Mindlog:
Were they truly "happily married" while still in Nigeria?

The Nigerian environment tends to subsidize a lot of unhealthy marriages and then tagged a "happy marriage".

A lot of things need unlearning but some are stuck in their ways... one said it was emasculating doing the dishes.😆😆😆

That reminds me of a draft dissertation of a Nigerian Psychology postgraduate student, I read and it was really insightful as it focused on the breakdown in marital relationships of some Nigerian migrants to the UK as the focus.

The project detailed how the UK system hits hard on Nigerian husbands who are so high on control and submission as the UK system deflates these. The researcher also brought up the demystication of income which counters many threads here that advocates a man should not let his wife know how much his income is but here in the UK, the wife knows it before it even reaches the man's account and the system forces the couples to be more open about their finances and they are forced to make joint decisions as it forces accountable leadership on husbands as against the lordship status, they "enjoyed" in Nigeria ....d person write many, many for the dissertation.😆😆😆😆

The few drops you sprinkled here already reveal much. I would really love to see that research work.

Jennyclay:
Biko, Someone should come and take me to U.k, honestly I won’t end the relationship/marriage

Hmmm

bukatyne:


1 & 2. It is disheartening when 'Christian' men & women try so hard to conform to the world that you are left speechless. Some omo wobes have more decency than 'Christians' today although God's standards do not change. Muslim women designed a beach wear that is all covered up. 2021 Christmas during part of my beach trips, I saw a fully covered Muslim woman dancing on the beach. You could see pure undiluted fun. TBH, I deeply admire their desire to be set apart, the desire not to tint their religion with the world although I till think those wanting us to bend rules for them are petulant

3. That's why I said there are levels of devotion. But don't be surprised that your trendy boss would become more covered up in future. Had a boss like that too Irrespective of level of devotion, an average Muslim woman & man is decently dressed. They agree on the tenets of their religion, the willingness and strength to follow is another thing.

4. I agree with you. I believe if a man doesn't provide, she can divorce him. They also have rulings on when the men can divorce. I remember when Kano state Governor organised mass marriage for the divorced women However, they are not affected by the increased divorced rates due to relocation. What a Nigerian muslim wife would not take in UK, she would not take in Kano. She is the same with same expectations everywhere.

Sometimes when I think of the way we Christians metamorphosize to fit the world so bad, it gives me an headache.

Lol. It is the way you numbered it for me.

My boss was 39!! And she just got married as the third abi na fourth wife to one Northern elite. I was shocked because I always read that they marry before "22". It is her first marriage too. She schooled and worked abroad. Na husband carry her come back Naija. She told me she can't be in a monogamous marriage because it would affect her career and stress her out.

Omo! Their reasons for divorcing plenty o. I love this my friend because if you ask, she would answer you.🤣🤣🤣 I always look forward to her Islam orientations. It was with her I discovered muslim women have some flex, fully backed by their religion but nobody talks about those ones. You see that providing own. She said the onus is on the man to do everything. All this 50:50 we talk doesn't concern a core muslim couple.

You DONT OWN THE HOME. stop being chauvinistic by saying you will put a woman in your home. it is her home too and she will leave YOUR HOME if you make her uncomfortable

DrAkpamudehe:



And one simp will consider putting this one in his home? I pity the simp in advance

we dont know what you mean. many women have more money than men on a normal day. so if your husband was rubbing his money to her face just know the marriage ended cos she got tired of the flaunting

xynerise:

They had a money induced marriage if you ask me. I believe expectations were high from the wife's part and when she got there she saw something higher if you know what I mean.

we dont know what you mean. many women have more money than men on a normal day. so if your husband was rubbing his money to her face just know the marriage ended cos she got tired of the flaunting

xynerise:

They had a money induced marriage if you ask me. I believe expectations were high from the wife's part and when she got there she saw something higher if you know what I mean.

Jennyclay:
Biko, Someone should come and take me to U.k, honestly I won’t end the relationship/marriage

Unapologetic feminist? U will divorce the man inside Plane

odinga1of:


Unapologetic feminist? U will divorce the man inside Plane

Inside Plane, chineke. Why una dey do dis to Jennyclay nau, ah ah

madridguy:
It is too much freedom.

