₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
He really tries to ask about personal issues so that he can look for a reason to try and discredit a poster but meanwhile he won’t look at the inconsistencies on his own side.

I got married as a young 23 year old. It’s been almost 10 years, so definitely my strength to stick by my convictions has only improved with more maturity. Does it mean if I had a traditional marriage at that young age, almost a decade later I can’t have any opinion that’s non/traditional because my traditional marriage ceremony cancels it? Sir acidosis no make me reason your matter.

You want to reason my matter? How?

cococandy:
Oh primary and secondary role is how you think you can talk yourself out of the inconsistencies in your post?

There are no inconsistencies. Like I mentioned, even if I my wife becomes a full-time everlasting housewife, I'll still clean and wash as secondary responsibilities. I don't assign roles in the family based on financial prowess.

cococandy:
So you mean by your own interpretation of traditional wife. Because obviously many people practice various forms of role overlap because in real life it can never truly be cut and dry.

What do you call a husband who got married in a traditional way but also performs traditional female roles in the marriage to assist his wife? A misaligned character? What if a husband pays the bride price but also accepts financial assistance from his wife what’s his character?

Sometimes you speak in ways that make me SMH.

Coco, your head won't stop shaking until you understand the difference between primary and secondary roles.

Magnoliaa:
I'm still waiting for you to use your relationships (past and present) as a good example for traditional ideals. If you've made such posts on NL, I told you I'll like to see it ... are they in your posts' history?

Traditional and financially-contributing wives should be with traditional and domestic-duties performing husbands. Why does a support for the latter seem to be unacceptable to you, given the former?

I don't have a problem with cleaning or other domestic duties. I clean and wash in my household (as secondary duties) and it has nothing to do with how much I contribute financially. Meaning that when I fail to clean, my spouse will never hold it against me.

They're merely secondary responsibilities and would remain so, whether I contribute or not.

Also, it doesn't matter how much my spouse contributes financially, that aspect will remain her secondary role. And when she fails to contribute financially, I will never hold it against her or make it a mandatory thing to do.

tensazangetsu20:
That picture is wrong. My vasectomy at Marie Stopes cost 80k

Oh okay.

cococandy:
Well I’ve already used it as reference point didn’t I?

So what are “traditional wives” gaining if they do their supposed female duties and also do the man’s duties for him. what’s in it for them?

Do the man's duties, as in provide everything for the household? By traditional wife, I mean someone who understands that her number one role is to take care of her home. The traditional guy understands that his number one role is to provide. Emphasis on the term "number one". That shows that there's room for secondary roles.

By the way, we may have to redefine the idea of a traditional wife because you cannot agree to a traditional wedding where your man paid your bride price, where you probably knelt for him, served him palm wine, and then turn around to say that you're not a "traditional wife". Another character misalignment.

Magnoliaa:
Point me in the direction of your personal stories, abeg. Please. What are the things you've asked of your wife? Or previous women in your life, how exactly did y'all work it out as a traditional couple? Were they 100% feminine? How were you even able to classify and judge them as feminine? If your wife currently works, do you think that fits into the model of femininity you support and desire?

No. You initially said you can make a case for housewives. Therefore straight people can make cases for lesbians and gays.

Don't you get it? I can make a case for housewives because I am opened to living with one. Can you marry a lesbian? Can you conduct weddings for your daughters who are engaged to other women? It's very easy to hide under "liberal" opinions to make cases for those we perceived to be "marginalized."

You support housewives, femininity and women sticking to traditional roles, yet you don't form a baby or breastfeed and you can never be a housewife nor become feminine. Why do you support things you can't practice? And has any pro-LGBTQ+ person on here told you they they can't live with people like that? Do you absolutely, in toto, practice and live with the kind of things and people you support realistically? Okay, I know you'll be willing (just like others haven't told you they are not willing), but is it happening in actuality?

LOL, see ehn, let's close the chapter. I've addressed these things over and over again.

Are you referring to Coco again? Is she the one making a case for Indian hemp or you're just giving a general example?

Okay, let's take this one by one. You said they don't talk or preach about it in their homes. They told you they do. Does that in itself not counter your claim that they don't?

