₦airaland Forum

It's easier said because you can afford to go to the hospital to get premium medical attention, some people dont have that resources and better cut corners and rather go to the pharmacy to get medication straight up. Attimes hospital can be frustrating with their protocols and it's still same medication they will eventually give you, why waste time,efforts and resources when you know you can go to pharmacy and get the same drugs hospital will give you. Hospital can be a scam at times jare and I don't blame people that don't like going there. Hospital bill can be crazy and at times it's the rich that can afford such services in this poverty naija.

Top of the day to everyone here. I really appreciate the extent you all have gone to proffer solutions to people issues on the traveling process. God bless you all.

I just start processing my school in Canada to study and am waiting for the school to grant me admission soon for September 2026.
My questions are... I am a divorcee and have two kids age 9 and 7. Though they are not with me presently but they stay with their mother. We got married traditionally but not court.

Now that we are no longer together, should I apply as a single, married or divorced even though I don't have documents to back up my divorce as we married traditionally. In processing the study visa should I include my kids in the documentation or I should wait till I get there and process them later. What options are best for me .

I will also like to know how I can go about the POF as that might be a little challenge for me when applying for visa. I will appreciate all your inputs and look forward to them

Pharmacy has really been a life saver o. With the procedure and delays you face in hospital, at the end of seeing doctor and doing series of test, na still the same medication you will be given. Why waste time in hospital and spend more while you can go to pharmacy and tell them your symptoms and get treated. Hospital just be like waste of time and resources now, I rather go to the pharmacy,get drugs and use instead of wasting time in hospital.

I remembered when I went to the barracks where she works to check up on my children,I discovered that she dumped the children at her father's place just because she is dating another man.this woman embarrassed me and ridicule me to her colleagues. Me the father of her kids, someone I paid her bride price treating me like that, even her colleagues where angry at her and was begging me.I even received a phone call from one male colleague and I was even threatened that if I set my foot in the barracks again, I will be lock up in prison. Can't you imagine a woman treating the father of her kids like that. Ever since then I stop any form of communication with her and just focus on my life. All these she was doing are all in support of her family. So now that the man is dead, they now want me to come and discuss what pls.

The reason why I will say we are divorced even if not officially done cos what we did was traditional marriage, when we separated,I requested for the bride price to be returned but they refused to give me.I was made to understand that in Yoruba land, they don't return bride price if there are children between the two especially if the kids are with the nother. Maybe Yoruba people should shed more light to this.From my own end, am divorced and can't have anything to do with that woman. I will be a fool to accept her back cos am the one that knows what she did to me. This woman took my kids away to her parents and deny me access to those children. So now that the man is dead, they now want to see me. Honestly if not that I respect the dead, I won't step my foot there irrespective of anything. You all won't understand the pain I went through by this wicked and evil woman. I can't even stand being in their midst cos I don't trust them. A woman that can boldly and blindly took me to the man that she was sleeping with and the man was trying to counsel us. Is that the woman I should trust or reconcile with...never. Incase the divorce was normal, I won't mind going there but with thee acrimony going one within the both families, I don't think it's a good idea to go there. They can't even call my family members to notify them, it was a stranger they sent, you can see the kind of rubbish family they are. Not even a text message. It's easy for you all to say I should act matured but if you have been through what I went through, you will just ignore that family totally.

lecturerdabo:
From your post op, I can deduce you are not officially divorced. Has the bride price been returned? If legally married, there must also be legal divorce.

If the above has not been addressed, I'm sorry to inform you that you are still married to the said lady hence may consider your role as an in-law if you wish. Also like someone suggested, you must bear in mind that you have children with the lady, you must be careful not to burn bridges.

The man that called might be thinking the death of your father in-law presents avenue for reconciliation.

My advice:
Proceed with caution. Never embark on that journey alone! Never go without letting people know your movements. If possible involve security!!

What lead to the divorce was that she cheated. She betrayed and hurt my feelings really bad. All this makes it very difficult for me to deal with this issue. If it was just a normal divorce,I won't bother but her actions till now still hurt me and the pain is still there. So you still expect me to be very comfortable attending any burial that will make me see or or get close to her. I don't think I can deal with such emotions

overdrive:
Since children are involved your best bet is to participate in the burial but only passively. No need to involve your family members or making it a big affair.
If you are financially bouyant you can assist them with a token towards the burial,these acts of yours can water the ground in your favour when you come for the custody of your children. My opinion tho.

