IF U TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS IS GOOD

Hammyaladin:
I just read the headline only and I'm pissed!

If you must marry a woman with kids, do so only when you know and have confirmed from genuine sources that the husband is late (dead)

If a man is alive hael and hearty, don't ever mistake taking his divorced wife and kids. Its a charity with no reward whatsoever.

Love you say?! Love is relative my man. Don't just get to a woman cause of you love her. Check and balance iq, literacy, degree of burdening you and many other important stuff.

Ass and boobs aren't the only thing to consider ( I know you didn't mention) but i'm just saying!

God bless you. Charity without reward.
Even if the hubby is late, no matter how you struggle to assist your step kids, only few ever appreciate it. By the time you have your own kids, your step kids will also feel that you did more for your biological kids.
I have said so over many years in several posts here on Nairaland.

OP should jeje carry the load he signed up for.

Andrew87:
I got married to my wife. I love her both with the kids but the biological father of the kids is a bit wealthy and left the whole responsibilities to my wife since last year.

This is not funny because I am part of her although we hustle hard but it's not easy. He insists the kids must be with him if he must take care of them but a member of his family informed my wife that he plans to take them away and she will not see them.

Please friends what's ur take on this? Times are really hard.

Very stupid decision. Ozuor

Are you impotent ? Can't you have your own children?

Ozuor

Andrew87:
I got married to my wife. I love her both with the kids but the biological father of the kids is a bit wealthy and left the whole responsibilities to my wife since last year.

This is not funny because I am part of her although we hustle hard but it's not easy. He insists the kids must be with him if he must take care of them but a member of his family informed my wife that he plans to take them away and she will not see them.

Please friends what's ur take on this? Times are really hard.

Please look into this advice and take it serious.

You and your said wife are even lucky the ex husband is ready to have his Children and financially able enough to take care of them.

Leverage on the ex husband request to have the children back, so sit your wife down and talk to her to let the ex husband take the procession of those children. This will not only relief you from your present financial struggle.

But will reduce the risk of greater issues in years to come.

What are those that greater issue?

By the time she started giving birth to your own children or if you have any already and they are growing together within your custody.

Irrespective of how rich you are, you can not always meet up 100% with demand and request at home (financially, physical availability and so on). Even as a loving and responsible father, there are times you turn down your own children request; no matter how you cared and loved them, but it will be normal when doing to your own children but to your step children it will attract different meaning entirely. People who have been there can relate.

Also handling disciplinary issues at home, a good, loving and responsible father can not raise good children without occasionally or continually discipline the children and introducing cane (Pankere) on children is inevitable.

Then your wife or people around you will be seeing you differently when you are applying cane to correct your children and when you are correcting your steps children with the same method, no matter how hard you try to ensure equity and balance. Many people who have been there can relate better.

You can not completely erase all these issues in this scenario but you can reduce it and luckily for you, their father is ready to take them.

At this point, it's left to you.

When we say avoid single mothers especially when the father is alive, they will tell us that "love conquers all".

Let the love conquer this one na. Mumu!

Romanoff:


A struggling mum doesn't equal an incapable mum. I've seen widows and single mother struggle to raise excellent kids.

I'm this case, the father isn't dead, he's just choosing to be a deadbeat so he can take away the kids.

She should stop asking the man for money and double her hustle.

Focus on the topic
The topic is not about widows
Nor struggling women

It's a topic of a man who married a woman who came with baggages he can't take care of

He is not deadbeat
He just can't trust her enough cos like a normal nigerian woman
She wants to use the kids as a get out of jail card
Milk the man
Take his money to do business and keep asking for more cos to the deadbeat husband and her, the ex is wealthy

AyeMoJuba:


Out of 100 cases, 80% is the woman's fault. They easily succumb to third parties idea especially, if the husband has financial issues.

Yoruba has a saying that no one would willingly take a Mother Hen to the market for sale....It must mean something terrible is wrong with the Mother Hen.

What an analysis!

Romanoff:
To those telling him to let the father take his kids, if you were one of those kids, won't you resent your mother for abandoning you?

Wouldn't you ask that "what type of mother will abandon her kids?"

@Op, you knew she had kids when you married her, I know it's not easy, but you both will have to double your hustle. Get other side businesses, cut your coat according to your material.

If you'll need to downgrade their school, do so, if you'll need to move to a cheaper area, do so.

Do all you can to cut cost.

Those kids will never understand or forgive their mum in the future.

Use two side look the matter.

Another thing your wife can do is to take him to court, especially for child support.

