OKOATA:
Pride they say goes before a fall, your marriage is as good as dead. I see a narcissist, vengeful, bitter, malicious, not virtuous, evil woman.

You are that type of person that can't forgive easily, you are too toxic. God knows I can never marry an evil being like you. Because of a small issue you cut your husband off for weeks. Like the world revolves around you?

Go prepare for a divorce, heartless being, I hope you eat your pride along the way. Getting angry over senseless things. Hope it adds money into your bank account.

Wow this is an over-kill but I get your point. It's just plain put ridiculous and the characteristics you highlighted probably suits her. I just don't get it or explain this level of silliness. What was her end goal in all this? Who benefits from this childish behaviour?

Now she is on nairaland narrating her family problems to strangers instead of doing a self assessment or evaluation. I would be hoping she is calling the husband, texting him and apologizing profusely and admitting she was childish and silly.

MrBrownJay1:


bro, a married couple should look at making sure that their family AND children is the most important thing in their lives... mummy and daddy not talking to one another (for months on end) is highly childish. i understand that the husband is repaying back his wife with her own medicine, but at the end of the day, only the family&kids will suffer.

sometimes women are very childish, irrational and emotionally incoherent, but you have to accept that this is how this gender is, and live with it. giving the silent treatment to your spouse is ok for a few days, but for weeks and/or months is very immature. Sometimes you just have to be the bigger person in the room.

The most valuable reply.
Most other folks do not understand relationships.
In which there is no such thing as a balance of emotions.
Someone, somewhere, at every passing moment is subsidizing the stress demands.
A good relationship is one in which this subsidy ebbs and flows between the parties.
At every point in time, someone just has to 'act the fool'.

Back to the origins. It is not possible for both parties to be equally stressed.
One of them is not telling the truth, the other should have subsidized the lie instead.

Madam I don't think you love your husband that much if at all you love him to make you endure for 9 good weeks without communicating with him. Your husband passed through a lot of mental stress during those period of lack of communications before he decided to move on at least life doesn't revolve round you.

You started the show of ego, unforgiveness, pride and selflessness, you too will be the one to begin the process of reversing the whole show.

[quote author=Meteoritey post=117108306]Due to work, my husband and I live in states, and my husband lives in Canada. 3 months ago we had some serious skirmishes during our phone conversation and in the heat of the argument, I told him that he does not appreciate the fact that I am raising the kids and doing everything alone.

To my disappointment, he told me that he is overworked more than me. This really angered me. This got me angry and I hung up. Although He tried to reach me for 4 days, and also sent me some messages, I cut him off without replying, about 9 weeks later, I sent him just a message on an unrelated issue, he ignored my message, after another month, I sent him another message, he also ignored. It has been 3 months now we have not spoken to each other.

joke of the year.
Like seriously! Madam wetin? Is your heart made of stone?
Just a random issues that you both can just iron out . No- no- no!
Peace look for ways to get in touch with him and settle your differences.

gimakon2:


Nothing like personal. I no kuku know u before.
See the breed of women we have now, one out of 10 get this same issue. This one bring her own come media, if you hear the one others do, you will even rant even more.

There is one in my area , her husband day england day work, aunty day here day carry man up and down. Man get info, come in naija co incidentally see e wife with another man, them beg am, he forgive , the same woman still day misbehave till now.

If you are to be in that mans shoes how u go feel? Na the same vex i day pour for here. No vex sha.

It indeed personal to you. I wish you love and light.

@meteoreity You can reach out to me if you need someone to talk to.

qtguru:


After 9 weeks OP is interested on if the issues has gone too far. I call fake news on this story. Even a crazy woman will still call the husband immediately within days.

Thinking about it, I kinda suspect so.

Although, crazy unbelievable sh!t happen in marriages these days.

worldclass68:
Some. people saying the husband is not matured blah blah blah...

Maturity with taking shits, simp with depression and disrespectful bah


I'll rather remain a child cuz if a woman do me shit I'll pay back in folds.... fvck maturity!!!

Don't mind those people!
They are not yet married.
Don't join them in arguments.