Thank you all for the inputs. Well I just hope they are not trying to use this man death to enter me or try to reconcile with my ex. Someone that cheated and wasn't even remorse about it. To be honest, I can't just stand her presence due to the anger am feeling towards her. The hurt is still there and this is what is making it difficult for me. This is the woman that have the gut to introduce me to the man she is having an affair unknowingly to her I know they are dating. All this enough has caused me heartbreak and emotional trauma. I can't even stand her that's it. Her presence aggravate my spirit knowing how she betrayed and hurt me. If it's you, can you still honor the invite. Pls be honest.

zarathustra:
The man that died is your children's grandfather. If there are duties grandchildren ought to perform in the burial of their grandfather you have to perform those duties for your children.

Your connection with the family will never be over cos there are children in-between. You owe your children duties over their grandfather's burial not your ex-wife. Find out what those duties are and perform them for and on behalf of your children.

Those are reasons we always advise for married couples to exercise restraint on divorce once children are already involved. The divorce will never be TOTAL both of your shadows will still live in each other's house.

Happy Sunday to you nairalanders and top of the morning. There is this issue I want to let the house know so I can get advise from matured and experienced people here that have got through the same issue and how they deal with it

I have been separated or let say divorced for close to 3yrs and this had created lot of acrimony between myself and my ex wife including issues with her family. The last issue I had with her was she took my kids to her father to live there without my consent. Ever since then , she had been denying me access to my children cos the new place her parents stay is a new site which I don't have the location, I stop interfering when the issue was becoming too much for me and focus on my life cos I know at the right time things will sort itself out.
This morning I got a call from a strange man and he introduced himself to me, by that, I knew the man is from my ex wife family by mentioning the location he was calling from.He told me that did I heard that my father in-law passed away few days ago, I mentioned I wasn't aware. Non of the family called me to pass the information to me neither did they call my own family to notify them. At first I find it strange getting a call from a strange man and giving me such info while it was supposed to be done my either my ex wife or her family, but I thought maybe because of the acrimony going on, they decided not to communicate with me cos ever since my ex took my kids to stay indefinitely with her father without my consent, I stop communicating with her or her family members.

Now that the man is late, I was told by the man that he wants to see me and have a meeting with me that he got my number from my ex wife.
What I need to know is that, now that am divorced, do I have any responsibilities whatsoever to render to the family being that am no longer married to their daughter again. Is it a must to be present in whatsoever they want to do or present at the burial. Pls I need advice from people that have experience this before and how they handled it or people that are vast in wisdom. I don't want to be mean to ignore the family cos their daughter really disappointed and betrayed me and also her family had input on how our marriage collapsed. My kids are still with them and also I have the intention to taking custody of my kids as the grandpa they live with is dead and seems like my ex wife have remarried and can't leave my kids to strangers. I want to use this as an opportunity to get custody of my children.

Pls all your advice are welcomed and appreciated. Gracias

Am not an advocate of not to get married, one thing I experienced in marriage is that marriage will humble you as a man. Those saying their marriage is sweet and fine is because they are still meeting up to their responsibility, once this is taking away, that your wife will become something else you never imagined. Those that want to get married, take this, don't marry a woman at was brought up by single mother, they eventually end up like their mum. My mother in-law, married 5 men with different kids to different man. What good can you expect from such family of not their daughter later being like her mum. Now we have been separated for 3years and heard she is with another man. That's a pattern she must follow . Marriage has its up and down. Just study the woman you are with very well and notice red flag that can become insure in marriage. Women are very complicated and you need to be sane to deal with their shenanigans

With all this artemether wey no dey cure malaria again, na agbo sure pass now and just ensure you are getting it from the right source and you will be fine. Lately I was down with severe malaria and I exhausted all the malaria medicine even with drips and didn't feel better not until I drink again k and I start feeling better immediately .

I remember when I slumped, omo that's when I realized that it's only a thin line between life and death. I just knew I was going down lifeless and couldn't control it and within a second life came back again, mine was due to low blood pressure and stress but thank God I didn't pass on through that. It's well. As a man pls take your health seriously,do check up regularly and avoid anything stress.

