Deathisfree:


I see no sense in this. Even if it’s 1mins drive. There should be a notice. It’s obvious you visit people without a pre ? If so stop it ,it’s a bad habit

Notice? Hmmmm....I don't want to offend you e-folks, but I'm afraid for humanity.

First: Your muminlaw is almost your neighbor, I don't think she is obligated to call you before coming. It is like asking your wife's friends to inform you before coming to see your wife. Besides she didn't come to see your face, dats why she didn't call you. Your wife and her probably has an ongoing discussion or quarrel that you don't know about.

Second: You don't need to give her a dime. She didn't inform you before coming, so you are not obligated to give her any money either.

Send them back

She is not coming to beg u for money
She is not sleeping over
She cannot visit her daughter of just 30 minutes drive.
Op hussle, be positive and change ur mind set

Op, sorry to say, you obviously sound like a stingy and extremely private person. In a nutshell, you should only have these concerns on the condition that she has come to stay and not a casual visit like this. Or do you think you have to be bucksing her up each time she stops by?

Deathisfree:
Hi Nairalanders
This is really disturbing me right now,I just wedded about 2 months ago
My mother in-law first visit was 2 weeks ago, I purposely left the house before she came because I was not really bucks up
Suddenly she came this morning around 7:30 am without a pre notice. She didn’t tell my wife nor call any of us to let us know she’s coming.

She stays about 35 mins drive to my house,my parents stays about 5mins drive to my house and they can not try such and perhaps. They are too busy for all that nonsense

I’m in my room right now alone here on Nairaland seeking for advice on what to do before I do wrong. I am planning to tell my wife when her mother is gone and warm her never to let such happen again.

Deathisfree:


If I move to a 1000miles and she has a business in my town. She will still do the same thing

. Is your mother- in- law your enemy? Haha! If u don't fancy such unannounced visits let her know through your wife. I believe she will yield to your wish.

Deathisfree:
Hi Nairalanders
This is really disturbing me right now,I just wedded about 2 months ago
My mother in-law first visit was 2 weeks ago, I purposely left the house before she came because I was not really bucks up
Suddenly she came this morning around 7:30 am without a pre notice. She didn’t tell my wife nor call any of us to let us know she’s coming.

She stays about 35 mins drive to my house,my parents stays about 5mins drive to my house and they can not try such and perhaps. They are too busy for all that nonsense

I’m in my room right now alone here on Nairaland seeking for advice on what to do before I do wrong. I am planning to tell my wife when her mother is gone and warm her never to let such happen again.

Pls calm down, with your own level of exposure and understanding, I will like you to stay back whenever she around to observe things, try to know if she does that as a sign of love for you guys or she has something hiding, also do objective assessment of your wife's family background and level of exposure to understand better what motivate her into doing that.
Finally, whatever your findings are, try and discuss with your wife so that she will stylishly tell her to always inform you guys whenever she wants to come over.
If you and your wife are in agreement that parents should inform you people before coming, then in one of her visit, you guys can stage a planned outing. Like 5 minutes after she entered, you guys start dressing up for outing and told her you have program that you are invited for then her daughter can use the opportunity to plead with her to always inform you people before coming so as to avoid such arrival when u guys are about going out or when she will come and you guys are not around. And make sure you both make her go back to her house earlier than she planned to stay and the two of you must go somewhere to avoid her catching you guys when you return home thinking she has left

You are just a spoilt brat, your mother inlaw visit and you want to die.
What will happen if something warrant her staying permanent with you?
This is Africa my brother, learn to accommodate please ( even oynbo that we copy are regretting it at old age, when their children dumped them in care homes).
When you are old nothing matters to you again than relationship with your children.
What if you are a Pastor? where Church members will just branch in your house without any notice, especially the old and retired women.
Obviously she is not there for your money, she just misses her daughter.
Likewise women too should learn to accommodate their mother in laws.
All our parents want and need at old age is intimacy with their children and inlaws.

Nigerian men....you people will confess one day.

Shey if it was a Nigerian woman that opened this thread complaining about her husband's mother's impromptu visit everywhere for don scatter with people calling her "witch", "wicked woman" and that where was she when the husband's mother was nursing and breastfeeding her husband....

But now since it's a man that opened such nonsense thread it's okay abi?

May you all receive sense some day.

The relationship is still new. Don't bring bad blood between your in-law and yourself. Act cool. she aint gona stay with you forever.

eyinjuege:
I hope if your wife gives your own mother the same energy, you will not vex o.

Op is not matured.

Take it easy, don't say anything, it is normal in your situation.

