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A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage - Family (5) - Nairaland

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Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by pweeryambre: 12:57pm On Feb 23, 2023
ValCon888:
Firstly, a single mother of four is a steep hill to climb for any man. You're lucky someone is ready and willing to accept you and your four kids into his home.

Not to cohabit, but to make an honest woman out of you by asking for your hand in marriage.

At the end of the day, the choice is yours. If you don't want to then don't. For me, I'd advise you to for the security and companionship.

One thing's certain; offers like this only happen once in a lifetime.

I hope 20 years from now you won't look back at this moment and be gnashing your teeth.
Very good counsel

1 Like

Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by kingthreat(m): 1:02pm On Feb 23, 2023
UjuJoan2:


Why does he want to get married? I’m not sure I understand this thing with men and wanting to own someone.

Anyway just know that if you marry him he’ll pressure you into having kids for him and when you do that, the dynamics will change with your own children.

I’ll say focus on your children for now. They are still young and need your undivided attention.

Deep down in your heart you know this already.

The man is coming with companionship, sex and money. This is what the woman lacks and being married will solve all these problems. And you are bluntly advising her against her happiness. You think it is easy for a single woman to raise 4 children? You want her to be using young boys for sex. You want her to go through depression when having personal issues? Think
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by ogeodi(f): 1:02pm On Feb 23, 2023
Pls if you can take care of your kids alone pls do so. With the gist flying around about molestation abeg dey ur dey till maybe when they're grown enough to stand or defend themselves. Am also divorced with two kids since 2013 raising them alone so I understand how you feel.

1 Like

Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by feek07: 1:02pm On Feb 23, 2023
My sister it is a privilege for you to see a man seeking your hand in marriage with four kids , some single mothers out there with less kids are lamenting seriously for lack of support .
The issue is not a difficult one if it is going to be good or bad it is going to be by your own making
1, Do to his children / your step children to be as you want him to do to your own children
2, Give him the chance to treat your children like his (scolding / pampering)
3, Do not question his authority over your Children
4, always solicit for his children with him (before you seek for your children 2 times seek for his children 4 times)
5, always treat him like a king
6, always seek his love (as men are always in love with the child whom his/her mother is loved by them)

1 Like

Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by greypencils: 1:04pm On Feb 23, 2023
Vyvyanvyvy:
Hello guys, I am a 36 years old single mother of four. My son will be 15 in August, first daughter 10 in october, my third 5 and youngest 3 by june.

I have separated from my husband because he didn't want my son to come and live with us, I have been taking care of them singlehandedly for 3 years.

I have been friend with this man, a widower who is 57 years and a father of 2 children. He is asking for my hand in marriage. To be honest, I don't want to be married again, all I want is to focus on raising my kids because I have been through a lot in my previous marriage and I don't want another marriage wahala.

He asked for my hand in marriage, I rejected him and I had explained to him why I don't want to marry again. I told him what my ex did, he said he is a mature man he will love me and my children and he will never hate them or ask them to leave his house. I told him I have to think about it and I will get back to him ASAP. But I am still scared to accept his proposal because I don't want history to repeat itself and he is still on my neck. He wants me to accept his proposal. I am confused.

Please advice me. Is it a wise choice for me to get married again after everything I have been through in the past?
He is 57. You are 36. Can you date a man that old? If you cant, no use stringing him along. If he wants to render any assistance, he is free to but he sealing it up with marriage is left to you. If you are willing to ignore his age and settle down with him, I would urge you to prevail on him to court you for at least 2 years and during that period table all your fears before him, ask him searching questions and meet his children too. Don't rush into making a decision as critical as marriage.
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by ezenna191(m): 1:07pm On Feb 23, 2023
You have already conquered the most difficult challenge of your life. Going into a new marriage may in future open new wounds and another broken heart. Above all, you will introduce another complication into the complex life your children are facing. Leave the man and focus on your children. Remember, men are like politicians, they hardly keep to the promise they make while seeking for your vote. Your children are already growing and will soon start giving you a new life.