Apologize to him if the marriage is still important to you and amend your ways... Delay is dangerous!

chigoizie7:


Can you even listen to yourself? This man was disrespected by his wife, he became the bigger person despite the disrespect and then called, sent texts, sent voice messages for four whole days to sort things out, what did she do? Cut him off for a whole 9 weeks. You think that while 9weeks he wasn’t trying to reach to her or the kids? And then out of the blue, after 9weeks, she reached out to him over an unrelated matter, bro are you even listening to yourself? And all you could do is try to blame the guy for not being mature? Where is this world sense of equity and fairness? All the time people find means to blame men even on the mistakes of women. Bro men are human beings too with emotions too, he have lives to live too, they shouldn’t always be emotionally blackmailed or abused. They also have the same blood running through their veins. They also have the right to be angry too, they have the right to express their emotions too. Atleast this woman was the one that brought this her problem here, she is reading the responses from others. And instead of correcting her mistakes, help her find solutions to save the marriage she messed up, you are here talking rubbish. I pity men. Alternatively you are telling this woman that what she did was okay that the fault is from the husband for not being mature and man enough. Cut men some slacks, call a spade a spade. Tell the woman that she is wrong and she should find a way to fix it.

A) that man never became the bigger person, he lowered himsef to his wife's childish level.
B) there is a time when you have to understand that marriage is not a war to see who is the toughest person out there.
C) husband should have defused the issue, instead of taking it to EXTREME LEVEL. what is he gonna get by that?
D) there are so many ways to make a woman understand when they fukc up...and COMMUNICATION is one of them. but one thing is certain, playing childish tit for tat is certainly not the solution here.
E) men like you should remove the misplaced ego in front of your common sense. marriage is not always about "YOU" winning

You are about to join the league of single mummy.

Newfoundlove:
U better start to dey find new or fairly used husband

Are you sure she doesnt have already?

Women of nowadays that once they start making money like this.. they feel they don want to be understand the control of one man until when old age sets in...mtchwww

For a lady/woman to do these...

obiekunie01:
see how insulting and disrespectful you are to your husband.

I guess there's a side dude somewhere

MALIGNANTGuest:

Amen!
My friend's wife angrily removed her wedding ring recently and threw it away. My friend picked it up when she had already left and hid it somewhere without his wife's notice.
Today her anger don calm down and her eyes don clear, she now went back to look for her ring but couldn't find it. Now she has been pleading with her spouse to fetch her her ring. Husband claims he never saw the ring. Wife is now persuading him to get her a new one and husband refused blatantly & warned her from getting new one.
This is the 4the month & madam no get wedding ring. Husband don tell her she's free to go out on dates with as many as possible.

Reason for ANGER; minor Baseless issue and not even infidelity matter.
Wife eyes don clear now.

Every married should know their deal breaker and communicate that. Don't be afraid to leave.

Even in dating, you can't hang up on me

MrBrownJay1:
you made a few mistakes (and so did he)...
A) just because you work hard, never assume that others dont (simply because you dont see/feel it)
B) cutting off your husand and giving him the silent treatment for NINE WEEKS is insane. is that not the father of your kids any longer?!?! why such harsh treatment?
C) your husband is as childish as you are and now playing your own game by ignoring you for months... blame y'all childish self, which ultimately will only hurt the children.
D) look within yourself to see what is bothering you so much that you could take such a small statement from your husband, and turn ii into such a big deal... then put your pride aside, get down on your knees and beg him to forgive you (because it is obvious, you aint gonna win at this "childish" game)

U v spoken well nd I will add little learn to apologize nd never argue with ur hubby weda u're as fault or not just admit it 4 peace to reign.
Kindly move with ur kids nd kneel to beg him bcus of dat kids he won't decline de apology, M sure on his own part will also beg 4 acting harsh on u too

MrBrownJay1:


A) that man never became the bigger person, he lowered himsef to his wife's childish level.
B) there is a time when you have to understand that marriage is not a war to see who is the toughest person out there.
C) husband should have defused the issue, instead of taking it to EXTREME LEVEL. what is he gonna get by that?
D) there are so many ways to make a woman understand when they fukc up...and COMMUNICATION is one of them. but one thing is certain, playing childish tit for tat is certainly not the solution here.
E) men like you should remove the misplaced ego in front of your common sense. marriage is not always about "YOU" winning

simp

MrBrownJay1:
you made a few mistakes (and so did he)...
A) just because you work hard, never assume that others dont (simply because you dont see/feel it)
B) cutting off your husand and giving him the silent treatment for NINE WEEKS is insane. is that not the father of your kids any longer?!?! why such harsh treatment?
C) your husband is as childish as you are and now playing your own game by ignoring you for months... blame y'all childish self, which ultimately will only hurt the children.
D) look within yourself to see what is bothering you so much that you could take such a small statement from your husband, and turn ii into such a big deal... then put your pride aside, get down on your knees and beg him to forgive you (because it is obvious, you aint gonna win at this "childish" game)

First, you hanged the call on him. He tried reaching out to you many times, but you declined it.
When you didn't see his message for complete 9 weeks, you decided to send him a text, which he ignored.
The man is slowly moving on.
I think it's safe to safe you're proud.

