₦airaland Forum

No I never cheat on my ex wife.

CandidAdmin:
They are your children and will forever be yours.

Whatever happened between you and your wife, leave your kids out of it. Because I'm quite sure they weren't there when you were dating.

Do your job.
Pay for their upkeep.

And if you wish to have them beside you till your wife gets back, talk to her.


BTW OP, yes or no, you cheat on your wife before divource.

this question keeps coming.. yes i have done DNA and its confirmed they are my biological kids..

Nicepoker:
Have you done DNA testing on those kids?

This is really helpful..thanks. pls mod, kindly move to fp for wider input. Thanks

Mindlog:
Go to the social welfare office of your state of residence which I believe is where the children are also resident and lodge your complaint.

They will get in touch with your ex-wife and she may be forced to travel down for some days using official channels, to give you custody of the children for the months she iwill be away.

When you both got divorced, was the terms of sharing of custody, visitations and co-parenting not spelt out to both of you?

In all your anger, DO NOT STOP sending money for your daughters' upkeep while social welfare sorts the issues out, they shouldn't be punished for what they are not responsible for.

all that happened almost a year when i got seperated and i had no choice than to move on cos info was reaching me that she has started moving with men .

EreluRoz:
I read your last story and I can see you are doing your part, but your ex wife is very unreasonable and not a good mother, do everything possible to take full custody of your kids before she ruin their life with her bad attitude.
Whatever your decisions are, make sure it is in the interest of the children and it should be top priority. You both failed them and they should not in any way suffer for your failure.

But wait ooo: when did you divorce your wife and you are already trying to penetrate a virgin? Your wife may be unreasonable in decisions concerning her kid but you are not a saint kos obviously you were cheating on her and maybe she decided to cheat back.

Top of the morning to you my naira landers family, this year will be great for us all. Well am very sure most of you here would be familiar with my story for some time now, I have been separated from my wife for almost a year now and my two daughters have been with her since the separation, the reason for separation was the fact that i caught her cheating. It happened that my two girls have been with her cos i did not take custody of them knowing the fact they are girls by age 5 and 6yrs, I believe they will be properly cared for by their mother being same gender, all I do is send money monthly for their upkeep and also pay their school fees. The kids are the only reason i communicate with my ex wife and nothing else. Now it happened that she work with the correctional ministry and she got a memo to go for a mandatory 6months course at Enugu with immediate effect. I don't have any issue with that cos before we went our separate ways, I was aware that someday, she will be going for the course but not aware when that will be. When my ex wife got the memo, she didn't call me to inform me immediately about the new development and what she did baffles me, she took my two daughters to her parents place without carrying me along or getting my approval for that move. It was after she had taken them there and she also moved to Enugu was when she gave me a call and inform me about the development, I was really furious and angered that why will she take such action without carrying me the father of the kids along, this has always been major issue when we were married, she takes some decision without letting me know which i see as an act of disrespect, this are my kids that am footing their bills despite the fact they are not under my roof. Now after executing her action, she called and informed me and the new update and that the kids will need to be enrolled in another school and she expect me to foot the bill knowing how expensive it is to register kids newly to a school, and mind you, those kids will just be there for 6months and return back to their former school when she is back from the course after 6months. Now my decision is that I am not going to pay for any school fees neither will i send any upkeep money to her for the kids reason being that she never informed me about all this initially, though i haven't informed her about my decision yet and i have not called my in-laws concerning my kids cos am still very angry and mad at all of them. Infact i have decided for those 6month she will be away, i wont call her parent or talk to the kids. My plan is that when she gets back from her course, i will take full custody of my kids fully.. Under the law, i should be one with those kids if she is away and not her parents. Now i need experience people that have gone through such experience or people that have better insight to advice me on how to navigate about this if am decision is proper. Before i got aware of all this, whenever i want to pay my kids school fee, the person IN charge will chat me up and give me breakdown of the school fees, i was surprised that this January, the woman did not chat me up and when i chat her, it took her some time to give me the breakdown knowing fully well that the kids have stop coming to school, that was when i knew something was fishing. Thank God i didn't send the school fee money cos its well known to me that my ex wife planned with the proprietor to collect money from me. sorry for my long epistle. just need to say all so you guys will have a better clue about the situation.

You can say that to a naive and novice man, being with a toxic and contentious woman will even end your life earlier than been single

BloomingDale:
You better go and marry, unless you want to die quicker like married women with children. Single men/Married Woman die quicker than Married Men/Single Women.

