seunny4lif:
Your write up show say you never marry

You are a kid.
So from my write up you can deduce my marital status?
The way some of you reason hey!!!!!

If it was her own younger brother,do you think she will get mad?

Accept it or not
It's all about the tolerance level of the wife. Cos on the contrary, how would the man react to his wife's younger sister entering & using his kitchen ? Men don't give a hoot about all these trivial shhhts. I bet the wife would be so glad if it were her own sibling that got into her kitchen. Just too many over-possessive girls around.

Acidosis:

How long have you been with this family? What is your relationship like with your brother's wife?

But then, what kind of hunger will make you enter another man/woman's kitchen to make okro soup and eba? This is beyond hunger abeg.

tolakush92:
Good evening nlders I’ll be very brief and precise .This thing has been bothering my mind and I felt I should seek for reasonable and experienced opinions from senior men them on this forum .

The issue is .. is it a bad thing to cook in my Brothers house (although he has a wife and kids ) .His wife felt bad yesterday cus I cooked small okra and Eba cus I was hungry . The only food she likes me to cook in her kitchen is indomie . I feel if there Is love what’s there if I cook anything I want to eat in the kitchen .must I always take permission to cook

Pls I want to know if it’s right or wrong

Front page pls

Reading most write up here I don't even know how some people do reason. The woman is at fault if the woman younger brother come visiting will she restrict her younger brother from going to the kitchen to cook whatever he likes and if her husband decided to restrict her younger brother from the kitchen, will she be happy..... capital letter NO

seunny4lif:
Your write up show say you never marry

He said d truth and e be like sey na u e follow talk .

Wisdom is profitable to direct.
You should have been more subtle.
Times have changed, what was obtainable in the past have lost bearing in our present society.
At this age and time, you shouldn't cook anything without her permission, more when it becomes soup, a hot line for comparison. .
Indomie is same same. Who would later ask why and how her soup isn't as delicate as yours have been?
This is the modern wife, feminism demands it.

olabrinks:
I’m not being funny but women born after 1990 should not have this stupid olden day mentality of the “kitchen belongs to me only”. It’s weird and stupid. The Kitchen does not belong to the wife of the house, if someone is hungry and they want to cook, let them cook. If someone wants to bath will they ask for permission before using the bathroom? What nonsense.

Agreed o, but that person should cook with his gas and buy his food stuff...that's how anybody will enter the kitchen and poison the whole family

pocohantas:


Reading your story, the problem is not that you cooked in “HER” kitchen, I don’t know why even women didn’t spot that. The problem is that you cooked okra soup and possibly ate it alone.

When you are in a family house, most times it is better to go with what is on the family menu, except if they are eating something so terrible that goes against your body/digestive system. From cooking okra soup, you will start cooking your own stew, then buy your own water. It gives off a disunity vibe. That is the problem, not your okra soup.

If you like cooking so much, then cook for everyone and take over the kitchen. That is what I do when I am visiting my aunty. I don’t go and cook only my okra soup.

This one will just jump to comment without greeting, zero manners however did you take into consideration how gross it would be to take up a role that was not delegated to him, You think a man want to return home to eat his brother food when he has a wife @ home, probably salt one side n oil on the other side, from the story does it look like he as being cooking for the family
it is not the visiting inlaw perogative to decide what the family would eat and if the wife feels the kitchen is her birth right why not make provision for ur visitor before leaving the house,hunger should be anticipated for an idle mind, where their is no love anything will be an issue, wives bro & sis visit them in their husband house, why can't we see them opening thread to complain, afterall we are talking about (men)the real owners of every part of the house

Nwachi22:


…..Come to think that this comment is coming from a female. Always making insensitive and agbero comments.
It’s not about the woman’s mentality. It’s about respecting boundaries. The OP should either respect boundaries or rent his own apartment.

it has nothing to do with respect but everything to do with oppressing outsiders that come to spend time in your house outside of your comfort. If your mother/siblings/close family or friends came to stay at your house, will those rules of “respecting boundaries” still apply? We both know the answer to that deep down. When in-laws come to the house, there’s this defence and shield that wives suddenly like to pull up, even when there’s no need. You’re actually doing more harm than good.

