mutter:
Some men are mean!
Why don't you allow them to get used to the fact that the daughter is now married!
It's not easy to break a bond like mother daughter.
Anyway personally I could. Never be married to a man with your expectations!
My family remains my family irrespective of marriage. Same goes for my husband's family.
This is why it is important for couple to agree about such things before marriage.
Very sad...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkQ2a_3mB4g

..

I bet it with you if he ever make the mistake of telling his wife about this, she go change am foram.

SimplePlan34:


Speak for ur self

You still are wrong

That's a typical example of our society's intolerance and hatred for women. Once that handler found out it was the husband complaining, he couldn't keep the same energy...Lmao.

Mindlog:


You see how jumped in without reading, insulting the wife thinking she was the complainant! You words before you edited!

Midas01:
As much as it is the man's house, it's also this wife's house and her mother can visit her anytime she wants. If you Nigerian men don't understand this concept maybe you should start marrying yourselves.

Or save yourself the grief and marry an orphan.

The man explained that when his parents want to visit they call in advance. What is so difficult about the wife's mother doing so? It's the civil thing to do, people have a right to privacy.

joyousever:
Op, sorry to say, you obviously sound like a stingy and extremely private person. In a nutshell, you should only have these concerns on the condition that she has come to stay and not a casual visit like this. Or do you think you have to be bucksing?? her up each time she stops by?

Which one is "stopping-by", for a driving distance of 35mins?
Lagos to Ibadan in One Hour, so someone will drive halfway between Lagos and Ibadan and call it "stopping-by"?
Stopping-by on the way to where? How many times in a Month would she be stopping by?
Is she that idle that she cant find something to do with her time again?

You call the @Op "stingy", what if he was affected by the Pandemic and is just managing the little amount left between him and his wife?
It is idle people and time wasters who just keep running from one place to another, under the excuse of Casual Visit.

Women are fond of running around their Son-in-laws place, leaving their own husband isolated and most of them end up ruining their daughter's marriage.
One "Stop-by Visit" in FOur Months is enough., for anyone who is not jobless or idle.

Anyway, this busy-body behaviour, starts early in life.

Edit: many people think the @Op is about her not visiting them at all, which will be wrong.
The @Op is about her VISITING WITHOUT NOTICE, WHICH IS A MATTER OF RESPECTING ONE'S PRIVACY.
And maybe about the FREQUENCY of the Visit,
Any decent and intelligent Parent-in-law should know that newly married Couples need their privacy more than anything, let them grow together as a family, not poke-nosing into their affairs every minute.

Frankly i smell hate and intolerance in your post. Gosh, we are talking about someone who gave you her daughter here. Those who enjoy marriage see their parents- in-law as their own parents. Man if you want a blissful marriage then embrace your parent-in-law and be prepared to tolerate their excesses because your wife will treat your people same way, if not worse cos na woman get house o. So don't start what you cannot finish. And lastly i think you should go double your hustle legitimately o, so you dont get to bail whenever she comes around lol

Just be patience bro, with time she will stop coming omo is not easy o na blood o so calm down she will stop with time

Deathisfree:
Hi Nairalanders
This is really disturbing me right now,I just wedded about 2 months ago
My mother in-law first visit was 2 weeks ago, I purposely left the house before she came because I was not really bucks up
Suddenly she came this morning around 7:30 am without a pre notice. She didn’t tell my wife nor call any of us to let us know she’s coming.

She stays about 35 mins drive to my house,my parents stays about 5mins drive to my house and they can not try such and perhaps. They are too busy for all that nonsense

I’m in my room right now alone here on Nairaland seeking for advice on what to do before I do wrong. I am planning to tell my wife when her mother is gone and warm her never to let such happen again.

I Really Don't Like This Kind Of Stuff!!! They Should Allow You Settle Down First Na!

Theboy21:
Only if you have the balls to tell your mother inlaw one on one what you feel will make things better, but sending your wife to do your job will turn out bitter, trust me you won't be able to face your inlaw for five seconds when next you meet...you might need her help someday remember and she might be the most easiest person to reach base on closeness...think ahead

Don't mind him, the marriage is just two months old and he just want to destroy the whole thing.

I bet it his wife will take it personal.

Deathisfree:



It’s when I am not informed.

na wa o. Just visiting and you dey para like this. Look, we are in Africa. You can't really separate people from their families because of marriage. She is just there on a visit and you expect them to always call you. Well, you don't need to take things like this too seriously. It ruins home later. Enjoy people's company. Unless she is constituting herself a nuisance I see no reason why my mother in law can't drop in anytime to check on us and especially her daughter. We are in Africa

NB- You are the boss in your house but the moment you start enforcing it, you will lose it. You are not in competition with your mother in law. Learn how to be friends with them rather than this. Very soon, she will notice you don't like her presence and you are putting your wife in a very tight corner. You are telling her, make a choice between myself and your mum..of course she should choose you but it isn't necessary to make that choice at all.. Remember, divorce is so common nowadays and if you start like this, the marriage is starting on a shaky ground. Once you misbehave, she will quickly get Support from her families to divource you

How could OP consider this a serious issue? Na wa o.