Honestly you can say that again, with my experience I don't think I can reason marriage again cos with what my eyes have seen, it's not just worth it especially for the man, it's nothing like a cage for the man,

Resetinc:
Divorce doesn’t affect men a bit, in fact, it’s more of a relief, only when kids are involved their heart/mind is always on their kids….
That’s why jezebels always use visitation denial and custody battle to hunt them….

If not for children, a divorced man is like a bird freed from a cage. 😎

Thanks for your words Poco, your comment is embedded with knowledge and wisdom. True there is no perfect marriage out there but attimes taking a break is just necessary. Cheating from her was even the least of what she does, for me to back out, have already out way the negative and positive and realize leaving will be more advantageous to me.she is not supportive, she is disrespectful, she belittle me to every tom dick and harry, she doesn't cover her family affairs but rather expose to the public, she is more loyal to her family than her own immediate family,to crown it up, she added infidelity to it, this is just too much to take from a woman as a man, even though there is no perfect person,some people are more better than the others. The reason why I don't get bothered about this new babe am with now despite discovering some trait in her, I don't see myself getting into marriage again cos I don't see any advantage marriage is to a man except just responsibility and bills. Anyways thanks Poco.

pocohantas:
1) No marriage is perfect. She cannot be like that forever. She would definitely get tired and retire with you. Even this your new babe, shebi she is talking to other men on phone and borderline stingy. Have you left her? The next woman might be worse, so where are you men running to?

2) The logical and unemotional thing to do is to take care of the kids. Last time I checked, men are logical and unemotional, so it shouldn't be hard separating your emotions from this whole situation.

3) You are not being stopped from cooparenting. If she leaves the kids with you, you would still be pained that she is living her life while you are nurturing the kids. None would be easy for you. Pick one side and run with it for the sake of the kids.

4) There are only two things involved, you give money or you don't give. Either way, the kids would be fine. In fact, she might even be waiting for you to default, so that she can have something to use against you.

If I were you, I would keep giving with evidence. I don't mind to create a folder for it on Google Drive. Call them when you can and have them come over. They would grow to know how they want to handle the triangle.

Well I don't know you and you are entitled to your comment, am sure if you went through half of what I went through in my marriage, you would have exited earlier than I did, it's not all marriages you fight for cos some are just destined to crash-land. If you are in a situation where you gave your all for a marriage, work hard to cater for your family and go extra mile to be sure everyone is comfortable and what you get from your wife is for her to be having an affair with another man, even if you fight for such marriage and continue as a man, you can never have peace in that marriage again, even the bible gave infidelity as a ground for divorce and mind you, I never said am finding it difficult to move on, even if the feeling was like that at the beginning of the separation, it's not the same again now, I have healed and moved on since, I brought this discussion up cos I believe so many divorced men are going through same and I think if you are in such scenario, you will definitely understand better

pocohantas:
Exactly. He left his wife and now he can't heal. When we tell them to fight for their marriages, they won't listen. A man that is not ready to endure has no business getting married. They should go learn from their fathers how to endure. That is why marriages of old lasted.

Yes you are right and made a valid point, but it's easily said than done until you found yourself in such scenario, even if you begin being there for the kids after divorce or separation, in the long run, you might start defaulting because we are human and it's more complicated when you move on as a man and have another family to care, your new family will be your focus cos they are with you and around you and might not give you the chance to care for your outside kids and be responsible for them

EreluRoz:
Caring for your kids has nothing to do with your ex wife, it is your responsibility after all those kids didn't ask you to bring them to the world by force. Couples should learn to leave the kids out of their mess and failure.

Good day nairalanders, top of the day to you all.

This topic is basically for the divorce men out there that are out of their marriage and living separately from their Ex wife and kids.

Attimes divorce can be a very devastating experience that the pains felt don't go easily especially if you are a responsible man that put in your best effort in the marriage to make things work but eventually went south.

It's even more heartbreaking if you caught your ex wife cheating and having extra marital affairs when you know as a man you don't deserve such betrayal, it could easily break you as a man.

Now my bone of contention is, divorce men out there, how do you deal with the fact that you are obligated to pay child support and care and also foot school fees and medical of the kids that came out of the union despite the family being broken.

How do you cope with this when the custody of the kids are with your ex wife and knowing she was the one that betrayed you in the marriage by cheating on you, will you be comfortable still sending her money for your kids upkeep and also paying their school despite the fact they don't live under your roof.

How do you men deal with this cos attimes, it can be so discouraging knowing fully well what led to the union breakup. Presently am separated from my ex wife on the count of infidelity, my two kids have been with her ever since and attimes anytime I think about the hurt and betrayal, I will want to end any sort of provision for the kids but because am a very responsible man that wants the best for my kids, it's difficult to just look away.

