my brother, remember it will not be funny , when they still call you for PTA meeting at age 60,

LAGOS: On Sunday, May 8, 2016, there will be temporary closure of one lane of Lagos/Ibadan Expressway at BERGER BRIDGE between 1000hrs and 1300hrs, due to on-going construction of a pedestrian bridge at Berger bus stop. Plan your movement.

Yak nka nke kom ABASI ooo ke mme toyo mkpo,mipkidige ABASI udi mmi akpa tippe mbiod...Anie owo ke JESUS minamke mkpo inno enye,yak enye adi menere ubok?

MY ASSET DECLARATION
- 4 shirts (one short sleeved)
- 2 Jean trousers (pink and yellow)
- one singlet
- two boxers
- 2 sets of native outfits (sewn from burial and wedding uniforms)
- 1 canvas boot (in preparation for the soon to come rat race)
- A pair of chali chali shoes ( I've changed the sole 7 times)
- 1 container of Stella pomade
- a bathroom slippers (inherited from my Neighbour b4 she packed)
- 1 motivational novel (The Art of deception, by M. Buhari)
- 1 Nokia 1100 ( purchased from my 15 years savings in Union Bank)
- 1 two battery transistor radio (a gift)
- a 6-spring grass- stuffed mattress.
- 8 exercise books I bought (in preparation to start school when they commence free school feeding)
- Naira accounts with: GTBank (1350), Zenith Bank (350), UBA (832)
- I also have an account in Ecobank. But can't trace the account number and amount therein.
- 1 Medium sized Ghana-Must-go traveling bag.
- 1 plastic hand fan ( souvenir gift)
- the last time I had a strained shoulder ligament, friends and family came together and bought me a Wheel barrow, so I can fetch water.
- 1 Bible and hymn book (hoping apart from Aso chapel, other churches won't be closed down)
- 2 pots, 1 kettle, 4 plates, 1 spoon, 1 kitchen knife.
- 1 stove
- 1 machete (for whoever will say Sai Buhari again)
- 14 inches LG tv, VCD and 2 plastic chairs (bought from the 5000 monthly unemployment stipends government promised)
- 1 sponge, 2 lux soap and 1 bucket.
- 1 twenty liter water can, somewhere in my backyard. Though I can't trace it's where about.
- 1 broiler and 1 layer birds (bought in preparation for 2015 Christmas)
These are my properties and I thought it wise in the principle of transparency to let my friends know

Bonapart:
i tell they're way far from mourning the poor woman.... i doubt they helped in the fight against the cancer
And people will call them celebrity because we don't really know the meaning of the word 'celebrity'
The only person worth celebrated is JESUS

dera7:

God bless you my brother. I guess the only reason for doing this is to present herself (Lola that is) in a good light in the public as someone who has a heart and cares for the common man. My! such unwarranted hypocrisy. If she were truly in mourning, I doubt she'd have time for Instagram. Really, what else does Lola know about the lady (God rest her soul) apart from the fact she was her nanny?
Ps: and she didn't hesitate to tell us they "worked tirelessly to save her". Come on!! have some dignity lady and show some respect to the family of the deceased rather than making the death of their daughter a stunt to improve your public image.

you guys should stop saying what u don't know, she has tried both in Nigeria and outside Nigeria for her, well God will bless her, am glad she is not looking for any reward from anybody only God will do the needful for her , May the soul of our dear wife Esty rest in peace

Thank you LORD for all you have done for me,my soul will praise you LORD Jesus till the end of time.

Funny student

good-news , congratulation , may God provide the family with all the need to bring him in the way of the Lord

Accident that occur along lagos to Ibadan Road, this morning, 6 beings was lost in the accident..

For women:
Where a man is going is more important than where he is currently standing. If the destination is not clear, don’t stand with a fool.
For women:
Age has nothing to do with maturity. Growing old and growing up is never the same. Dating older guys doesn't guarantee anything in a relationship
For women:
Don’t choke him. Give him his space. If you are a burden and a nag to him, you have only succeeded in killing his commitment to marriage.
For women:
A car on a roundabout is moving but may not be making progress. If this car is your relationship, please don’t be the last to drop off.

