As a guy let me advice u. Tell him to look for a job for u. Keep the one u've got and let him know that u will move to Abuja wen u get one.
This is because after awhile if u keep asking for money from he will gradually start pissing him off.
Let me tell u a secret, men these days are attracted to women who are FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT.

Cancel the wedding. The fact that the thought even popped into your head at all means you dont truly love this man enough if not no sacrifice would be too much to make for your marriage.
Where was this man all the time you were looking for a job?

Take your job... true good men are scarce but the Lord will provide for you. You just have to look well.

@poster,love is understanding..when d both of u cn nt understand urself nw u r nt yet wedded i wonder? Bt may i ask d occupatn of ur fiance n his fainancial status/capacity? This r wat u r going to consider b4 resignin,ok,ask him provisions he is makin 4 u in abj 4 job,if u finds reasonably,take ur hearth decision n mind u dat husband is scarce likwise a good job..also lik odas said find a way 4 ur transfer to abj n al prob is solve if posibl..an idle woman is a devils workshop.lol..tnx n make nice decision frm dis critical tym..
we hope to see good Result of ur decision.

Ordinarily, you cannot equate your marriage to a job. Marriage should be more important than a job.....but for you to have thought about canceling the wedding in the first place, my advice is tha you should not keep your job and cancel the wedding.

Your post talks about how hard it took you to get the job and how important the job is. We did not hear about how hard it took you to find this guy or what the relationship is like. Most ladies approach marriage with loaded expectations, joys, cheerfulness...but if you quit your job for this wedding, it appear you might not enjoy it to its fullness.

It also appear that, the guy proposed to you while you were still jobless...had you guys married then, relocation would not have been an issue..but along the way you found a job and you started giving the marriage a second thought. I am doubly certain that, had the guy proposed to you today, you would have said No....these are the reasons you have to follow your heart.

Some say good men are scare, but it is always better to follow your heart..

DONT QUIT YOUR JOB! GOSH, I DON'T UNDERSTAND SOME MEN SOMETIMES, WHY WOULD HE EVEN DEMAND THAT? THAT SHOULD BE YOUR DECISION AND I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD QUIT!

Babe face ur career o! D same pple dat wud tell u 2follow ur hubby are d same pple dat wud sleep with him wen dey see d chance and ruin ur marriage.. How certain are u d marriage wud be a beautiful 1? Evry woman needs to empower herself. Times are changing its only nigerian women who scramble for husbands cos most can't do witout a man...pls face our career ." A bird at hand" At 24 u shudnt be feeling ur too old @all..

PrettyCindy: Since you knew your fiance lives in Abuja, why didn't you look for job there? Am sure you knew he would object to distant marriage so why bother with Lagos in the first place?

I stayed in abuja afta my service & got my job in lagos.it doest mata wia she's been applyin.
bible says"those who are led by the spirit of god are sons of god"there may be two diferent ppl in this kind of situation but i tell u god may have different plans for them.
follow ur mind so u dont blam ppl

neferttiti: Babe face ur career o! D same pple dat wud tell u 2follow ur hubby are d same pple dat wud sleep with him wen dey see d chance and ruin ur marriage.. How certain are u d marriage wud be a beautiful 1? Evry woman needs to empower herself. Times are changing its only nigerian women who scramble for husbands cos most can't do witout a man...pls face our career ." A bird at hand" At 24 u shudnt be feeling ur too old @all..

lol ok i think pple need to understand what the word "career" means. It is not the same thing as a JOB.

Dear, it's not enough to resign or cancel the wedding. Who are u marry to! These are things u discuss during courtship. My advice to u is prayer then call him 4 discussion. God will u see thru. Gud luck.

This one is tough. Its a question of a lifetime commitment, stability and your goals/dreams.

It painful when you can't have it all. It hurts when you have to give up something to get another. It hurts when you are the one that has to make the sacrifice and compromise. Why does naija love/marriage not accommodate ones goals and desires. If it were in foreign countries, the white man would make sacrifices too or understand more, the white man would be flexible enough to accommodate your own achievements.