She is the queen of her home. Hope the tell wifey that.....also applies to him too. His mother should inform both of them before coming.
I think it is best for family members to let couples know of intended visits and wait to here from them before embarking on the trip.
You can tell your wife that mom should make her visit during weekends.

2dice01:

Your are the King your House

Tell wifey when her mom is gone
You dont condole families visiting from time to time
and if any of them wanna visit you must be informed first
Be serious about it

But if her family member come again with any notification

Don't come home till he/she leaves

capitalzero:


Just walk out without Notification.visit close friends and family members to stay away from her

You want him to stay away from mama by visiting close friends and family members, without informing them also?
That's why he walked out of his own home without notification .
I'm not sure why OP sounds grumpy though, especially when the mother in law isn't staying over

I wonder what this generation is turning into....u mean u cant tolerate the visit of a woman that nurture that girl till she became a full grown woman and a wife.,that means her siblings cant even plan for stay in your house....thats too harsh man.pls readjust that attitude of yours,a visit wont make u less of a married man.

Deathisfree:
Hi Nairalanders
This is really disturbing me right now,I just wedded about 2 months ago
My mother in-law first visit was 2 weeks ago, I purposely left the house before she came because I was not really bucks up
Suddenly she came this morning around 7:30 am without a pre notice. She didn’t tell my wife nor call any of us to let us know she’s coming.

She stays about 35 mins drive to my house,my parents stays about 5mins drive to my house and they can not try such and perhaps. They are too busy for all that nonsense

I’m in my room right now alone here on Nairaland seeking for advice on what to do before I do wrong. I am planning to tell my wife when her mother is gone and warm her never to let such happen again.

it's just a pity that we African have throw away our culture due to poverty and bad orientation,as an Africa Man there is nothing like me and my wife, we have a very large family and we always leave together in peace either you are married or not as a family man your doors must be open for family and friends no one can tell what tomorrow will bring create a familiar environment,in olden days Africa Man don't go into depression or commiting suicide because they always bring family around them and in time of crisis these people will be there for you and you won't die loneliness.

ezugegere:
Marriage should be for matured adults only. I can't get angry because my mother-in-law walks into my house without pre-notifying me. Even if she come meet me fucking her daughter, na she and her daughter go fight, nothing concern me.

Yes right. But it’s immature same unreasonable not to inform someone you are coming over. Who’s not matured here ??

Deathisfree:


I see no sense in this. Even if it’s 1mins drive. There should be a notice. It’s obvious you visit people without a pre ? If so stop it ,it’s a bad habit

If them allow u u go say na civilization be this abi?

Deathisfree:


Yes right. But it’s immature same unreasonable not to inform someone you are coming over. Who’s not matured here ??

obviously you. You are still young in marriage. Listen to people that have been in it for years

Deathisfree:




I just moved to the new apartment

Please don't behave as if you are a child your mother inlaw is also your mother let her in anytime so long she is not there to stay
my mother inlaw can come to my place anytime no notice so please I know this publication is not true but I just tell you the truth

eyinjuege:


You want him to stay away from mama by visiting close friends and family members, without informing them also?
That's why he walked out of his own home without notification .
I'm not sure why OP sounds grumpy though, especially when the mother in law isn't staying over

Did I say he should not inform people before visiting?
It is bad habit. If you visit me without Notification, I would disappoint you.

Ammishaddai:
Bros endure her visit for today. After that, try and relocate to place that's far. So even if she wants to visit, she will think twice or latest call to know if you're at home

Very funny...

So if she comes unannounced again, then you move to another continent?