Let her get a good lawyer if she wants him to care for his children.

MODIFIED

She can go through FIDA to sort out Co-parenting and child support agreement.

For those coming for me, if you're not capable of talking like a homosapien, don't mention me, cause I no well. I will drag you from here to Timbuktu. So come correct

Leave 9ja. After 2months he will stop sending. U see it's not easy for single mum. If I were her, I will give it to him n concentrate on my new home. I will have an agreement anyday de child go missing or is maltreated I will have d back, simple. Most 9ja women like suffering. All de single mum I know today are prostitute. Bcus I wan cater for my pikin. De people asking not to give u child to him, will not give u money

Romanoff:
To those telling him to let the father take his kids, if you were one of those kids, won't you resent your mother for abandoning you?

Wouldn't you ask that "what type of mother will abandon her kids?"

@Op, you knew she had kids when you married her, I know it's not easy, but you both will have to double your hustle. Get other side businesses, cut your coat according to your material.

If you'll need to downgrade their school, do so, if you'll need to move to a cheaper area, do so.

Do all you can to cut cost.

Those kids will never understand or forgive their mum in the future.

Use two side look the matter.

Another thing your wife can do is to take him to court, especially for child support.

Let her get a good lawyer if she wants him to care for his children.

MODIFIED

She can go through FIDA to sort out Co-parenting and child support agreement.

For those coming for me, if you're not capable of talking like a homosapien, don't mention me, cause I no well. I will drag you from here to Timbuktu. So come correct

You well. What you have said is on point.

Since you deemed it sane to marry her, knowing that she has two kids, and agreeing from the onset for you all to be together, then man up and stop complaining. It's a responsibility you put on yourself, so take it. ACT LIKE A MAN

EdoFirstBorn:


Shut up

Why would he be taking care of his kids from afar so another man can take the glory and they will call that man daddy?

Learn to keep silent

No. You should keep quiet with the hate in your heart for a mother. Why can't they agree on co parenting?

Did the woman deny him access to his kids? For her to be asking him to provide for hiss kids means she's open to him being in their lives even of she's married.

Take your misogyny out of my mentions cause im not here for it. If my comments repulses you that much, ignore it for people with a more rational reasoning to comment.

Romanoff:
To those telling him to let the father take his kids, if you were one of those kids, won't you resent your mother for abandoning you?

Wouldn't you ask that "what type of mother will abandon her kids?"

@Op, you knew she had kids when you married her, I know it's not easy, but you both will have to double your hustle. Get other side businesses, cut your coat according to your material.

If you'll need to downgrade their school, do so, if you'll need to move to a cheaper area, do so.

Do all you can to cut cost.

Those kids will never understand or forgive their mum in the future.

Use two side look the matter.

Another thing your wife can do is to take him to court, especially for child support.

Let her get a good lawyer if she wants him to care for his children.

MODIFIED

She can go through FIDA to sort out Co-parenting and child support agreement.

For those coming for me, if you're not capable of talking like a homosapien, don't mention me, cause I no well. I will drag you from here to Timbuktu. So come correct

You're wise

I know sey the replies go make person fit let person laff faint. Nairaland o!

SoftChordz:
same way u think ur thoughts matter n responded to my post...


[s]Babymama with one kid MIGHT BE acceptable for few weak men bc along the line n life she will definitely meet up with baby daddy n might continue sleeping with him bc women r emotionally unstable n can't be trusted. All she needs is one tiny reason maybe a little misunderstanding with her husband n her baby daddy is around the corner the ..... okafors law is imminent[/s].

His life, His choice, your opinion does not matter.

ednut1:
Why should any sane man marry a mum of two. Some men are just stupid abeg

Especially when the father is alive.

vickydevoka:

Leave 9ja. After 2months he will stop sending. U see it's not easy for single mum. If I were her, I will give it to him n concentrate on my new home. I will have an agreement anyday de child go missing or is maltreated I will have d back, simple. Most 9ja women like suffering. All de single mum I know today are prostitute. Bcus I wan cater for my pikin. De people asking not to give u child to him, will not give u money

They will still use it to insult her on the future and even turn her kids against her. Make she just see herself like widow so she can double her hustle and care for the kids.

Katier00:
they are humans, that need motherly love and care not property. Op if you can afford training those children please do and God will bless you. You can see that the biological father is not responsible.

how is the man not responsible aunty..he got her pregnant but can't marry her for whatever reason s.oya give him his kids to raise as being wealthy..she said NO..fine take care of them yourselfs..she still complain of hardship..meanwhile u have a man who has married you oh..is it the responsibility of the biological father to spoonfeed anoda fellow man In name of child support?Never..it's your Newman's duy now to inherit the burden

Andrew87:
I got married to my wife. I love her both with the kids but the biological father of the kids is a bit wealthy and left the whole responsibilities to my wife since last year.