Meteoritey:
Due to work, my husband and I live in states, and my husband lives in Canada. 3 months ago we had some serious skirmishes during our phone conversation and in the heat of the argument, I told him that he does not appreciate the fact that I am raising the kids and doing everything alone.

To my disappointment, he told me that he is overworked more than me. This really angered me. This got me angry and I hung up. Although He tried to reach me for 4 days, and also sent me some messages, I cut him off without replying, about 9 weeks later, I sent him just a message on an unrelated issue, he ignored my message, after another month, I sent him another message, he also ignored. It has been 3 months now we have not spoken to each other.

Recently my brother had a baby, and he only called once to congratulate them. Moreover my younger sister got admission to a university to study the same course that my husband studied, so naturally, my sister contacted him. My sister said he advised her on what to do and what she should expect. This was about 2 months ago. I personally did not inform him about my sister’s admission myself.

After about one month, my sister also called him for more information, but he has not been picking my sister’s call.

My sisters fiancee also called him to inform him about their upcoming marriage (my same sister that got the admission) he only spoke with my sister and her fiancee once, he stopped further communication with them on both issues of admission and marriage, and that he only spoke with them the first time about the admission and the marriage out of the respect he has for them.

He gave my sister the excuse that it was not proper, for him to speak with her fiancee' because he said that I have not told him anything about the marriage, therefore he can not relate further with my sister as per the marriage. And that it was out of respect that he even called my sister initially to advice her.

What are you thoughts and opinion please.

Your Marriage is about to CRASH if you do not take time. Apologize for ignoring his calls and messages, you overreacted which wasn't nice. I know it's a great work to take care of kids, your husband should've calmed you down or do some pampering but due to his own work pressure, overreacted too. Two wrongs do not make a right, I dislike when someone errs and pretends as if it's nothing...this is exactly what you did. APOLOGIZE

MrBrownJay1:


sadly not many people know how to COMMUNICATE and would rather burn their house down, while we all know how irrational some women can be at times. what wifey did is CHILDISH, playing tit for tat with your wife is equally CHILDISH. none of what these people are doing is right, and understand the type of woman you have is key. your wife gives you the silent treatment, big deal... just understand that this is how childish she is, play hard to get for a few hours and basta. taking this shiiit by the horn and carrying it for months is truly immature. at the end, none of them is winning shiiit, the "family/kids" is who is losing here.

Stop throwing word (CHILDISH) around unnecessarily. Why are you ruling out the fact that this might not be her first time of such behaviour?

Also, even if it was her first, is it ideal for the kids not to even talk to their father for 9 weeks? Even if parents despise eavh other, do you think it's ideal to deny them the right to talk to their father?

In this digital age that things are easier, you can't use anything as an excuse for kids not to have access to their father. What she did clearly shows how vile she is and a shame to womanhood. She's selfish and didn't consider her kids mental health!

Even the reason for speaking out now is because of her sister, not even because she is remorse or consider the kids. Shame!

Why are you now worried? I thought you are doing everything without him,all alone? Yeye dey smell..

Your husband dey talk to you,all you could do was to hung the phone on him.. He even try.. He suppose don block you.. You think say na u be the only woman on earth.. Your mind go dey very soon..

MrBrownJay1:


A) that man never became the bigger person, he lowered himsef to his wife's childish level.
B) there is a time when you have to understand that marriage is not a war to see who is the toughest person out there.
C) husband should have defused the issue, instead of taking it to EXTREME LEVEL. what is he gonna get by that?
D) there are so many ways to make a woman understand when they fukc up...and COMMUNICATION is one of them. but one thing is certain, playing childish tit for tat is certainly not the solution here.
E) men like you should remove the misplaced ego in front of your common sense. marriage is not always about "YOU" winning

Go and sit down with your maturity.

MufasaLion:


Personally, I believe you can never change anybody's character but can only influence the positive/change and it's still up to them to change.

Also, some people are the cause of their misfortune, before you marry your partner, there are some traits they can't hide!

You are Right.
However, some get into marriage pure and only get converted at their workplaces into tigresses for the man at home.
My duty is to ensure i educate most young unmarried men on the realities about marriage.
And why they should start seeing that as least of their problems. Rather, they should chase their dreams in businesses and academics.