I'm with op on this one. a simple call before visiting is the correct manners and protocol.
I've read stories on NL where in-laws move into a couples home an take it over one by one and destroy the marriage.
Newlyweds are supposed to be bleeping each other's brains out and need their privacy for intimacy, or resting between rounds.
Soon the thrill will be gone and then comes the nagging, bills, and all kinds of marital wahala that comes with life.

alizma:

Pls calm down, with your own level of exposure and understanding, I will like you to stay back whenever she around to observe things, try to know if she does that as a sign of love for you guys or she has something hiding, also do objective assessment of your wife's family background and level of exposure to understand better what motivate her into doing that.
Finally, whatever your findings are, try and discuss with your wife so that she will stylishly tell her to always inform you guys whenever she wants to come over.
If you and your wife are in agreement that parents should inform you people before coming, then in one of her visit, you guys can stage a planned outing. Like 5 minutes after she entered, you guys start dressing up for outing and told her you have program that you are invited for then her daughter can use the opportunity to plead with her to always inform you people before coming so as to avoid such arrival when u guys are about going out or when she will come and you guys are not around. And make sure you both make her go back to her house earlier than she planned to stay and the two of you must go somewhere to avoid her catching you guys when you return home thinking she has left

You have a brilliant idea but some people think differently, may not understand like you. This might make her angry and she feels you don't like her mother, and she might take it personal. Some people love their mother so much. And this singular action might make their early marriage begin to crash. He will need to apply caution in handling this issue. Beside this man is a stingy person and not accommodative. The way he is going about it and don't see this marriage lasting for too long.

I have been married since close to 20 years now.

Kriss216:

Mariah love, you're a different person when posting with this moniker.

Kriss, it's the same personality. Maybe a bit less playful...

It's all in your mind sha.

Deathisfree:
Hi Nairalanders
This is really disturbing me right now,I just wedded about 2 months ago
My mother in-law first visit was 2 weeks ago, I purposely left the house before she came because I was not really bucks up
Suddenly she came this morning around 7:30 am without a pre notice. She didn’t tell my wife nor call any of us to let us know she’s coming.

She stays about 35 mins drive to my house,my parents stays about 5mins drive to my house and they can not try such and perhaps. They are too busy for all that nonsense

I’m in my room right now alone here on Nairaland seeking for advice on what to do before I do wrong. I am planning to tell my wife when her mother is gone and warm her never to let such happen again.

imagine you. When people say their inlaw comes to their house unannounced does not mean u too falls into that category.
35m drive to ur house is just a stone throw and it is also possible she was going somewhere and just decide to branch off or did she tell u she is planning to start leaving with u?. She also might just be missing her daughter.
Taking u unaware also means she is not expecting anything or any kind preparation to receive inlaw from you.

I guess what is eating you up is the financial aspect thinking of money to give to her, highest when she comes welcome her and go inside the room when she is done with her daughter she will go home. Telling your wife is not a good idea except she decode herself and tell her mother remember you have a mother also if your wife does that to her you won't like it. Try to accommodate her since is not everyday visit. Once in two weeks for 35mins drive is not bad.

God bless you abundantly for loving that woman like your mother.

omosuper:
Hmmm. I so much like my MIL that if I have the means today, I'd build her a beautiful mansion beside mine. "Aanu ni mori gba". She's a prayer warrior and respects my struggling ass a lot.May my MIL live long to reap the fruits of her labour. Idunnu ni onje agbalagba. Support your MIL,not only with money but also love.

themanderon:
The relationship is still new. Don't bring bad blood between your in-law and yourself. Act cool. she aint gona stay with you forever.

With the way he is behaving I don't see this marriage lasting for too long.

Deathisfree:
Hi Nairalanders
This is really disturbing me right now,I just wedded about 2 months ago
My mother in-law first visit was 2 weeks ago, I purposely left the house before she came because I was not really bucks up
Suddenly she came this morning around 7:30 am without a pre notice. She didn’t tell my wife nor call any of us to let us know she’s coming.

She stays about 35 mins drive to my house,my parents stays about 5mins drive to my house and they can not try such and perhaps. They are too busy for all that nonsense

I’m in my room right now alone here on Nairaland seeking for advice on what to do before I do wrong. I am planning to tell my wife when her mother is gone and warm her never to let such happen again.

Talk with your wife to talk with her and inform her that she should always inform you guys before coming because of economic situation

If she can't say that to her, then be the one yo do that in the presence of you all

Besides, you guys need to settle down and doing so means giving you guys a break

BuddhaPalm:


Very funny...

So if she comes unannounced again, then you move to another continent?

Oga be realistic here. Let's say you're living in Ikoyi and your in-laws are living in Ikeja, would they just pop-up for regular visits? No. They will consider so many things like distance, the traffic and the stress added to make the trip. So in such a scenario they will call and ask if you're at home. This will save you the discomfort of sharing your space with your in-laws irregular visits, and at the same time, give your home the peace it needs

It's due to limited resources.

Map1:
it's just a pity that we African have throw away our culture due to poverty and bad orientation,as an Africa Man there is nothing like me and my wife, we have a very large family and we always leave together in peace either you are married or not as a family man your doors must be open for family and friends no one can tell what tomorrow will bring create a familiar environment,in olden days Africa Man don't go into depression or commiting suicide because they always bring family around them and in time of crisis these people will be there for you and you won't die loneliness.