1 Like

Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by chccho(m): 1:08pm On Feb 23, 2023
With all that is going on in Nigeria today, this is what u have chosen to bother us with!!! How is this of any economic or social benefit/issue to Nigeria? Pls pray for a better Nigeria first before a better spouse
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by feek07: 1:11pm On Feb 23, 2023
ogeodi:
Pls if you can take care of your kids alone pls do so. With the gist flying around about molestation abeg dey ur dey till maybe when they're grown enough to stand or defend themselves. Am also divorced with two kids since 2013 raising them alone so I understand how you feel.
Do you think that is the best for you , we all know you are not finding it easy , it is not a good thing for a woman to be jumping from a man to the other , do you want to tell us you do not feel like sleeping with men ? Konji and Sapa awaits a woman without companion

2 Likes

Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Ephemmm: 1:16pm On Feb 23, 2023
Vyvyanvyvy:
Hello guys, I am a 36 years old single mother of four. My son will be 15 in August, first daughter 10 in october, my third 5 and youngest 3 by june.

I have separated from my husband because he didn't want my son to come and live with us, I have been taking care of them singlehandedly for 3 years.

I have been friend with this man, a widower who is 57 years and a father of 2 children. He is asking for my hand in marriage. To be honest, I don't want to be married again, all I want is to focus on raising my kids because I have been through a lot in my previous marriage and I don't want another marriage wahala.

He asked for my hand in marriage, I rejected him and I had explained to him why I don't want to marry again. I told him what my ex did, he said he is a mature man he will love me and my children and he will never hate them or ask them to leave his house. I told him I have to think about it and I will get back to him ASAP. But I am still scared to accept his proposal because I don't want history to repeat itself and he is still on my neck. He wants me to accept his proposal. I am confused.

Please advice me. Is it a wise choice for me to get married again after everything I have been through in the past?

"....I have separated from my husband because he didn't want my son to come and live with us, I have been taking care of them singlehandedly for 3 years" Meaning?
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by egunna(m): 1:17pm On Feb 23, 2023
Klass99:


I don't understand, you already had these 4 kids before your ex-husband? If I recall correctly you had just one kid before your ex i.e. the boy who is now 15 years old, is that correct?

There's something single parents, widows, widowers and divorced people need to understand when it comes to their children. Don't expect your partners to love them unconditionally or in the same vein you do, if your partner likes you and likes your kids well enough, to want to align themselves with you and your children, please accept and embrace that.

The best thing a partner or subsequent spouse can be to your kids is a friend and a mentor, to help guide, instruct and teach them, the way older friends and good mentors do for us in life or at work. Don't be looking for or insisting on fatherly or motherly love, dem no follow you fck the fck wey born those children, so they can't feel the same way you do. It should be enough if they like you and your kids.
me I no fit sef.sleep no go gree carry me if I think some thoughts.
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by writeprof(m): 1:17pm On Feb 23, 2023
Vyvyanvyvy:
Hello guys, I am a 36 years old single mother of four. My son will be 15 in August, first daughter 10 in october, my third 5 and youngest 3 by june.

I have separated from my husband because he didn't want my son to come and live with us, I have been taking care of them singlehandedly for 3 years.

I have been friend with this man, a widower who is 57 years and a father of 2 children. He is asking for my hand in marriage. To be honest, I don't want to be married again, all I want is to focus on raising my kids because I have been through a lot in my previous marriage and I don't want another marriage wahala.

He asked for my hand in marriage, I rejected him and I had explained to him why I don't want to marry again. I told him what my ex did, he said he is a mature man he will love me and my children and he will never hate them or ask them to leave his house. I told him I have to think about it and I will get back to him ASAP. But I am still scared to accept his proposal because I don't want history to repeat itself and he is still on my neck. He wants me to accept his proposal. I am confused.

Please advice me. Is it a wise choice for me to get married again after everything I have been through in the past?


TAKE IT TO GOD IN PRAYERS MA!
Marriage is a SPIRITUAL institution. Please, take time out to seek God's direction by fasting and praying.

A 3 day or 7 day spiritual fast and prayers can help to settle a person's confusion about any issue and resolve what can be a destiny destroyer tomorrow.

GOD BLESS YOU
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Misterone: 1:17pm On Feb 23, 2023
Vyvyanvyvy:
Hello guys, I am a 36 years old single mother of four. My son will be 15 in August, first daughter 10 in october, my third 5 and youngest 3 by june.

I have separated from my husband because he didn't want my son to come and live with us, I have been taking care of them singlehandedly for 3 years.

I have been friend with this man, a widower who is 57 years and a father of 2 children. He is asking for my hand in marriage. To be honest, I don't want to be married again, all I want is to focus on raising my kids because I have been through a lot in my previous marriage and I don't want another marriage wahala.

