Not advisable those men may end up molesting your kids

Vyvyanvyvy:



Thanks . We don't want more kids.

Just knack.

silibaba:
remain as you dey. your kids are already matured to start blessing you. except say t.o .t. o dey scratch you already

Olodo urchin !

This is the problem with being a baby mama. The day you decide to settle down its always difficult fitting in.

It is either the young man don't want a lady with a child already or the man is scared of having too many children to take care of (Yours and his)

Too many issues!!

ValCon888:
Firstly, a single mother of four is a steep hill to climb for any man. You're lucky someone is ready and willing to accept you and your four kids into his home.

Not to cohabit, but to make an honest woman out of you by asking for your hand in marriage.

At the end of the day, the choice is yours. If you don't want to then don't. For me, I'd advise you to for the security and companionship.

One thing's certain; offers like this only happen once in a lifetime.

I hope 20 years from now you won't look back at this moment and be gnashing your teeth .

How much is life expectancy these days?. 20years from now she might as well be a widow .

Klass99:


I don't understand, you already had these 4 kids before your ex-husband? If I recall correctly you had just one kid before your ex i.e. the boy who is now 15 years old, is that correct?

There's something single parents, widows, widowers and divorced people need to understand when it comes to their children. Don't expect your partners to love them unconditionally or in the same vein you do, if your partner likes you and likes your kids well enough, to want to align themselves with you and your children, please accept and embrace that.

The best thing a partner or subsequent spouse can be to your kids is a friend and a mentor, to help guide, instruct and teach them, the way older friends and good mentors do for us in life or at work. Don't be looking for or insisting on fatherly or motherly love, dem no follow you fck the fck wey born those children, so they can't feel the same way you do. It should be enough if they like you and your kids.

God bless you

Vyvyanvyvy:
Hello guys, I am a 36 years old single mother of four. My son will be 15 in August, first daughter 10 in october, my third 5 and youngest 3 by june.

I have separated from my husband because he didn't want my son to come and live with us, I have been taking care of them singlehandedly for 3 years.

I have been friend with this man, a widower who is 57 years and a father of 2 children. He is asking for my hand in marriage. To be honest, I don't want to be married again, all I want is to focus on raising my kids because I have been through a lot in my previous marriage and I don't want another marriage wahala.

He asked for my hand in marriage, I rejected him and I had explained to him why I don't want to marry again. I told him what my ex did, he said he is a mature man he will love me and my children and he will never hate them or ask them to leave his house. I told him I have to think about it and I will get back to him ASAP. But I am still scared to accept his proposal because I don't want history to repeat itself and he is still on my neck. He wants me to accept his proposal. I am confused.

Please advice me. Is it a wise choice for me to get married again after everything I have been through in the past?

Don't marry him

Vyvyanvyvy:
Hello guys, I am a 36 years old single mother of four. My son will be 15 in August, first daughter 10 in october, my third 5 and youngest 3 by june.

I have separated from my husband because he didn't want my son to come and live with us, I have been taking care of them singlehandedly for 3 years.

I have been friend with this man, a widower who is 57 years and a father of 2 children. He is asking for my hand in marriage. To be honest, I don't want to be married again, all I want is to focus on raising my kids because I have been through a lot in my previous marriage and I don't want another marriage wahala.

He asked for my hand in marriage, I rejected him and I had explained to him why I don't want to marry again. I told him what my ex did, he said he is a mature man he will love me and my children and he will never hate them or ask them to leave his house. I told him I have to think about it and I will get back to him ASAP. But I am still scared to accept his proposal because I don't want history to repeat itself and he is still on my neck. He wants me to accept his proposal. I am confused.

Please advice me. Is it a wise choice for me to get married again after everything I have been through in the past?

you still want to give birth again? You better inform the man whether you go give birth for him or not.

But if you don't give birth for him, there is no concrete relationship between you, its just like building house on sand. You are just like maid with no right to the man property . think twice before you made the decisions

Aringon:

Madam go.on your knees and ask your Heavenly father for the way out. Humans instinct and advice might not be enough. Thank you

Thanks

Bahamas95:
Aunty you're a very lucky woman, most men would run when they hear you have four children but this man doesn't care. That's true love, give him a chance.

He has passed the test of not just falling in love with you but also with your children....That's the most important thing.

Thanks

Vyvyanvyvy:
Hello guys, I am a 36 years old single mother of four. My son will be 15 in August, first daughter 10 in october, my third 5 and youngest 3 by june.

I have separated from my husband because he didn't want my son to come and live with us, I have been taking care of them singlehandedly for 3 years.

I have been friend with this man, a widower who is 57 years and a father of 2 children. He is asking for my hand in marriage. To be honest, I don't want to be married again, all I want is to focus on raising my kids because I have been through a lot in my previous marriage and I don't want another marriage wahala.

He asked for my hand in marriage, I rejected him and I had explained to him why I don't want to marry again. I told him what my ex did, he said he is a mature man he will love me and my children and he will never hate them or ask them to leave his house. I told him I have to think about it and I will get back to him ASAP. But I am still scared to accept his proposal because I don't want history to repeat itself and he is still on my neck. He wants me to accept his proposal. I am confused.