OKAY

may be he should check dis ,
What monthly expenses are associated with a newborn?
You'll probably spend a bunch of money stocking up on baby supplies in advance, but many wonder how much it will cost every month once the baby arrives. Babies are relatively simple creatures, and the main elements of caring for a newborn are feeding them, cleaning / changing their diapers and making sure they're rested. The sleep is free, but here is a rough approximation of monthly costs for a young baby.

Formula, $75-105
If your child will be breast-fed, this column is free. If you are planning on bottle feeding, a baby generally eat 2-3 ounces of formula per pound of body weight, so 14-21 ounces a day for a 7 pound baby. Powdered formula (Similac organic) costs about $1 per 6 ounce bottle. This intake level will set you back $75 - $105 per month.

Diapers, $97.40
A newborn usually needs between 8 and 15 diaper changes a day, usually towards the higher end. Estimating 13 diapers a day at $.25 per diaper, $3.25 per day or $97.50 per month. (Update: Save 15% on diapers with a subscription from Amazon.)

Wipes, $15
Depending on the type you buy, budget about $15 per month.

Pediatrician co-pays, $50
Estimating a $25 visit co-pay, budget for $50 per month for the first couple of months, $25 there after.

Miscellaneous $50
There are plenty of little expenses that fit into this category. The items I'd put in here include Mylicon (anti-gas), Desitin for diaper rash, baby lotion and oil, baby vitamins and countless other little things. For this, I'd estimate $50 per month.

Baby detergents, $20
We use a special dishwasher detergent baby bottles and laundry detergent for baby clothes, which cost between $10 and $20 per month.

let him go and do right thing first , is more expensive to take care of baby than bride price [color=#990000][/color]

Pre-Trip Inspection checklist for light Vehicles
1. body work in good condition
2 tires in good condition and correct pressure
3. windshield /windows are clean and undamaged
4. mirrors are clean and not damage
5. license /number plate are clean and undamaged
6.reflector are intact
7. seat -belt of approved type and working
8. headrests properly adjusted
9. fuel level sufficient for the trip
10.oil level okay
11. light functioning ,Hazard warning light , Headlight ,brake light , reversing light , positional light etc
12. Horn working
13. wipers working
14. brakes working
15. speedometer working , steering okay
16. spare tire , jack, and wheel wrench
17.fire extinguisher (ABC dry power type )
18 first aid Kid
19. flashlight / torch light
20. insurance card available
21. Load secure (if loaded)
22. Is the Driver okay to drive for long trip
23. Do you know your root to where you are going

Put God first all

12

“My letter to BUHARI, Sir ,let us examine your service records. I consider your generation a very privileged one, indeed. In 1975 at d age of 33, you were appointed d Military Governor of d North-Eastern State, present day Borno & Yobe states. In 1976 at d age of 34 you became d Minister 4 Petroleum and Natural Resources. In 1978 at d age of 36 you became d Chairman of d Nigeria National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC). Today d reverse is d case. Most Nigerians at age of 35 are still unemployed and still living with parents. Many are still not married. During your time you were already Governor at this age.
“One major reason for this unfortunate turn of events is that many elders like you have refused 2 voluntarily handover d baton 2 d next generation. Life should be a relay race where one runs his race and hands over 2 d next. In Nigeria many elders like you have run their races and are still holding on tenaciously 2 d baton.But Sir, I have an important question here 4 you. The question is simple, MUST YOU SERVE NIGERIA AS A PRESIDENT ONLY? IS THERE NO OTHER CAPACITY YOU CAN SERVE US EXCEPT D PRESIDENCY? It is very erroneous 2 imagine that you can only serve Nigeria only in one capacity. During d regime of late General Sani Abacha, you accepted d appointment 2 serve as d Chairman of d then Petroleum Trust Fund (PTF). D general opinion was that you served faithfully in this capacity.
“Well done Sir! But you never asked Abacha 2 vacate office 4 you as your former subordinate in d army. Never! In fact that would have been a dangerous move, if not suicidal. Rather you served faithfully under your former junior in d army. Sir, imagine if you take on another job like d Chairman of EFCC or ICPC or NDLEA. Nigerians actually need you 2 serve in one of these capacities much more than they need you in d Presidency.
“Mere mentioning your name as Chairman of EFCC would drive many corrupt men underground. But you wouldn’t . Either d Presidency or nothing. When are you going 2 handover 2 d next person? It is either you do it voluntarily or risk disgrace at d polls. God bless you sir.