He asked for my hand in marriage, I rejected him and I had explained to him why I don't want to marry again. I told him what my ex did, he said he is a mature man he will love me and my children and he will never hate them or ask them to leave his house. I told him I have to think about it and I will get back to him ASAP. But I am still scared to accept his proposal because I don't want history to repeat itself and he is still on my neck. He wants me to accept his proposal. I am confused.

Please advice me. Is it a wise choice for me to get married again after everything I have been through in the past?
my advice, go Bleep am well well, you go know whether him like you. If him eyes clear, run. If him eyes no clear, marry am. Na your Mumu be dat.

1 Like

Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by rasxx(m): 1:21pm On Feb 23, 2023
You tend to judge a man by the things that happened in your past this not good. He is suffering from what he doesn't know. The man is not the problem here,you are.
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by emerged01(m): 1:21pm On Feb 23, 2023
The man only need is someone to take care of him considering his age. The only condition I can ask you to accept his proposal is if he has his own house and financial capable to take care of you and your children.

1 Like

Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by BRATISLAVA: 1:22pm On Feb 23, 2023
ValCon888:
Firstly, a single mother of four is a steep hill to climb for any man. You're lucky someone is ready and willing to accept you and your four kids into his home.

Not to cohabit, but to make an honest woman out of you by asking for your hand in marriage.

At the end of the day, the choice is yours. If you don't want to then don't. For me, I'd advise you to for the security and companionship.

One thing's certain; offers like this only happen once in a lifetime.

I hope 20 years from now you won't look back at this moment and be gnashing your teeth.

When will you people get tired of the bolded? You don't know anything about men. Because a man did something you've sworn they/you won't, it means it's a steep hill to climb? It's not.

But of course, it's another opportunity to contribute fanning the flames of the false scarcity/value of men and try to make her desperate because it's a WiDoWeR (give us all a break, didn't he kill his wife too?) asking and she should be desperate and glad that a man is looking her way. What bloody offer that happens once in a lifetime for Pete's sake? Men will always look the way of women, the way of single mothers and married women. Go to any mall, any park, any office and tell us it isn't true. It is not as special as you make it seem.

This is another ego-fanning cum woman-shaming session. It's not about what she wants, rather it's about forum males perception about the "anomaly" that a man actually wants an older mother.

Half of you on the forum need to grow up. Who told you that this is a rare occurrence? Who says she must take it and feel lucky about it? Who says if women don't accept men they will gnash their teeth? Is it not what men do?

1 Like

Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Emmanuel909090: 1:23pm On Feb 23, 2023
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Jefferyhi86(m): 1:24pm On Feb 23, 2023
I want to ask, has he Bleep you? E get reason why I ask
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by RosyIsBlessed: 1:25pm On Feb 23, 2023
Vyvyanvyvy:
Hello guys, I am a 36 years old single mother of four. My son will be 15 in August, first daughter 10 in october, my third 5 and youngest 3 by june.

I have separated from my husband because he didn't want my son to come and live with us, I have been taking care of them singlehandedly for 3 years.

I have been friend with this man, a widower who is 57 years and a father of 2 children. He is asking for my hand in marriage. To be honest, I don't want to be married again, all I want is to focus on raising my kids because I have been through a lot in my previous marriage and I don't want another marriage wahala.

He asked for my hand in marriage, I rejected him and I had explained to him why I don't want to marry again. I told him what my ex did, he said he is a mature man he will love me and my children and he will never hate them or ask them to leave his house. I told him I have to think about it and I will get back to him ASAP. But I am still scared to accept his proposal because I don't want history to repeat itself and he is still on my neck. He wants me to accept his proposal. I am confused.

Please advice me. Is it a wise choice for me to get married again after everything I have been through in the past?

Focus on raising your children and forget marriage for now. Let it not be from frying pan to fire situation one day and you are left with more load to carry. My advice!!!

Secondly, you should not have told him about what your ex husband did to you, it might backfire someday. He'll use it against you. More reason why you shouldn't marry him.

1 Like

Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Fuckyoumod: 1:25pm On Feb 23, 2023
Vyvyanvyvy:



Thanks. I have known him for a year he is a great man and would love to be a part of his life my children adore him but when I remember how my ex husband was also a saint in the begining, he promised me heaven on earth, he even swore in front of my late mother and elder brother that he love me and my kids like his own , only for him to change his mind after the wedding , that's why I am scared that the same thing may happen again. I haven't met or spoken to his children ,they are adult the daughter is already married with kids and the son lives abroad.
you are very lucky. @ 36 with 4 kids? What's still left of your body for that man to enjoy at 4 kids? Once married?