Just the same way they're free to "talk" about it on Nairaland. I never said they shouldn't post stuff about vasectomy but to say that men should be encouraged to undergo vasectomy means that the closest men in their lives must have gone through the process. It's even morally wrong to suggest an idea, one that the closest man in your life hasn't already agreed to do willingingly.

Magnoliaa:
@Acidosis, I have mentioned Kawulia, Hanny (@Hannysmilez), and Apathetic (@apatheticme). I said a whole lot of things in that post. Yet you just skipped right over it to comment on the ones you want.

These are few of the women I know who share their personal stories and experiences on here.

You mentioned feminists on NL. Stop setting up Coco to be the only one and demanding she tell you things.

Is Coco a feminist? I don't think she's ever called herself one (I may be wrong).

About the other monikers, you don't expect me to engage people randomly, do you? Besides, I'm not too jobless to engage people like Kanwulia on marital or relationship issues. I would rather go out there and play with sand.

cococandy:
Because we already have a million messengers telling women how to be good wives but not enough telling men how to be good husbands

Obviously women are pulling their relationship weight more than men hence the need to focus on men with the messaging. You can’t keep doing something one way and expect different results each time. With everyone harping on how women can even be “perfecter” than they already are, relationship issues still exist.

Maybe we should talk to men? That’s why I focus on that.

Oh and I’ve never said men must cook and clean bla bla. But if they want non-traditional wives who contribute financially too, then they have to cook and clean too. It’s only fair.

Before you ask, yes my husband participates in keeping our home too. He’s not inconsiderate

In your attempts to tell men how to be good husbands, your relationship with the man in your life will be a very good reference point.


By the way, traditional wives contribute financially too.

Magnoliaa:
Why do you assume her home is like the homes of other Naija housewives? I can tell a woman in an abusive relationship to quit it, or even separate and stay away from an abusive husband. If my husband no dey beat me, why I go leave am? Why do you keep assuming the disrespect and uncertainty and the whole hullabaloo that accompanies virtuous Naija women and their horsebands are evident in Coco's home? Abi you're saying Coco's comments ALL THE TIME ON EVERY POSTS is advising divorce and separation and homosexuality?

Coco sleeps? You that see posts of person wey dey sleep, you no be night-watcher yourself?

Now you're just being unrealistically unbelievable at this point.

LMAO Magnoliaa, woooooo I don tire for your matter

Hathor5:
And this is exactly what I've been writing about in my last post. In your mind, a feminist shouldn't cook that much or more than a traditional wife. It explains why you think she doesn't practice what she preaches. The problem is that you have a narrow idea of what a feminist must be like not Coco preaching what she doesn't practice unless you show me a post where she said wives/feminists shouldn't cook.

I don't have a narrow idea of what a feminist must be. What I don't have is a true picture of the average [real]life of a feminist on Nairaland because of the issues they invest their time and resources.

Magnoliaa:
Personal details of how you put all you believe in here into practice? How do you do it in your home and with people around you? That's what I'm asking about. Making arguments about what you support isn't different from what those ladies are doing. Posting about things they support. Like, like, is your wife an house wife or she has a career? How do you make such decisions. You don't get. Since you expected details of conversations and personal moments to be provided for you here, I'd appreciate if you can do same. It's easy to type, 'I'm a masculine man and this and that.' So, if you're saying sha that you always usually buttress your points with personal details all over NL, point me in the right direction. Where are those posts.

I never mentioned that all women must be housewives. My position is that I am not against the notion of housewife so if my wife decides to be one, I have to uphold my belief.

Okay, I accept you cannot take a vasectomy. Great. Tell us about the others. Other traditional things that you put on here that you've done in your household. Which of them are you actively practicing?

If you understood this, then why is it hard for you to understand those who believe this? You make a case for things you believe in. You defend housewives, but you're not a woman. Why is it character misalignment when people defend things they are not, but show support for? Why shouldn't others make cases for things they believe in?

I am not a woman but I can make a case based on what I expect from the woman in my life. Others can make a case for things they believe in so long as they're willing to practice or live with people who practice that thing. You can't, for example, make a case for marijuana/Indian help, when you won't allow your man or son smoke Indian hemp. It is not enough to say that you've discussed Vasectomy with your significant others and sons. Have they agreed to undergo the procedure? If your answer is NO, the next question should be how did you marry someone whose ideas of family planning contradict yours?