Statistics show that
7 out of 10 men who recently got married would wish they never neared it just one year after marrying that ANGEL.

Out of the remaining 3, 2 get tired of it 5 years into it. Only the remaining man successfully sees his marriage such as a miracle. This is still subject to change may be in 7yrs, 10yrs, or 20yrs time

You better take a flight down to Canada to see your husband in order to resolve this issue amicably. This matter can never be solved over the phone, it has gone past that. Go and save your marriage, Madame before other lonely 9ja girls in Canada fill up the empty space.

If my wife tries 2 percent of what you did to your husband, she will be a gonner. Oh no my wife can't even try it. I don't beat women oh, in fact I will never do it. And I don't cheat on her, in fact i'll never do it. But in my house, I'm in charge 24/7, I call the shots 100%. I'm the king and she's the queen. As a matter of fact, the fact I'm wrong does not even give her the right to misbehave. My wife? Hung up on me? And went on to ghost me? Ah Jesus! God forbid.

Men don suffer for this world.
This is unacceptable, unspeakable, unforgettable, unendurable, unjustifiable and unforgivable

worldclass68:
Some. people saying the husband is not matured blah blah blah...
Maturity with taking shits, simp with depression and disrespectful bah
I'll rather remain a child cuz if a woman do me shit I'll pay back in folds.... fvck maturity!!!

Sorry to bother you, but your inability you said to 'take it'..... I'm afraid is immaturity.... in any kind of relationship.
There is no way to colour it.
For there is no kind of relationship on earth without misunderstandings, ego trips, communication fails, etc.
The only way to avoid it is to remain a hermit.
That is a FACT OF LIFE.

mariahAngel:


Thinking about it, I kinda suspect so.

Although, crazy unbelievable sh!t happen in marriages these days.

It's possible for a long distance marriage.

Online I laws here on naira land please do the needful.

I trust online inlaws to always make sure this kind of wahalah marriage crashes real fast.

Vawulence is an option

Your case is hereby adjourned until you get sense.... you disrespected your husband and for 9 weeks, you no follow am talk...

Admin, Next case please!!!

Let's start by asking 2 questions
Question 1. Are you still in love with your husband
question 2 Can you still continue on this journey with him all things considered positives and negatives?
If the answer is no for both .. then good riddance.

But if the answer is yes for both or yes for the latter.. then we move to the next.

You are a stubborn woman and that can have positive and negative angles..so for this next step, u have to swallow that pride and understand that marriage is a union of two forgivers. It's hard enough to apologize when you are wrong but it's even harder to apologize when you perceive you are right..(the operative word is "perceive" cos there are always two sides to a story.
only in the latter can marriage truly work.

either party must be willing to admit fault in the first instance so that the communication bloodline can get flowing.. communication is the bloodline of any relationship once the flow is cut .. the relationship dies .. Let's see... it's like a rotating fan that has been cut from power. it still turns but sooner than later it stops completely

so next phase If the answer to the question is yes .. then forget your pride, annoyance, and the need to be right..stoop to conquer. Send him a message telling him you are sorry for everything, admit you were wrong, and remind him of your early days .. tell him you want him back and you will do better you want your husband back.

Going by your story.. he is a typical egocentric man.. but he is a good one.. and yes he is right . he has no basis to engage your sister cos you dint tell him.

That said he also has his faults and he has to understand that, yes it's not all on you but now is not the time to tell dwell on that.. the focus is to open communication lines..get him talking again .. it's not about apportioning blame or identifying who is wrong or right. it's about understanding there is a problem and admitting you were wrong in your approach and apologizing for it. you know your man better than everyone.. you know how to get to him .. play your charm. But don't forget the first two questions .. you will have to answer them over and over .. if your man is worth it...

if you tow this line two things will happen .. he will come around and also apologize for his childish tantrums.. or he will sit on his high horse and demand that you grovel.. all men are babies at heart.

.. so don't fret..you know your man better than everyone.. you know how to get to him .. play your charm.


Also, come to a realization that there is a possibility that you may not get it all back at once or even at all.. don't kill yourself over that .. and don't brood on it.. if you get your man back .. and you both put in the work.. any relationship can recover .. Understand this no relationship is the same. what works for others might not work for you... there are universal principles, indeed applications vary but the result is never always the same.

best of luck

If I were your husband I will trick you to come home this Christmas,if you come I will gently take my children and have you divorced simple