2dice01:

Your are the King your House

Tell wifey when her mom is gone
You dont condole families visiting from time to time
and if any of them wanna visit you must be informed first
Be serious about it

But if her family member come again with any notification

Don't come home till he/she leaves

Good

Mr Deathisfree, yes you are head of the house but there are some things you don't do. do not use your hands to destroy your marriage. let your mother in-law come anytime she wants, to see her daughter. she is not your property. but make it clear that you would give her transport money or whatever money when and only when you have. that Mother in-law you want to throw out today may be your saviour tomorrow

Juliearth:





He should relocate over what words of mouth can fix?


@ Deathisfree, you can't blame your mother in-law. Its possible she doesn't know that she is crossing the line. Act normal and after she leaves, draw your wife's attention to this trend and convey your message through your wife... But its important that you leave that room and entertain your mother in-law. If you don't and she later gets your memoir, she would read meanings into it and that might just be the beginning of an avoidable brouhaha.

Bros to me o, it's not ideal for you to live close to your in-laws and the reason I say so is because of things like unexpected visits, amebo, and backbiting.

As much as it is the man's house, it's also this wife's house and her mother can visit her anytime she wants. If you Nigerian men don't understand this concept maybe you should start marrying yourselves.

mmsen:


Lol, expecting old Nigerian women to be reasonable is crazy talk.

The daughter must explain to the mother what she must do henceforth.

You're sounding as if u have a quarrel with her. My brother hustle make u no come vex wen ur MIL no come pay u unexpected visit. Money is really the issue to the extent of having in mind she came for money. Na wah o.

Deathisfree:
Hi Nairalanders
This is really disturbing me right now,I just wedded about 2 months ago
My mother in-law first visit was 2 weeks ago, I purposely left the house before she came because I was not really bucks up
Suddenly she came this morning around 7:30 am without a pre notice. She didn’t tell my wife nor call any of us to let us know she’s coming.

She stays about 35 mins drive to my house,my parents stays about 5mins drive to my house and they can not try such and perhaps. They are too busy for all that nonsense

I’m in my room right now alone here on Nairaland seeking for advice on what to do before I do wrong. I am planning to tell my wife when her mother is gone and warm her never to let such happen again.

Guy the Greatest mistake you will make in this your New Family is Opening your mouth to tell your wife something as irrelevant as this, what do you think makes you a man, you think family is for children, once you're married to a girl, you're married to virtually everything that belongs to her, please don't ever share this with your wife, this little thing can affect your new family for ever, be careful, use your sense

In this age of Mobile Phones, it is not difficult to inform someone, even if it is by text, that you will be in their House in five minutes time or you are at the door and want to come in.
But some people (including in-laws) enjoy bursting-in on others and just running roughshod over their privacy and dare you to complain.
I am sure she has a phone but just dont think she has to call to inform you.

Now, you cant keep running away from an inlaw with such mentality.
What l would do, if l were you:

1. Tell your Wife to tell her that SHE (not you) does not want her to come over without first informing her, so she can also inform her husband, so they can prepare for her visit and that visit should be limited to 'at most', ONCE in FOUR Months.

2) Refuse to open the door for her, on one of those unannounced visits (I hope it is raining that day or it is in the evening ) while letting her know that you are at home.

3) If after much pressure from your wife and you allow her in on such day, make sure she sleeps in the living room to let her know that she came in suddenly and you are not prepared for her visit and ensure she leave the next morning or that same evening, if she came in the morning.

Ofcurse, if she informs you and she is welcomed, treat her like a Queen for the period of her stay.

BTW, does she have a husband? Does she have other children, other female children? Is she still young (40- 55yrs?)
These are psychological factors that MAY affect her running around or not.

No mind the useless cretins called Nigerian men.

CHoccolaTE:
Nigerian marriages are so unfair to women

Just imagine if a wife went to sit inside room and refused to talk to her husbands mother because mama visited without notice.

Insults for yapa for this thread

The opinions here are too diverse.

The country has been changed over the years. Even next door neighbors fence off one another. But this is your mother in law or could be father.

What is clear is that because the mother is rich she would be welcomed anytime. Wake up, even rich parents could be nuisance. Poor parents could be more useful than rich parents.

Op, would you have the same attitude if they come to babysit, help the daughter with chores?

It may be unAfrican but parents have to respect themselves after marriage. She or he is under a different house rules.

Puloc:
Your wife holds d key...Once her mom is gone tell her u would prefer ur privacy with her and anybody visiting should always notify any of u.

The marriage is just two months, his wife might take it personal and this might bring an issue between them. This man is just claiming iyinbo.

I only have an issue with it, if you are coming from another state. Even if he was informed it is obvious this man is not accommodative.