Hathor5:
I was mentioned. And yes, I do.

Is it that Acidosis can't wrap his mind around the idea that a woman can be a feminist and yet cook for her family like Cococandy does? I think many people still have this idea that caring for your family contradicts feminism, which is wrong. But since it is difficult to correct such notions, I will not waste my energy and accept to be called fake feminist or online feminist. Either way, it's still feminist and proudly so.

It's good to know that Coco cooks for her family even more than many "traditional" wives. Now when a female moniker comes up with a problem, it would be good to see Coco talk about how to manage crisis in the home, how an ideal wife should take care of her home, not sleeping and waking up on threads that make it mandatory for the man to cook and clean or threads calling for divorce and separation, or relationship between a man and another man.

Magnoliaa:
Okay... so how do you put into practice your traditional beliefs? I only see you share some of them or talk about it...I don't think you've provided any personal details backing those up, and showing exactly how you're a traditional person.

The details are everywhere. Those who know me know that I do not oppose "house wives". I make strong cases for roles in relationships and why a man should be a sole provider (even though he's not immune to challenges of life, after all no one is). I'm a strong advocate of masculinity and femininity. Those who know me know that I'm against anything that will emasculate the male gender.

In the past 24 hours, I have made cases against vasectomy as I do not see the need for it. I even went to claim that I will never subject my balls for experiments under any condition. Aren't these enough? Now when you make a case for vasectomy, I expect you and anyone else making a similar case to provide similar statements. The fact that I ignored the whole ethical line of thought doesn't mean a thing. You want us to believe that vasectomy isn't a big deal, at the same time, you're too reserved to talk about your experiences in the name of ethics. Make it make sense na. Whatever is not worth sharing in your household is not worth putting out there for the public to accept.

Good you know opinions aren't fact then. So your understanding of people's posts in not enough evidence judge to judge the whole of a person and especially their lives offline. You realise it's possible to be anti-A and anti-B at the same time. So because Coco made a post calling Putin names, you concluded she's automatically pro-Ukraine. Do you not think that is a huge error on your part? Especially, on an issue she's barely commented on.

Again, the fact that I ignored her response about the Ukraine war doesn't mean that I accept her version of the truth. Can Coco deny the fact that she has shared more than 20 anti-Russian posts on Nairaland in the past 1 week? And within the same period, she has never shared any anti-Ukraine/West?

The equation no balance. It's all part of why I used the term "character misalignment". You can't turn around to say you're this when your actions and the evidences you put out there suggest another thing. We don't read minds on the Internet. You confuse yourself in the process and those who look up to you.

The point is, can I assume, is it okay for me to conclude that you're a bigot and you wish the LGBTQ+ community to rot in prisons and in hell, just because you don't speak for them? I mean, rightly, you don't speak on every issues and neither do you comment on things that have no bearing to your real life - is it right for me to make assumptions about them, things you've never talked about?

I don't speak for LGBTQ+ community because I don't care about their belief. Their beliefs are completely against my beliefs so making a case for them is totally hypocritical. I won't watch my daughter or son become one. I wouldn't live with a ga.y either. It doesn't mean that those who chose to be ga.y do not deserve to live. Like I mentioned earlier, this isn't something I want to discuss right now but I have, in the past, made cases against such practices.

Wow. Logic. I can't call you a woman-hater because you hold traditional views about men and women but you want to force Cococandy into being a lesbian and an Hindu because she holds liberal views about sexuality and religion.

Seee. Good morning and Bur-bye.

It's funny how you put traditional views and woman-hater in one sentence. The two no relate.

It's also funny how you hide under "liberal" views to make cases for and against everything. There's no such thing as liberal view on religion.

Magnoliaa:
How do you practice such? What are the values and views? On the other hand, it's good to know you hate gays and lesbians and think they do not deserve a right to live like others and to happiness. Also nice finding out you support teenage marriages -- this is also traditional practices, amongst others.