Please advice me. Is it a wise choice for me to get married again after everything I have been through in the past?

Learn to move on. Allowing your past with your past to spoil your future will do you more harm. We only have one life to live,forget the past and give your self a chance to live a good life again.

basty:
Please pray over it.

Thanks

aktolly54:
you still want to give birth again? You better inform the man whether you go give birth for him or not.

But if you don't give birth for him, there is no concrete relationship between you, its just like building house on sand. You are just like maid with no right to the man property . think twice before you made the decisions

The maid part got me ROTFL 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

XYZo:


This part isn't clear . Is he not the owner of the kids ? Or was that your second marriage ?

I had 2 kids before my ex husband

Geovanni412:


How many daughters do you have?

Investigate the man - we don't want to hear stories that touch

I hope you understand what I mean

I have 3 daughters

Truthshscrazy:

The maid part got me ROTFL 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

her kids might not have access to the man inheritance and if she don't have a kid for the man, she might not have claim to the man property in future. She should just think am twice. She fit born one pikin for the man if she get body to carry it with her age. That means she got a full right to the man inheritance in the future and her other kids with another father can enjoy too

You deserve to be happy....... Speak to your children and consider his proposal.

The truth of the matter is, 1. Do you also like him? so as not to make us think is the one who is falling in love.

2. Both of you are mature, you can pen down terms and condition for the relationship. such as no kids or more kids etc define expectations...

You know the man better than any of us. If the only fear is what you experienced in the past then I think you should put the past behind you. Talk to your children about the man. Let his kids come and spend time in your place without their father. Let your kids spend time in his place without you. Once all the children get along, there can never be any problem in future.

Vyvyanvyvy:
Hello guys, I am a 36 years old single mother of four. My son will be 15 in August, first daughter 10 in october, my third 5 and youngest 3 by june.

I have separated from my husband because he didn't want my son to come and live with us, I have been taking care of them singlehandedly for 3 years.

I have been friend with this man, a widower who is 57 years and a father of 2 children. He is asking for my hand in marriage. To be honest, I don't want to be married again, all I want is to focus on raising my kids because I have been through a lot in my previous marriage and I don't want another marriage wahala.

He asked for my hand in marriage, I rejected him and I had explained to him why I don't want to marry again. I told him what my ex did, he said he is a mature man he will love me and my children and he will never hate them or ask them to leave his house. I told him I have to think about it and I will get back to him ASAP. But I am still scared to accept his proposal because I don't want history to repeat itself and he is still on my neck. He wants me to accept his proposal. I am confused.

Please advice me. Is it a wise choice for me to get married again after everything I have been through in the past?

Klass99:
Don't let the past ruin your chances for a good thing. There's a chance for;

1. A new chapter of your life with an older man (I like older men sha, most tend to be mature and well grounded) what you fear may not happen, dwell on this thought instead.

2. Your children to have a male friend and mentor (hopefully a great one too) as well as new friends in their step siblings.

3. Sweet companionship between you and him. Children will grow and leave the nest one day or even sooner like when they are in boarding school. Your life shouldn't be all about your children, you are worthy of good things and you deserve good things too.

4. A nicely blended family, your kids may all get along well and you may get on well with him too. That's not to say there won't be challenges but nothing so bad or terrible that you both can't handle as mature/responsible adults.

Take a chance and see where it all leads to, you might be pleasantly surprised. Don't let negative thoughts or past hurts rule you. You guys can work out a living arrangement where you live close to each other (as a married couple) but in separate cribs with your kids, spending as much time as you can together......that may help reduce feelings of overwhelm and slowly blend both families.

You are painting only the good sides.It’s not as easy as you are saying.The man May be saying anything now just to have her.She needs time to know the man’s true colour ( character).If his intentions are genuine , why such a hurry ? He already has children just like this woman.He is not a man that is marrying for the first time.He should be asking for a relationship first to prove himself and then if all goes well , nature will take its due course and the relationship will move to the next level.What if she has another child for him and then they have a disagreement and she separates from him again? Then she will have 5 children and have to start all over again.At 36 , she can almost easily get pregnant again.Poster tell that man you two should have a relationship for now -that’s if you are interested in him- and then you can see how things go from there.

Microwhy:

My brother! Women only cry of what they are actually guilty of.
Man can hang himself when you accuse him wrongly but women would careless if they're not guilty.
For coming to a faceless forum, she has already madeup her mind but just want to lie to herself and not Nairalanders..

Well, am sure she has picked one or two advice.
She wears the shoe n she knows best

Please focus more on taking care of your children cos there will always be a time that what you fear most will repeat itself

If love to menses insisting everyone must have things go your way then by all means stay single. You have all you need and seems having a man isn’t all that pleasing to you but if you sincerely want love and a father figure in the lives of your kids by all means marry him , what you do now isn’t for yourself but for your kids., especially when they become of marriageable age else it rubs off them and people will see you instead of them as their behavior , only having a man will remedy this in the future but if you do not care just stay friends with him as having no child will not cement the new union. The ball is in your court

My dear, looking after your children doesn't stop you from getting married to someone that loves you and your children. Do you know that a time shall come may be 10 years from now, your children may likely not be with you again. They most have really come of age and may likely been in higher institution or traveling around because of business, and loneliness will set in. So pls accept this offer now while stock last. You are too young to remain single

Klass99:
Don't let the past ruin your chances for a good thing. There's a chance for;

1. A new chapter of your life with an older man (I like older men sha, most tend to be mature and well grounded) what you fear may not happen, dwell on this thought instead.