Even animals do not accept this Buhari,

Any politician that promises free meals , employment should go back and think

What Stupidity is!!!!!
STUPIDITY IS WHEN YOU BELIEVE THAT A BUHARI WHO INTRODUCED SCHOOL FEES INTO NIGERIAN UNIVERSITIES IN 1984, AND STOPPED FEEDING OF UNDERGRADUATES IN SAME YEAR, WILL IN 2015 GIVE FREE EDUCATION AND FREE MEALS. Not only is the math wrong and money unavailable and policy senseless, HE IS STANDING BESIDE FASHOLA IN SAME PARTY THAT RAISED LASU SCHOOL FEES FROM 25 THOUSAND TO 250,000 with no chance to allow those already in graduate.
If you believe Buhari and APC, something dey worry you well well.

Hello friend, there is a confusion within my compound cos it is 7-1 on our TV with Germany win just Wana know if it is same on your TV cos our TV is german made it may be lying to us.
Na so e be for your side?

Drop ur pinz plz

Time is 2pm not 1:30PM

Fed Govt tells ASUU........Give us 5 undergratuate
virgins in each institution and we will meet ur
demands... ASUU stil Searching,Strike Continues.
Hahahahaha

want to go back to Everton

WOMEN WAHALA.
A COUPLE WATCHING A PREMIER LEAGUE MATCH.
After five minutes:
Wife: Is that Saint Obi?
Husband: No. He is Michel Obi. Saint Obi is a Nollywood Actor.
Wife: Michel Obi is smart. He should be in Nollywood movies like his brother.
Husband: He does not have a Nollywood actor brother.
Wife: See Another Goal in less than a minute.
Husband: No. It is called action replay.
Wife: Looks like Enyimba is going to win this match.
Husband: It is not Enyimba. It is Man U vs Chelsea.
Wife: Why is the umpire calling for a Firing Squad.
Husband: He is called a centre referee and he is not calling for a firing Squad. It's a free Kick.
Wife: Did the spectators not pay for the tickets? Why is it a Free Kick?
Husband: mute, not uttering a word.
Wife: Why is he showing only red and yellow cards. Is there not any Blue card or something?
Frustrated husband turns off the TV.
*Wife turns it on and watches "African Magic".*
Husband: Who is this Mercy Johnson?
Wife: Listen to what they are saying and Don't disturb me.
Women sha!!!!!! CHAMPIONZ LEAGUE ON POINT

WAEC Seized My Result Intermittently...Obahiagbon



What is your educational background

I am by the grace of the celestial choir, a legal practitioner, a public administrator, an international historian and a diplomat. I earned a degree in Law and was called to the Nigerian Bar as a solicitor and advocate of the Supreme Court of Nigeria about 25 years ago and I do also have a double-barreled Master’s degree in Public Administration and in International History and Diplomacy.

Why do you always speak ‘big grammar’?

I am not really consensus ad idem with those who opine that my idiolect is advertently obfuscative. No no no, it’s just that I am in my elements when the colloquy has to do with the pax nigeriana of our dreams and one necessarily needs to fulminate against the alcibiadian modus vivendi of our prebendal political class.

How do you talk to your wife, children and even your friends?

I relate with my family and friends very warmly and in an atmosphere of camaraderie, stripped of my confutational habiliment and gladiatorial homilies. I am a very peaceful, calm, level-headed and celestially attuned soul personality.

Is this the way you proposed to your wife, speaking high tech grammar?

Of course, the business of the day when I interfaced with my wife on matters of the heart had to be in plain Caeser’s language and you can decipher why that had to be so. The matter in view did not permit itself of sphinxian conundrum.