@Op; why are you telling a fake, make-belief and fictitious story?

This same day that you claimed that you cooked in the kitchen which made your SIL not to be happy; were you not in hospital as you claimed in this thread below?
https://www.nairaland.com/6714630/phone-repairs-unlocking-screen-replacement/2#107451272

When I read your complaint it just didn’t sound real that your SIL will be upset because you made some food in the kitchen especially since you claim that you have been living with your brother and SIL for some time. It just didn’t add up and I didn’t see any reason why she should be angry being that you have been living with them for a while now as you said. That’s when I knew that you just opened this thread to create an unnecessary gender war and for people to abuse women who like to have control of the kitchen.

Use your time for better things than creating fake stories. ENOUGH SAID.

Sanchez01:

Lol! The toilet seems easier for me to let go of. The reason is that I have a stash of toilet cleaners and wouldn't mind cleaning properly before using it. You see that kitchen, ehn... Even if you have left after a few days, I'd still feel it was violated no matter how careful you were in there.

I am kitchen-obsessed.

Ehhh. Come give me out of your stash na? No be detergent and bleach again? You must be a good cook, because men do not even remember they have kitchens. Let alone being territorial about it.

valentineuwakwe:
Am a senior man so listen. ...



You did nothing bad in cooking in your brothers house but know that he is no longer your brother but our brother and a woman owns that kitchen now. If the wife feels bad perhaps you guys are not dat close n no bond yet so she still see you as an intruder n feels unhappy. Dont let it weight you down, just habe a heart to heart talk woth her n clear all her irrational feelings about it. You will see, she will laugh over it n get to be very veey close to her n she will be more free n even allow you use her make up too
Cheers

i don't think its a good idea for him to walk up to the wife directly esp. when the husband as already taken sides, she will just use him to catch cruise n feel like a boss, however. communication is sacrosanct, he should call his brother n talk with him, the brother is in best position to resolve the whole matter.

greenie77:
Your brother's house is equally his wife's home. Just as your father's siblings had to respect boundaries (believing they did) when he started his own nuclear family, so should you.

When it comes to your brother's house, his nuclear family (wife and kids) rank up before you.

Truth in crystal form

tolakush92:
Good evening nlders I’ll be very brief and precise .This thing has been bothering my mind and I felt I should seek for reasonable and experienced opinions from senior men them on this forum .

The issue is .. is it a bad thing to cook in my Brothers house (although he has a wife and kids ) .His wife felt bad yesterday cus I cooked small okra and Eba cus I was hungry . The only food she likes me to cook in her kitchen is indomie . I feel if there Is love what’s there if I cook anything I want to eat in the kitchen .must I always take permission to cook

Pls I want to know if it’s right or wrong

Front page pls

Understanding matters in every thing we do

Your sister inlaw is not just comfortable having you around, not just about cooking

Probably she is not getting enough recognition and respect from you

Or your brother pays less attention and gives her less audience

Or she just want you to come around briefly and go, not staying long to cook

Well, respect her kitchen

tollyboy5:

Siblings don't rank higher but wife is not blood. Let's face reality, wife might change but blood remains blood forever.
Blood don't need to make better for worst oath . we all know blood naturally comes with love

Wife is joined to her husband and they become one. Siblings are not joined together to becomeone. Many siblings/family betray each other even though they are blood. That's even worse.

When a man is married, his wife becomes his first priority over his siblings. She had more rights in the house than his family.

tolakush92:
Good evening nlders I’ll be very brief and precise .This thing has been bothering my mind and I felt I should seek for reasonable and experienced opinions from senior men them on this forum .

