Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? - Family (2) - Nairaland
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| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by ariyebaba(m): 4:01pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
Ur friend has spoken well "husband are scarce"........................ In addition good wife are .................  Apply opportunity cost,my lil advice. Dont forget to keep us abreast of the ways things unfolds. Best of luck ! |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by Bontee: 4:06pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
There is no point being resentful in a relationship, it will affect it if you don't have a job quickly when you go to Abuja. It seems both of you did not discuss this before picking the date and it tells alot about the communication between both of you. Every human has a right to desire what they want in their life and it is important that both of you sit down to discuss this issue very well. My brother just got married three months ago, he lives in warri and the wife lives in ibadan where where she works and he works in warri. They have been alternating weekend visits because that was what they agreed to before getting married and the final conclusion is for my brother to relocate to ibadan to work or do business out of a personal sacrifice for his marriage and the woman he loves. sacrifice and compromise can come from any partner and is not necessary from the woman. The most important thing is that both of you sat down to iron it out and provide a joint workable solution that satisfies both parties. One more thing is that please come and answer the questions concerning the age asked of you because i would say my brother is very matured and above 30. P:S I don't see the reason for the incessant proclamation that only few good men exist and what about the woman?. What is the definition of a good man or woman and who in Nigeria is going to raise his or her hands that am not good. Wives submit to your husband and husband love your wives, it is a fifty fifty arrangement and a very good formula to see the importance of joint decisions to any issues. 7 Likes |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by juleze(f): 4:11pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
Marriage doesn't answer all your needs. This same man that told you to leave might become irritable when the financial burden becomes too much for him to bear. Are you sure you love him enough? If you do, then you might need to postpone the wedding till you get a job in Abuja. If he refuses, without any cogent reason, you might need to reconsider his proposal. Incidentally, I just read a newlywed's account about her pre-marital expectations. You can check it below: http://www.startmarriageright.com/2012/05/12-things-i-didnt-expect-from-marriage/ Cheers. 1 Like |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by free2ryhme: 4:11pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
WHY YOU DEY TELL US YOUR LIFE STORY  DO WHAT YOU WANT AND LEAVE THIS FORUM OUT OF YOUR LIFE |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by dayokanu(m): 4:21pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
Seems you dont really want to marry this guy and you are doing it to please others |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by Nobody: 4:24pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
Flocris: I am a 24year old lady, I finished my NYSC service october 2011 and i just got a very good job in lagos last month(may). Now, i am about to get married, my husband to be resides in Abuja and my traditional and church wedding would be comming up on september. My fiance said that i would quit my job immediately after the wedding and relocate to Abuja.this is a very testy situation. It would be nice to take the job, and it would also be nice to get married. Take the job and let him wait a little. U may not like the job in the end then u can quit and go back to abj. Na u get shoe na U know where ur shoe dey pinch you |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by Nobody: 4:27pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
Flocris: I am a 24year old lady, I finished my NYSC service october 2011 and i just got a very good job in lagos last month(may). Now, i am about to get married, my husband to be resides in Abuja and my traditional and church wedding would be comming up on september. My fiance said that i would quit my job immediately after the wedding and relocate to Abuja. |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by Teeshy: 4:32pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
U beta follow ur man go Abuja,b4 anoda woman carry am go! Wise up girl!!! |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by dabrake(m): 4:33pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
what is the probability that your fiancee won't lose his job after marriage? madam, please be wise. keep your job. he might start viewing you as a lazy, gold-digging housewife. please be wise |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by category(m): 4:43pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
May be husbands are scarce as people say (but i doubt), if you are decent and God fearing, believe me good men 'll do any thing just to marry you. I can't advise you to leave the job 'because they are equally scarce neither do i advise you to forget about your fiance. Get married as planned but work at least for another year while seeking for option in Abuja or while your husband is also seeking for options in Lagos. |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by armyofone(m): 4:45pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
i would have said take your guy and forget the job but the thing now is African guy want a woman who will not piranha on him. you hear them all the time on NL shebi  . Gone are the days when a man won't bug if new wifey is not brining in ego/kudi/owo.2 options: take the job, buy a big dilly take the job, marry and stay where you are till you find job where he is if the job pays real good, my sister take it. this hard economic if you chop finish for bed, food must be on the table. you plus your guy could come to an agreement. come visiting etc. |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by Totoplayer20: 5:04pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
armyofone: i would have said take your guy and forget the job but the thing now is African guy want a woman who will not piranha on him. you hear them all the time on NL shebiCan you understand that the dude don't want long distance marry |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by PurerareGold: 5:04pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