To be honest, I know you put that in quotations, but I don't know all views you have and hold. Until about a year or so, and my interaction with Poco, I'd classified you as one of these misogynists that troll women and shįt. I formed that opinion based on your posts, and what I understood from it, plus there was limited interaction between us. Now that we're here, do you think it's right for me to be forcing that identity on you? The 'woman-hater' tag even when it's not actually true?

(I'm coming. Still thinking of the rest of the traditional beliefs you'll have.)

And you're asking if I'm a feminist? Are you kidding me? No, actually are. I see. Wait, is it that you actually don't know or this is just a trick question? I would think it was obvious. I mentioned that bit about 'my' relationships and you're still asking me that?

Abi it's the sound of the monicker that is confusing you ni?

I don't have to interact with you to form an opinion of you. You can form an opinion merely reading my posts. I don't think I have DM'ed anyone on Nairaland in 2 years so it's not about my interaction with people, however, I have come to understand people's views about certain topics. When I see a thread, I can almost tell what certain monikers would say and what they wouldn't. I think this is pretty straightforward. Opinions are not facts, so I'm not saying that opinions or perceptions have to be 100% accurate. It's from opinion that you guys select and know the right cliques/friendships.

You can't simply call me a woman-hater because I agreed to holding some traditional views about marriage between a man and a woman. It does not correlate. Teenage marriage is rooted in Islam and as far as I know, it's against the law in Southern Nigeria, same as LGBTQ. So, why do you want me to make a case for LGBTQ and other banned items like cocaine or marijuana just to show that I do not hate people? I don't think I'm ready for that conversation right now.

Good to know your position about feminism. I had no idea to be honest.

Magnoliaa:
- If you don't know for sure what they practice in real life, why did you claim they're 'non-practicers' of their ideals?

- I don't know about 'many', but a number of them are open about their lives' details online. So how many of them do you know about? And do you follow and listen to?

Are we arguing the case of Nairaland feminists or those outside of this forum? Maybe I should clarify again, I don't know any feminist in real life. The argument is about those who claim and those I perceive to be feminist on Nairaland but rarely talk about their personal relationships for reasons best known to them. If my beliefs are working for me, why wouldn't I use them to argue my case or form an opinion on Nairaland?

And literally no feminist woman on this thread has said that. If you find a feminist who has said such, we can question her further on her reasons. But how about the feminists that tells you they've had such conversations with their man? The offer still stands. I can provide you with proofs. Maybe not tonight, but then again, your believing such is another issue.

The proof will make a lot of difference.

Relationships. Firstly, you didn't ask for any details. Secondly, I requested why you didn't acknowledge what I said. I've told you sha, I have foregone some relationships because I'm a feminist. Is that enough for you conclude I practice what I preach in that aspect?

I didn't even start the relationships. I mean, at first, okay, I was attracted to them, they were intelligent, cool, has vibes and cruise and all, even some handsome ones, but hearing their opinions on women and outlook in life generally, turned me off. I killed off any ideas of dating with them, because even my desire stay true to what I hold dear overrides my craving for being with man and companionship. That didn't align with my values.

You wouldn't doubt this again abi it still isn't enough to sway you? (I don't care for you believing, but then...)

I am not a feminist but I have also killed the idea of dating some kind of ladies in the past. Everyone's got terms and specs. If you do not share those ideas and beliefs that make you stand out from women who aren't feminists, then how do you expect anyone to know your position about feminism?

Are you saying all the ladies on this thread, Poco, Coco, and others are feminists, just because they share similar opinion with you on here? I hope you are not assuming things that are not true?

Ogbeniomo:
meaning what? that was why he could not report the matter to police? so if it happened to be his daughter he would act the same way? anyway maybe these aren't exactly what d driver said about d incident.

So a "helpless" driver should be arrested for not risking is life ?? You're daft. Those you gave guns to protect you in Edo state, how many of them have you arrested for "allowing" armed robbers raid your bank's?? He is a driver not a security personnel. The only loophole in the video is that he failed to report to the police/management but that's not a substantial evidence to draw any conclusion.

It is better to simply wait for the outcome of police investigations than turn yourselves to judge. At the end of the day, you all will come out to cry about how someone has been paid to bury the case.