The issue is .. is it a bad thing to cook in my Brothers house (although he has a wife and kids ) .His wife felt bad yesterday cus I cooked small okra and Eba cus I was hungry . The only food she likes me to cook in her kitchen is indomie . I feel if there Is love what’s there if I cook anything I want to eat in the kitchen .must I always take permission to cook

Pls I want to know if it’s right or wrong

Front page pls

Os obvious you have entitlements mentality

And the reason you did that was because it is "my brother house"
No woman like competition
U need to inform her and stop this your altitude of his my brother house and I believe this is not the first time of doing similar things.
Wisdom is profitable in all things

Mercychen:


Gbam!

What he didn't state however was if it was with his money he bought the condiments he used in cooking the food or it was from the family pantry.

Bris even if it was with his money, gas palaver is making people to frown these days

integrity16:
You must take permission from her to cook because that is her territory in her house.

I know you would want to say shebi it's my brother's house, my sister it's the woman that really own the home. It's your brother's House, but it's her Home, note the difference.

When you get married and the same thing happens you will understand better.

lets stop all this when you married bullshit, its how you carry your family your wife will take them. you are the man, creat a fair structure for both parties, i alway tell my babe she as no choice she must love my family and my family i dey let dem know you must respect me thru my babe because directly we play alot, when ur wife know you won't pick her over ur family and same applies to your family they will find a way to blend even if it is fake love, as long as i have my peace

I don't know how to cook, sorry I can't answer your question.

tolakush92:
Good evening nlders I’ll be very brief and precise .This thing has been bothering my mind and I felt I should seek for reasonable and experienced opinions from senior men them on this forum .

The issue is .. is it a bad thing to cook in my Brothers house (although he has a wife and kids ) .His wife felt bad yesterday cus I cooked small okra and Eba cus I was hungry . The only food she likes me to cook in her kitchen is indomie . I feel if there Is love what’s there if I cook anything I want to eat in the kitchen .must I always take permission to cook

Pls I want to know if it’s right or wrong

Front page pls

I really do not see a thing wrong with this but just in case u want to cook next time please just let her know.

ImaIma1:


Wife is joined to her husband and they become one. Siblings are not joined together to becomeone. Many siblings/family betray each other even though they are blood. That's even worse.

When a man is married, his wife becomes his first priority over his siblings. She had more rights in the house than his family.

The things you stated is well understood but mere philosophy of culture not how it was from beginning.
The husband and wife need to be very close due to what brought them together (love) and they'll live their entire life together.
But for brothers and sisters they grew up living together without their personal preference .
A man needs to care for his wife and family more doesn't change the fact that there are some family where the bond BT siblings will hardly be melted Down.
Some sons so respect their mother and its hard for you to tell me the wife love is superior to the mothers love.
I feel we should forget about this superior stuff and live life simple.
There many family where the wife will feel helpless also when trouble comes and the brothers will rise to help their brother's family.
I don't believe anyone has superior right of power, but I know responsibility and caring differs for everyone.
Respect and Love is what is important.
Many wife has left their husband after swearing oat. But your brother remains your brother till death. I've seen a lot of old men make peace with siblings at old age and they all come as family.

dotedote:
Accept it or not
It's all about the tolerance level of the wife. Cos on the contrary, how would the man react to his wife's younger sister entering & using his kitchen ? Men don't give a hoot about all these trivial shhhts. I bet the wife would be so glad if it were her own sibling that got into her kitchen. Just too many over-possessive girls around.

What would you say you're trying to do when you walk into the kitchen to cook for your own mouth knowing very well that everyone else in the house is just as hungry as you are? What sort of devilish and selfish hunger is that?

If I cook for you every day in my house and then you decide to feed ONLY yourself while everyone else is just as hungry, you will have to pack your load the next morning and vacate my house. That's a selfish behaviour. Even if you don't leave, you'll have to keep making your own food whenever you're hungry.

I completely understand the woman's feelings even though OP's narration lacks detail. Food no dey that house FFS! The least you could do is volunteer to make something for the full house, upon the approval of whoever has been making food for everyone. In a house where the maid makes food for everyone, courtesy demands that you get her approval!

Sanchez01:

I am territorial even as a male and I protect my kitchen far more than I'll ever protect my personal toilet.

