na younmarry her daughter na invariable the whole family so you cant dodge it

Tell your wife your mind. Your wife could be aware of her gestapo coming but she is feigning not knowing. You are the boss so draw the line fast

In all these op, its your moniker that is of great concern here.

What is the idea behind your moniker? A newly wedded man for that matter.

To your mother inlaws case, I'll say, tell your wife to tell her mother to reduce her visits for now that you guys are still on honeymoon.

RMoneyInTheBank:
..hhhahahahahhah...you missed the part where I said "all the time"


Secondly, you mean I can't just show up at my uncles house or my sister's house that is 35 minutes away from mine.. Not as if I want to spend the night or something ?

The problem here is "how you were brought up"... You were brought up in an hostile environment I guess...

In as much as it is good to inform someone before visiting them, i don't see anything bad if my mother in-law who lives 35 minutes away show up at my place without notice.... Informing relations before visiting them shouldn't be ALL THE TIME especially when they are not there to spend the night and when it is as little as 35 minutes distance... Like I said, you were brought up in an hostile environment .....i know the problem... MY BROTHER HUSTLE ooooo.. E get why..na when man no get money this kind annoyance they come out....


You brough an issue to the public, seeking what to do, and you are busy opposing People's opinion.... You are to read and filter comments and not countering people's opinion or idea

all i see here is that OP is a broke guy or a stingy gut from his comments. and you might he correct about the hostile environment.

This forum is so biased! If it was a lady complaining that her MIL visits without notice, majority of the people here will call her an evil DIL that doesn't want to tolerate her MIL.

If I hear!

Razzle the woman. She'll disappear forever but if not enjoy the free cuchie

MufasaLion:
[s][/s]

Stop justifying nonesense.

Speak for ur self

Please , be careful with the way you handle this situation. From my past experience , some mother inlaw are bad , some will fall in love with you ; but yet some of them are extremely good.

Deathisfree:


I see no sense in this. Even if it’s 1mins drive. There should be a notice. It’s obvious you visit people without a pre ? If so stop it ,it’s a bad habit

You're saying this because we now have telephone. What about when there was no telephone

Colonelswitz101:


All this one na story... Even if we are living in the same street, if you as my in-law visit me without prior information, I will condone it the first time after giving serious warning to my wife buh if u try it the second time then u are on ur own cos I will not open my door for u except u intend to carry ur daughter on ur way home...

just read what u wrote again....ur wife's mom oh, so she can't come to see her daughter...nawa oh

Deathisfree:


I just hope she won’t be expecting some token when she’s leaving cox. Chichi I no go drop.

Poverty na wicnch. Oga, na poverty dey worry u

Deathisfree:
Hi Nairalanders
This is really disturbing me right now,I just wedded about 2 months ago
My mother in-law first visit was 2 weeks ago, I purposely left the house before she came because I was not really bucks up
Suddenly she came this morning around 7:30 am without a pre notice. She didn’t tell my wife nor call any of us to let us know she’s coming.

She stays about 35 mins drive to my house,my parents stays about 5mins drive to my house and they can not try such and perhaps. They are too busy for all that nonsense

I’m in my room right now alone here on Nairaland seeking for advice on what to do before I do wrong. I am planning to tell my wife when her mother is gone and warm her never to let such happen again.

Westernisation don finish our lives finish! We didn't copy the technology, we didn't copy the development. But we copied the most trivial of things from them, that aspects that breaks us as africans. That aspects that set us up for disunity, lack of empathy, for underdevelopment, and sundry.

The OP is just an annoying grown-up baby. Marriage is for adults and not children. Your mother-in-law is like your mother and she did not need to notify you before coming unless she plan to sleep over. Non of your family members need to inform before coming to your house provided they will not sleep over. May God don't allow our daughters to fall into hands of people like the OP. Infact see waiting poverty dey cause.

RMoneyInTheBank:
35 minutes drive from your house and you expect her to inform you before coming ALL THE TIME ? Bros fear God... After all she is not there to stay... In as much as it is good to inform people before visiting them, I feel it shouldn't be ALL THE TIME especially if the person is related to you and if the distance is as small as 35 minutes like you said... Is either the OP was brought up in an hostile environment or na Money yab man

did you read at all? This is her first visit!
Why would she pay me a first visit without informing me? Even if the distance is one minute drive she ought to have informed him before embarking on the journey.
BTW, if the drive is 140 kilometers par hour then you should know that she stays around 80 kilometers apart.
So if traveling to a journey of 80 km, won't you call the person first?

RMoneyInTheBank:
35 minutes drive from your house and you expect her to inform you before coming ALL THE TIME ? Bros fear God... After all she is not there to stay... In as much as it is good to inform people before visiting them, I feel it shouldn't be ALL THE TIME especially if the person is related to you and if the distance is as small as 35 minutes like you said... Is either the OP was brought up in an hostile environment or na Money yab man

You sure say you well so?
wetin the mother in law dey find up and down?
She get luck,if na me i go just waka pass her like say nothing,she will deduce from my body language that she isn't welcome

Mariangeles:


OK. Just be patient with her.

It might be that she's missing her daughter and is yet to get used to the fact that she's now a married woman.

Mariah love, you're a different person when posting with this moniker.