It is 100% truth

StillDtruth:
This is only 2% True

Stupid artist displaying wealth but will not do the right thing, irrespective of what he might have done to you, helping him in this difficult situation will be the least he can do. Knowing that he is a man should make him understand better

Having this audacity is what is bafflingly me, men having the guts to sleep with a woman that have been covenanted to a man shows you don't care about what will befall you. You can never see a man that sleeps with people's wife prosper, their life is always in jeopardy cos they are cursed by that act, any moment you tried it, you have affected your destiny. Pls any one reading this should desist from sleeping with married women irrespective of what the woman might say or tempt you to do, they are just trying to destroy you and what so ever you saw, you will reap.

I will advise you in a man perspective, see no matter how you do it, a man will once in a while stray even out of his own doing, it doesn't mean that he does not love you, it's just a man nature to behave that way, men are carried away by what we see and imagine how many women are out there displaying all sorts, it takes a man of dignity, self control and fear of God not to stray, it's a huge temptation for we men of this generation. Pls don't leave your home cos the street is cold and the next man you meet might be worse than your former, just pray for him and let him know you love him , one day he will realize and change for good. No man is immune to this, even pastor are also not immune, it's just the man nature. Keep loving him, support him, respect him and submit to him, when he will start to change and stop all those, you will be surprised. Don't loose your home o, you go cry taya

This is a very important topic and I hope men and married men especially will learn. This is also me when I was catering for all the financial responsibilities of the home with two kids and wife wasn't working, the worst that can happen to a man is to marry a woman that doesn't earn, your life go just useless in your very own eyes, mine even start cheating after 5years of marriage despite all I have done for the family, she paid me back with betrayal, we got separated for two years now and the kids had been fine , now I now realize that even if I die, this kids will still be fine, that's just life. Men don't kill yourself, do your best and leave the rest, take care of yourself,health and eat well cos those your family your are going through a lot for, when you die, they will be fine, that your wife, na another man go begin they Bleep her well. After our separation she started sleeping with her boss at work and I heard she is planning to be his second wife. Just imagine a woman that I went through hell for. Omo I don so learn now that I can never go extra mile again for anyone, I think of my self first and become selfish.

I thought this same topic was asked recently, so you mean with people inputs, you still no learn and insist to start the suicide mission you are about embarking. See, oju e ma bo gan, you gonna see dust brother. Marrying a single mother will drain you in all ramifications cos those that have embark on these journey always have bad experience. Look for single young woman and start your life with, leave single mother alone, they can never love you.

Op na laziness dey worry you,na watin push you enter the situation you dey now. It's not that you really love this woman but becos of what you are getting back from her. See it's a big task marrying a single mother not talk of having 3 kids, are you ready for the task ahead cos I bet you, it will drain you In all ramifications,why put your self in such when you can easily go for young single woman . Single mothers are know to be toxic with bad characters which made them become a single mother, no reasonable man will leave a good woman to the street, men value women that are worthy. All what she is doing for you is just to gain ground into your life, it's a trap from the pit of hell, once you fully commit and marry her, she will let down her guard and show you the stuff she is made of. All stories have heard from men that married single mother don't end well, those men always bite the dust and regret it. Pls focus on your hustle and make your own money and don't depend on another woman money, it makes you vulnerable to stuff like this. All those story she told you about tribalism are just format, you can get the real truth from her man. Life is hard brother, don't open your eyes and make it more harder. You gonna regret it

Divorce is the most difficult situation of ones life cos it's a lost that is similar to death of a love one, reason why I implore couples to stick to each other and make their marriage work cos divorce might look like a solution but the pain thereafter is severe. Op, I won't blame you for this cos you did the right thing by standing your ground as a man just that it's unfortunate that you married an immature woman that doesn't value her home and marriage and also worst that she got rubbish family that enables her to misbehave. It's said that it is better to have a good inlaw than a good spouse cos when things go south, your in-laws will speak sense into your spouse head. I am also divorced for 2yrs now and will tell you it's not an easy journey. The rollercoaster of emotions is overwhelming, today you feel better and the next minute you are deep into depression and severe grief but I tell you something you will get out of it with time, it's normal to feel this way cos you never expected that your home will break and marriage ended this way, but know what will be will definitely be. I still have the believe that your wife will still come back in due time but then, it left for you to take her back or not. They always behave in such way and it's because they are been manipulated outside but when they get to the street and see that it's not funny out there, she will want to creep in back into your life for safety

Solutions....
Try and get social and go out often, even though this is hard as an introvert, try and force yourself to mingle and socialize. It will help you divert your thoughts and makes your healing faster.

