss his views about women with me. He didn't mind I was dating his favourite daughter and might end up marrying her.

Some men nor get joy. grin grin grin

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Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by Ishilove: 11:29am On Apr 04
I have never been cheated on, thankfully.

Even if I have been, what you don't know cannot kee/bother you cheesy

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Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by Ishilove: 11:31am On Apr 04
FORWARDEVERLY:



Lol..
Funny enough my Dad was a devout christian, married and wedded my mom.. and we are just four children both of them gave birth to..
My Gee, many Africans are raised not to question the status quo they met in the society, so I am not surprised at your own surprise on my choice and opinion, as for me.. I can't tie myself down with only one woman.. I must have girlfriends outside (preferably younger and fresher ones) anyday she tries to even think of having another man, I drive her out of my home and life..
I am a traditionally reserved man not a westernized effeminate fellow..
Cheers..
Hian. Negodu nonsense

29 Likes

Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by Ishilove: 11:36am On Apr 04
litigator:


Your response, more particularly your last line caught me off guard and got me thinking. How does cheating affect the self esteem of a lady?

Kindly educate my ignorance.

Thanks
You feel like 'what does she have that I don't have? '

You wonder what is so special about the other lady that made your partner cheat? Someone like me will likely do a doctoral research on the other woman before concluding if my self esteem should be affected

5 Likes

Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by Ishilove: 11:39am On Apr 04
Michelle55:


The lady suffers from the worst kind of betrayal thereby making her uptight and unable to relax and be free anymore, she ends up developing self-esteem and confidence issues. That act alone will automatically make trusting the next person difficult, being cheated on will make you wonder if you're not attractive/good-looking enough for your partner or probably you deserved to be cheated on( its truly not a funny experience certainly not one worthy of recounting).
It will leave you in doubt of your worth and you begin to contemplates if the relationship has been a lie from the onset, when a girl gets cheated on, she oftentimes loses faith in her worth and abilities.
She starts to undervalue her capabilities and as a result, accepts herself as a girl of average or below-average value.
She does this when the man who meant the world to her shows her how little she means to him. He’s the person she trusted with her mind, body, and soul—and his opinion mattered to her the most.
But because he decided to cheat on her regardless of how much his opinion meant to her, the girl takes his cheating personally and experiences the worst pain imaginable, she suffers from betrayal and begins to wonder what she did to deserve it.

I can go on and on in recounting what cheating does to not just the women but also to men who enjoys the sanctity of true relationships/marriage.
Perhaps I'm wired differently but I disagree with some of your views

3 Likes

Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by litigator(m): 9:23am On Apr 05
Ishilove:

You feel like 'what does she have that I don't have? '

You wonder what is so special about the other lady that made your partner cheat? Someone like me will likely do a doctoral research on the other woman before concluding if my self esteem should be affected

Can a woman really satisfy a man?

Men are insatiable and women are quite complex to understand.
But I am tempted to believe that if encourage parties to level up in communication skills, men will cheat less. Do you agree?

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Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by BlessedNuel: 2:20pm On Apr 05
E day pain no be small

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Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by Tbvxl: 2:20pm On Apr 05
Forget spouse,let's talk about BF/GF relationship.
Fine the last relationship I just got out from was a really tough one. When I say tough one it was so bad. So this girl was a complete cheat, I caught her severally cheating on me. There was a day I went through a WhatsAp, I saw a chat with a particular Guy in one she's been making out with she even did pregnancy test for this guy. That particular chart drove me nuts. I was very angry and I even confronted her but she denied it and told me everything was staged. Now my question is if everything was staged how would a guy be asking you if you enjoyed the last sex you both had. She is a prolific liar I hate her with passion now. how can I catch you cheating and you still went out saying I did not trust you..

Cheating in a marriage or relationship is just too bad embarassed

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Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by OnlyDeCapPlease(m): 2:20pm On Apr 05
Cheaters or cheating women to be precise. A little advice for you. If you happen to cheat on you husband or partner and he discovers it, do not go and start pleading to his friends and family to beg him. The last thing that man needs at that time is for the whole world to know that another man has been firing his woman. Very embarrassing and just adds salt to injury. It also leaves him no option but to end the relationship or marriage because everybody now knows. Other men will also know that you may be "up for it" and will start trying their luck on you too.

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Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by phlame(m): 2:20pm On Apr 05
angry

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Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by thebosstrevor1: 2:21pm On Apr 05
Most Nigerian women should be able to answer this question grin

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Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by karzyharsky(m): 2:21pm On Apr 05
Jsj
Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by PrimadonnaO(f): 2:22pm On Apr 05
litigator:
One advantage of being a litigator, a student of psychology and a relationship counsellor (Mediator) is access to premium gist.

While most of these discussions are private and privileged, I can say for sure that it's never a pleasant experience to handle a case of infidelity in marriage.

I have always prided myself as one without emotions in matters like this, as I have seen it all. But the last case I handled saw me shedding hot tears when she finally left my office.

I believe the tears simply itself back because it won't be professional to cry in the presence of a client or join in a crying competition. But I couldn't stand a senior citizen cry like a baby.

Whilst I could feel her pain, I could not help but ask what's it like to have your spouse cheat on you?

Tell us about that senior citizen's story. Let's see if we'll cry, too.

5 Likes

Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by TemmyT002(m): 2:22pm On Apr 05
It has never happened and may it never happen to me.
It is one thing that I can never forgive and forget.
I will always remember it and see the person as a freaking betrayer.

4 Likes

Re: What's It Like To Have Your Wife/husband Cheat On You? by Mindlog: 2:22pm On Apr 05
Hmm...refreshing read. wink

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