You are scared of marriage wahala? Hmmm.... You think marriage is rice and beans? Milk and honey every day?

You think Buhari's wife is sleeping on a bed of roses with Buhari everyday? Marriage is for the strong and prepared. Marriage is for open minded people who are open to expect everything, see everything and still work towards making it right. See, don't go and give that man headaches and B.P, if you are not prepared for marriage please tell him to find someone else.

Women far younger than you are still fast and praying to find a man that is willing to commit to them.

You are lucky, but the choice is yours, however I want you to know that it will never come again if you miss it. It's life a time opportunity.

Go and prove to people and families that your first marriage was never your fault.

It's easy to bash men and demonize them the moment you are no longer together, even when it's all your fault and making that things went south.

From all indication, it's clear to me that, that man wants a companion, a woman in his life, somebody he can spend the rest of his life with. Somebody who he would call a wife. A woman with less drama, his children are grown up, married and far away.

See, my advice to you is simple, if any day you make up your mind to marry him. Prepare your mind that he comes first in your life before anybody even your children.

If you know you can't put in first in your life as your husband, don't marry him. Else.... It Might not end well.
Taking another man's children in and standing up for them as their father is a massive price and sacrifice only few men can make, you must reward him with love and care first before anyone else in your life, because he is your husband.

Lastly, I will not tell you to accept him or reject him. It's only you and your decision alone to make.

But I believe he genuinely needs a wife and you are his choice.
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by swiych(m): 1:25pm On Feb 23, 2023
So long as the man knows dt u have children already, it will be foolish of him not to love n treat dem as his own. Please I want to advice all men out here, if u love a woman and u know dat the woman has child/children b4, u have a choice to either take the woman and her child/children as ur own or u let her be. That's how a foolish man in my area is always chasing his step daughter out of the house that he doesn't want to see her anymore, a child that just finished secondary school, and now training as an apprentice.

2 Likes

Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by BRATISLAVA: 1:25pm On Feb 23, 2023
RosyIsBlessed:


Focus on raising your children and forget marriage for now. Let it not be from frying pan to fire situation. My advice!!!

She should know at her age that she can have a partner without marriage.

1 Like

Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Gloriagee(f): 1:27pm On Feb 23, 2023
In your worlds, the woman is always lucky to catch a man. The man wey see 4 children dey chook eye knows the woman is his spec but nah, she's the lucky one to you.

The 57 year old man wey wan marry 36 years old is lucky to me cos 21 year gap is not a laughing matter. Won't his sex.ual prowess decline with age? N he's gonna be retiring soon, who's gonna pick the bills?

All the best, op.

ValCon888:
Firstly, a single mother of four is a steep hill to climb for any man. You're lucky someone is ready and willing to accept you and your four kids into his home.

Not to cohabit, but to make an honest woman out of you by asking for your hand in marriage.

At the end of the day, the choice is yours. If you don't want to then don't. For me, I'd advise you to for the security and companionship.

One thing's certain; offers like this only happen once in a lifetime.

I hope 20 years from now you won't look back at this moment and be gnashing your teeth.

1 Like

Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by BRATISLAVA: 1:27pm On Feb 23, 2023
Fuckyoumod:
you are very lucky. @ 36 with 4 kids? What's still left of your body for that man to enjoy at 4 kid s? Once married?

Women far younger than you are still fast and praying to find a man that is willing to commit to them.

You are lucky, but the choice is yours, however I want you to know that it will never come again if you miss it. It's life a time opportunity.

Go and prove to people and families that your first marriage was never your fault.

It's easy to bash men and demonize them the moment you are no longer together even when it's all your fault and making that things went south.

From all indication, it's clear to me that, that man wants a companion, a woman in his life, somebody he can spend the rest of his life with. Somebody who he would call a wife. A woman with less drama, his children are grown up, married and far away.

See, my advice to you is simple, if any day you make up your mind to marry him. Prepare your mind that he comes first in your life before anybody even your children.

If you know you can't put in first in your life as your husband, don't marry him. Else.... It Might not end well.
Taking another man's children in and standing up for them as their father is a massive price and sacrifice only few men can make, you must reward him with love and care first before anyone else in your life, because he is your husband.

Lastly, I will not tell you to accept him or reject him. It's only you and your decision alone to make.

What is left of his body to enjoy at 57 after two children and who knows how many wives? Seems a lot of you don't know what a woman in her thirties looks like.

A lot of growing up needed with the sort of comments we see from male posters.