What does your fiance do in abuja? Its easy †☺ assume he has a job? If he doesn't or is self employed why doesn't he relocate †☺ lagos †☺ meet you? That said. I wouldn't advise you †☺ leave your job neither would I say cancel your wedding. I would rather you work till you get another job where your husband resides but if you feel you can cope without a job in abuja, Go for it. At the end of the day, Na you aπϑ your Oga go dεγ̲ the marriage. No nl. Take the best decision that suits you,one you can live with the consequences. |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by Nobody: 5:07pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
If u really love him and he luvs u as well...u will quit the job cos love sacrifices. Gettin d right life partner is better than gettin a job.i advise u still seek advice from therapists nd psychologists becos d situation is a vital one |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by blasterman(m): 5:15pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
I guess you both have to reach a compromise. Is he willing to wait one more year after you get some money& experience? So that you make money as well because truth of the matter love can turn to hate if he is not supply you ur needs. My advice to you is this start this job meanwhile ur fiancé & urself is looking for another job for u in Abuja. If he truly loves you he will wait unless ur above 36 and both of u aren't sure about each other or you have trust issues. |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by waja(m): 5:16pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
If U luv that guy, U won't think 2ice in quiting the job. On the alternative, if U don't like d guy, go on with your job, afterall age is still on your side. |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by Hadesewa: 5:17pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
As rightly said by so many,marriage is a compromise.But girl if u decide to trade ur marriage for ur job,do u knw wot wil hapun nxt in dat company or organisation since it does nt belong to any of ur relation.Wot i felt in d whole scenero is dat u r probably thinkin afterall 'm stil young. |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by filia4real(m): 5:22pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
I'll advise you to talk to your hubby and let him understand your fears perhaps he might have one or two surprises for u that you don't know of. I'm sure he meant well 4 u and ur future. What shall it profit a woman that gained the world and loses her husband? Pls 4 d sake of ur marriage and esp 4 u 2 enjoy lasting peace and happiness...cooperate! 1 Like |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by Leoejiofor(m): 5:31pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
My dear u knw ur family background, than any other person here, if ur company has a branch in abuja u can work 4 d transfer, bt if, it does nt. Ur husband should gv u sometime 2 get a job in abuja, before u start ur wedding activities with him. Beside, he waz not the person get the present job your talking about. A good man can always come your, if you know the kind of life your living. U stil have a brighter future ahead. He should wait for his wedding plans |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by sgsltd1: 5:37pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
job is very important , click my signature for free hotest job in town |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by Mayflowa(m): 5:40pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
I just hate it when women are adviced like this! Why would the Fiance be so authoritative! He needs to put down his ego and calm down to make sensible decision if truely he loves her He should let her work. Once she has some experience and job skill on her side, finding a job in abuja won't be that hard. And he has to be part of that search. The guy should shill and manage alternate weekly or biweekly visit. That is what an understanding husband would do not saying: QUIT YOUR JOB LIKE HE IS GOD!" I hope he isn't insecure. Some guys are just too hard and parochial! Meanwhile, marriage usually ushers in blessings from God. |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by Nobody: 5:50pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
chaircover: In the car so excuse my "disjointed" post I agree with most of your analysis and I know a friend who experienced this. His wife was a high profile lawyer in Lagos and had to quit her job to join her husband in the US where she could not get a job. It did cause alot of problems for them and indeed tested their marriage. My advice is somewhat different. Marriage is a compromise and I will advise they continue with everything. The continue with marriage plans and she starts her job in Lagos. They should both start looking for a job in Abuja however, and put a timeframe for relocation. May, ok she takes the job and after one year or 18 months she has to relocate to Abuja. This will give her time to gain some work experience and also search for a job in Abuja. In the meantime, they can meet up every weekend or every other weekend. I am assumming both can remain faithful for a year or more. Hopefully this will accomodate all parties. |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by femmy2010(m): 5:56pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
It took the poster a whooping 7months to get the job she has(she finished her NYSC Oct. 2011). If I were the Lady,deep in love with my man then I wouldn't mind waiting a whole year without a job to enjoy a life time of happiness with the one that I love and who loves me back in return. Life and love is all about sacrificing. 1 Like |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by Nobody: 5:59pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
What does your husband do in Abuja? Does he have a good job? Can he provide for the two of you, until you find a job there? Also, who knows when or if you would find a job there? There're many graduates in Nigeria looking for work, so you're in a lucky position to have found one. You yourself said you went through a lot to get the job, so you know how difficult it was to find that job. My Rule of life #6: Never leave a job until you've secured another. It's a good idea to make sure you find another job in Abuja before you relocate. Even if you work at this job you just found for a while, that would help boost your chances of landing another one, as it would add to your experience and you could even use your employer for reference for the next job. If that means the two of you should hold things off for a couple of months to a year, then you should do that. He may have a good job now (this's an assumption, as you didn't say what he does for a living), but you don't know what could happen in the future. If anything does happen, you want to make sure you're able to support him and/or yourself. You also said you don't want to go to Abuja