Scopgel1:
Lets say me and u we viewingthingsfrom different angle. Am putting her on a saver side to save her marriage bcus she already knows what the problem is so why the road that leads to a broken home. A question is Is divorce the answer ? Many people here are facing worst issues in there marriage but keeping the marriage gives them reward later " as far as violence is not involved though "

My major issue is with the assertion that she has to submit to a man who according to her is currently cheating on her, in order to make the marriage work. Why does she need to submit to that in the name of keeping her marriage together?

Why not ask her instead to stand her ground so she can get that which she desires in her life.. the right to be considered an equal partner in her union?

Should one submits ones very own soul to that which it is against simply to avoid divorce? There are equally many examples of people out there who submitted and ended up regretting it too. So there is no one size fits all in this issue.

[quote author=Kobojunkiee post=105691546] Seems the Op expected to be considered an equal partner in her relationship, or at least to have a say, but is currently being denied that which she wanted. Your suggestion is that she deny herself even more in order to please the man's ego. Is that really what you consider advice?

If this was a daughter of yours, would you advice her to submit to a man who considers her say worthless in marriage? [now i know you're not an in-line reader. I said suggest your best solution for the op. Afterall, i didn't force my suggestion on her.]

lilvicky68:
I believe you know the right thing to do..

But just know that your ex won't marry you if you leave your marriage..

A bottle of kunu for you... Her eye go clear

Babastrong:

now i know you're not an in-line reader. I said suggest your best solution for the op. Afterall, i didn't force my suggestion on her.

I am trying to understand the reasoning behind your suggestion is why I ask.

Zuchey91:
I need matured inputs please.

I am a married woman, with a child.

My Marriage has been really rocky. Quarrels every now and then.

What basically causes the problems is our differences, we just don’t understand each other, it wasn’t so visible during dating.

Although we did not date for long....but being married, it has been from one issue to the other, right from a week after our wedding.

I have always contemplated leaving, but I am yet to be fully independent.

Sometime this year, I found out he has been cheating (I was not surprised, but I was heart-broken) my discovery strengthened my resolve to leave the union.

In the process of nursing my heartbreak, I reconnected with an ex, we got talking and he helped my heal. I did not tell him what I was going through at the time...I was just enjoying the attention he was showing me.

I should state that I did not tell my husband about his cheating, I held all the emotions back, it was a very difficult period for me because I am usually the outspoken type.

My ex is not based in the country where me and my husband reside, we just communicate on phone, he says he misses me and would want us to meet when he is in town.

I should also state that my ex was married but divorced.

I would not deny my having feelings for my ex, and I also do not want to believe in a fairytale ending, I am just confused.

Lol. This is what I have always said. If I check your tribe now, I wouldn't be surprised.

You still have feelings for your ex or feelings for his abroad money and comfort?

Your husband did a bad thing cheating on you but I advise both of you to work things out. The only issue is that your eyes don already dey outside. Do as you so please!

Zuchey91:


No, I recently told him about the cheating part.

Very wrong move

Sometimes I wonder if lots of reason isn't put into certain actions.

You kinda just wanna do an all out revenge and this is what is killing you.

Think before you leap oo because no man will love that child like her father.

It's all about that child now and not about selfish interest. If you let your selfish interest override you it might yield an unexpected end.

As for your husband, if he's truly a cheat as you claim, then it's only time that can check mate him.

Everyone always feel they can control future outcomes but none can't. Just let time deal with him,

It's painful but according to what successful couples have told me is that you build your marriage and home.

Don't bury the betrayal, let it go, free your heart and mind. Look at him as a life time project.

I have seen on two occasions ladies left marriage due to various reasons... Only to meet men who turned out to be violent and abusive.

Madam do you know Jesus ? If your ex is still interested in you after marriage and a child then he is a wicked and irresponsible man. and do you think you ex doesn't have an other woman in his life? my advice for you are.
1. You child will be the one to suffer at the end, so go back to you husband and tell your ex to go pray over the situation, read the Bible , forgive your husband , and embrace peace.
2. You ex is a cheat that's why he is divorced and soon he will use u and clean mouth. and us you current marriage as an excuss to dump you.
3. Look at God and turn a way from evil, you know your husband has wrong you, going to your ex is not a solution, Jesus is the only solution you need .

Note: The devil is out to destroy families guide your family and don't allow the last 3 years wasted. remember your vow for better for worse , This is the worsre be patient and tell the devil that you worship a leaving God.