Loool, my mother just came knocking too after church this morning, I was surprised to see her because I stopped by her place yesterday. She said she wanted to see the grandkids, that was around 10 after early morning service.

I can't imagine my husband opening this kind of thread, the guy just greet mumsie, all of us chop Sunday rice been watching TV and gisting. Mum even helped me fold some clothes, pluck vegetable, feed the kids, bathed them.

As I am typing this they are all in the parlor with the kids disturbing them while I am locked up in a toilet trying to get some few minutes 'me time'

Latest in one hour she will have gone to her house as she no dey waka for night. Her presence helped me and hubby greatly .


So OP since its a visit not a sleep over I honestly don't see the problem.

Tread softly, I was once like you when I newly got married : I later discovered that behaving as such appeared so childish.
You are yet to know that you are no longer single, many things have been joined to you which you must bear with wisdom.

Ammishaddai:
Bros endure her visit for today. After that, try and relocate to place that's far. So even if she wants to visit, she will think twice or latest call to know if your home

He should relocate over what words of mouth can fix?


@ Deathisfree, you can't blame your mother in-law. Its possible she doesn't know that she is crossing the line. Act normal and after she leaves, draw your wife's attention to this trend and convey your message through your wife... But its important that you leave that room and entertain your mother in-law. If you don't and she later gets your memoir, she would read meanings into it and that might just be the beginning of an avoidable brouhaha.

You will need that woman when you guys start having kids. You better get used to her coming around. She will really be of help

CHoccolaTE:
Nigerian marriages are so unfair to women

Just imagine if a wife went to sit inside room and refused to talk to her husbands mother because mama visited without notice.

Insults for yapa for this thread

Absolutely

Deathisfree:


I just hope she won’t be expecting some token when she’s leaving cox. Chichi I no go drop.

You self!
Biko, courtesy demands that you offer her gifts, be it in cash or kind, so find something for mama.

Deathisfree:


I just hope she won’t be expecting some token when she’s leaving cox. Chichi I no go drop.

My brother, marriage is a beautiful thing if you let it.

You sound bitter to your inlaw, do you have an issue with them?

True, curtesy demands you give prior notice before visiting but there is something called family, they are the only ones that can break protocol once in a while.

Let me as you, would you do the same that you mentioned above if she is your mother?

I don't know the kind of relationship you had with your spouse before marriage but if it was a healthy one, her mum coming to visit unannounced even though seems odd shouldnt bring about activating a defensive mode as you are doing.

It's either you are not too ok financially and you dont want them knowing or you dislike your inlaws.

Whichever one it is, be a man, a wise and smart one. Dont forget, there is no problem without solution.

Always communicate what you want to your wife, be matured about it, both of you should agree on things.

I have been married for 13 years, and I can boldly say it is not always rosy, but mostly it is, if you know how to handle situations with wisdom.

This is Africa

She believes she is doing the right thing

What you should do is to ignore her.. is normal as long as you guys are staying close

You can talk to your wife to talk to her mum, don't make that mistake

If there is anything you should do is to move out to a far or possible relocate with ur newly wife to another state..

Best of luck

Deathisfree:
Hi Nairalanders
This is really disturbing me right now,I just wedded about 2 months ago
My mother in-law first visit was 2 weeks ago, I purposely left the house before she came because I was not really bucks up
Suddenly she came this morning around 7:30 am without a pre notice. She didn’t tell my wife nor call any of us to let us know she’s coming.

She stays about 35 mins drive to my house,my parents stays about 5mins drive to my house and they can not try such and perhaps. They are too busy for all that nonsense

I’m in my room right now alone here on Nairaland seeking for advice on what to do before I do wrong. I am planning to tell my wife when her mother is gone and warm her never to let such happen again.

I hardly comment on nairaland... But sorry, you are not mature. You need trainings on marriage. Did they beg you to marry their daughter. See your life, 2 weeks marriage, you are discussing your family affair on social media and claiming one stupid privacy. Learn (Privacy) by keeping your family affair from Social media.
Since she is not coming to stay, ordinary visit you are shouting. You need help!.
I feel like using voice note to talk senses to your brain.
Next time, think before writing nonsense.

Chanchit:
Go and watch "Everybody loves Raymond" Sebi the last time she came was two weeks ago, she never begin come everyday.

Lol, this op nor go last one day as Raymond o.



This op will be a difficult person to live with ,I hope his new bride is prepared for the long turbulent ride.smh

RMoneyInTheBank:
35 minutes drive from your house and you expect her to inform you before coming ALL THE TIME ? Bros fear God... After all she is not there to stay... In as much as it is good to inform people before visiting them, I feel it shouldn't be ALL THE TIME especially if the person is related to you and if the distance is as small as 35 minutes like you said... Is either the OP was brought up in an hostile environment or na Money yab man

You have said it rightly. There is every chance for one to say that he was brought up in a hostile environment.
Me, I can't imagine him saying even his own parents dare not do that.

You are not mature enough to settle down. So she can't visit her daughter again.

densiks:
If I were in your shoes,this is totally a non issue.

If she was a rich mother -in law, will you seek for advise because she visited your place unannounced? besides wisdom and dialogue can easily alter her visit routine if you don’t want to see her at your place.

Even rich mother in-laws aren't foolish not to inform their in-laws of their visit