It’s a long time ago, so I can’t remember the exact words I used. We had a relationship for ten years before we got married. We’re looking at close to 20 years ago.

How does your family understand your English?

My family and friends understand me perfectly just the same way you understand me now though, I must admit that it depends on the issues on the piazza.

Is this the way you were speaking in your school days?

I’m sure if you confer with my school mates they will tell you that I no longer speak what those who just know me now call “grammar.” I could speak for about twenty minutes when I was in the university and you won’t understand one word of what I said. I must say I have deteriorated in my grammatical construct.

How did you start speaking in this manner?

It all happened when my father brought me a teaser which stated that good orators had ruled the world and you must have to be a feisty orator if you must rule the world. As an impressionable young man, I alacritously threw myself into the whirligig of improving my usage of words by amassing new words on a daily basis.

Did you write exams in school in these big words?

I used such words very-very freely in my exams both at the secondary school and in my university and little wonder I had the misfortune of my English results being seized intermittently in my O’ Levels.

WAEC released my results for the other subjects and withheld my English result. This happened for about three years. Twice, I passed the University Matriculation Examination but I could not proceed to the University because of my English results that were not released. At the end of the day, it was released after the third attempt.

Didn’t you have problems with your teachers?

It no doubt gave me serious issues at the university and that is because some, if not most of my lecturers, ran away with the erroneous impression that my attitudinal predilection had a deprecable tinge of academic braggadocio and intellectual megalomania. But this assumption was both mendacious and a fallacious ad hominem. I could not but take solace in that Latin apothegm which states that O Tempora! O Mores.

Was English your best subject?

My best subject in secondary school was government and religion and am sure that I was drawn to religion because, I now know as a student of Rosicrucian mysticism, that I was a student of divine light in my last incarnation. As for government, I just fell in love with the subject due to my early attraction in life to issues of political-economy.

So what did you score in English language?

English language was of course my hobbyhorse and passion but like I earlier asseverated, my results were constantly guillotined to my utter chagrin that I had to lapse into a jeremiad of lachrymoseim for a period of aeon. I would need to check the result again to be sure of my score.

Do you pray the same way you speak?

God understands all languages, my brother and I pray to God using any word that pops up. May I posit that the key points in prayers are your sincerity, purity of heart, walking within the compass and to what extent are you ready and worthy of receiving the benediction of the cosmic and the cosmic masters because as we say in mysticism- “when the students are ready, the masters would appear.”

Take my words my brother that more than seventy per cent of humanity don’t know how to pray but that is a matter for another day.

By the way, are there other names you call God?

God is variously known as Jehovah, Yaweh, The Great Grand Architect of the Universe, The Cosmic Host and several other names known alone to heirophants but which names are so ineffable for me to mention here.

Do you know that many people don’t take you too seriously when you talk because they think you are not communicating

Why will I be perturbed from ensconcing myself in the palatable arms of Morpheus because people have deprived themselves of the cultivation of the regime of the mental magnitude? I read all the farrago of baloneys and vacuous bunkum from pepper soup objurgators. The spirit of animadversion remains their fundamental human right. It also remains an indubitable fact that I get millions and millions of requests daily from people all over the world requesting for my verbal mentorship which positive cosmopolitan reactions have assisted my equipoise and righteous sense of pachydermatous garb. I cannot put my nose to the grindstone daily and expect to be understood by those luxuriating in a modus vivendi, verging on pepper souping, goat heading, suyaing, big stouting and isiewulising. Has a philosophical wag not once pontificated that things of the spirit are spiritually discerned and that it takes the deep to call the deep? We will speak more on this matter of critiques and chichi dodo another day.

You were there when a teacher in your state couldn’t pronounce ‘solemnly’, how did you feel?

I was indeed sad that a teacher in Edo State could not pronounce a simple word as ‘solemn’. That was certainly one of my low moments in the service of Edo State but the eulogies must go to Comrade Adams Oshiomhole who put in place the infrastructure that made it possible to detect such an egregious ambience and this government would stop at nothing in cleansing the Augean stables.

Have you ever considered organising English classes in Edo State?