Dapson73:
If you are innocent as claimed, you would have raise alarm and even reported the matter to police immediately.
He should be thoroughly investigated.

Raise alarm at gun point? Some of you ehn!

Magnoliaa:
Okay, then. I might just start forming opinions about you too, and asserting that they are exactly how you are.

No one really knows how you are offline, too, right? You can only say this is what you believe in and that is what you don't believe in... perhaps you wouldn't mind providing us with details too of how you practice all what you preach here, huh?

I know it can be so fun being on the other side and pressing for yeses or nos and the rest.

Well, "everybody" knows that I hold strong opinions and traditional views about marriage.

Magnoliaa:
LOLLLLLL. You're still not addressing what I'm asking. All I'm saying.

Tell me the number of feminists you know who are fake first and don't practice what they preach.

I have pointed you to feminists who don't hide their identities.

If you know any in real life, too, come and furnish us with the tale of how MAJORITY of them don't follow the mouth they make online.

This is what this is about... you cannot exactly tell me how a proud, tag-wearing, vocal and unapologetic feminist is being ambiguous. Is it AmazonTopaz that's being ambiguous about what she believes in? Or me?

What are you talking about? Which women here have turned around to claim they aren't feminists? Weren't we talking about women who were feminists and what they practice?

You still haven't said anything to substantiate your belief of them not being true to themselves in real life here, as far as I'm concerned.

When I told you I've had to let relationships go because of my beliefs-- you didn't see that?
When Amazon too admitted to having the vasectomy conversation on her part-- you didn't see that?

Other feminists that DO go into details about their lives-- do you see them?

So, just answer me this, let it be settled: are you claiming they are fakes and have character misalignment because they don't practice what they say in real life, and you know for sure, or simply because you haven't read/heard/know of ones who practice?

I won't say that I know for sure what they practice in real life since many of them rarely talk about the men in their lives.

I don't know any feminist in real life by the way or let me say I haven't met any woman who claims to be feminist.

If you say that you're having the vasectomy conversation with a man that is not opened to such ideas of equality, then your idea or brand of feminism is definitely questionable. It means that your man, the closest person to you, doesn't even know that you're a feminist.

As per the relationships you let go, well I asked for details but you refused to share.

So, dear Magnoliaa, are you a feminist?

cococandy:
Because my personal life has no relevance to the REAL PROBLEM of world wide marginalization in its different forms.

If you know what my religion is, will it stop Christians and Muslims from being religious oppressors? You want to know because you think you can use it in some way to discredit me.

You know what I stand for. I’ve said said it a million nah gazillion times. You just refused to listen because it doesn’t align with what you want to hear.
I stand for everyone’s freedom to live the lives they want and practice their beliefs without infringing on the freedom and wellbeing of others. That’s what I stand for. Don’t pretend to forget next time and then tell me you don’t know what I stand for.

Don’t form an opinion of me. let’s focus on the real issues.

I have to



On what you stand for, no worries, we won't have to go over that again.

Magnoliaa:
Many? First off how many do you know, Acid? And how many do you know that do not share? Especially offline? What makes you so certain some of us are hypocrites?

This is not about them sharing relatable experiences anymore, Acid. Because even when they told you that they preach what you said they don't in their homes, you went silent. Look you aren't entitled to anyone's personal stories yet, but that still doesn't give you the right to go about labeling people 'fake'. Nairaland is an anonymous forum where privacy is the first value here. If you want feminists women sharing their true lives stories and making equality-backed decisions, go to Twitter and Facebook where they share them with their real identities. Go onto YouTube to watch feminist videos. Listen to podcasts.

But after doing ALL these, would be still believe everything you'll read and hear to be TRUE? Would you?

Again Acid, you're conflating points. People sharing or not sharing from their personal experiences does not mean they cannot speak on other issues that do not apply to them directly.

And the fact that they DON'T SAY doesn't mean they DON'T DO. Yes, that was your initial point. What you were saying is that they don't practice what they preach, or they don't preach online sermons in their homes, now you're saying they don't share from their real lives experiences. How many do you know to reach that conclusion?

Is it only on LGBT+ Coco speaks on? How are you certain any other thing she speaks on aren't true for her, when you know nothing about her (or don't even know her offline)?