Well if its not Oil company job like Exon, Shell and the likes then I suggest you relocate to Abuja to settle down. But if it were to be Exon and all, then I won't relocate anything. I mean you can be engaged or do the necessary rights and at least work for a year to gather work experience and more contacts to be able to get a job in Abuja later on. One more year wont kill your hubby and you.

Just make sure your hubby is worth this sacrifice and the wedding is commencing asap. It would be foolish to give up an opportunity, relocate and no wedding holds. Let me also remind you that good naija husbands are scarce so get that weight off your shoulders, when you miss it, its hard to get a good replacement, you might end up with someone beneath you. Since he resides in Abuja, he must be self sufficient, let him use his contacts to get you a job there. I mean he sounds confident for him to want to relocate you when you are still a liability, a poor man would have told you to stay in Lag gather some money from the work you got, become a woman of your own so as to contribute your own quota at home. So I am sure he has plans for your upkeep.

Above all, commit everything in prayers and leave the whole the thing to God. He would guide you. God already knows the deal and what would be so let nature take its course. Whatever decision you make, make sure its mutual and you are happy. Don't get pressured, use your head, heart and challenge God to get you a better offer.

Young woman,if u want to stay away from ur husbby because u did not go thru hard time to get it like ur job stay, u heard me stay... But when jungle go mature u go know watin u they miss .. Yeye girl

You need to urgently consult babalawo, Ifa will tell you all outcome and etutu will prevent the bad to happen to you.

Wow!Omo see sound advice o.@ Op I guess your question has been answered.It's all about your priority.Do you trust your fiance enough to commit your destiny in his hands?Does he love you enough?Is he considerate?Some men are difficult o!Whatever decision you arrive at I just hope you won't regret it.ASK HIM WHAT HE WANTS YOU TO DO IF YOU QUIT YOUR JOB.IF NO REASONABLE ANSWER.THEN NEVER MARRY HIM.YOUR JOB IS YOUR SECURITY!

OUR FELLOW NIGERIANS WANTS TO LIVE IN THE MODERN AGE, BUT YET THEY STILL PREFER OUR PRIMITIVE WAY OF LIVE.

MY ADVICE TO THIS WOMAN IS TO ASK YOUR HUSBAND-TO-BE, TO RELOCATE TO LAGOS IF HE REALLY REALLY LOVES YOU.

DONT DESTROY YOUR CAREER BECAUSE OF ANY MAN OR WOMAN. DONT ALLOW THE SELFISH MAN DECEIVE YOU.

NIGERIA WILL SOON ACHIEVE CORPORATE STATUS, YOUR SKILLS WILL DETERMINE YOUR VALUE IN THE SOCIETY.

OUR TRADITIONAL VALUES AND CULTURE HAS BECOME OUR SHORTCUTS TO FAILURE AS A NATION.

I AM A MAN, AND I WILL NEVER EVER ASK ANY WOMAN TO MAKE SUCH A BIG SACRIFICE ALL IN THE NAME OF MARRIAGE

@Rman and DavidDylan have it pat down. The fact that you could even conceive of calling off the wedding points you in the 'appropriate' direction. If you hadn't got this job woukd this be a problem? Not that I condemn you but selfishness has no place in a marriage. You're here becaause you want people to assuage your conscience well, consider your conscience assuaged.

Where is OP self? She must be confused with all the advice pouring in from all corners... My 2cent...

Follow ur Mind.

engineerd: DONT QUIT YOUR JOB! GOSH, I DON'T UNDERSTAND SOME MEN SOMETIMES, WHY WOULD HE EVEN DEMAND THAT? THAT SHOULD BE YOUR DECISION AND I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD QUIT!

Are you married?I very much doubt it.Over adolescence still worries you.So much hot blood!Husbands and wives need to live together.See Abj,see Lag.,Come see distance!Temptation nko?