Attimes my thoughts could be like in as much the kids are staying with her, I am on the loosing side and my effort providing for the kids outside my jurisdiction might look like a wasted efforts being that the kids are with her 247 and she can easily still the glory by making the kids believe she is the one doing the provision.

Pls divorce and separated men, how do you go through this turmoil and ways to navigate through to be sure you are on the right track.

Good day nairalanders. Pls I need your utmost input on this and how to go about this. My girlfriend is a travel agent that deals with anything travels and flights booking. It happens that I gave her some link to a friend of mine abroad that wants to book a flight tickets for his family of four in Nigeria to come over to meet him abroad which made my girlfriend to make a substantial amount profit from the deal. After everything, I expect my babe to atleast give me something out of the money she made or worst case scenario, get me a gift to atleast appreciate me for what I did by bringing client to her so that it will motivate me to do more for her in that area but till now, she had not mentioned it. Now I want to ask if it will make sense asking her of my own share out of the deal and hope it won't make me look somehow or greedy. I just felt I should get something cos I made lots of efforts to ensure the deal was concluded and now I feel like been cheated somehow. To her, she felt it was just a goodwill.

Funny what, Joyce of nig info is a single lady with little hope of settling down. Women are just so unwise honestly, person wey single and unmarried dey give you wey marry marital advice. I have always known nig info as an anti marriage station, there is this program they do on Saturday morning called relationship 360, there is this man always dishing advice to women to leave their marriage as if there is any perfect marriage. I just pity those that listen to their advice.

leisuretym:
Not yet but will soon, she started listening to Joyce of Nigeria info, stopped cooking, joined the feminist radio gang, always waiting for me to come back home to practise everything Joyce taught them that day, well she will soon move in with Joyce

So you expect him to speak against his master and the church that produce him, won't that affect his own business.

Cape verde no gree for ghana oooo

Goallllll for cape verde

Taking you to the top to stay, Topradio 90.9 any time and day. Fresh fm 105.3 keeping you fresh...... Miliki fm too no bad

Go for deliverance, preferably mfm prayer city.

Such girl is a woman of easy virtue, someone that went for nysc camp and within that short period of time, she had been laid, that speaks a lot about her morals and discipline. If am yourself, i wont marry her cos she hasn't proven to me that she can be trustworthy and dependable which are core traits needed in a marriage

Op, read this very well and assimilate to understand, it carries everything you need to know and the knowledge required. This is exactly what you will face if you end up with such a woman, you will regret and feel so sorry for yourself for starting such journey, worst case scenario is when the woman later cheat on you after you have toil and work hard to give her kids and herself a good life. Such kinda woman are just like time bomb waiting to explode. I have experienced this first class and this is my story. I suffered to take care of my family and what I got back from the ungrateful woman is to cheat on me. It's so painful.

spice123:
Fine face and good body shape does not put food on the table. When you get married and have at least 2 children, you will understand better. You pay house rent, feeding, schools fees, children clothes, utilities and co all by yourself without her input? I laugh...

Have you thought of when you die early after marrying her and how she's gonna cope with the bills? Let me give you a simple run down...

1. House rent --- minimum (500k yearly)
2. School fee (2kids) termly 200k (Good quality school oo)
3. Feeding monthly (40-60k) for family of 4
4. Emergency and utility / gas/ others (20k)

My bro, after 2-4 years of marriage, you will regret such a decision. Even if you open a business for her, It is still you that will hustle for that setup depending on the business. After 5-7 years of the marriage when you have exhausted yourself trying to proof breadwinner alpha male lolsss you will look older than your age

Top of the day nairalanders, compliment of the season to us all. May we be among those that will see the coming year 2024.
Pls house, am having issue in disvirgin my fiance for a while now. I have not deal with a virgin lady before and this is my first having a virgin lady which made me inexperienced in this. I tried doing it with her twice and was really frustrating that I had to give up cos I wasn't able to penetrate her atal as her Vijay seems closed and blocked. I tried using lubricant but no way, and my fiancee is not helping matters cos she has fears and will screen of pains anytime I tried to penetrate. Pls experience men that have tried disvirgin a lady, pls how did you get it done successfully and what method can you give to help in getting this done effortlessly.