2. Your children to have a male friend and mentor (hopefully a great one too) as well as new friends in their step siblings.

3. Sweet companionship between you and him. Children will grow and leave the nest one day or even sooner like when they are in boarding school. Your life shouldn't be all about your children, you are worthy of good things and you deserve good things too.

4. A nicely blended family, your kids may all get along well and you may get on well with him too. That's not to say there won't be challenges but nothing so bad or terrible that you both can't handle as mature/responsible adults.

Take a chance and see where it all leads to, you might be pleasantly surprised. Don't let negative thoughts or past hurts rule you. You guys can work out a living arrangement where you live close to each other (as a married couple) but in separate cribs with your kids, spending as much time as you can together......that may help reduce feelings of overwhelm and slowly blend both families.

nonsense
the children will soon begin to fvck themselves.

What's the fuss with all these baggage?

You carry baggage o. Four childrens fa as against his own two childrens

Vyvyanvyvy:



I have 3 daughters

The man could be a paedophile

You will never know till it happens

Be careful... not all that glitters is gold

Ask yourself this question:

Why do you think he wants to marry you so desperately?

Listen to your intuition

Vyvyanvyvy:


I had 2 children before my ex husband , my daughter was staying with us and my son was staying with my elder brother. I agreed with you same as me I don't expect him to love them unconditionally but i just want them to feel loved , safe around him and be comfortable in the house even if he will not foot all the bills I am hard working I will take care of the rest . When i was with my ex husband I footed 70% of the bills but still he didn't want my son to stay with us , he was not even the one that was paying their school fees and all i wanted is for my son to stay with us so he can feel loved , safe and comfortable around him he refused which I don't know why he choose to hate my boy for no valid reason. that's why I had to choose my son over him.

No matter how this potential suitor loves you and your kids,you will still choose them over him, twice on Tuesday.


The 'victim" mentality is subconsciously inherent in single mothers

Vyvyanvyvy:
Hello guys, I am a 36 years old single mother of four. My son will be 15 in August, first daughter 10 in october, my third 5 and youngest 3 by june.

I have separated from my husband because he didn't want my son to come and live with us, I have been taking care of them singlehandedly for 3 years.

I have been friend with this man, a widower who is 57 years and a father of 2 children. He is asking for my hand in marriage. To be honest, I don't want to be married again, all I want is to focus on raising my kids because I have been through a lot in my previous marriage and I don't want another marriage wahala.

He asked for my hand in marriage, I rejected him and I had explained to him why I don't want to marry again. I told him what my ex did, he said he is a mature man he will love me and my children and he will never hate them or ask them to leave his house. I told him I have to think about it and I will get back to him ASAP. But I am still scared to accept his proposal because I don't want history to repeat itself and he is still on my neck. He wants me to accept his proposal. I am confused.

Please advice me. Is it a wise choice for me to get married again after everything I have been through in the past?

what ate the benefits of marrying him as to against the liabilities or cons?

u also have to put ur children 1st. is he familiar or friendly with ur kids currently? if No then it won't happen automatically just cos he married u.

u have 4 kids that's alot and u are their 1st protector in a case or scenario.

Don't rush in marriage or else it's after u enter u start to see clearly the red flags.

Also how was his Relationship with his 1st wife and do u know the history and what happened to her that led to her passing?

There are numerous questions and things to consider beyond feelings or even maturity. Don't let anyone pressure u.

The sign of pressure and being cornered or forced is in itself a red flag.

modified: The most Important this to look in a man at this stage would be

Character

motive

Future Plans for u and ur kids.

His family's opinion and feeling about his 2nd marriage.

note if he only loves u then he will probably not care for ur kids.

also since his kids are already well grown and not around he may want close family company and that may be why he wants to marry u. That would make sense bt his kids have to approve of this not just him or else there will be friction and quarrels which spoil family relationships.

Don't accept his hand in marriage.
If you want money for your children's school fees and their father does not help, go to sugar daddies.
If you want sex, woo younger boys to be your sex mate.
And anytime you feel frustrated, sing the wonderful gender anthem that "Men are scum"
Goodluck in raising 4 children.

Osinachi.....80%

Klass99:


No criticism or judgment from me. In fact I applaud you for choosing a helpless child over a grown ass man and marriage.

You are even nice sef, I would have left his own 2 kids for him and walked away, after all I didn't go to his house with those kids, they were created with him under his roof.

As women we give up far too much of our lives for these two things (marriage and children) only to realize na we dey carry the suffer head pass. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I won't be surprised if you are also a single frust.rated mother going about with hateful mindset towards men