4 Likes

Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Germi9: 1:29pm On Feb 23, 2023
Mother of 4 :oPlease anty accept him ,God is being kind to you at this point grin abi how una see am
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Karemarealty288(m): 1:29pm On Feb 23, 2023
Please you have phobia for marriage already, focus on your kids....

1 Like

Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Ombudsman1: 1:29pm On Feb 23, 2023
Vyvyanvyvy:



Thanks . We don't want more kids.

YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION YOU ARE ASKING
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by IDERAWOLE(m): 1:33pm On Feb 23, 2023
Vyvyanvyvy:
Hello guys, I am a 36 years old single mother of four. My son will be 15 in August, first daughter 10 in october, my third 5 and youngest 3 by june.

I have separated from my husband because he didn't want my son to come and live with us, I have been taking care of them singlehandedly for 3 years.

I have been friend with this man, a widower who is 57 years and a father of 2 children. He is asking for my hand in marriage. To be honest, I don't want to be married again, all I want is to focus on raising my kids because I have been through a lot in my previous marriage and I don't want another marriage wahala.

He asked for my hand in marriage, I rejected him and I had explained to him why I don't want to marry again. I told him what my ex did, he said he is a mature man he will love me and my children and he will never hate them or ask them to leave his house. I told him I have to think about it and I will get back to him ASAP. But I am still scared to accept his proposal because I don't want history to repeat itself and he is still on my neck. He wants me to accept his proposal. I am confused.

Please advice me. Is it a wise choice for me to get married again after everything I have been through in the past?

It's quite challenging to make a decision for someone in your shoe.

Your past experience can be a hindrance. It's your life, you must decide.

One, try to remove emotion from your decision. Don't sleep with him yet, if you do, you won't be able to assess him.

He may actually be serious and he may not, particularly if youre a beautiful woman. Men are easily carried away with beautiful women.

Like any other kind of marriage, fresh or this type of remarrying, understanding of the purpose of marriage is important. You must be ready to accommodate the other person's shortcomings. Successfully married people are those with no entitlement mentality. Be ready to give your all.

Don't marry the man if he's jobless, not necessarily rich, but must be able to take care of 6 children and you too.

From your assessment, if he can't don't fall for any promise.

Don't marry him out of pity.

Ahead of all I said above, pray to know what God is saying about it. I'm not asking you to go meet a pastor to find out, pray yourself and let God tell you His mind about it.

Can you hear God when He speaks?

2 Likes

Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by dontrulee: 1:34pm On Feb 23, 2023
Your situation is quite a dicey one. Don't let anyone sweet talk you into marrying. Marriage has its own downs too, it's not always rosy.

1. Your past experiences will always interfere at one point or the other.

2. The widower that wants to marry you will also be bringing his previous or past experiences also. That will make a lot of friction.

3. Humans can change, the person that loves you so much today can hate you so much tomorrow.

4. Anyway, you can give it a trial since you can always opt out if things doesn't work out as expected.

5. Just ensure you put your own happiness and those of your children first. Life's too short.

6. Think future and not now. Wishing you all the best in Life. Ciao
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by RosyIsBlessed: 1:37pm On Feb 23, 2023
Vyvyanvyvy:



Thanks . We don't want more kids.

So if kids come along the line will you reject or ab..ort them? Focus on your children for now and leave marriage for now. No be later we go hear, my new husband has abandoned me and his children, thereby giving you more load to carry. Humans are unpredictable, trust nobody.
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by ogeodi(f): 1:38pm On Feb 23, 2023
Don't you think it's better staying alone than getting your kids abused or molested. As for the sapa I clearly wrote if she has the resources and for the konji, she can date a single guy
feek07:

Do you think that is the best for you , we all know you are not finding it easy , it is not a good thing for a woman to be jumping from a man to the other , do you want to tell us you do not feel like sleeping with men ? Konji and Sapa awaits a woman without companion
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by sharone21(f): 1:38pm On Feb 23, 2023
Ishilove:
Op, take it to God. This man is 57 and trust me he is not after sex or more kids. He is after companionship. His children are grown and far away, so it is just you and your children you have to bother about.

At the end of the day, marriage is a personal decision so if you want to give it a second chance, make sure you study this suitor well and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal his true character.

Exactly.... Best response so far.

I do not advice her to go for her mate in marriage if at all she still has some interest in marriage.... Coming as a 'full packaged' woman.

But, this man must be financially comfortable to really help her plus, her own industriousness and both will build a home without necessarily making more babies.

Death too is not by AGE for those looking at the man's age.

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