₦airaland Forum

Good evening nairalanders, pls I need advice on how to go about this health challenge have been facing for a while now. Malaria had been my challenge as I do treat it almost every week. No day I have enjoyed my health cos this malaria is always locking around me. Almost every month am always hospitalized which I see as abnormal, all medical test are normal and it's only malaria+ that's always showing. The symptoms I feel are headache, cold feeling, fever that comes and go, joint pains and general feeling unwell. I have done HIV and it was negative. Pls how can I get rid of this malaria as it seems that the normal drugs for it doesn't work for me again. Even when I take drip and artesunate injection in the hospital, I just feel little relieved and symptoms will be back few days. I am tired and it's frustrating cos this challenge had been limiting me in so many ways. I do have enough sleep and don't think this is stress related..Pls advice house if there is any medication or remedy to this health malady

Oga never know or realize watin him sign for... no worry this cry na small one, the cry wey dey front, na bucket you go cry am put while also dancing gwo gwo gwon dance... SIMP

thank you all for your inputs so far, it has really helped in one way and the other. i will appreciate more inputs and let MOD assist push to FP for wider audience and inputs

My broda, just take an easy o, there is no award for the most responsible man on earth. I can only accept this if she is not working but once she is earning something, a responsibility has to be assigned to her, some woman will do nada until you let them know what to do, that's how most of them are wired. When they are single, they pay these bills effortlessly but once they have a partner or get married, they find it difficult to even share little responsibility. That's so difficult to understand

Mille:
My brother na 100-0.

Even minor ones she promises to pay, it will be left unpaid until I use vex pay am. My back don wan break

This is your partner, why should being assigned bill payment be a problem but when. You are single you can single handedly pay all this bill but when you get marry you find it difficult to continue paying part of those bills.. this is so difficult to understand.

EreluRoz:
For me I don't like being assigned to any bill but trust me I'll be a big relief if there's need for it. I wouldn't be happy seeing someone I claim to love suffer and carry so much burden while I just relax and chill no no.

If she support you, she directly or indirectly share bills with you. Maybe because you never state to her the particular bills she should handle but she use her common sense to sort it out before you mentioned it. That approach won't work for most women cos some have the mentality of the man should handle all the bills. How do you deal with such women with such mentality and can you state categorically what kind of support do you get from your woman

chatinent:
Well, I don't share bills. But she also supports immensely.

I discovered women find it fault when you state to them to sort a particular bill, but to be honest, I don't see anything bad of that, it makes you have a conscious mindset to what you are supposed to do

EreluRoz:
There shouldn't be any ratio, each partner should know what to handle and relieve the other from the burden. If we have to sit down and discuss ratio then I'm not doing, it simply means we have no strong bond.

Good to know about how you run it, atleast she is doing 20% which is not a bad idea. I have really learn that even if you have the means as a man to carry all bills, you should allow her to also be responsible in some areas financially, is not for anything but for the future, the kids you both are training, she will also benefit from them even more than you the man, so why should the man be allow to kill himself because of family responsibility.. as a man, do your best and leave the rest. What I learned from your write up is that as a man, you should not defined the bills she should carry .. is there anything bad to define the bills your woman should carry.. e.g... telling her to be filling the gas and also doing some other things.

Samfloxin:
Personally I didn't define what responsibilities one takes. I am a senior federal government worker and my wife is a trader. I allowed her to contribute as she feels she can though sometimes I hala her small to make her contribute . In conclusion I can say I shoulder about 80% of the whole responsibilities

This topic is strictly for the married men or men living under the same roof with their woman. I don't need the feminist opinion but rather men of intellectual capabilities that is in marriage or relationship living under same space with their woman.

