₦airaland Forum

Rhythm 93.7, with their jingles like... Rhythm 93.7, the only station that get you started in the morning, keeps you going in the afternoon, keeps you going in the afternoon and stays with you all night..chai.. rhythm was the bomb then with their makosa jamz every Saturday evening.. omo those days really make sense . Not now that radio station don full airwaves that you can barely listen to a particular station for an hour before you keep changing and still not find anything that will insterest you.

Bros you sure say you dey hustle, for u to have this kind libido aftee how many years is surprising.

Stop paying unnecessary subscription like gotv and dstv. I stop using their service and now i only watch free to air terrestrial station in lagos and have not regret it. The likes of tvc, ontv and wazobia max will give u the entertainment you crave for. Gotv and dstv na waste of funds

Omo same experience u had is what i faced too o . From 400h straight to 700h. Just imagine paying such amount for hair wey no go last 1 or 2 week. Now no unnecessary styles, either its low cut or last skin i go dey barb na or make i dey barb myself cos i get clipper. Let us breath abeg

Wanna ask you girlee... Are you a twin?

Pls guys i need more inputs to navigate through my situation. Its already draining me physically and mentally.

Its a pity you discovered the demon you married as a wife, what does a man need if not a submissive and loyal woman to be called a wife but when you dont have that, you are wasting your time cos that women will end up ending you. I have been in such situations too but thank God i send her away cos i dont see her need in my life again. My mistake was that i was thinking i could carry all the home responsibility and not involved her and despite all this, i couldnt get her loyalty. The day i snitch through her phone, i was shocked to see what see has said to her family, friends, colleagues about me. She damage and tarnished my reputation to the lowest. I married a stupid woman that doesn't have any sense. She doesn't protect her home but rather tell tom dick and harry everything going on in her home. What kinda of woman is that. I was enduring all those not until she grew up to having an affair under my nose. See you either curb that nonsense attitude she is portraying now cos that woman will cheat on you cos at this moment, you meant nothing to her and she doesn't value you. She is a snitch and can never be loyal or be a wife that will be with you to the end of time. A word is enough for the wise.

Thanks for this input. It sheds more light on how to navigate this..

frozen70:
Since you have already made up your mind to divorce her, you just have to be with those children and if possible allow her to visit them or be with them where you guys agreed to meet as a meeting point for the children

If you should sign anything, it will be used against you because you may default by error and the worst is you don't know the content of what she is cooking

She really mean you and left for me, don't accept any letter neither should you know the content

Just be with the kids and you can get a helper to assist in running the home until you make up your mind to file for a divorce

At the court, let the judge decide what will be for you to sign and accept to sign

OK...

Mindlog:
Being married traditionally does not exclude you both from some of the legal issues surrounding marriage.

If there is need for both of you to show up in court ....you will

I really appreciate your inputs all and its being helpful, i will appreciate more input on how to navigate this, mind you, i just need to let you guys know that i only get married traditionally to my wife and didnt do court wedding. So i dont know if this legal stuff she is doing is binding reason we did not do court wedding, kindly share some light to this as this will be well appreciated and i will like to know when it comes to providing for the kids when they leave, is there a requirement of what i should do like the amount of money for their upkeep and also other things i will be liable to do when they are with their mom. Thank you

Ok. When i dont think there will be anything that will make me abandoned them so far i have the means to support them expecially their education, but i want her to also feel it on her side so the taking care of the kids wont be left to me alone, she has to bare the burnt too cos she caused all this hullabaloo. I have never seen such a disloyal, unsubmissive, unsupportive wife in my life, leaving her will just be a relief for me and fresh air. For now i dont want to even think about marriage cos i need to heal from this at first. Am happy i have my life out of the union.

LilMissFavvy:
She is not trying to get back at you, if she needs you that much, she would come and apologise. All you have to do is to get to hear what the lawyer has to say, reach an agreement before you sign anything. If the letter content is not okay with you, then don't sign until you seek legal help. You say you have always taken good care of your kids but now that your wife is gone, nobody knows the future. You may remarry and abandon your ex wife's Children.

Thanks for this .. really appreciate

ikelords:
collect the paper from the the lawyer. invite your own laywer to intepret what was written so you dont sign what will send you to jail. mind what you say to her or her lawyer and when have phone conversation with her make sure you record your calls. A divorced woman is a dangerous woman and wilk stop at nothing to ruin you so avoid whatever emotional games she might try to bring up. lastly never have sex with her again.