That your ex will also cheat and you will be running from one man to the other. My sister stay with your husband. The reality is that 99% of married men still cheat on their wife even the one you envy their marriage and wish yours is/was like theirs. Take your mind of your husband extra marital affairs and focus on raising your children and building a strong home... If your husband take good care of the family without any lack my sister give thanks to Almighty God.

Zuchey91:
I need matured inputs please.

I am a married woman, with a child.

My Marriage has been really rocky. Quarrels every now and then.

What basically causes the problems is our differences, we just don’t understand each other, it wasn’t so visible during dating.

Although we did not date for long....but being married, it has been from one issue to the other, right from a week after our wedding.

I have always contemplated leaving, but I am yet to be fully independent.

Sometime this year, I found out he has been cheating (I was not surprised, but I was heart-broken) my discovery strengthened my resolve to leave the union.

In the process of nursing my heartbreak, I reconnected with an ex, we got talking and he helped my heal. I did not tell him what I was going through at the time...I was just enjoying the attention he was showing me.

I should state that I did not tell my husband about his cheating, I held all the emotions back, it was a very difficult period for me because I am usually the outspoken type.

My ex is not based in the country where me and my husband reside, we just communicate on phone, he says he misses me and would want us to meet when he is in town.

I should also state that my ex was married but divorced.

I would not deny my having feelings for my ex, and I also do not want to believe in a fairytale ending, I am just confused.

Do you drink acid because someone drank acid? No!

Zuchey91:
I need matured inputs please.

I am a married woman, with a child.

My Marriage has been really rocky. Quarrels every now and then.

What basically causes the problems is our differences, we just don’t understand each other, it wasn’t so visible during dating.

Although we did not date for long....but being married, it has been from one issue to the other, right from a week after our wedding.

I have always contemplated leaving, but I am yet to be fully independent.

Sometime this year, I found out he has been cheating (I was not surprised, but I was heart-broken) my discovery strengthened my resolve to leave the union.

In the process of nursing my heartbreak, I reconnected with an ex, we got talking and he helped my heal. I did not tell him what I was going through at the time...I was just enjoying the attention he was showing me.

I should state that I did not tell my husband about his cheating, I held all the emotions back, it was a very difficult period for me because I am usually the outspoken type.

My ex is not based in the country where me and my husband reside, we just communicate on phone, he says he misses me and would want us to meet when he is in town.

I should also state that my ex was married but divorced.

I would not deny my having feelings for my ex, and I also do not want to believe in a fairytale ending, I am just confused.

it has been ur desire b4 now to reconnect with ur ex, what other advise do u need u've already advised urself, ingaramous nonetity

Zuchey91:
I need matured inputs please.

I am a married woman, with a child.

My Marriage has been really rocky. Quarrels every now and then.

What basically causes the problems is our differences, we just don’t understand each other, it wasn’t so visible during dating.

Although we did not date for long....but being married, it has been from one issue to the other, right from a week after our wedding.

I have always contemplated leaving, but I am yet to be fully independent.

Sometime this year, I found out he has been cheating (I was not surprised, but I was heart-broken) my discovery strengthened my resolve to leave the union.

In the process of nursing my heartbreak, I reconnected with an ex, we got talking and he helped my heal. I did not tell him what I was going through at the time...I was just enjoying the attention he was showing me.

I should state that I did not tell my husband about his cheating, I held all the emotions back, it was a very difficult period for me because I am usually the outspoken type.

My ex is not based in the country where me and my husband reside, we just communicate on phone, he says he misses me and would want us to meet when he is in town.

I should also state that my ex was married but divorced.

I would not deny my having feelings for my ex, and I also do not want to believe in a fairytale ending, I am just confused.

How did you leave your ex, why didn't you get married? Since you guys connect so well. Start by answering this first

chatinent:


Clap for yourself.

You have given him more verses to use subtle means to get at you and have you to his fullest only to dump you and marry his fiancee.

I no know say your sense dey sleep. I see you coming back here after you've played adventure with your ex starting a new topic with “my friend told me that her ex...”

Yeah, I get it, you aren't happy in the marriage. You want love. You want attention... I can relate. Is this the way to achieve it?

With due respect, respect your about-to-be used self!

Have a nice century!

thank u very much ur head get oil

Pls just remain confused

Attention strike you dead in your dirty country Nigeria. Slavery monkey

Strongbest:






I talk am already say you be mumu. You are even slower than I've thought. Abeg go and keep swimming in your dirt, pig.