@OP: i like CC's advice and would like to add some pieces of advice: wat good is a marriage/union if u can't achieve ur dreams n desires or if u're d party who keeps sacrificin? God created u both as beautiful persons wit purposes to fulfill so ur union should bring out the best in the both of u. wat do u want to be in future? wat's ur desire in life? is that job on d path to achieving ur dream in life? by now, ur H2B should know ur dreams n work wit u towards fulfillin it. i like d fact dat @ ur age, u're thinking of ur future. sit him down n u both discuss ur dreams, purposes, ambitions etc and ow to achieve dem. resume d job n look for another @ abj n tell him that u wouldn't leave ur present job til u get another one. if he was transfered in his place of work in future, would he move u al to d his new duty post? and for those talkin of good men, wat makes a man good? reject d status quo that u must be attached to man b4 u succeed or make it in life. it is wel wit u.

JAMILO2020: OUR FELLOW NIGERIANS WANTS TO LIVE IN THE MODERN AGE, BUT YET THEY STILL PREFER OUR PRIMITIVE WAY OF LIVE.
MY ADVICE TO THIS WOMAN IS TO ASK YOUR HUSBAND-TO-BE, TO RELOCATE TO LAGOS IF HE REALLY REALLY LOVES YOU.
DONT DESTROY YOUR CAREER BECAUSE OF ANY MAN OR WOMAN. DONT ALLOW THE SELFISH MAN DECEIVE YOU.
NIGERIA WILL SOON ACHIEVE CORPORATE STATUS, YOUR SKILLS WILL DETERMINE YOUR VALUE IN THE SOCIETY.
OUR TRADITIONAL VALUES AND CULTURE HAS BECOME OUR SHORTCUTS TO FAILURE AS A NATION.
I AM A MAN, AND I WILL NEVER EVER ASK ANY WOMAN TO MAKE SUCH A BIG SACRIFICE ALL IN THE NAME OF MARRIAGE

OMO I SCORE YOU ZERO!YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT MARRIAGE.SEE REASONING.THE HUSBAND AND WIFE WHO IS THE HEAD?

JAMILO2020: OUR FELLOW NIGERIANS WANTS TO LIVE IN THE MODERN AGE, BUT YET THEY STILL PREFER OUR PRIMITIVE WAY OF LIVE.

MY ADVICE TO THIS WOMAN IS TO ASK YOUR HUSBAND-TO-BE, TO RELOCATE TO LAGOS IF HE REALLY REALLY LOVES YOU.

DONT DESTROY YOUR CAREER BECAUSE OF ANY MAN OR WOMAN. DONT ALLOW THE SELFISH MAN DECEIVE YOU.

NIGERIA WILL SOON ACHIEVE CORPORATE STATUS, YOUR SKILLS WILL DETERMINE YOUR VALUE IN THE SOCIETY.

OUR TRADITIONAL VALUES AND CULTURE HAS BECOME OUR SHORTCUTS TO FAILURE AS A NATION.

I AM A MAN, AND I WILL NEVER EVER ASK ANY WOMAN TO MAKE SUCH A BIG SACRIFICE ALL IN THE NAME OF MARRIAGE

would u also quit ur job and relocate to lagos cause her job is in lagos and u become jobless.


@op,if u truely love dis man and u are sure of his love,then u would quit dat job and get another in abuja. U only searched for job for 7months after service and u are complaining so much, so wot should men not even women dat av searched for job for more than 4yrs and above do? As a woman i realy dont believe in women pursuing career,cos dats were u get all sorts of insults from men(i personally cant stand a man dats not my hubby insult me witout me dishing him d trash he deserves),i prefer a woman in bizness or her using her handiwork or talents to make her money, if u quit dat job n relocate to abuja,while searching for anoda job u could learn diffrent skills and make more mony out of it. My dear sit down n av a rethink. At d end u rule ur world...