Ok thanks

Abujainside:
Wow, just exercise patience pls and hear from the lawyer.

I was surprised aswell cos i wasn't expecting such from her. Maybe she is trying to get back at me because i decided to quit cos of all the stuff she had done in the marriage

IyaebeTheGreat:
What is all this sign sign of papers inside marriage? What have you all turned marriage into? Smh

Good day nairalanders. Its always nice to interact with you guys and get wise advice from you guys. Many people know me well and my story and also have idea about my situation and story. Anyway i have new updates for you guys and need your input and advice as usual. Irrespective to the issue between myself and my wife, we have been living seperately now since this year January. Though the kids are still with me and reason being that they have already started school this term when i seperated from my wife and dont want to change their school cos have already made payment, my intention was for them to finish this term and go to their mom for proper care as they are still young and female and needed their mom close to them. Last week i told my wife that she should be ready to accept the kids by this month end and she wasn't 100% in tune to that. I was surprised when my mom called me this morning and told me that my wife said she is going to send a lawyer to me to sign some papers agreement, i was kinda mad when i heard that and dont know what she is planning to come up with such plans. Something tell me maybe she wants us to have an agreement on the upkeep of the kids and what i will be responsible for when the kids later move to her. But i was annoyed cos for the 5 years we were married, i have been the one taking care of the financial responsibility of the home, both feeding,bills, school fees and other utilities, i have never defaulted and I just felt bad cos even though we are going to go our seperate ways, i will never neglect my kids and will always provide for their needs cos am a responsible man to the core, for her to go to this route, i felt insulted and angry at her. Presently i don't know how to handle this issue as am still upset. Now my question to experience married people both still married, seperated or divorce is that how do i go about this, should i go ahead to sign the paper the lawyer is going to bring and if i sign, what will be the outcome or repercussions paraventure i fail to meet up with the agreement stated. I really need advice from everyone cos this woman that i married have being a torn in my flesh and have decided to divorce her irrespective of anything. She has really getting to the height of it.

Are you married for you to give this advice, so if ahe pack out of her home, you have reserved home to give her.

securitywatch50:
But please is it by force to remain married to someone that hates you in respective of how many children you had together

You move eeeeeeeeee
There is life before marriage
And life after marriage

Don't allow a fellow human being to ruin ur life in the name of marriage.

Well its obvious that kids are supposed to be in custody of their mom except otherwise cos the mother can care better than the father and with the busy schedule of the father, he can hardly have time to bring them up which will affect them. Why take custody as a man when the kids are still young and also their mom is still alive. Doesn't make sense to me cos no matter how u dont want the kids to be close to their mom, when they grow up, they will make that decision and their is nothing u can do about it.. So i think its always beneficial for them to stay with their mom. They have been with me since January taking care of them and its not easy as a man cos we are not wired or gifted in such care roles. Am thinking of takibg them back to their mom after they have finish this term in school so i can focus and move on as a man. My thought though

All this unserious ladies out there sha, what's bad in settling down in a sef contain for a start, he wants the guy to spend all this earnings on rent and if you find out now, that babe might be broke and don't have any financial strength to support the dude to get a better apartment or even in marriage.. guy marriage is all about responsibility and love is not enough, if that sefcon is what you can afford, pls dont strain yourself cos when the gbege happen, that woman no go look your side. she is not ready OP cos if she is, she wont mind marrying you in a kiosk let alone a sef contain. we have married family that live in a one room apartment and even have kids there and they are living happily which is the most important thing, You can live in mansion as a woman and never have peace of mind.

Well mr or mrs sense, i am only guvin my own opinion base of my experience about marriage and the other gender. And who told you that what she said are all through concerning her husband,a woman will always say things in their favor and thats what makes you very gullible. Fine we have crazy and irresponsible men out there, but even thhe responsible men are not appreciated by their wife and treat them like trash. So oga just keep quiet and read comment and move on.

Chidi2022:
Your senselessness is the major reason your cheap wife is maltreating and riding you like a IndecentStar..
So you want us to believe that your wife is bad but you don't want us to believe OP who said her husband is bad? Does it make sense to you? Must you rubbish her pains just because of this gender bias rubbish? Is spousal wickedness limited to one gender? Any party can be the bad one in a marriage, all the other person needs is to know his or her value by leaving the wicked partner... Abeg grow sense... This is 2022...