Well, to me I still blame the men in such position, I no go sell my property, borrow money for us to travel you come reach foreign land make you come say you no do again. E no possible. We must talk am very well before we comot for Naija.

In fact, we go use Sango, Ogun, Obatala and that most powerful Nnyamirin idol swear before we left. You know why; people like our politicians no care for swearing with Qur'an and Bible.

pocohantas:


Lol. It is the way you numbered it for me.

My boss was 39!! And she just got married as the third abi na fourth wife to one Northern elite. I was shocked because I always read that they marry before "22". It is her first marriage too. She schooled and worked abroad. Na husband carry her come back Naija. She told me she can't be in a monogamous marriage because it would affect her career and stress her out.

Omo! Their reasons for divorcing plenty o. I love this my friend because if you ask, she would answer you.🤣🤣🤣 I always look forward to her Islam orientations. It was with her I discovered muslim women have some flex, fully backed by their religion but nobody talks about those ones. You see that providing own. She said the onus is on the man to do everything. All this 50:50 we talk doesn't concern a core muslim couple.

I learnt the numbering from one dude here years ago jare.

Infact for those of the serious spirikoko ones, they don't change their surnames after marriage, it is haram.

Muslim women have some flex: It it is not compulsory to go to the mosque to pray, you don't fast during your period etc. Underneath all their coverings, they use solid 18k gold and correct lingerie. The rich and exposed ones are correct fashion inspo.

If you are not looking to be a first wife, marriage is sure at any age if you are interested.

They take the injunction of men providing very very seriously just that my Yoruba brothers use culture to ruin their religion and religion wise, you don't waste a lady's time. You like her, you talk to her father. He likes you, she likes you in return, you both marry. And the religion is clear on requirements of both parties. Not I go to RCCG, he goes to COZA so we believe different things.

Nobi date ten years, do five abortions and the man suddenly realises that it is a virgin his destiny requires.

Jennyclay:
Biko, Someone should come and take me to U.k, honestly I won’t end the relationship/marriage

The core of the problem is their feminist mentality that you already subscribe to but still in 9ja.

I doubt if you will make it past the immigration checkpoint before your true color & feminist tendencies ends the relationship.

Before we LEFT ko!

gaskiyamagana:

In fact, we go use Sango, Ogun, Obatala and that most powerful Nnyamirin idol swear before we left. You know why; people like our politicians no care for swearing with Qur'an and Bible.

JovialJune:



That is not what you implied in your first comment.

When you are a cleaner in England and you make a little money and decide to bring your woman.
The woman comes and further her education and let's say study as a nurse.

Then she starts making money than you and you're still a a cleaner because you financed her education too plus kids plus trying to build a house at home in Nigeria.

What do you expect the woman to do with all those money she now has plus all the people she sees at her place of work, people with levels better than you the husband.

Talking is not some form of guarantee.
Yes, we talked yesterday, today, I changed my mind.

madridguy:
It is too much freedom.

Well, to me I still blame the men in such position, I no go sell my property, borrow money for us to travel you come reach foreign land make you come say you no do again. E no possible. We must talk am very well before we comot for Naija.

Yames70:
Oya na let’s go😋

Na one chance u wan enter so o!

- The premise, concept and current form marriage takes in the human species is flawed. Seems no one has found what actually works yet.

- In nigerian marriages especially, people get married for all the wrong reasons. Men typically need some house maid and surrogate mother of some sort, while women just need some biological ATM without having any sort of value in lieu.

You can get those in 2- 4 years without needing a marriage, so when people get to a system that has some semblance of functionality, the cracks will widen.

EBMedia:
A human right lawyer, Bolanle, has decried the high rate of divorce among ‘happily married' Nigerian couples after they relocate to the UK, IGBERETV reports.