To make really great arguments, your position about issues have to be known. It's not entitlement mentality, but setting the records straight and making your opinion strong enough to convince both the reader and those who look up to you.

You won't always catch me on a thread where women are being asked to state what they bring to the table. It doesn't apply to both my beliefs and the values I uphold in real life. It's easy to convincingly argue against such questions with facts that are based on my experiences. Does it mean that my values are the best out there? Nope but it shows that I stand for something and I'm not scared to defend what I stand for.

If 80% of your online time is dedicated to the course of feminism, please don't turn around to tell us "I am not a feminist". It's a character flaw, a character misalignment.

cococandy:
I see you tried to summarize what you think you know about me in this brief post and it couldn’t be further from the truth because you don’t in fact know anything about me.

I know I’m not about to convert to Islam or marry a woman or change my physical gender presentation.
So where’s the split personality and loss of identity you speak about? You don’t even know me in person so how would you know what my identity is like?
Ukraine and Muslims? Acidosis don’t make me laugh please. Islam is one of the most oppressive religions on earth. On par with Christians. When I tell Christians to own up to their oppressive ideas, it doesn’t mean I consider Muslims an oppressed group. Two things can be true at the same time. And you don’t even know my opinion on the Ukraine issue. I’ve mostly been silent about it. Don’t make assumptions please

Anyway my identity doesn’t depend on depriving others their right to free existence. I guess that’s the difference between you and I. I don’t need to subscribe to any of that in order to show folks what my identity is.

I’m not confused about who I am or what I like. Therefore, seeing someone living their life the way they want to will not make me uncomfortable. I’m not going to be influenced to change from what I like into what they like. I don’t how speaking for them will change my identity in that aspect.

I don’t know where you get off to thinking that if you don’t agree with oppressing those that are different from you, then you’re not being true to your real identity. Ask yourself why you think that. Who are you trying to SHOW that you are true to whatever beliefs you share.

Because I know people who don’t necessarily support bigotry but won’t say anything against it because they don’t want their community and brethren to see them as different.

The quoted paragraphs just summarize my arguments so far. You see, it's very very difficult to understand what you stand for because your time is invested on issues that do not apply to you or your real life experiences.

It's very easy to know acidosis and what he stands for by merely reading a few of my posts (even though I've outgrown certain views). You have strong opinions about Muslims/Christianity but your religion is somewhat unknown both to the people you fight for and against. You leave readers like me with no option than form an opinion of you

Magnoliaa:
Rightttttt. So that's your idea ba? It's all based on opinions ehn? There's no iota of truth in what Coco and the other guy are saying? It's easy to form opinions about things...?

Don't finish me with laugh abeg. Anyway, we all are entitled to our opinions.

GloriousGbola:
wow.wow.wow.

if people thought like this - blacks would still be slaves.
if people thought like this, the civil rights movement would have died

this thinking is very close to racism and tribalism. why should i be bothered about the rights of people who do not share the same race, tribe, lifestyle, creed, religion etc as myself?

It's very easy to form an opinion of who's marginalized and who's not.

cococandy:
About this, it’s about compassion and empathy. You can defend a marginalized group without being one of them.
A man can defend women’s right.
A white person can defend POC rights.
A straight person can defend gay rights.

In fact when people from the oppressor group refused to speak up for the oppressed group, the oppressed group will never get equity and equality.

So I don’t have to be LGBTQ to agree that they deserve same considerations as straight people.

There's a fine line between defending the rights of a marginalized group and split personality issues.

In trying to defend a marginalized tribe in Nigeria, I won't lose my identity.

And it's always very easy to come up with one's idea of the marginalized. It's always women, ga.ys, you've even added Muslims lately and oh Ukraine

When men defend men's rights, they're upholding patriarchy. It's easy to say one group is marginalized while the other isn't.

Dalil8:
Over 180 countries.

The 2nd fastest growing global payment system.

Who would have thought that UnionPay owns over 40% of the market share, almost twice the share of MasterCard. Omo

Bride price is symbolic. Paying the bride price of her mother is as good as marrying both mother and daughter. Do not start what you cannot finish. You won't like the implications.

