Hello my fellow nairalander family and friends. A silent member, please help me all. I always saw people bringing family issues here until I personally fell into same trap today.

Please my people am at crossroads and I need advice, bring it all on pls. I would like to know why my husband of 10years would save chats , screenshots of our whatsapp messages when we quarrel and I mouth off to him. I mostly dont even go back nor remember such episodes. However I just said let me check his pictures randomly and lo and behold screenshots of all our personal messages? We have kids together and there has been cheating on his part in the past. I have forgiven and forgiven but seeing my messages saved as screenshots broke me.

We have good chats too but I didnt see any of that so it was specifically done. Elders and colleagues please help me out. Thank you all

He does not have a forgiving spirit, manage him like that

Have u asked him why he was saving the chats... He wants to use them as evidence against u. Ur hubby is just a big man with little brain sorry to say this oo...

habsydiamond:
Have u asked him why he was saving the chats

No I haven't because I dont want him to know I saw them yet till I get varied opinions first.

Lizzyolatunjs:

No I haven't because I dont want him to know I saw them yet till I get varied opinions first.

just play along and see how things unfold.

Iyaebe:
He does not have a forgiving spirit, manage him like that

He said he forgives after we make up and I always believed him

He is gathering evidence should one day he decides or you decide to go for a divorce. Solution; screenshot and keep evidence of your chats with him as counter measures, save all of it.

Iyaebe:
He does not have a forgiving spirit, manage him like that

Do not say this unless he has used her past offenses as the only reason to maltreat her. It might be that the wife denies her past actions and he is being careful to avoid being called a liar next time. Remembrance is different from revenge.

But the objective truth here is the marriage is not going well. Whether the man has a good reason to keep the chats or not, the marriage is highly contaminated.

Meanwhile, why is it on WhatsApp that they have their discussions? Are they living apart?

I don’t see a reason for him to screenshot WhatsApp messages that are saved on his phone, unless he’s sharing them with other people

habsydiamond:
Have u asked him why he was saving the chats... He wants to use them as evidence against u. Ur hubby is just a big man with little brain sorry to say this oo...

No thanks am not offended. You may be right. Am so confused right now because in my wildest dreams would I have thought he would do this. Do I have to watch my back with him?

socialmediaman:
I don’t see a reason for him to screenshot WhatsApp messages that are saved on his phone, unless he’s sharing them with other people

Hmmmm

immortalcrown:

Do not say this unless he has used her past offenses as the only reason to maltreat her. It might be that the wife denies her past actions and he is being careful to avoid being called a liar next time.

But the objective truth here is the marriage is not going well. Whether the man has a good reason to keep the chats or not, the marriage is highly contaminated.

Meanwhile, why is it on WhatsApp that they have their discussions? Are they living apart?

No but most times he is away on work related travels. So why hasn't he confronted me yet?

he's either sending them to someone or he's waiting for the day he will use them against you

socialmediaman:
I don’t see a reason for him to screenshot WhatsApp messages that are saved on his phone, unless he’s sharing them with other people

Sigh* hmmmm

You should always know how to circumcise your tongue. Obviously you are hurting the man too much with what you say; and soon you forget as you don't take it to heart. We men ehn, you kill us with your tongue. Just change and everything will be fine.

SUPERPACK:
He is gathering evidence should one day he decides or you decide to go for a divorce. Solution; screenshot and keep evidence of your chats with him as counter measures, save all of it.

Thank you but I dont even know how to play that dirty.

Lizzyolatunjs:

No I haven't because I dont want him to know I saw them yet till I get varied opinions first.

Before you confront him, send the screenshots to your phone, then delete them in his.

When confronting him, ask him how he'd feel if he found out that you've been doing the same.
Ask him how he'd feel if he found out that you've been recording all your conversations (quarrels) without his knowledge.

Gentlerespect76:
You should always know how to circumcise your tongue. Obviously you are hurting the man too much with what you say; and soon you forget as you don't take it to heart. We men ehn, you kill us with your tongue. Just change and everything will be fine.