I need to know men in the house, what's the sharing formula in your home, I mean, how do you share bills with your woman. I don't believe in this bad economy, it's only the man that take care of the home front financially except if the man is the likes of dangote or otedola. So my question is that at what ratio do you share the bill with your woman. In my previous marriage, I was forming a superman in the like of carrying all the whole financial responsibility in the home even though it was not easy...bills like house rent, school fee, feeding,clothing's, medicals, utility and etc. My ex wife was not working then and I didn't bother cos I can carry the load, at the end, she paid me back with cheating and infidelity in the guise that I don't give her much attention and blabla. See person I was hustling for to give her and the kids a better life, at that point, I understood that no matter what you do as a man, you can't satisfy the insatiable desire of a woman. Now I have been separated for years and moved on with another woman who we live together now. With my previous experience, I desist to carry all financial responsibility of the house and want her to also commit financially but I don't know how to come about it that won't lead to issue between us, I don't know how to do the sharing formula whether in the area of food, rent, utility bill, gas and etc. Once bitten twice shy and won't want to slave myself for any woman whatsoever again in the guise of marriage or relationship. So experienced married men, how do you do it with your partner that works for you. We both earn a reasonable pay and my thoughts are each month, we both should contribute a certain percentage of amount into an account that we are going to use in running the home front be it food,bills and utilities,gas. E.g Maybe 70k from my side and 50k from her end. That's like a 60/40 sharing formula, With this, I will still pay the house rent and energy and petty bills but the chunk of that amount goes to feeding. I will like to know if this is a good idea guys . I can't be suffering out there to provide for a woman that won't later appreciate your suffering and still cheat on you for flimsy excuse and use her own salary for Brazilian air and cream or whatsoever that will not benefit the family. A woman is meant to support and not to heap all loads of responsibility on your head as the man

This topic is strictly for the married men or men living under the same roof with their woman. I don't need the feminist opinion but rather men of intellectual capabilities that is in marriage or relationship living under same space with their woman.

I need to know men in the house, what's the sharing formula in your home, I mean, how do you share bills with your woman. I don't believe in this bad economy, it's only the man that take care of the home front financially except if the man is the likes of dangote or otedola. So my question is that at what ratio do you share the bill with your woman. In my previous marriage, I was forming a superman in the like of carrying all the whole financial responsibility in the home even though it was not easy...bills like house rent, school fee, feeding,clothing's, medicals, utility and etc. My ex wife was not working then and I didn't bother cos I can carry the load, at the end, she paid me back with cheating and infidelity in the guise that I don't give her much attention and blabla. See person I was hustling for to give her and the kids a better life, at that point, I understood that no matter what you do as a man, you can't satisfy the insatiable desire of a woman. Now I have been separated for years and moved on with another woman who we live together now. With my previous experience, I desist to carry all financial responsibility of the house and want her to also commit financially but I don't know how to come about it that won't lead to issue between us, I don't know how to do the sharing formula whether in the area of food, rent, utility bill, gas and etc. Once bitten twice shy and won't want to slave myself for any woman whatsoever again in the guise of marriage or relationship. So experienced married men, how do you do it with your partner that works for you. We both earn a reasonable pay and my thoughts are each month, we both should contribute a certain percentage of amount into an account that we are going to use in running the home front be it food,bills and utilities,gas. E.g Maybe 70k from my side and 50k from her end. That's like a 60/40 sharing formula, With this, I will still pay the house rent and energy and petty bills but the chunk of that amount goes to feeding. I will like to know if this is a good idea guys . I can't be suffering out there to provide for a woman that won't later appreciate your suffering and still cheat on you for flimsy excuse and us her own salary for Brazilian air and cream.

Even though I don't condone all this maltreatment your husband has vested upon you, I still think you can give him another chance again, he might truely be repentant, I didn't see serious allegation like cheating or domestic violence or gambling that are difficult to navigate, what you listed are just issues some home faces and am sure with time that man will change his way and beside you never mentioned your own fault reason why he is treating you this way. In marriage there are always two side of the coin and each person will always paint a story to suit himself or herself and daint the other fellow, I am very experienced in marriage and know what am talking about. If I advice you to leave your marriage, I expect you are still very young and will want to remarry again, what's the assurance you will meet a better man or a man that won't be worst a monster that your former husband, are you also going to leave him and the circles continue... Try and study what you feel trigger him from behaving that way and avoid it completely, get a job and be occupied, there is no perfect marriage out there , everyone got one or two things they are patching. Those advising you not to go back are not married and don't understand what marital life entails. The street aren't funny and as a divorcing, your chances of finding a man is 00.9% chance and when you find him, he won't even be perfect... Think it deep