I would have loved to organise English classes, my brother, but you will agree with me that I am sufficiently busy just now.

Why do you pull your trousers up beyond the waist?

Hahahaha….That trousers style is called Yohji Yamamoto. It was my own audacious statement to remonstrate against the pervasive tendency of Nigerians especially our youths that took to the practice of putting on trousers exposing their lower anatomical contours and I will do it over and over again.

When you speak to Caucasians of English origin, how do they react to you?

My friends that are whites simply marvel and sometimes get maniacally bewildered when we engage, most times to my consternation.

Do you think that you understand English language better than the owners of the language?

I have never had the ambition to know the English language more than the owners. However, I must mention that they are shocked most times to find out several words from me they never heard of that existed in the dictionary. Yet, those words are supposed to be theirs. Na so we see am.

Have you ever met with the Nobel Laureate, Prof. Wole Soyinka? And what’s your opinion of him?

Professor Wole Soyinka is an international personality. It’s either you have met him personally or by reputation. He is a great man and I enjoy reading him anytime, any day.

Can you ever be caught speaking what many would consider as normal English?

I speak in plain Ceasers language or what you call the normal language and let me tell you that I will hold my own even in pidgin conversation. No just try me at all at all o.

What is your take on the ongoing crisis in the PDP?

The crisis in PDP? All I can say is that I join some people to dey laugh o and he be like say my laugh go tay well well o.

Are you likely to contest for a political office?

I am still in politics, serving the good and amiable people of Edo State. Being the Chief of Staff to the comrade governor is in itself an art of daily political engineering.

Do you look forward to developing your own dictionary?

My own dictionary? I have never really given that a thought, but there is a young man in one of our universities who travelled all the way to meet me in Benin. His doctoral thesis is on “Obahiagbonism as a style of language.”

How many dictionaries do you read a day and how often do you read dictionaries?

I have read and still do read a vaudeville of dictionaries from Websters to Funk and Wagnalls, from Cambridge to Oxford dictionaries, from Black’s Law Dictionary to Encarta and from Encyclopedia Britannica to Foreignisms, etcetera. I developed my corpus of vocabulary by reading omnivorously. I have also spent nothing less than an hour daily on my dictionary for over twenty years. So, whereas the dictionary for most people is a mere occasional reference point, it is for, me a vade-mecum. It may also interest you to know that there is much to learn from our daily newspapers.

You seem to mix English with other languages…

On mixing of languages; that comes with reading omnivorously. You cannot but pick these words here and there if you have an audacious reading culture.

Is any of your children like you?

My children are still growing but I petition the celestial choir and cosmic hosts to give them the gift of kissing the hybla bee.

What is your favourite quote?

One of my favorite quotes is from the sapiential mind of the late Ikene philosopher, Papa Jeremiah Obafemi Awolowo, when he was quoted as saying that, “the greatest glory is not in never falling but to rise up after a fall.”

Are you planning to contest in 2015?

I always feel flattered and smile with delight when I hear positive commentary on my tenure at the National Assembly and the wish of Nigerians to see me back at the National Assembly. I am humbled but as a student of mysticism, nothing happens in my life by accident. I am a robot in the hands of God and from that point of view therefore, 2015 would take care of itself. All my efforts just now my brother is geared towards complementing the efforts of the comrade governor in the total transmogrification of Edo State which is enough to chew at the moment. Let me however use this opportunity of your question to appreciate my numerous admirers all over the world.

How are you coping with the Governor of Edo State, knowing that the two of you have strong personalities?

When two or more personages are united only by the bonds of rendering service, that in itself becomes an agglutinating fragrance. In any case, I am very clear that Comrade Oshio Baba is the Governor of Edo State and I am his privileged Chief of Staff. So we are working together very harmoniously and in an ambience of conviviality in our unstoppable desire in taking Edo State to the next level.


Source: Punch

ASUU STRIKE UPDATE – A Letter To The Minister Of Education

Dear Hon. Minister,
As a professor and mother, I have no doubt that you are aware of the fact that your ministry has a crucial role to play in how the future of this country will be.
If Nigeria will remain as a going concern and team up with the rest of humanity to make the world a better place, will depend mainly on the role of the ministry you head.