Flocris: I am a 24year old lady, I finished my NYSC service october 2011 and i just got a very good job in lagos last month(may). Now, i am about to get married, my husband to be resides in Abuja and my traditional and church wedding would be comming up on september. My fiance said that i would quit my job immediately after the wedding and relocate to Abuja.
Considering all the stress, depression, troubles and anxiety that i went through when i was searching for a job, i dont think it would be wise for me to quit the job that i just got and relocate to Abuja where i will be staying idle until i get another job which i dont even know how long that will take.
I am thinking of canceling the wedding because i dont want to go through what i went through when i was jobless. But my best friend thinks that canceling the wedding would be a VERY BIG mistake, according to her, "husband is scarce". I am so confused, i dont want to quit my job.
Please, i need some advice from married and experienced people in the house. Which should i choose, marriage or my job?.

Please Choose your job and help your younger ones and family if you are not from a rich family,at 24 you are still young and you can still get married in 10 yrs time at 34yrs,There are many men around

taryour:

would u also quit ur job and relocate to lagos cause her job is in lagos and u become jobless.


@op,if u truely love dis man and u are sure of his love,then u would quit dat job and get another in abuja. U only searched for job for 7months after service and u are complaining so much, so wot should men not even women dat av searched for job for more than 4yrs and above do? As a woman i realy dont believe in women pursuing career,cos dats were u get all sorts of insults from men(i personally cant stand a man dats not my hubby insult me witout me dishing him d trash he deserves),i prefer a woman in bizness or her using her handiwork or talents to make her money, if u quit dat job n relocate to abuja,while searching for anoda job u could learn diffrent skills and make more mony out of it. My dear sit down n av a rethink. At d end u rule ur world...

With all the job wahala people are facing in niaja....you expect her to quit the job and move, so that her next story here on NL will be how her hubby is maltreating her....you have to think outside the box, Someone asked, what if she is the bread winner and so many of her family members are depending on her? you know how Naija is now....moreso she is still young, it is still the men that will come back to say, the woman is eating him/them to the bone. Let her work. And just so you know, the times women will seat and fold arms, while the hubby does every thing financially is past.

taryour:

would u also quit ur job and relocate to lagos cause her job is in lagos and u become jobless.


@op,if u truely love dis man and u are sure of his love,then u would quit dat job and get another in abuja. U only searched for job for 7months after service and u are complaining so much, so wot should men not even women dat av searched for job for more than 4yrs and above do? As a woman i realy dont believe in women pursuing career,cos dats were u get all sorts of insults from men(i personally cant stand a man dats not my hubby insult me witout me dishing him d trash he deserves),i prefer a woman in bizness or her using her handiwork or talents to make her money, if u quit dat job n relocate to abuja,while searching for anoda job u could learn diffrent skills and make more mony out of it. My dear sit down n av a rethink. At d end u rule ur world...

so d man can't sacrifice too? u don't believe a woman should have a career b'cos of insults? can't she be insulted in her own biz or wateva? wat if her neighbor insults her? so a hussy has d 'unreserved right' to insult his wife? it is well!

taryour:

would u also quit ur job and relocate to lagos cause her job is in lagos and u become jobless.


@op,if u truely love dis man and u are sure of his love,then u would quit dat job and get another in abuja. U only searched for job for 7months after service and u are complaining so much, so wot should men not even women dat av searched for job for more than 4yrs and above do? As a woman i realy dont believe in women pursuing career,cos dats were u get all sorts of insults from men(i personally cant stand a man dats not my hubby insult me witout me dishing him d trash he deserves),i prefer a woman in bizness or her using her handiwork or talents to make her money, if u quit dat job n relocate to abuja,while searching for anoda job u could learn diffrent skills and make more mony out of it. My dear sit down n av a rethink. At d end u rule ur world...

so d man can't sacrifice too? u don't believe a woman should have a career b'cos of insults? can't she be insulted in her own biz or wateva? wat if her neighbor insults her? so a hussy has d 'unreserved right' to insult his wife? it is well!

davidylan: Cancel the wedding. The fact that the thought even popped into your head at all means you dont truly love this man enough if not no sacrifice would be too much to make for your marriage.
Where was this man all the time you were looking for a job?