He wrote on his Twitter handle;



https://twitter.com/BolanleCole/status/1657282890005196800?t=03ImUcp6y2jvwnJ8xWaP6A&s=19

keepingmum:
Pls could you point me to the dissertation? It ll make a good read please.

Mindlog, abeg tag me too as I wan read am! Such information is worth examining.

xynerise:
The thing just tire me o. My uncle is going through same issue

Tell us more... How long were they married before going to the UK? How long did they stay together in the UK before love lost between them? Did you ever envisage something like this would happen? Was your uncle a bad person to her initially?

Jennyclay:
Biko, Someone should come and take me to U.k, honestly I won’t end the relationship/marriage

Only a fool will believe you. This gold digger

eazzzy1:
There are no family members abroad to call for family meetings. Many marriages in Nigeria are been held together by family meetings.

A party decides they’ve had enough and want out, the couple’s family organizes an intervention for them. How will you insist on leaving when your mother in-law kneels with tears in her eyes to apologize on behalf of her child?

Elders intervention on phone doesn’t have the same effect as in person.

This one na very big fact

These interventions aren't really real
More of to patch up an already broken system

For me once all these interventions begin to come

The marriage is as good as gone

Why not everyone find there way here in naija

edoairways:

That is a big fat lie

Who go talk sey god call am if money no dey there bro

eazzzy1:
There are no family members abroad to call for family meetings. Many marriages in Nigeria are been held together by family meetings. A party decides they’ve had enough and want out, the couple’s family organizes an intervention for them. How will you insist on leaving when your mother in-law kneels with tears in her eyes to apologize on behalf of her child? Elders intervention on phone doesn’t have the same effect as in person.

You nailed it as far as the majority, in my books!

JovialJune:



Oh so you want Nigerian women to keep taking nonsense from men as it use to be in Nigeria abi?

Nigerian men exercise marriage freedom with their cheating and the rest right here in Nigeria, then take same freedom outside, why is it that you all get pained when Nigerian women also exercise same marriage freedom in a country where equality is the watch word? You want women to remain slaves instead of being free right?

The Nigerian system allows the men chase their wives out with nothing after divorce after building a household for years, nobody bats an eyelid, all of you see it as normal and not being evil right?, western world recognise that as far as the marriage is legal and binding, whatever is attained in the marriage belongs to the husband and wife, and will be shared equally or unequally as the case may be, but in your head the right thing is to leave the wife high and dry abi? that to you is being fair, just and sane? You think it's only men that get to part ways with half or more of their money? No woman has being in this situation before and ongoing?

The way you guys regurgitate same bile as if enlightened makes one see you all as below par, sincerely.

Simple

Let everyone find there way in Nigeria

Let the two parties go there way as it's done overseas

I recently decided to read up on Michael Jordan

I noticed he divorced in the 2000s
Paid his former wife $168 million
later remarried in 2012 to a Latino woman
And he is living happily with the Latino woman

Now he is a billionaire in dollars

Saw plenty pictures he took with his children 3 from the first wife and 2 from the second wife

Honestly na we dey kill ourselves for Nigeria


Divorce is becoming normal here

If the marriage ain't working
The parties should move on and find ways to manage there children


We are just making things hard for ourselves here

Divorce is really becoming common nowadays in Nigeria so people need to start equipping there minds to that possiblity

And even look whether marriage is even necessary (infact many may begin to see marriage as unnecessary) thereby focus on babymama etc.

I even feel that by the time our parents generation pass away

Marriage may start becoming less interesting because a lot is changing

Everyone's eyes is beginning to open now

Jennyclay:
Biko, Someone should come and take me to U.k, honestly I won’t end the relationship/marriage

are you sure?

Jennyclay:
Biko, Someone should come and take me to U.k, honestly I won’t end the relationship/marriage

You that they moved to Lagos and you are already changing your accent?

The honest truth is that once Nigerian women leave Nigeria, they grow wings, the freedom and lack of motherly, fatherly or societal watch which helps to keep things in check is gone and so the true personality and nature of the wife is revealed.
It's just like a teenager who is leaving home for university for the first time and would be leaving off campus.