There are some narration and thought I need to address. Any one that wants to know more about my story should visit my page. I got separated going two years now, I met this girl after my separation, when I met her, I was just looking for someone to talk to and share personal stuffs with, but it seems she was looking for something more serious which I wasn't ready for mentally and emotionally due to what I experienced in my formal marriage . Maybe I will say I have gotten to comfortable being alone and doing my stuff alone so I wasn't ready for commitment. All these just came as a rush. When she got the accomodations issues, I just want to be there for her as her boyfriend, she wasn't the one that brought in the idea of coming to stay at my place, I was the one that told her and she strongly opposed to it, I felt she got no choice to succumb to the idea after what she went through in getting at accommodations in lagos and the stress she went through. The money to pay rent wasn't the issue as she works, but it was my idea for her to save up and stay my place. It was when she moved in that I later discovered this wasn't a good idea and at that time , it was difficult to tell her to move out as it will look somehow and will definitely after the relationship afterwards that I pushed her out. She is a good girl, she works and earn close to 200k. I work aswell and earn pretty good which I thought we living together will help us plan better. Now she is already getting comfortable at my place and not interested in getting a place again.now how do I tell her to support or contribute cos as it is , am not financially prepared for this as it came up impromptu. I am just confused and don't want to mess up things for myself. After my separation,I told myself I don't want any relationship cos I need to build myself, but how I found myself in this is still surprising. Pls I need people with realtime experience to chip in how to navigate this..

Life will humble you soon so you realize what life is all about

bukatyne:
This is beyond 'giving' her body.

Except she doesn't have a good plan for herself, the OP is not a spec.

A man who thinks that N250k annual rent is 'on the high side' is broke. N250k rent in itself is cheap meaning an accommodation that isn't 'decent' or in the outskirts of town (except they are not in a capital city).

Why would a virgin be with a broke divorcee with kids? If he were young like her, we would say they are starting life together.

He is already second hand and he doesn't have the finance to make up for it? He doesn't have systems in place and is looking for someone to do chores and pay bills?

A red billboard for a single virgin (well, I am speaking for myself).

I do appreciate you guys input, it is helping me on how to navigate on this situation. I will appreciate more input from you guys especially guys that have being in this same situation or that is presently in this situation.. thanks all

Honestly just the few days she has stayed,am already getting so uncomfortable and realizing this aren't right. Am trying to see how to talk to her to go and look for an apartment already cos am not just prepared for the aftermath of all this. I just came out from a very terrible marriage that escaping it was like a miracle and won't want any daughter of eve to trap me again in such scenerio. Even though if I want to enter another marriage, It should be done in a proper way.

Honestly just the few days she has stayed,am already getting so uncomfortable and realizing this aren't right. Am trying to see how to talk to her to go and look for an apartment already cos am not just prepared for the aftermath of all this. I just came out from a very terrible marriage that escaping it was like a miracle and won't want any daughter of eve to trap me again in such scenerio

I need response from men that have experienced these or also experiencing this to share their experiences. Thank you

Good day my lovely people, it always good to share life with you people here. Pls I need to ask, what is the advantage and disadvantage of living together with your girlfriend under the same roof. My girlfriend had an accommodations problem, her friend they stay together kick her out for no just reason, she wanted to get an apartment and the money she was ask to bring was quite much 250k, I convinced her to come stay with me and save that money for other things, initially she opposed but later agreed to come stay.
My reasons for her staying are there..
1... I want to get to know her better cos I believe when you live with someone in the same space, that's when you get to know them better, I was once married and have learnt a lot on how ladies pretend in dating but show their true color in marriage, atleast I want to know her well before making another serious commitment of marriage.
2... She works and earn a decent salary which I think will be an added advantage for me by her supporting by we both sharing bills together, it will lessen by burden. Though I haven't discussed this with her yet but hope to soon cos I can't let her depend solely one me while she works.
3.... Ever since I separated from my wife, it's not been easy living alone as a man, the cooking ,washing ,cleaning and loneliness has not been easy, so we living together will atleast help me in these area.
To be candid, the girl is a good girl and I was the one that disvirgin her, she is submissive and respect me, but you know you can really say of a person character until you live with them.

Now my question is to those that have been in this situation of living together with a girlfriend you are yet to marry, how did this affect the relationship afterwards. Pls share your experience be it negative or positive, I really want to learn from others to see if I can proceed on this or just abort mission by not allowing her to stay any longer. Do you think it make sense I share bills with her or I should should all financial responsibility even though am not capable of that now.. pls help me to navigate this scenario

Good day my lovely people, it always good to share life with you people here. Pls I need to ask, what is the advantage and disadvantage of living together with your girlfriend under the same roof. My girlfriend had an accommodations problem, her friend they stay together kick her out for no just reason, she wanted to get an apartment and the money she was ask to bring was quite much 250k, I convinced her to come stay with me and save that money for other things, initially she opposed but later agreed to come stay.
My reasons for her staying are there..
1... I want to get to know her better cos I believe when you live with someone in the same space, that's when you get to know them better, I was once married and have learnt a lot on how ladies pretend in dating but show their true color in marriage, atleast I want to know her well before making another serious commitment of marriage.
2... She works and earn a decent salary which I think will be an added advantage for me by her supporting by we both sharing bills together, it will lessen by burden. Though I haven't discussed this with her yet but hope to soon cos I can't let her depend solely one me while she works.
3.... Ever since I separated from my wife, it's not been easy living alone as a man, the cooking ,washing ,cleaning and loneliness has not been easy, so we living together will atleast help me in these area.
To be candid, the girl is a good girl and I was the one that disvirgin her, she is submissive and respect me, but you know you can really say of a person character until you live with them.