A strike by the ASUU is therefore a strike at the future of this nation and any shot aimed at the future of our great country must be deflected by you as the minister of education. This is the enormity of the responsibility which God Almighty has placed on your shoulders. If democracy will survive in this nation, your ministry cannot be left out

Honourable minister, every nation that wants to make meaningful progress in every sphere of life gives quality attention to four major areas. These are education, security, law and order and health. A man without education is not only vulnerable, he will kill others. A man without good health is a walking corpse. A man without security is as good as dead. Where there is no law and order, people return to the jungle as resorting to self help becomes the order of the day. In all these four sectors, education, whether formal or informal, is the most important hence Jesus Christ said in the bible: “my people perish for lack of knowledge”. A nation that does not know is a dead nation.

It is against this background that I urge you to do all that is needful to ensure that the current ASUU strike is resolved without further delay. Honourable minister, what is N87 or N97billion to a nation that is concerned about its tomorrow?

The fight of ASUU, you will agree, is genuine even if it is one strike too many. As a professor of education, would you say you were really teaching your students before you went into government? Would you say that the quality of learning you got before you became a professor is what you were giving to your students either at the graduate or undergraduate level?

Is the school environment what a university should be? Obi Nwakanma, a professor of English in an American university and a newspaper columnist, once narrated his experience when he visited the University of Jos from where he graduated 25yrs ago. His conclusion was that what we call universities in Nigeria today are nothing but ghettoes. I agree with him totally.

Honourable minister, is it not a shame that our children flood the universities in the whole of Europe and America just as we have turned India to a Mecca of sort for medical attention?

It is not just shameful. It is ridiculous to say the least. What is in Ukraine, South Africa or any other nation of the world that we cannot replicate in Nigeria? How brilliant are other nations that we have to jump into the plane to seek knowledge from them?

The gentleman that taught me Political Sociology in my penultimate year in the university visited Germany sometime in the 1990s to see his brother. He visited one of the universities in that country. When he compared his school back in Nigeria to what he saw in Germany, he could not manage the shock arising from the difference. Upon his return to Nigeria, he resigned his appointment immediately and went into private business. Today he is in politics. This is the degree of decay our universities have sunk into.

If the truth must be told ma, what ASUU is asking for is pittance compared to what has been stolen either directly from the nation’s coffers, through crude oil theft or the scandalous salaries and wages members of the National Assembly are paid.

Only recently, a former Education Minister, Oby Ezekwesili, revealed to the nation that in a short space of eight years, members of the National Assembly had got N1trillion from the national purse. What did they use it for, you may ask? As if that was not enough to anger any sane person, eminent Nigerians have been expressing shock over the proposed plan to put members of the National Assembly on life pension even when they may not have served for more than four years.

There is no way anyone interested in building a strong nation would not support the stand ASUU has taken. I was shocked to my bone marrows when an assistant lecturer revealed to me recently that his monthly salary was not up to N150,000. Let us face it, in the Nigeria of today this is a ridiculous pay for someone of that status.

I have read the comment of the Minister of Finance and Coordinating Minister of the Economy to the effect that the Government of Nigeria cannot release the sum of N92 or N87billion to ASUU. Please do not be influenced by that position as this will do no good to this nation.

While I do not advocate the release of funds into the economy without tying it to a regenerative project, it is my view that ASUU’s request will not do the economy any harm. Think of it: a nation that can pay several billions to workers in the power sector as severance pay because the government wants to privatise the sector is saying that it cannot provide Nigerian universities with a sum below N90billion. Who is deceiving who? The truth is that the power sector has been sold at pittance to those in Government. They therefore do not want anything that will disturb them from taking over their new ATM. But with ASUU’s demand, they do not stand to gain anything. Therefore, there is no reason why government wants to pursue the negotiation with an intention to succeed.