Suddenly she realises she now has some power because her husband can't dictate , decide , control or passively tell her what to do again. And she also realises that she doesn't need to depend on her husband again for money since she can make same money as her husband with same work.

Also , an average African man can't tolerate a woman who isn't submissive or a marriage he doesn't seem in control or the head over . So things fall apart . But majority of this falling apart is becos of the changes the wife na show case which the man can't tolerate. However, a higher proportion of wives of professionals like doctors, nurses, engineers and those with still very high income tend to remain submissive since they know there is no guarantee that another man outthere might be able to give them their current societal or social status. The few ones that also go ahead to divorce is also most times caused by the wives who are interested in the division of the man's wealth.

So in summary, women are responsible for about 90% of Nigerian divorce abroad .

madridguy:
It is too much freedom.

Well, to me I still blame the men in such position, I no go sell my property, borrow money for us to travel you come reach foreign land make you come say you no do again. E no possible. We must talk am very well before we comot for Naija.

It's not too much freedom but too much stress. Stress without support will destroy any relationship.

Most people do not factor in that lack of family support when they decide to move to places like the UK.

DeLaRue:
Women are more likely to find financial elevation and independence quicker in these foreign countries.

The day your wife starts earning enough to not depend on you in any of these countries, the dynamics of the relationship is very quickly likely to change.

In Nigeria, however successful a wife is, she will think twice (may be 10 times) before summoning the courage to tell her husband, my dear please wash the plates in the kitchen, wash the clothes and spread them outside, and tidy up the room and the toilets.

But abroad, na so your prim, previously holier than thou (when in Nigeria) wife go call you from work one day and tell you she's going on a night out with colleagues from work and remind you to do those things I mentioned above. Fear no go gree you ask why she want go out for drinks.

Na then you go no say, levels have changed. You wey you be 'oga' for Nigeria, for London, na just House man you be o. You do anyhow, you see anyhow

By the way, your wife who used to say divorce is 'over her dead body' in Nigeria will be so happy divorcing you in the UK.

That's not to say married people should not relocate abroad, but just know that however tight you feel your marriage is in Nigeria, moving abroad immediately increases the likelihood of that marriage failing within the next 7 years by at least 50%.

Please don't make the mistake of saying it can never happen to your family o. The people divorcing abroad also believed it could never happen to them.

Hmmmm... Your last paragraph is powerful and something to reflect on. 🤔

djon78:



Simple

Let everyone find there way in Nigeria

Let the two parties go there way as it's done overseas

I recently decided to read up on Michael Jordan

I noticed he divorced in the 2000s
Paid his former wife $168 million
later remarried in 2012 to a Latino woman
And he is living happily with the Latino woman

Now he is a billionaire in dollars

Saw plenty pictures he took with his children 3 from the first wife and 2 from the second wife

Honestly na we dey kill ourselves for Nigeria


Divorce is becoming normal here

If the marriage ain't working
The parties should move on and find ways to manage there children


We are just making things hard for ourselves here

Divorce is really becoming common nowadays in Nigeria so people need to start equipping there minds to that possiblity

And even look whether marriage is even necessary (infact many may begin to see marriage as unnecessary) thereby focus on babymama etc.

I even feel that by the time our parents generation pass away

Marriage may start becoming less interesting because a lot is changing

Everyone's eyes is beginning to open now

If marriage isn't working why should any man get married?

mmsen:


If marriage isn't working why should any man get married?

Most times because of family pressure especially from there parents many men marry

We have many bachelor's today in there forties

So there are many men not married

And as things are changing

Many more will begin to join the league

As divorce is becoming normal

Why marry in the first place?

Righteousness2:
Real joy and satisfaction is not in travelling to the UK, America, France, etc.
Real peace is not in moving to Europe, asia, America, the middle east, Australia etc

Anywhere you are in the world, real joy and Satisfaction is only available in JESUS Christ.
There must be a conscious effort to know JESUS, Obey His word and live for JESUS Christ.

In JESUS Christ alone we find real peace in this troubled and sinking world.

At least they are running away from a prayerful country to atheist nations..e get why