Lol. Yes Sir. If only you knew the half of it. Its actually the other way round and then I react and voila

Lizzyolatunjs:
No but most times he is away on work related travels. So why hasn't he confronted me yet?

It is better for you to stop those bad things you do to him than you trying to get confronted. As he has not maltreated you, do not create a problem out of it.

Mariangeles:


Before you confront him, send the screenshots to your phone, then delete them in his.

When confronting him, ask him how he'd feel if he found out that you've been doing the same.
Ask him how he'd feel if he found out that you've been recording all your conversations (quarrels) without his knowledge.

This is good. Thanks

WHY ARE YOU BOTHERED IF YOU ARE INNOCENT. YOU SOUND GUILTY.

capnies:
WHY ARE YOU BOTHERED IF YOU ARE INNOCENT. YOU SOUND GUILTY.

I am bothered . This is supposed to be my husband and father of my kids whom I should trust a gazillion times over. He has hurt me and I forgave . Never kept receipts so why this from him?

Lizzyolatunjs:

Thank you but I dont even know how to play that dirty.

Never bother to play the game of a calculative and a manipulative person.
You'll lose yourself in the process.
Rather, confront issues head on.

Mariangeles:


Never bother to play the game of a calculative and a manipulative person.
You'll lose yourself in the process.
Rather, confront issues head on.

Thank you. Rightly so

You didn't have a problem sending him those messages but you have a problem that he kept them and documented them? Stop running your mouth if the evidence of it bothers you

Double0h7:
You didn't have a problem sending him those messages but you have a problem that he kept them and documented them? Stop running your mouth if the evidence of it bothers you

He mouths off too and i dont do same. So why should he? Come on we are all humans.

Lizzyolatunjs:
Hello my fellow nairalander family and friends. A silent member, please help me all. I always saw people bringing family issues here until I personally fell into same trap today.

Please my people am at crossroads and I need advice, bring it all on pls. I would like to know why my husband of 10years would save chats , screenshots of our whatsapp messages when we quarrel and I mouth off to him. I mostly dont even go back nor remember such episodes. However I just said let me check his pictures randomly and lo and behold screenshots of all our personal messages? We have kids together and there has been cheating on his part in the past. I have forgiven and forgiven but seeing my messages saved as screenshots broke me.

We have good chats too but I didnt see any of that so it was specifically done. Elders and colleagues please help me out. Thank you all

to remind you (and himself) the type of cruel disrespectful person you are, when arguing, and as much as it is ok to be mad, there are lines you should never cross. just because you decide to forgive your partner, does NOT mean he should automatically do the same.

immortalcrown:

Do not say this unless he has used her past offenses as the only reason to maltreat her. It might be that the wife denies her past actions and he is being careful to avoid being called a liar next time. Remembrance is different from revenge.

But the objective truth here is the marriage is not going well. Whether the man has a good reason to keep the chats or not, the marriage is highly contaminated.

Meanwhile, why is it on WhatsApp that they have their discussions? Are they living apart?

Good thoughts, my babe denies somethings she say so I find ways of documenting them for such moments she will deny again

MrBrownJay1:


to remind you (and himself) the type of cruel disrespectful person you are, when arguing, and as much as it is ok to be mad, there are lines you should never cross. just because you decide to forgive your partner, does NOT mean he should automatically do the same.

Thank you

Lizzyolatunjs:

Lol. Yes Sir. If only you knew the half of it. Its actually the other way round and then I react and voila

It's well, Sis. As far as he doesn't beat you. Again, all of that is in the past see the possibility of avoiding abrasive talks.

Lizzyolatunjs:

No I haven't because I dont want him to know I saw them yet till I get varied opinions first.

You want opinions that might as well be at variance with his intentions Abi? Opinions that would, more often than not, instigate you against your spouse? Opinions of those who could careless if your union is broken or not?

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