This is not funny because I am part of her although we hustle hard but it's not easy. He insists the kids must be with him if he must take care of them but a member of his family informed my wife that he plans to take them away and she will not see them.

Please friends what's ur take on this? Times are really hard.

When you decide to spend your life with someone, you automatically accepted what ever baggage they come with. In essence you choose to embark on a road trip with someone who has 2 passenger that can't be left behind, you can't mid journey start complaining that your shock absorber can't carry the weight of the two extras. You ought to haves accessed your vehicle before you embarked on the journey in other words count the cost.

You guys will have to pray and try harder the minute you married your wife you became a father, stop expecting a rich low life who ought to be responsible for his kids to assume your responsibility. Further more Mr ex wants to control the trajectory of your wife's life even though they are no longer together (I suspect your wife initiated the separation), your coming into the picture serves as a brick wall to that mission.

The more you take from him the more solid grounds he has by law to file for their custody, should he win it will crush your wife, and you will end up with a broken woman and no kids.

Vireani79:


Focus on the topic
The topic is not about widows
Nor struggling women

It's a topic of a man who married a woman who came with baggages he can't take care of

He is not deadbeat
He just can't trust her enough cos like a normal nigerian woman
She wants to use the kids as a get out of jail card
Milk the man
Take his money to do business and keep asking for more cos to the deadbeat husband and her, the ex is wealthy

Milk the man for what?

If they were married and are now divorced, she's no longer entitled to alimony. How is a man caring for his child by laying child support now a get out of jail card?

There are several ways to do it. He can choose their school, last their fees himself, buy their clothes himself and she would just be responsible for feeding them.

How is that hard?

lakefist:


I am talking from experience. How many matters have passed through court yet no implementation.

People get tired of delayed implementation and just decide to leave matters to God.

Don't mind them jare.

It may also be that the man left the marriage for security reasons.

The moment you discover that your wife is becoming too close to a particular man. You may want to reconsider your relationship with such a woman.

Moreover, if you are seen to be a man of means.

Talking from experience here.

Hmmmm

grandlexuz:


Your write up is biased and totally leaning towards the female gender. I don't see how kids living with their dad amounts to being abandoned by their mum. When my wife abandoned me three years ago I Iived with my kids for two years in a different town, taking care of their every needs even with deteriorating health condition. The had a phone of their own through their mum could reach them directly. During holidays I made sure the visited her..

When parents separate it is very important both parties get involved in the upbringing of the kids. Getting involve doesn't just mean financially but by spending time and guiding the kids too. From the write up the lady wouldn't let the man be with the kids because of rumours that he plans to runoff with them. Why should a father not have his kids over?

The lady and the dad of the kids need to work out an amicable settlement irrespective of their differences for the betterment of the kids. Whatever the settlement both parties spending time with the kids should be a guiding factor. It is the responsibility of the man to pay his kids school fees and put the lady on an upkeep allowance for the kids if the settle for the kids to be with her. The man also deseves acess to his kids.

In Cameroon most well to do men stay with their kids after a separation especially if the woman eventually remarries. For a year now my kids have been with their mum because I have been very mobile. I pay their fees and buy their personal effects, I put their mum on a 300 US Dollars equivalent monthly allowance for their upkeep. I'm not wealthy and its an enormous sacrifice I do for my kids offcourse... Oops I forgot this story wasnt about me...Lol

The man write up is good idea. I supported d kids to b with d mother. Though it depend on d age of d kids, if their age is BTW 3-7 years and u expect d father to take d custodian of d kids which is totally wrong. As u said both parties need to settle in upbringing of those kids. Not all men is as good as u, There are some men, immediately she released d kids, d mother will never set her eye on them again. I know a woman that does what u said, its going to 15 years now, she never set her eye on her children. All their family have relocated to abroad. The family d woman know have relocated to Bayelsa and d woman doesn't know their family house in Balyesa.

Na problem hide for corner you go one torch light look for am...

As single girl deh everywhere deh go pastor adeboye church and oyedepo you say na after 2....engine weh don enter 0-40 na hin you wan rebore...