Since you are or the wobe generation, you probably may never understand that the space of married couples is 100% theirs save they give you permission to use it, be it the kitchen, bathroom or toilet. That you live with them does not give you the right to encroach and trespass, save you are asked to freely use the space. Even at that, the 'freely' comes with some level of unspoken rules. In the case of the OP, he cooked for himself which makes it worse. You don't go to people's spaces and cook for yourself. Two major 'visitation sins' there!

If you don't like it, simply leave.

if you are so territorial then why allow someone into your space, why not just keep ur door closed, age is not a justification for wisdom, if you have boundary issues don't even let people come, i think background & poverty is the problem with most people. its alway easy to know children raised with rubber spoon

jornwhite:




lets stop all this when you married bullshit, its how you carry your family your wife will take them. you are the man, creat a fair structure for both parties, i alway tell my babe she as no choice she must love my family and my family i dey let dem know you must respect me thru my babe because directly we play alot, when ur wife know you won't pick her over ur family and same applies to your family they will find a way to blend even if it is fake love, as long as i have my peace

Omo God bless you bro.

Even ordinary girlfriend use to feel superior to biological mother. All this are wrong.
The same mother in law that will disturb her son to get married is the same mother in law you want to turn to enemy because you feel superior over her son.
Everyone got to respect each other no one is superior

tolakush92:
Good evening nlders I’ll be very brief and precise .This thing has been bothering my mind and I felt I should seek for reasonable and experienced opinions from senior men them on this forum .

The issue is .. is it a bad thing to cook in my Brothers house (although he has a wife and kids ) .His wife felt bad yesterday cus I cooked small okra and Eba cus I was hungry . The only food she likes me to cook in her kitchen is indomie . I feel if there Is love what’s there if I cook anything I want to eat in the kitchen .must I always take permission to cook

Pls I want to know if it’s right or wrong

Front page pls

The Nigerian way since the times of our mothers and their mothers before them. The wife owns the kitchen, you should have taken permission from either your brother or his wife. Besides, I'm guessing she's feeling bad cos she migh be under the impression you don't like her food. Women don't joke with food they cook. It's no big deal, talk things out with her, but next time don't try it. Respect is reciprocal.

Sanchez01:

I am territorial even as a male and I protect my kitchen far more than I'll ever protect my personal toilet.

Since you are or the wobe generation, you probably may never understand that the space of married couples is 100% theirs save they give you permission to use it, be it the kitchen, bathroom or toilet. That you live with them does not give you the right to encroach and trespass, save you are asked to freely use the space. Even at that, the 'freely' comes with some level of unspoken rules. In the case of the OP, he cooked for himself which makes it worse. You don't go to people's spaces and cook for yourself. Two major 'visitation sins' there!

If you don't like it, simply leave.

My dad live with his siblings took Care of them and sent them to school.
They also respect him and call him 'boda mi' things only change when my mum was not flowing with that kind of lifestyle but my dad can't stop the kind of training he also benefited from.
He lived with his married uncle also.
There no issue here its just men who sense has been driven over by affection for woman.
A man has to make a fair judgment to all not giving special care to anyparty.

tolakush92:
Good evening nlders I’ll be very brief and precise .This thing has been bothering my mind and I felt I should seek for reasonable and experienced opinions from senior men them on this forum .

The issue is .. is it a bad thing to cook in my Brothers house (although he has a wife and kids ) .His wife felt bad yesterday cus I cooked small okra and Eba cus I was hungry . The only food she likes me to cook in her kitchen is indomie . I feel if there Is love what’s there if I cook anything I want to eat in the kitchen .must I always take permission to cook

Pls I want to know if it’s right or wrong

Front page pls

Apologize please.

If you feel she feels bad, just step up and tell her you hope she didnt feel bad and if she did, you are sorry.

Women like apologies, give it and let peace reign.

olabrinks:
I’m not being funny but women born after 1990 should not have this stupid olden day mentality of the “kitchen belongs to me only”. It’s weird and stupid. The Kitchen does not belong to the wife of the house, if someone is hungry and they want to cook, let them cook. If someone wants to bath will they ask for permission before using the bathroom? What nonsense.