I think you have really say all we need to know about this issue, your points are top notch and real. They both have advantage and disadvantages and each partner should be disciplined not to sway away. Am in same situation, but luckily we are in the same state but not same geographical location. She got a govt job and distance from home stress her up and also spend so much on tfare. She rented an apartment in the station she works and do come hope weekend to check on us and the kids cos for now the kids are with me and waiting for them to finish this term so they can be with her for proper care. At first i wasnt comfortable with the idea of her living another place but i noticed the distance create fonding and also makes us miss each other and cherish the moment we spend together. Now i like the setting of us staying apart cos we dont fight much the way we do when we live together. But everything when south when i discovered that she was have an emotional affair with another man which made me to send her away . Now we are living apart and no hope for the future of the marriage. So as i said it takes strong couples to tend of the living apart thing else it will end in dissapointment.

Miyovwe:
Welldone ma, more grease to your elbow 💪 💪

as this might sound funny, its also true. attimes pastor are the architect of some marital issues, i remember when my wife was cheating and i reported her to our pastor expecting him to condemn her and speak some senses into her head, i was surprise our pastor was just at ease with her and even blaming me for her action, that was the day i found out that this pastor is an idiot. i left the church anyway and sent my wife away. i can take anything from a woman but not infidelity lailai.

Nwodosis:
So sorry my man, two things are involved, either that you are not satisfying her sexually or she's having it outside and now sees you as an obstacle to her joy. She wants to frustrate you to death through High Blood Pressure.
Invite her parents for a round table talk if actually you don't know the reason for her change in attitude.
I said invite her parents not una pastor o, pastor may even be the architect of your marital problems.

One thing i know is that men go through alot in marriage. I cant count how many times i have thought about leaving and am sure virtually 95%of married men have felt that way except they are men that are not responsible and dont care. Women have tendencies to frustrate your life. My own frustrated me despite taking full financial responsibility for her and the kids, working my ass off to put food on their table, what she ended up paying me is by cheating on me with another man. Pls what could be painful and killing than this for a man. Thank God am out of the fucking marriage and have my kids to my custody, now i have peace and rest of mind. Let her go and meet the stupid man that is deceiving her cos they dont have any sense in their head. Stupid gender

Thanks for this.

Justbehave:
Bros pls take custody of your kids. You are even lucky to have a mother and a sister helping you out. In my own case I don't. So I employed two nannies because I'm with my three kids though all boys. One works from 8 am to 5pm while the other starts from 5pm to 8am.Their mums don't dare visit them. No time for nonsense.

Ok.

Beremx:
then let her have custody of the kids while you send her money for upkeep for the kids. You can go visiting too. She has to see her kids too

Ok thanks. Now that the kids are with me, what can i do cos she uses that as an advantage to come to my place and am not cool with this fact. She wanted to even spend the weekend with us but i object cos i dont want what will make me loose guard and become vulnerable again to her manipulative antics

Beremx:
Your case is almost similar to that of Korra Obidi who's stupid husband is trying to separate her daughters from her. In your case, it doesn't involve going to court. I will advise you have a shared custody with your wife because the kids are still too young not to be close to their mum.

Honestly divorce is even more harder to deal with cos seperating from the person you gave your whole to and spend your life with is difficult to handle. Seeing them again trigger lost of mixed emotion difficult to deal. Fine maybe cos i still love my wife reason am going through this rollercoaster of emotion but i know with time am gonna be fine and move on with life. She has really mess up thongs in this marriage and given this a chance again will make it look like am stupid and dumb. Someone that cheated and forgave her and give her a second chance and still went ahead to unblock the person in order to continue from where they stop. Its annoying. This shows she has no regards for me or the union itself. I just want her to learn bitterly from her lesson thats all.

Mindlog:
I understand where you are coming from as you are dealing with the loss of a marriage and her presence naturally triggers you and that is why people going through a divorce are encouraged to seek therapy as it helps in some form of desensitization, to help the person pour out their heart and gradually become less triggered by the other person's presence as they begin to achieve clarity about the ended marriage and what lies ahead.

Well thanks for your input. It happened that have been on nairaland for long and i know matured and responsible comment or advice whenbi see one. Even if there are kids here, there are still aged, responsible and experience individual aswell. We dont throw the child with the dirty water you know. Thanks anyway for your input.

ahnie:
You see why I don't like you, you're easily manipulated.
You don't think with your head,you take decisions irrationally just like that.