Take your job... true good men are scarce but the Lord will provide for you. You just have to look well.

good idea . There are plenty fishes in the river.
the fact that the job was so hard to find will be one reason why I won't quit it cuz of some son's of Adam.
We marry, you relocate or come visiting, look for job where my good job is.
if you say no, then please mon find ya way.
there are many kondo out there and i can easily and discreetly order Love Machine from oversea

op, please choose the job. Most men these days are not ready to be financially responsible for their wives. They are the ones , that will order you to quit orelses no marriage and when you, then quit and asks for upkeep money, soon he will start grumbling and saying u demand too much and do you think money grows in trees? Do u think i pluck money from my backyard? u will hear all sorts as if u were a lazylaid back girl from day one .. and i bet you, the love go clear slowly but surely from your eyes, after much grumbling and put down from the guy. As for me, any man i wish to spend my life with, MUST marry me and my job... no compromise, at all.. and am happy with this choice, av chosen.

How deep is your husband to be pocket ? Consider that and make your choice .

armyofone:

good idea . There are plenty fishes in the river.
the fact that the job was so hard to find will be one reason why I won't quit it cuz of some son's of Adam.
We marry, you relocate or come visiting, look for job where my good job is.
if you say no, then please mon find ya way.
there are many kondo out there and i can easily and discreetly order Love Machine from oversea

if your mum ordered a lovemachine would you have been born, when the poster is 38yrs she will get a husband

My earlier response ( on page2) is exactly what you wrote. It is as if you were with me when I wrote mine.

linearity: Ordinarily, you cannot equate your marriage to a job. Marriage should be more important than a job.....but for you to have thought about canceling the wedding in the first place, my advice is tha you should not keep your job and cancel the wedding.

Your post talks about how hard it took you to get the job and how important the job is. We did not hear about how hard it took you to find this guy or what the relationship is like. Most ladies approach marriage with loaded expectations, joys, cheerfulness...but if you quit your job for this wedding, it appear you might not enjoy it to its fullness.

It also appear that, the guy proposed to you while you were still jobless...had you guys married then, relocation would not have been an issue..but along the way you found a job and you started giving the marriage a second thought. I am doubly certain that, had the guy proposed to you today, you would have said No....these are the reasons you have to follow your heart.

Some say good men are scare, but it is always better to follow your heart..

ronkebp:

With all the job wahala people are facing in niaja....you expect her to quit the job and move, so that her next story here on NL will be how her hubby is amltreating her....you have to think outside the box, Someone asked, what if she is the breadwinnerand so many of her family memebers are depending on her? you know how Naija is now....moreso she is still young, it is still the men that will come back to say, the woman is eating him/them to the bone. Let her work. And just so you know, the times women will seat and fold arms, while the hubby does every thing financially is past.

my dear ronkus i get ur point perfectly well. As it is d op asnt returned to tell us weda she is d bread winner or not. But if dat is d case den they both need to reach a compromise,she still as 3monts to work n save little befor marriage,her hubby needs to agree to set her up in biz in abj is she decides to quit d job so she can still make her money n takecare of her siblings,if he truley loves her he wuld do dat but if finances is available then they can both reach an agreement to shift the wedding till things are sorted out.

dear! Sit ur husband 2 b down ask him relevant qustn abt his finance, an aslo ask ur boss in de office if der can b away out, if ur husband is capable of taking gud care of u till u fin anoda job, pls............go 4 ur marriag. If he is nt bouyant 2 take gud care of u till u com by anoda, ask ur boss, bc i kn der must b away out. I ve seen similar cases like dis, so i kn Hw it went. Pls go 4 ur husband n @ de sometime lok 4 away 2 wrk ur job 2 wer u are, i wish u wer wrkin in dey bank, dat would ve bin easy 4 u. All de same, stil do a rethink u may fin anoda way out.

Hey lil girl, u are in a tight corner o. If ur man gat money, quit. If he ain't gat doe, don't quit, just tell him after the wedding that u will be in Lag while he will be in Abj but if una want do sth make him go visit u there or u go come visit am here.