For the sake of my reputation here, I will let you just get lost as I have earlier advised you.

Hope you enjoyed the little attention though.

Na so dem dey carry another man pikin come home. ashewo.com

Simran94:
Women have really suffered and will continue to suffer in the hands of African communities.

A man cheats on his wife but doesn't feel any remorse about it by confessing to his wife, yet people are blaming her for her husband's wrong-doing. How can anyone say she should ask her husband why he cheated on her? Really? Will this same energy be given to a woman if she cheats on her husband?

I just wish Prenuptial agreements will be signed into law in Africa, this is the major thing that will reduce the rate of cheating. At least, if you don't want to loose your money to your wife, you would learn to keep IT between your legs!!!!

One reason why I always says Ladies should be financially dependent before going into marriage!!!

Hello there,

I don't support her husband cheating. If she found out he did with evidences, she has every right to dump him...but the payback of a thing, it's not justified.

Her ex will never marry her!

Most men go back to exes to re-accomplish the lost gone sexcapades.

U are a big cheat urself. Just looking for an opportunity to bed ur ex and ur hubby gave it to u.

Las las na abroad go kill some ladies.

preciousMI1:

A bottle of kunu for you... Her eye go clear

Kunu for him to drink and go and cheat?

Na wa for ladies sha

Kobojunkiee:
1. You mention a lack of agreement between you and your husband. Can you give an example of what it is you argue about or can't seem to see eye to eye on?

2. You mentioned he cheated and you were hurt by it. Why not open up, in a non-confrontational manner mind you, about this to him. There is a communication wall that has developed between you two and until that wall starts to come down, nothing is going to change between you two, is what I think here. And you bottling up your hurt isn't making it any better at all.

Marriage cannot survive when both parties isolate themselves emotionally.

3. Leave the ex out of this abeg! The last thing you want is to emotionally cheat on your husband. Two wrongs don't make a right!

Op, this is the best advice here. That’s if you really want to salvage your marriage.

Zuchey91:
I need matured inputs please.

I am a married woman, with a child.

My Marriage has been really rocky. Quarrels every now and then.

What basically causes the problems is our differences, we just don’t understand each other, it wasn’t so visible during dating.

Although we did not date for long....but being married, it has been from one issue to the other, right from a week after our wedding.

I have always contemplated leaving, but I am yet to be fully independent.

Sometime this year, I found out he has been cheating (I was not surprised, but I was heart-broken) my discovery strengthened my resolve to leave the union.

In the process of nursing my heartbreak, I reconnected with an ex, we got talking and he helped my heal. I did not tell him what I was going through at the time...I was just enjoying the attention he was showing me.

I should state that I did not tell my husband about his cheating, I held all the emotions back, it was a very difficult period for me because I am usually the outspoken type.

My ex is not based in the country where me and my husband reside, we just communicate on phone, he says he misses me and would want us to meet when he is in town.

I should also state that my ex was married but divorced.

I would not deny my having feelings for my ex, and I also do not want to believe in a fairytale ending, I am just confused.

Your husband cheated and you went and reconnected with your ex, aunty ex men what happened to the vows you both made before the Lord on the altar? Why not resolve the issue with him than running to your ex.
My generation is only prepared for wedding not the marriage relationship itself, kaii is a burden.
Lord help us

Honestly, I don't know your location, I for like host u Wella.. u av given a credible advise to her so the choice is hers to follow or ignore.


Respect to you bro. I barely comment here but had to after going through ur comments. KUDOS.

chatinent:


Clap for yourself.

You have given him more verses to use subtle means to get at you and have you to his fullest only to dump you and marry his fiancee.

I no know say your sense dey sleep. I see you coming back here after you've played adventure with your ex starting a new topic with “my friend told me that her ex...”

Yeah, I get it, you aren't happy in the marriage. You want love. You want attention... I can relate. Is this the way to achieve it?

With due respect, respect your about-to-be used self!

Have a nice century!

ugotaya:


Op. come let me tell you something as a sister to sister. let lives Enlish grammar out of this...lol.

First, you want to retaliate because your husband is cheated on you ... You have suddenly forgotten as a woman that your integrity is as stake here
Secondly, you want to go back to your EX. that doesn't find you worthy as a wife
Thirdly, you want to break your marriage vow which you plegde infront of God and men therefore this can lead to reproach, sin and diseases.
And have you ever consider the situaton you are going to put your child because of your actions and the consequences?