Desist from clubbing ,smoking, drinking and womanizing, all these will never help your situation but rather complicate and compound it more.

Go hit the gym, dress well and smart, you will see another woman better than your ex that won't make you miss her again as that will serve as an emotional support. But be sure you have healed before jumping into another relationship so it won't be like a love rebound and don't try to compare the new woman with your ex cos that will come in, have in mind that people are different and unique in their own way.

Pray and get more closer to God, he will give you the grace and strength you need to move on.

I have two daughters and have been divorced for two years now, my kids are with her , even though it's difficult to keep plan with the kids, pls try and be in the life of the kid, my own wife cheated in marriage and even during separation, she wasn't remorse to apologize which shows she doesn't value the marriage again, now she is philandering about and I don't give a fu*ck about it but I know a day is coming that she will come begging but bet me I will never take her back, I rather move on with another woman than accepting her. Be strong and focused to build yourself bro, it's a phase and will sure pass. Shalom

Are you saying I should reconcile with a woman that destroys her marriage because she cheated and she is not remorse and also claiming right on it, even during separation,she already in another relationship with another man, how can one reconcile with such with all this baggages, is it not better to move on than setting with such woman

Tayorshd87:
You are asking a deep 🤢 question and indeed it really worth it .

Just have it in mind that getting married to another woman doesn't guarantee what u actually needed instead fix d first and talk about how to reconcile in case of future disputes between you guys.

As at present am also thinking about divorcing but d impact of this same lady in my house ehn 🤔
Also thinking about about another one of she will be better and there is no guarantee of getting a better one 🙁

For this reason ehn ..


I just carry my cross

I wish you well

Thank you... This is what I have concluded and reason why I brought up this post to know the experience of people that remarried and how the experience was after remarrying. My kids are with her, two daughters and don't know how to get the custody, if not my kids are with her, I would have forgotten about her since but because of my kids, reason why it's still drawing me back to her somehow .

Adexvivacity:
With this being said, oga forget that lady. She cheated and you caught her, what other advice do u need. You are guessing she aint coming back for now cos she is with another man....that means u will take her back when she fuckup there as well. If u have kids already, face them and take good care of them. A cheat wife may end ur life one day.

Thanks for your input, well I won't say I am a perfect person but I have my flaws too, my ex has her flaws to and not also perfect. I will say am not the caused of the separation cause all these happened because of cheating from her end, we separated afterwards for two years and in the space, this woman never shows any remorse to even apologize properly for what she did, she never agreed she was the caused of anything, but because of forgiveness and also because I don't want my kids to be raised in a broken home, I am willing to forgive her wrong and continue the marriage, now maybe because she is with another man and I love , making decisions to come back is so difficult for her now , so how will all these be my fault,if she never did what she did, am sure by now we are still going to be married.

2mch:
100% correct. If your first marriage fail, likelihood your second marriage will fail is higher. About 80% because most people try to blame the other as being the cause of the marriage breakdown. When they were equally responsible and should be able to point out where they failed and how they have improved. Mind you, am not looking for crowd but one thing I believe is that people experience are lessons, they are people here that have experienced such and are qualified to advice properly reason why I come here to share stuff, I prefer coming here where nobody knows me and getting advice that going to people I know that will still use my issues to mock me.

OP, you lack introspection. You are still blaming the woman for not wanting to work on it. When you should be working on yourself and working to show her you have changed and changed genuinely. You are even looking for crowd of online people to come and give you advice on how to make decisions on your life and marriage. You do not need to be married. You need to mature first. Don’t go and drag another persons daughter into a failed marriage.

I appreciate your input but in the case when the other party seems not interested again in reconciliation,what other options are you left with other than to move on. Even before my first marriage ended, a prophecy has been given that I am a man of two wives which now look like that prophecy is about to manifest cos despite the fact I don't want to marry again, reconciling my previous marriage prove abortive. I rather accept my destiny

Beremx:
Oga go and work on your first marriage because the second one which you want to embark on will not work. You need to work on yourself because you have your own issues which crashed your marriage. If you don't work on yourself, your second marriage will end too

I need to put this out to know people understanding and opinion about this scenario. When couples separated but not yet divorce and the both couple either the man or woman went ahead to have sexual relationship with someone else, are we going to take that as cheating or adultery and should not be counted against them because they are separated, this is especially from the woman side. She already had sexual encounter with another man and her claim was that she was separated and such can't be used against her. Can such marriage be reconcile back with such baggages on ground or both should just proceed to divorce and move on.what are the consequences effects of such union if they eventually reconcile, would it be better if they divorce and move on. Matured and experience inputs will be welcomed and appreciated.