Magnoliaa:
@Acidosis, here's what you said:



And here's Coco response:


And, me, what I'm saying is not limited to the scope of the vasectomy conversation. People ASSUME liberal-leaning women aren't always true to what they say or believe in. I'm addressing that generally. You can make conclusions based on our comments all you want, I'm telling you that you have nothing conclusive to say that we don't have the conversations we have online, with our sons and brothers. Or in other words, we don't practice what we preach.

And I told you about me.

Here's Amazon's response:


And then let's not even get started on the number of such women who embody what they preach, hence my asking you how many of such women you know.

It's a different thing entirely to claim 'they don't have such conversations with their families or partners' and another thing to ask 'what's the outcome of such conversation?' Which wan are you saying? We do abi we no dey do (am for real life)?

Coco is just one person, and can choose not to tell you her personal details. It doesn't mean there aren't others who have had that conversation and their husbands have agreed to the procedure. Of course, it's something unconventional especially in this part of the world. So if you find such a couple, not readily, I'm sure you'll still have more poking questions for them on that decision.

That's for your notion on vasectomy. In addition to that, there are other ideas people have concerning feminist women when it comes to relationships, marriage, children, domestic duties, respect and cooperation, etc. And the idea is that we don't put our money where our mouth is as you've said here. That is what I'm calling untrue.

Because if I bring you a feminist that can cook, cook or can't, don't cook - people will find a way to turn it against her and as a plus for patriarchy.

If I also bring you a feminist that respects her husband, same thing.

If I literally bring you thousands of feminist women doing what they preach, contrary to your belief, you'll still find a way to question them...you'll never accept there are... or they are.

I'm simply saying that many do not tell us about their real life and relatable experiences. For example, people only assume that some ladies here are feminists based on the nature of posts we read from them. If you're one, why don't you wear the tag boldly rather than simply "defending feminism"? Why defend what we are not?

You see, this is the issue I have with Coco at some point. You expend energy defending ga.ys and bisexuals even though you're "straight" and married to the opposite sex. Why do you spend so much time defending what you're not, when you should ideally preach what you do and what works for you?

If women do not tell us what they practice, then we can only assume that the things you fight for are mere illusions. Since women seem to know more about what's best for the male reproductive organ, then women should be able to start the conversation in their close circle and also be willing to give us their experiences and feedback. That's the only way to reveal the motives behind such conversations.

Some people believe I hold strong opinions about marriage/family. Well, they are not just opinions. My comments about marriage or family are things I have done, things I intend to do, or things I would do if found in a similar situation.

cococandy:
There’s no disadvantage to condoms or abstinence.
Abstinence remains the 100% method of birth control.
But it’s unrealistic to depend on it. We can and should encourage it for people who want no risk at all. But we also know that human nature will win at some point that’s where other methods of birth control come in. I have nothing against abstinence as a choice.

Vasectomy as a birth control method cannot also be for everyone. I’m not saying all men out there need to go and get a vasectomy. But we aren’t even having the conversation for those who are eligible. If we must prevent unwanted pregnancies, all forms of birth control have to be accessible and that includes vasectomy. Many men who could have gotten it don’t even know it’s an option or know what it’s all about. That’s why the conversation needs to be had. Talking about it doesn’t mean all men of reproductive age will get it. Nor do I think it’s realistic for all men to get it.

Like why is it 2 million naira?
Why don’t many men know about it?
Why are the ones who have heard of it misinformed and afraid?

All these questions can be answered by education and research. Only conversation that sparks such moves. Yes we are not there now but we’ll get there.

Well, for those who think that vasectomy is the same as castration, the conversation may be necessary for the sake of education and enlightenment and nothing more. In the course of enlightening men, let's not also forget to mention the possible risks.

cococandy:
If it won’t encourage you to get it, then what’s the point of me telling you?

Yes I won’t disclose someone else’s personal health information. Let me know whenever you see me doing that and I’ll stand corrected.

Vasectomy is not a disease, is it? Not willing to disclose it makes it even scary.

Ishilove:
Pay so much to have your sperm sacs cut? That's all shades of fucked_ up

Real f.ucked-up situation right there. Heavens forbid.