Nigeria men are well know to chop and clean mouth, Yes, they are notorious for doing this...we hate them for it but think of your baby and let this marriage work.
If you really love this man then you can invest in this marriage and it will work for you.

Here is a little test for you:- JUST PRETEND THAT YOU HAVE LEFT YOUR HUBBY AND ASK YOUR EX. TO TELL YOU THE NEXT STEP IN YOUR ''adulterous RELATIONSHIP. if he still continue to pick your call after 2 weeks then you are the queen for him.

a word is a enough for the wise

Your last paragraph made a whole lotta sense.

Zuchey91:


Our upbringing is totally different, he comes from a family where women are supposed to be suffering and still be silent...this I found out after marriage...and I come from a family where women have a say.

I know how it would end if I tell him about it and I am not ready to go down that road. I am tired of the constant quarrels.
I can say I have gotten to my elastic limit and I have no strength of fighting for this union anymore in me.

the only thing in that your head is to bleed your ex after wish your eyes go clear.

Okortor:
Honestly, I don't know your location, I for like host u Wella.. u av given a credible advise to her so the choice is hers to follow or ignore.


Respect to you bro. I barely comment here but had to after going through ur comments. KUDOS.

Thanks boss.

I'm in South East.

May I send my account number address?

Zuchey91:
I need matured inputs please.

I am a married woman, with a child.

My Marriage has been really rocky. Quarrels every now and then.

What basically causes the problems is our differences, we just don’t understand each other, it wasn’t so visible during dating.

Although we did not date for long....but being married, it has been from one issue to the other, right from a week after our wedding.

I have always contemplated leaving, but I am yet to be fully independent.

Sometime this year, I found out he has been cheating (I was not surprised, but I was heart-broken) my discovery strengthened my resolve to leave the union.

In the process of nursing my heartbreak, I reconnected with an ex, we got talking and he helped my heal. I did not tell him what I was going through at the time...I was just enjoying the attention he was showing me.

I should state that I did not tell my husband about his cheating, I held all the emotions back, it was a very difficult period for me because I am usually the outspoken type.

My ex is not based in the country where me and my husband reside, we just communicate on phone, he says he misses me and would want us to meet when he is in town.

I should also state that my ex was married but divorced.

I would not deny my having feelings for my ex, and I also do not want to believe in a fairytale ending, I am just confused.

Better don't pull down the home U ve built with your own hands. I ll advise U to draw Ur husband's attention to d issue of cheat or no cheat so as to hear something from his mouth. This type of problem happened in my house just 2 months ago n my wife confronted me wt same allegation of cheat. Truth be told,I never expected her to say it to my face but she did.I was a bit diplomatical n end up twisting her that d allegation is not true ( knowing fully well that she's correct). We settled it amicably n things returned to normal. D earlier U cut off from dt Ur ex d better

Show him evidence and pack your bags..Next he will be on Anti retroviral drugs secretly without disclosing his HIV status to you...
I can tell you vividly that @least 40% of Nigerian women are battling with one STI/STDs or the other. funny enough they tag it toilet infection..

Zuchey91:


Our upbringing is totally different, he comes from a family where women are supposed to be suffering and still be silent...this I found out after marriage...and I come from a family where women have a say.

I know how it would end if I tell him about it and I am not ready to go down that road. I am tired of the constant quarrels.
I can say I have gotten to my elastic limit and I have no strength of fighting for this union anymore in me.

Madam, one thing is telling me you don't respect your husband at home, you don't allowing him to be the man and take charge. If you are having your say every time, you will frustrate your man and create a communication brick wall.

When communication is near zero, a man is not allowed to be man and you control as a woman. The man will cheat, and thats what is happening, he will find another woman who will worship him.

Solution now, discuss very very politely about you challenges in the marriage and promise to make amends. And I believe he will promise to make amends

Leave the cheating aspect, pretend as if it was not important. Let his conscience deal with him.

He will retrace his steps. The reason, he cheated was cos of the crisis into he home initially. He needed a soul mate, so far you cannot be that for him, he found another woman.

Pls calm down and build your marriage. God will intervene

Marriage nah nonsense for this our generation. Me wey don tire for my marriage self. I will be happy if my wife can say she's no long interested in our union again. Make I get freedom self. Life no get second chance.