Is this the way public universities are in civilized nations? How many members of the ruling elite send their children to the nation’s universities? Please save the nation’s children



http://www.studentsforumng.com/ASUU-strike-update-letter-minister-education/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=ASUU-strike-update-letter-minister-education&utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=facebook

What would you do if u were this lady?
LADY: Hi, good afternoon
RADIO STATION: Good afternoon, what can we do for you?
LADY: Please, I’ll like to get two tickets for the AY LIVE show this weekend.
RADIO STATION: Well, you’ll get the tickets for free only if you play a prank on someone on air & make them believe it.
LADY: That’s ok.
RADIO STATION: Are you married? Do you have kids?
LADY: Yes, I have a son.
RADIO STATION: Good, you will call your husband & tell him he is not d father of ur son.
LADY: Wow, that’s a big one.
RADIO STATION: Well it depends on how bad you want the tickets and anyway we will be live on air listening and step in to tell him it’s all prank.
LADY: Ok, let’s do this ’cause I really want d tickets.
RADIO: Ok, where is he right now?
LADY: He’s at d office. His number is…….. (Radio station calls the husband)
LADY: Hello Love!
HUSBAND: Hi Baby!
LADY: How is work?
HUSBAND: Good,can’t wait to get back home & make sweet love to u.
LADY: Me too! But em…there’s something I need 2 tell you.
HUSBAND: Ok, I’m all ears dear!
LADY: You know I love u?
HUSBAND: Yes I do!
LADY: And we promised to always be sincere to each other?
HUSBAND: Yes we did, u’re starting to scare me dear, pls, what’s this all about?
LADY: Something happened in my office Nine years ago.
HUSBAND: What happened?
LADY: The annual xmas party we had in d office 9yrs ago I got drunk & had sex wit a co-worker…em,u are not d father of our son.
HUSBAND: What!
LADY: I just felt u should know.
HUSBAND: Are u crazy?
LADY: I’m sorry love, I just needed to get it off my chest.
HUSBAND: I can’t believe this.
LADY: Am sorry love, pls forgive me.
HUSBAND: You want forgiveness? Ok u have to forgive dis, I have been sleeping with ur sister for the past 5yrs.
RADIO STATION: Oh God!
LADY: What did u just say?
HUSBAND: You heard me, we just confessed our sins to each other. Is there someone there with you?
RADIO STATION: Sir, this is a prank & u are on air. We asked ur wife to play a prank on u so u guys can get tickets to go watch d A.Y live show dis weekend.
HUSBAND: Oh shit!

ASUP, NUPENG, ASUU, NASU all on strike. If Nigeria has all these experienced top strikers, wht was IDEYE & GAMBO doing @ d Confederation Cup?

BREAKING NEWS: Fifa Confirms That SPAIN vs TAHITI Won't be TELEVISED, it can Be Downloaded AFter The Tournament.

We are declaring warfare on that sneaky idiot posing as cholesterol and calories planning to add inches to my waist....lmaooooooo.This is a serious matter oh


https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10201152048872802&set=vb.1517233939&type=2&theater

Even Wigan and Swansea don Win Trophies diz season....Arsenal Hw fa na

Lagos - A Nigerian man whose name is Akpos, has applied to have his name changed to anything else.

The young man, who works as a motorcycle mechanic, complained that his life suddenly became difficult sometime last year but he does not understand why.

He claims that one day, people just started laughing at him each time he introduced himself or someone called his name.

At first he thought it had something to do with his chest high trousers and so he ignored the people making fun of him because, according to him, 'they don't know fashion.'

But the problem continued and people he didn't even know started to call his phone to ask if his name was really Akpos.

Things got unbearable when he applied for a job as a driver with a bank and his interviewer wouldn't stop laughing.

'The man went and called all his friends in the bank to come and look at me,' Akpos said. 'They were coming and introducing themselves, and when I shake them and say I am Mr Akpos, they will just start laughing and water will be coming out of their eyes.'

Perplexed and confused, Akpos resolved to go for spiritual cleansing and, luckily for him, a friend at the mechanic yard he works in told him that he could apply to change his name.

Akpos wasted no time in visiting the appropriate ministry and lamenting his case to the workers there who also laughed at him for no reason.