Hmmm. I so much like my MIL that if I have the means today, I'd build her a beautiful mansion beside mine. "Aanu ni mori gba". She's a prayer warrior and respects my struggling ass a lot.May my MIL live long to reap the fruits of her labour. Idunnu ni onje agbalagba. Support your MIL,not only with money but also love.

Your immaturity is showing, she only came to check her daughter and you.

Why are you nagging? What will you do when your wife puts to birth?.

Which one be notification? Did she not play a role in the success of your marriage to her daughter?

Its not about the money, unless you re living a lie?

Before she leaves,tell her to always notify u or ur wife before she comes to your house. U marry her daughter,no be she(inlaw) u marry....period!

what I can say about it is that,you should get another apartment that is very far to their house like 10 to 20kilometre so,she wears not trying it again I swear��

Midas01:
As much as it is the man's house, it's also this wife's house and her mother can visit her anytime she wants. If you Nigerian men don't understand this concept maybe you should start marrying yourselves.

You are wrong, confirm.
The only house the mother inlaw has control over, is her own husband's house, not her Son-in-law's House.
To affirm my position: Can she force her way in or call the Police to come and break the door, if she is refused entry?
This siwhat ordinarily one would do, for a house that is your own.
Her Visit is at the pleasure of the owner of the House, her son-in-law.
His wife is an "appendage" to his ownership, that is, her "sub-ownership" derives from any power her husband surrenders to her.

Ownership authority (husband) is not the same thing with "resident-ship authority" (wife).

Deathisfree:
Hi Nairalanders
This is really disturbing me right now,I just wedded about 2 months ago
My mother in-law first visit was 2 weeks ago, I purposely left the house before she came because I was not really bucks up
Suddenly she came this morning around 7:30 am without a pre notice. She didn’t tell my wife nor call any of us to let us know she’s coming.

She stays about 35 mins drive to my house,my parents stays about 5mins drive to my house and they can not try such and perhaps. They are too busy for all that nonsense

I’m in my room right now alone here on Nairaland seeking for advice on what to do before I do wrong. I am planning to tell my wife when her mother is gone and warm her never to let such happen again.

May Allah deliver us from poverty. I sense that OP was afraid because of little financial responsibilities that may accompany the un announced visitation of his families and in laws. Since the woman is not coming to stay, what's wrong in that? At most she stays for 5 hrs or 9 hrs and then leave.

Deathisfree:
Hi Nairalanders
This is really disturbing me right now,I just wedded about 2 months ago
My mother in-law first visit was 2 weeks ago, I purposely left the house before she came because I was not really bucks up
Suddenly she came this morning around 7:30 am without a pre notice. She didn’t tell my wife nor call any of us to let us know she’s coming.

She stays about 35 mins drive to my house,my parents stays about 5mins drive to my house and they can not try such and perhaps. They are too busy for all that nonsense

I’m in my room right now alone here on Nairaland seeking for advice on what to do before I do wrong. I am planning to tell my wife when her mother is gone and warm her never to let such happen again.

You know she has become your mother too?
Do you expect your mother to call you before coming?
See bros better change this your mindset and treat your wife’s family the way you’ll treat your own family.

CHoccolaTE:
Nigerian marriages are so unfair to women

Just imagine if a wife went to sit inside room and refused to talk to her husbands mother because mama visited without notice.

Insults for yapa for this thread

Give me a break! How many male monikers on this thread do you see supporting the op? Majority are even insulting him. Save your victim son story abeg!

Deathisfree:
Hi Nairalanders
This is really disturbing me right now,I just wedded about 2 months ago
My mother in-law first visit was 2 weeks ago, I purposely left the house before she came because I was not really bucks up
Suddenly she came this morning around 7:30 am without a pre notice. She didn’t tell my wife nor call any of us to let us know she’s coming.

She stays about 35 mins drive to my house,my parents stays about 5mins drive to my house and they can not try such and perhaps. They are too busy for all that nonsense

I’m in my room right now alone here on Nairaland seeking for advice on what to do before I do wrong. I am planning to tell my wife when her mother is gone and warm her never to let such happen again.

Who is this foolish small underaged boy that is not due to get married

What do you want to do to her now??

All these new age marriages, just because you married someone does not mean her family should abandon her. You want to feel like a man and dictate everything then you must do it strategically! Number 1 solution is distance, Number 2 is your wife. Your wife should be the communicator, the link between her mom and husband. Trust me if you voice out your anger, you'll regret it, women are not the type to forgive such especially when the possibility that your own family might show up one day too. Communicate with your wife from a point of concern such as, what if nobody was home? Mamam should call or text so we can prepare for her. This is much more reasonable than putting on your Fadeyi Oloro outfit and spitting fire