Now my question is to those that have been in this situation of living together with a girlfriend you are yet to marry, how did this affect the relationship afterwards. Pls share your experience be it negative or positive, I really want to learn from others to see if I can proceed on this or just abort mission by not allowing her to stay any longer. Do you think it make sense I share bills with her or I should should all financial responsibility even though am not capable of that now.. pls help me to navigate this scenario

Oga , you dey do the boy is good, your face go peel laslas. I was like you but now I don wise up, people are users and they will use you if they see you vulnerable, now before you drop your format, me sef done write my own counter format untop say you no go catch me mugu. Open an account or Open a pension account with all this insurance company that you will be remiting monthly pay after your salary and you won't have access to it until stipulated time. This is the solution, man up and stop being too weak to say no. The issue is that they will keep coming if you don't repel them. Think and don't be a father Christmas. No be you be federal government

Guy na deliverance you need o, na demon dey posses you dey write all these

Bros let me tell you something with my years of experience in marriage. As you see women so, nothing you go do wey go satisfy them, if u jab that money to 1m, she go still complain, oga you need to stand your grand, no go dey do like mumu husband or no go dey form loyal ,good and responsible husband, no gain o, you go just enslave yourself for you family and na still that woman go reap all u planted. Imagine you own a car and you are working with your foot because madam dey drive the car, oga wise up na, why you dey do like say them don put you inside bottle, just imagine you cant afford that money you gave to her due to unfortunately incident, that will be the end of your marriage,that woman is over spending and she doesn't give a fu..k cos she knows the money will still keep coming, you think say if your enemy pai now, that woman and ur kids no go survive.. so why kill yourself.. reduces everything that need to be reduce and don't give a damn about her nag, in due time, she will adjust and see it as norm. Start planning for your future Incase any bad thing happened God forbid, by now you should have your own house and lots of investment to your name ,My ex wife does the same thing when we were married, now she be single mother, the work to earn wey she no won do before, she dey do am now and take care of the kids.let j
Her take some responsibility and also let her work so she knows how hard and difficult it is to make money. Oga, be wise and don't be unwise

OP, TBH, you need to trash this issues on time cos it will not get better. women don't appreciate good husband, only few that have sense does, For that woman to say such words to you, she meant it and i can assure you, that your marriage will not last and will crash anytime soon. At times as a man , show some craze at home, let her know that you self don't care if the marriage crashes, she has already study you well and know your weak point to the fact that you don't want the marriage to end reason why she is displaying all this nonsense. make sure you separate from her and don't give a damn, though it will be hard but do so cos that is the only thing that can reset her brain, the economy is enough to reset her brain by the time she start taking responsibility of her and the kids, that is when she will recognize your value better, if she truly value the marriage , she will ensure you guys reconcile and if everything end, bros move on and enjoy your life. very soon she will start cheating on you even if she has not started, women always believe the grass is greener at the other side until they experience it and find out that its not so. let her learn her lesson in a bitter way. A woman you are caring and taking responsibility for will still be stressing your life, if you don't take action now, na HBP go kill you and that woman will move to the next simp man.

This is trash... as a man , never be scared of loosing a woman even a wife, never allow yourself to be manipulated by your in-laws hence you will be a slave in their hands, show them some little madness.... if they like they should give her to another suitor, they can only collect your wife but not your own kids, there are authorities that will get your kids for you. same thing happened to me, my ex wife took my kids to my in-law without getting my approval, since January i just ignore , now they are calling me to seek my consent. my plan is to take my kids custody from my ex and give them their daughter to eat.