and be sitting home, idle, if you don't find a job and that's exactly what would happen if you don't. In turn, that could lead you to start regretting your relocation, harbouring feelings of guilt or just being unhappy and feeling useful. All these will affect your relationship. Financial issues are also one of the leading causes of divorce. You're 24 and you're still young. I think it's a good idea to develop yourself financially, and as a working woman first, rather than rushing your wedding, moving there and relying on him to take care of you. The fact that you're already thinking about cancelling the wedding means you're having doubts and when you're doubting something, you should give the decision at hand more thought or better yet, wait, until you're ready to embark on it. If he's a good man, wonderful. Good men are hard to come by. But good men are also patient and understanding. Only you can decide what to do. Good luck. |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by rman: 6:02pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
I think the OP agreed to marry the guy when she was still jobless. Now that she has secured a job, she is not so sure of her love for the man. That's why I strongly believe people will always act differently when they have financial independence. The OP doesn't trulY love this guy. The marriage was just a convenient decision then due to her situation. If she has had this job before the guy proposed, I am certain her answer will be NO. So, I will suggest the OP should cancel the wedding and move on with her life, because, certainly she feels she can now do better ( get a better man ) If this man that proposed is the man she feels she wants to spend the rest of her life with, she would not be here asking this question[b]I think the OP agreed to marry the guy when she was still jobless. Now that she has secured a job, she is not so sure of her love for the man. That's why I strongly believe people will always act differently when they have financial independence. The OP doesn't trulY love this guy. The marriage was just a convenient decision then due to her situataion. If she has had the job before this guy proposed, I am certain her answer will be NO. So, I will suggest the OP should cancel the wedding and move on with her life, because, certainly she feels she can now do better ( get a better man ) If this man that proposed is the man she feels she wants to spend the rest of her life with, she would not be here asking this question[/b]I think the OP agreed to marry the guy when she was still jobless. Now that she has secured a job, she is not so sure of her love for the man. That's why I strongly believe people will always act differently when they have financial independence. The OP doesn't trulY love this guy. The marriage was just a convenient decision then due to her situataion. If she has had the job before this guy proposed, I am certain her answer will be NO. So, I will suggest the OP should cancel the wedding and move on with her life, because, certainly she feels she can now do better ( get a better man ) If this man that proposed is the man she feels she wants to spend the rest of her life with, she would not be here asking this question |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by rman: 6:05pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
I think the OP agreed to marry the guy when she was still jobless. Now that she has secured a job, she is not so sure of her love for the man. That's why I strongly believe people will always act differently when they have financial independence. The OP doesn't trulY love this guy. The marriage was just a convenient decision then due to her situation. If she has had this job before the guy proposed, I am certain her answer will be NO. So, I will suggest the OP should cancel the wedding and move on with her life, because, certainly she feels she can now do better ( get a better man ) If this man that proposed is the man she feels she wants to spend the rest of her life with, she would not be here asking this question |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by aaadio(m): 6:12pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
Charity begins at home. As a male, not working for a brief time was soul numbing. I felt useless and no self worth. Having a job gives a sense of achievement, respectability and independence. Even though my wife has her business, I wanted my own. Wife was happy for me staying home, looking after the children. I was so down, our imtermacy stopped. My labido was very low. Long story short, we parted. Now in full time employment and extremely happy. A former workmate resigned to look after his ailing wife. A year later, he was extremely depressed. At 62 he hung himself. Tragic.  It would be arrogant to say, well these are men stories.. Some women feel the same. My advice is to concentrate on your job or career. Try and sit him down, away from the house(restaurant or wine bar) and explain the importance of you going out to work. Always remind him, he is the one and only. If he is a good husband to be, he should understand. Better still, he should try and find you a new job in Abuja. Best of luck. |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by Nobody: 6:20pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
parryon: You are the kind woman that make man hate marriage Sugar mummy like you |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by meetmeonline: 6:36pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
chaircover: In the car so excuse my "disjointed" post [size=17pt]CHEI! AKW'OCHIE! U TOOOOO MUCH!!![/size] The biggest love Dokita on Nairaland!!!...please mail me on k.vs.o2012@gmail.com, you hold a lot of advice for me . |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by femifemi1(m): 6:39pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
One thousand and one ladies are out praying u quit that guy because to them their chances will increase by one...Go to God in prayer,he will make u a way,marriage is meant to be for life but a job is for a while. |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by Nobody: 6:42pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
Marriage is a life long contract. Both parties need to look before they leap. If you think you wouldn't be comfortable depending on your hubby 100 percent financially then ask him to let you arrange your transfer before the marriage. Wife in lagos husband in Abuja will not really work for newly weds sincerely. Be realistic. You know what you want. Go for it. |
| Re: Which Do I Choose; Marriage Or Job? by chizstic: 7:00pm On Jun 06, 2012 |
Get married girl, marriage does come by that much, jobs do come by everyday, be wise,if u love ds guy marry him, u wont regret it, jobs are like water, it neva finishes. |
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