Jesus carry him cross....you go carrry this one alone also...No come here disturb ooo...after two put honey for puna for you...u wan die there you no know no say buhari go be president

EdoFirstBorn:
[s][/s]

Trash

Na them Didn't he see or plan the kids before getting married to their mother Oniranu

Romanoff:


No. You should keep quiet with the hate in your heart for a mother. Why can't they agree on co parenting?

Did the woman deny him access to his kids? For her to be asking him to provide for hiss kids means she's open to him being in their lives even of she's married.

Take your misogyny out of my mentions cause im not here for it. If my comments repulses you that much, ignore it for people with a more rational reasoning to comment.

With due respect to your person.

I think you have never experienced how manipulative such women can be.

Most especially, when it is perceived that the ex spouse is wealthy.

It is not an experience any responsible man should go through.

Oftentimes, it is the responsible men that go through these ordeals.

Romanoff:
To those telling him to let the father take his kids, if you were one of those kids, won't you resent your mother for abandoning you?

Wouldn't you ask that "what type of mother will abandon her kids?"

@Op, you knew she had kids when you married her, I know it's not easy, but you both will have to double your hustle. Get other side businesses, cut your coat according to your material.

If you'll need to downgrade their school, do so, if you'll need to move to a cheaper area, do so.

Do all you can to cut cost.

Those kids will never understand or forgive their mum in the future.

Use two side look the matter.

Another thing your wife can do is to take him to court, especially for child support.

Let her get a good lawyer if she wants him to care for his children.

MODIFIED

She can go through FIDA to sort out Co-parenting and child support agreement.

For those coming for me, if you're not capable of talking like a homosapien, don't mention me, cause I no well. I will drag you from here to Timbuktu. So come correct

To what end if i may ask you? Why do all these just to take care of another Man's kids? Children that will grow up and still look for their biological father and bear his name? Why carry another man's load?

Dear OP, the above is a very wrong advice. In the future, you will regret wasting your life raising another man's kids and it will be too late to do anything about it. Even the so called wife you are trying to please can leave you at anytime. If she can leave a rich man after two kids, she can leave your struggling ass as well. Be wise. Let the father take care of his kids and face your own life.

Romanoff:


Milk the man for what?

If they were married and are now divorced, she's no longer entitled to alimony. How is a man caring for his child by laying child support now a get out of jail card?

There are several ways to do it. He can choose their school, last their fees himself, buy their clothes himself and she would just be responsible for feeding them.

How is that hard?

U don too watch American movies

We don't do alimony in nigeria

And yes many women use children living with them to milk men
Responsible for feeding them.
Won't this man also eat from the food paid for by the wealthy man

Look it's simple
The kids dont have to be with her since she and her husband are struggling
Let the wealthy man have his kids
He won't feed her and her husband through the lie of paying for his kids

Return the kids
And have peace

DirtyGold:
This thread is annoying me sef

Well done captain save a hoe... if she was so great, she won't be divorced now! Fresh girls are turning 18 every single day but, your sense failed you so badly that you had to marry a single mother of two.

No sensible man throws away a good woman that gives him peace especially if they have children together. Don't worry, what her former husband saw and divorced her, you'll see it too in due time.
How you people manage your situation is your headache.

What's tha business?

So if someone make a mistake and seek for advice on how to manage the situation and make things easy for self is it wise to only para, rebuke and condemn the person without giving, even if na, one kobo advice?

No matter how irrational or foolish a decision is made by a person, an advice can help. No human is perfect or free without flaw!

seunmsg:


To what end if i may ask you? Why do all these just to take care of another Man's kids? Children that will grow up and still look for their biological father and bear his name? Why carry another man's load?

Dear OP, the above is a very wrong advice. In the future, you will regret wasting your life raising another man's kids and it will be too late to do anything about it. Even the so called wife you are trying to please can leave you at anytime. If she can leave a rich man after two kids, she can leave your struggling ass as well. Be wise. Let the father take care of his kids and face your own life.

I believe it's part of what he thought of before marrying a woman with two kids. If he is not capable of supporting the kids, the woman should double her hustle or head to court.

. ...its not weather... As rain go fall weather wan change... It's whether...

sam564:
weather she is divorced or not o, weather she got the children out of wedlock or not o....
my brother!!!!!!! u absolutely made ur choice brahhh.....


even if the real father chooses to take responsibilty of the children, one way or the other u will still contribute ur own to the bringing up of those children... the day u accepted to marry her, u already soccom to taking them along... them dey use u play kalokalo.....
hop say u even get ur own pikin with her...

God!!! I stand on behalf of the jobless guys to pray for a sudden miracle of change of status, let the husbandman be the first partaker!!!! amen


I meeeuuuvvveee