I know this might the most traumatic and bitter phase of your life but bro, you gonna be fine, i have experienced this before and do understand how you feel. at times you feel you have moved on and at times you get stock in your emotional roller-coaster again especially when you know she doesn't care if the relationship moves or when she started seeing someone else, that will totally tear you apart but you just have to be strong and move on, despite am separated from my wife for close to a year now, i still miss her and still love her even despite the fact have meet other ladies that are even better than her, we have two girls together to make matter worst, i just find it difficult to move on cos we married for 6years and the bond was already there, it wasn't easy to let go, but for your own happiness and health, let her go, have fun, enjoy yourself, if its destined for you both to still be together despite all this, believe me, you guys will find yourself together again. Now i believe that divorce is even more worst experience that a terrible marriage cos the emotional and psychological trauma and pain you feel after divorce is crazy.

I was having the same issue and this is how it was rectified. Use another socket different from the one you are using to recharge. If the power has gone off when you are recharging, note this might not work except there is still power or light when doing this. If the light had gone off totally, you will need to go outside of your apartment,maybe neighbors house to use their socket to do the loading , by this am certain your issue will be resolved.

Beremx:
For some weeks now, Ikeja Electric have been talking about its customers upgrading their meters. It seems the upgrading is causing lot of problems because their customers have been finding it difficult to load tokens thereby putting them in darkness.

After loading the KCT tokens that was generated from their website and loading the tokens purchased by the customers, subsequent loading of tokens have become unbearable because the meters keep rejecting the tokens. I have been trying to load a token all to no avail.

I am calling out IKEDC to stop stressing Nigerians with their ineffective upgrade. They are not responding to mails, WhatsApp and their social media pages.

Who else is experiencing same please? I'm so angry right now!

IKEDC, stop stressing Nigerians please!!

Good morning guys. Pls am unable to load my meter this morning after linking my meter with NIN. The last time I load last after the nin update was done, I was sent three different token which I used and was able to load, but since yesterday, am unable to load . Pls is it general issue or am the one not getting something done

its always a mixed feeling, i will say the only reason why you should go for separation or divorce should be on the ground of infidelity and domestic abuse , even on this ground, there can still be room for forgiveness and second chance given. For domestic abuse, separation is truly needed to avoid death. At the beginning of separation or divorce, you feel happy, fulfilled and the freedom you crave for madly , you have it now, but with time, you start discovery that its not really worth it and what you crave for is not enough to give you that happiness and fulfilment. Today you can be so happy that you are free and tomorrow you can wake up with severe depression blaming yourself of not giving your marriage a second chance. For the man, you will need a lady close by to be an emotional strength cos you separating from your wife will make you vulnerable emotionally and you need someone to kill that severe loneliness you feel after separation. Its really a crazy experience but i bet you, with time you going to get over those feelings and face the reality at hand. But my advice to couples out there is that no matter the issues so far its not domestic abuse, pls try to stay humble and work on your marriage to make it work. There is no perfect marriage and even the next person you will meet might even be worst that the person you left. That your spouse that you detest so much and want to run away from, some day you gonna miss him or her and wish you never went your separate ways.

I will support your dad in some ways as he is trying to protect your mum and also the family, it takes alot of strength to withstand the negative influence of social media. So many things you see and read online and if care is not taken, you will start using it as a yardstick to your life or how to run your home and from there problem start. The likes of blessing CEO are there to give misguided advice and if momsy no strong, she will want to start applying it in the house or to your father which might later cos havoc. I support your dad 100%. My marriage that broke was caused by social media cos my wife got too exposed and start using social media fake life to judge her own life, and it also aids cheating reason why the level of divorce has skyrocket unlike the past.

Look at this op trying to rip coal of fire on his own big head. You have the guts to get intimate with another man wife irrespective of the lies she told you. That is what women are known best for..LIES.... She is just saying all those just to paint the husband black. I have same experience, when I met my ex wife , she was dating a guy then and they both living together but not legally married. They have dated for close to 5yrs and while she was still living with the guy, I met her and we started having intimacy together, she left that guy and in process she got pregnant for me. This was a guy they have shared a lot together with and she just left the guy just like that because she met me, I didn't know that same fate will also before me aswell. I was feeling fly that yes I took her from another man not knowing that I will regret and pay dearly for it. Our marriage lasted for 5years and I can tell you that it was all misery in the marriage, she started cheating on me and start seeing another guy after having two kids. Now we have gone our separate ways and it now boils down on my that it was karma that played. If this woman eventually leave her marriage , I can bet my life that she will also leave you in times to come, a woman that can sacrifice her marriage and the future of her kids just because she met you will also do same to you in future. you will never enjoy such woman cos she never belong to you. You stole her from the rightful owner.Pls leave that woman alone and don't allow her to destroy your life, no matter the story she gave you, let her face her marriage and kids . Pls I beg you o.