I need to put this out to know people understanding and opinion about this scenario. When couples separated but not yet divorce and the both couple either the man or woman went ahead to have sexual relationship with someone else, are we going to take that as cheating or adultery and should not be counted against them because they are separated, this is especially from the woman side. She already had sexual encounter with another man and her claim was that she was separated and such can't be used against her. Can such marriage be reconcile back with such baggages on ground or both should just proceed to divorce and move on.what are the consequences effects of such union if they eventually reconcile, would it be better if they divorce and move on. Matured and experience inputs will be welcomed and appreciated.

Yes the bible emphasis on these but we both know that it's so difficult to not remarry after divorce, it's a difficult and dicey situation. In the essence where the said partner is not willing to continue the marriage with you,what is left for you to do in such situations. .. pls mod, kindly assist move this to the front page for a wider audience and contribution. Pls I need more inputs especially from experienced people that have pass through this challenge before, it will help a brothee

Mom007:
The bible emphasises remaining with the wife of your youth. Even if it means forgiving her a serious transgression (if she repents) or if she is an unbeliever but willing to remain with you. E get why. Do not be hasty to divorce and remarry. Even when you divorce, God said do not remarry else you make her and yourself fornicators. God's opinion is all that counts.

That is my fear, no guarantee that the second will be better,infact there is tendency that the second might be worse. But if a man choose not to marry, how will he deal with the loneliness and depression attached to be single. I know how draining and stressed my marriage was and thinking about marriage again drains the hell out of me.

Dogalmighty17:
If you are divorced, why put your self through the stress of remarriage again? Marriage is hardly worth it in my opinion. You have no guarantee that the second will be better than the first.

Thanks for your insight even though your yet to be married,you comment sounds matured enough, yes am giving myself the time needed and don't want to jump into any form of serious commitment now especially marriage, it's a privilege being single cos you will be more focused

marlow1962:
Im not yet married, neither am I a divorceee. But brother it doesn't worth it. You can't come out from a messy marriage, stay few months and still jump back into another soon to be messy marriage( common na that's highly preposterous).
As a divorced man, give yourself some time, don't even think about marriage during that time. If you have kids from your previous marriage, I say you focus your energy on your kids and yourself, and I recommend getting a side girl to keep you company. That's my own view.

I understand your notion very well, when you are out of marriage, getting into another will be an haculine task due to your previous experience, marriage is serious hardwork and stress. Yes I have two daughters already, though they are not in my custody but with my ex due to their age, just don't know whether to take their custody or leave them with their mother. But in all, I have peace and rest of mind being single.

saintopus:
If you get pikin, no need to remarry.

Just they fire dey go.

Top of the day to my nairalanders fam, compliment of the seasons and may we all see the coming New year. The year has been a difficult one but we pray next year will be favourable.

My question is for people who are divorced and who got married for the 2nd time, do you regret divorcing the 1st and wished you tried to fix the first marriage? What advice do you give for people who want to divorce and remarry? I asked this question because am thinking of moving on after collapse of my previous marriage and every attempt to make it work. I just want to know if trying marriage again the second time worth it or one should just be single as a man and enjoy what life throws at you.

All contributions are welcomed from both male and female especially from people that have pass through this ordeal to share their experiences and advice. This will definitely help me to navigate this stage of life I am in now and others.

Hmmm, this notion is true though but I still think there are some divorcees that remarried and eventually made it work due to their experience to be a better person to their partner, just that they will easily opt out of marriage if any minor issue occurs being they have experienced the essence of being single and independent so putting effort for the marriage to work won't move them. My take though. Am divorced now and to be honest, getting married again is not my priority cos am not just ready for the stress and draining involved in marital life.

spice123:
The bitter truth is:
Anyone who has ever gone through divorce can never stay in a marriage. Quote me anywhere. Even if the fellow remarries, same cycle will repeat itself its only a matter of time.
Go and do your personal research on people who have ever divorced even for once.