Eventually he got his way, and when asked what he wanted to change his name to, Akpos, exasperated, said, 'Anything else!'
And so it was, that the motorcycle mechanic formally known as Akpos, now bears the new name, Mr Anything else.

HOW TO ORGANIZE AN AFFORDABLE
WEDDING
It is the goal of any couple to put together
a wedding, and a decent one at that.Isn't
it?
How much does a typical Nigerian
wedding cost? Let say between N1 Million
and N2.5 Million. Right? Some go for
higher. If you are unfortunate to have
greedy parents in laws, 'your own don
finish'. I know a young man who had a list
of that ran into N4 Million. That didn't
cover the Traditional marriage and white
wedding. The man in question bolted...lol.
Young people interested in marriage go
through a lot. I know of one who finished
marrying and then had to hide for months
because his creditors were looking for him.
I wonder what kind of honey moon he
had? Another husband suddenly turned
very lean just after his wedding...when i
asked him what was wrong he just said,
"Men, the wedding o."
With poverty everywhere, and parents in
laws refusing to compromise on their very
long lists, a tactic must be developed so
that every single young man in Nigeria
who wants to marry can.
Is it possible to put together an affordable
wedding in Nigeria? Of course , it is. Here
are some ideas.
1. MARRY A WISE WOMAN. Marry a woman
who knows that wedding is for just a day
and that marriage is for a life time. Marry
a woman who knows that no matter how
glamorous your wedding turns out,
someone else will do a better one.Marry a
woman who has the guts to look into her
parent's eyes and say, "I want to get
married !" and mean it. Be choosy about
the kind of wife you marry. Don't marry a
liability.
2. GO TO THE RIGHT HOME TO PICK YOUR
WIFE.Be careful what home you go to pick
a wife. Some parent in laws are not just
worth it, especially the demanding ones. If
their daughter cannot talk to them and
things are sorted out, you have an issue.
3. DISCUSS YOUR BUDGET WITH YOUR
WIFE.Tell your wife about your budget.
4. ASK FOR HELP.Don't be afraid to ask
your committee of friends for help.It is
pride to think you can do it all.
5. STICK TO YOUR BUDGET.
6. DO A JOINT WEDDING.Joint weddings
are cheaper. These days pastors join
several couples on the same day, isn't that
so? How about doing a joint reception with
a couple that may agree. It would be fun
and lovely. You will cut on hall and
decorations.You will also cut on food. You
two can both have one MC. Everything still
remains the same. Wedding trains will be
different.Both couples will each have their
lovely chairs on the platform. Their cakes
will be different too. The space for their
parents would be different. The camera
men would be different...but there will be
one central camera man. The wedding
program would be the same. Fun, right?
Yeah! Some Catholic churches are already
encouraging these to help couples cut
down on cost. I was in one that had 3
weddings at the same time.Well
organized.It was fun..It was different!
7. RECEIVE GIFTS...DON'T GIVE GIFTS.
Where did we get that culture that the
couple must give gifts to guest? Rubbish!
You are to collect and not give. Go to a
typical Nigerian wedding and see the rush
for gifts!
8. DO A WEEK DAY WEDDING. Imagine
doing a wedding on a Wednesday by 4pm?
Yeah. Only those who love you will be
there.
9. USE YOUR CHURCH PREMISES FOR
RECEPTION. I think that is a brilliant idea.
10. DO A TRADO AND REGISTRY AND THEN
WHITE LATER. Not a bad idea too. The
most important thing in marriage is your
parental consent and the recognition of
your marriage by he Federal Republic of
Nigeria. Church celebration can come
later.But please don't forget to involve
your pastor in your Trado and Court.
11. ALWAYS SAVE FOR AFTER THE
WEDDING. Don't borrow and make sure
you have something to feed your wife.
12. USE AN OPEN SPACE WITH CANOPIES,
RATHER THAN HALLS. obviously that is
cheaper.
13. FEED A CERTAIN NUMBER OF PEOPLE.
Look, the truth is that not everyone eats
in a wedding. The people who truly love
you, may not have time to eat. So focus on
a few guest and don't worry about people
who complain that they did not eat in your
wedding.