Op... You have to teach her lesson in a bitter way, women like this msbehave because they have known you as a weak man and know that no matter their excesses, you can't do anything but to still condone their rubbish. Until you prove to her the other side you are made of, she will not learn, very soon , she will start cheating on you that is if she hasn't started already that is when. You will know you are fried up. Firstly if you have a place you can stay for a month or months without her knowing your whereabouts, pls do and if she doesn't change after that move, separate from her finally until sense comes to her head and while you do this, reduces every financially act towards her to the bearest minimum so that she will learn to hustle herself and care for herself by that, she will have sense and appreciate you better.if you got kids, don't worry it will make her have more sense. That's women for you, they tend to misbehave when they find out they have gotten all of you. Do this and while you do this, start having it in mind that you are going to be divorce anytime soon and I bet you, you won't regret it but rather feel bad for not taking it up earlier. This is my story and today I am happy for leaving the ungrateful and unappreciative woman alone. No matter the love you will show her, she will not appreciate which will drain you up and remember high blood pressure is real and it kills. So Act.

pls house , how can i track my infinix phone that i lost this morning. i dont have the imei code

Thanks so much for this output, you have really made alots of sense and did pick some beneficial advice from you statement. as it is now, have made up my mind to quite the relationship and just stay alone and reflect on life, it seems getting love now is difficult. once again thx

mrjojo:
Hey, I apologize for being a bit harsh, but I want to be honest with you.
It's only been 8 months since your marriage ended, and it seems like you haven't learned from the experience.
Here are some key points:
Your wife, whom you are not officially divorced from, cheated on you not once, but twice.
She didn't have a job for 5 years, and as soon as she got a low-paying job, she didn't hesitate to leave for it, without considering the impact on your family.
Based on this, it seems like you got married at a young age, and she may have married you for financial security rather than love or respect. It's likely that you saw signs of her lack of respect towards you.
Now, you're facing a similar situation with the current woman you're involved with. Her comments are disrespectful, and it's important to recognize that she is showing her true colors. Even if she apologizes, the damage has already been done.
By the way, why are you in such a rush to enter another relationship? It has only been 8 months since your separation, and you're already dealing with the aftermath of your wife's infidelity and taking care of two daughters. That's a lot to handle!
If I were in your shoes, I would take some time off to process and reflect on my life. Ask myself some difficult questions instead of seeking love as if you were deprived of it in your childhood.
Consider the reasons why your wife left you and why she chose a low-paying job over her family.
Remember, you are a man! If you need to relieve sexual tension, take care of yourself privately. Focus on officially divorcing your wife and establishing a plan for custody of your kids. Then, look for a mature woman who has her own business or career, rather than someone under 30
Mistakes are meant to make us wiser and develop better judgment.
Lastly, remember that you can give your all to a woman, but she may still cheat with someone who can barely afford his rent. So, prioritize yourself and be with someone who will respect you atleast.

thanks so much for your inputs so far, it has help me to navigate what am passing through at the moments, i will still appreciate more inputs for wider knowledge

Top of the day to you my nairaland family. After i got seperated from my wife, its 8 months now and i decided to go into the dating scene again,i meet this girl almost two months now and she has been a very good and cool girl. We have been vibing well and the relationship has been sailing well not until 2 days ago that we had a minor misunderstanding and till now, we both have not been in communicating term. It happens that we were gisting and she brought a story about what happened in her office, she told me one of her colleague used the picture they both snap together as status on whatsapp and from their someone told his colleague that he has interest in her. She now mentioned a statement that got me worried, i asked her a question which i cant remember now and she said well she doesn't know yet if she is going to like the guy or not, i ask her what she meant by that statement cos that statement means alot, does it mean if she met the guy and she likes him she might eventually dates him or what. Since i met her, i have been noticing she has beeb in communication with some other guys which i dont have an issues with cos fine we just met and definitely she has met other dudes before not until recently that we start dating officially. That was the question i asked her and she couldn't give me any exact reply, she stood up after a while and left my place angrily which she does anytime we have our conflict. Ever since then she has not communicate with me and neither have i also cos i feel like i have been the one keeping the relationship alive and as it is now, i dont care if it sinks or not. I believe if she truely loves me and care about me , she will reach out to me knowing the fact that her statement was totally wrong, if she values and respect me, she wont say that knowing how i will feel. Now my question to you guys is that, did i overreacted by ignoring her too and not talking to her, wont i look like a simp to her and might henceforth take advantage of that been that she is the one that supposed to apologize for that statement and she still not doing so. Pls house just tell me if am wrong at this and how to make amends.