Using your funny logic, I pray your sister comes into your bedroom and sleeps in same bed with you and your husband without permission. Nobody is saying kitchen is for the woman only, but respect is reciprocal Madam. Well, I thank God I was brought up in a good family cos we both know and respect each others privacy. That bathroom of a thing is a funny way to justify the topic.

tollyboy5:

The things you stated is well understood but mere philosophy of culture not how it was from beginning.
The husband and wife need to be very close due to what brought them together (love) and they'll live their entire life together.
But for brothers and sisters they grew up living together without their personal preference .
A man needs to care for his wife and family more doesn't change the fact that there are some family where the bond BT siblings will hardly be melted Down.
Some sons so respect their mother and its hard for you to tell me the wife love is superior to the mothers love.
I feel we should forget about this superior stuff and live life simple.
There many family where the wife will feel helpless also when trouble comes and the brothers will rise to help their brother's family.
I don't believe anyone has superior right of power, but I know responsibility and caring differs for everyone.
Respect and Love is what is important.
Many wife has left their husband after swearing oat. But your brother remains your brother till death. I've seen a lot of old men make peace with siblings at old age and they all come as family.

We are talking practically, not what has been in the beginning. Sibling/family bond can't be broken. But my husband comes first, and I also come first before anyone.

A mother's love is priceless. But if it were enough, we would all stay and marry our mums. Yet, we leave to be joined to another.

When you see siblings causing problems in their brother's house and with his wife, most times it's because they are not financially settled. But when everyone is ok, they also focus on their homes.

tolakush92:
Good evening nlders I’ll be very brief and precise .This thing has been bothering my mind and I felt I should seek for reasonable and experienced opinions from senior men them on this forum .

The issue is .. is it a bad thing to cook in my Brothers house (although he has a wife and kids ) .His wife felt bad yesterday cus I cooked small okra and Eba cus I was hungry . The only food she likes me to cook in her kitchen is indomie . I feel if there Is love what’s there if I cook anything I want to eat in the kitchen .must I always take permission to cook

Pls I want to know if it’s right or wrong

Front page pls

Your brother's kitchen belongs to his wife, not you. Why are you not in your own house?

Acidosis:

How long have you been with this family? What is your relationship like with your brother's wife?

But then, what kind of hunger will make you enter another man/woman's kitchen to make okro soup and eba? This is beyond hunger abeg.

She was not at home when I cooked
I didn’t cook in her presence but her kid sister told her

tolakush92:


Bro her male sibling is faraway

Stop crossing boundaries when you visit your brother's house. The kitchen is the wife's territory. When an in-law enters the kitchen to cook without permission it's a crossing of boundary. You are indirectly saying "Afterall it's my brother's house so this is our family house im in charge' or Ur saying "my wife's brother is not a good cook and not good enough".

Those are the only 2 messages Ur passing across. What you did is an act of protest and it's against her sense of ownership of her home. It is HER home, not yours. A woman usually plans her day and everything going on in the kitchen for the day. Once you take over the kitchen like dt, she does feel she has lost control of the 1 part of her married life she's meant to be in control of. You completely disregarded her.

And no, her siblings cannot enter her kitchen without her permission, it will probably be her sending the person on an errand to help her cook. But she can't tell you to help her cook like she can tell a younger sister for example.

Next time what you do is ask in a polite way dt 'I feel like eating eba O, it's bn a long time, can I make it.' I'm sure she will tell you yes or offer to make it for you and will bring out soup for you. But you even asking for special soup different from the one cooked at home is an insult. It is disrespectful. It's not Ur parents house. It is her own children or herhusband dt can be questioning her in dt way. Go and do that in your own house and don't destroy Ur brothers home. You will report this nonsense action now to Ur mother (who didn't accept dt in her own house) and start gossipping Ur sister. Avoidable family problem don start. You are a trouble maker.

....You did nothing wrong .

If my wife's sibblings can go into the kitchen cook and dish food then my sibblings are not exempted from doing same.

Some husband's are not fit to call men