Whatever nonsense you n your wife are doing,do not forget there re kids looking up to you boths.

Take your marital issues outta nairaland
They would use it against you tomorrow,most peeps here are kids.

Yes i understand you better, she have the higher chances taken custody because of their age and also female. Just dont want anything that will make me relate with her which i know its impossible cos of the kids. Seeing her brings back the hurt in me and reason am trying to avoid her. She came yesterday to see them kids and honestly i wasnt happy seeing her cos it triggers what she did to me and how she hurt me. I just dont want to set an eye on her for now so i can be fine and heal and back emotionally. Me seeing her drains me emotionally. Honestly divorce is not easy and has its own issues. Atimes itss even worst than the marriage itself.

Mindlog:
It should be shared custody as they should spend their time between you and their mother, have that discussion with her no matter how difficult it may seem as you both have to work out how to co-parent with less acrimony.

If custody issue is taken to court, she may likely be granted custody considering their ages and you given visitation rights, with them spending some of their school holidays with you unless you can prove to the judge that she abuses substances or clinically assessed to be mentally unstable which would be a risk, leaving the children with her.

When it comes to care for the girls, she comes first before your mother and sister.

Yes either of them or both will come and stay with me. Mum is retired and not working while sister is yet to be married. I feel if they are living with us, it will help the most in taking care of them being that they are female and knows better.

Richy4:
🖐️🤚🖐️🤚🖐️🖐️🤚
I have a question.. When you said that you have a mother and a sister that can take care of them, what do you mean?
Is it sending them (the kids) to go and leave with your mother and sister or that they (your
mum & Sister) are coming to stay where you all will be together?

I pray you dont find yourself in my situation, if you do, u will understand better. If you dont have any advice, quietly move on pls

KnowledgeIsVast:
You and your wife no de tire at all?😩🤣

Thanks for this piece of advice. Really appreciate. Thank God i have a job and can take care of them with the help of my mom. My wife has proven she is not worth it and as u said, she might poison there mind towards me. Thanks once again.

gfelo:
Never give the custody to their mum, Reasons:
(1) if she is that bad she will influence them negatively.
(2) she will turn them to hate u.
(3) mentioning loneliness in ur write up, the kid will serve as point of contact and make u guys fall back together, u wudnt want to go back to ur vomit i guess.
(4) it will delay the process of ur healing if u will heal at all.
thank u

Top of the day to you naira landers,

I know some of you will criticize me here for always bringing my marital issues here.

Well i believe we got lots of married responsible people here that might have gone through what i am facing through and may have one or two advice for me on how to navigate through my issues.

Some of you are unaware of my stories, i will urge you to read through my stories under my profile name and have better understanding about how it unfolded.

Now i am still struggling emotionally base on the problem am having with my wife, the disloyal, cheating and dishonesty from her ever since she got the job and get an accommodation in the barrack.

She has been a complete different person entirely and still surprise how she turned to be who she is now. well i have decided to divorce her and sent her away because she had caused me enough pains emotionally which am yet to heal from, my peace of mind and mental health is at stake and dont want to run mad because of a woman. I dont think i deserve that. .

My advice to single men and women planning to settle down soon should be very careful with the person they want to marry and know the person very well cos people do change alot when circumstances struck.

That man or woman you are so in love with now might turn out to be a beast when you later end up getting married. Marriage is a very difficult journey.

Now i and my wife are separated living apart but my two daughters are still leaving with me and with the help of my aged mom and sister, they are taking care of them and doing well.

Now am kinda confuse whether i should let the kids go stay with their mother or they should stay with me. Though she is not dragging custody with me but I realize the kids staying with me for now gives me that emotional strength and doesn't make me feel lonely, but if i take them to their mom, i might start missing them and loneliness and depression may strike being that i will be living alone.

I just want to get advice from divorced or separated men or women and even married and single here how they handle the custody part of their kids when their marriage ended, is it easy as a man to raise two girls age 5 and 6yrs and what are the issues relating to these.

As i said, i have a mom and aunt that can look after them very well and all i have to do is provide for them all they will be needing physically and financially, but i just what to be sure if am taking the right decision and wont regret taking their full custody.

pls anyone with useful advice should drop here cos am in a dilemma right now and want to get solution to my issues.

Pls sorry for the typo errors, am writing this with emotions scattered.