Villa12:
I pity you. Your wife will be given out to a potential suitor better than you while you may not have access to your kids. You think op is foolish worrying about his wife and kids. You go just become old bachelor again

I didn't want to respond to this but still have to cos it seems op lack some understanding what marriage entails. You see, if you have an entitled mentality as a woman, you will fail In marriage. I know op type very well, they are the kinda of woman that will want their husband to toil and toil till they die and nothing to show for it. I pray men should not meet such kinda woman. What support have you brought into that marriage, you are a chronic liability having high level of expectations in marriage. We know how difficult the economy have become now and there is no family that is finding it easy now. You should count yourself lucky to still have a man that pay bills and is responsible at home cos most women are there are the one footing the bills at home now. The man is looking for how to foot bills and make sure family doesn't go hungry, na Christmas hair and cloth they bother you, are you a kid , if as a woman you expect this from a man this this present time, then you should be ashamed of yourself. Petty things like this should be handled by you and not disturb the innocent man that is thinking of how to pay rent, lights, food, sch fees etc. Common just grow up and be useful to yourself. Leave that business if it's not yielding and think of something else you can do and stop been over expectant . People like you, it's when you divorce or loose that man you will know what have befall you. When you become single mother and take care of your kids bill, I will see how you will be able to think about hair or Christmas cloths. Be humble and respect that man cos it's not easy to be a responsible man at this time now.you are just a typical example of my ex wife. Now I have divorce her . Na she know watin her eyes done see already.

In as much you made a good point in your write up, I will put it to you that some single mother are the architect of their problem reason why I don't pity some. They deserve their pains. Myself as a case study, I am a responsible man to the core, taking all the financial responsibility of my home and caring for my family, I was a good man to my wife and kids, despite all these, she stated cheating and I discovered, that was what destroy the marriage and we have been separated for two years now and the kids are with her. Na she knows watin her eyes don see with the way the economy is now. Despite that, she has not humble herself and show remorse maybe atleast we can reconcile if not for anything but for the kids. But now I have decided to neglect her to her suffering and mystery. So my point is that majority of the single more are the real cause of their problem, apart from widow and rape, there is no excuse you can give me why you become what you are.

He be like you no sabi say na naija you dey and not obodo, if they summon that man and he didn't show, nothing will happen. My advice for the woman is just to move on with her life and see if nature will make him come back to her again

Jewessgratitud3:
If you were legally married then report him to human rights. They'll summon him and both of you will be interviewed to know what you want and how you want it. Also as regards the up keep of your child and her shelter. He'll be made to provide for everything and if he refuses to show up it's straight to jail.

Marriage is a very beautiful and complicated union. Once you end up with the wrong partner, you are toast for life. Women are very dramatic and complicating, no matter how much you think you know your wife, the more she does things that keeps you dumbfounded. Someone that you are working your ass off to put food on the table will be the one to later cheat on you and blame you for not giving her attention. They are just too selfish and lack understanding about what life is all about. The day you stop providing as a man is the day you know the true color of the woman you married, if your wife still love and respect you, na because you dey do your duty o, once you stop, she go use you compare shit. Am happy am out of that enslavement called marriage, now I have my peace of mind and takes good care of myself. Despite am divorced, I don't think I can try that journey again, it just don't worth it to me

Madam don't deceive yourself, if this your story is true, forget it, that man can never trust and love you again, maybe he just accepted you back base of some reason but you see that trust, it's far gone and without trust no relationship can stand. I don't know how you women think, after destroying what you have built for years, you will just destroy it cos of your insatiable selfish desire, that your husband is going to give you the shock of your life soon and you won't expect it, you are supposed to be a role model to your younger one's but you are the one that is messing up.. tuehhh

Attimes women are the major problem in marriage, you all are shouting a woman should leave if there is domestic violence, who the hell is causing the violence if not the woman with her annoying and disrespectful attitude. With my experience, I can categorically say, women are the problem in their home,

It's pathetic you are going through this phase in your life, being divorce can have it's prons and cons depending on the reason the marriage sunk. I am also separated going 2years now and the experience has been somehow. What lead to our divorce was that she cheated, the marriage last 5years with kids and was difficult to move on at first but you gonna be fine and get yourself on track. Be ready for the emotional and psychological pain, emotional rollercoaster, sadness, depression and anger, don't bottle those emotions but rather express them cos you have lost something very valuable that you labor for, it's normal to feel that way. Go for counselling cos you gonna need it, you need to talk to someone to remain sane, get closer to God for insight and direction.
Despite the fact that I have moved on with another lady, I still feel pained and wishes my marriage never crashed cos it's not easy starting a fresh, the thought is killing. Be strong, focus on your hustle to have money cos it will help in your healing and give you the confidence to move on and start again, you gonna be fine laslas but it will take lot of time. To me, you already got kids, if you can take custody of the kids, pls do and focus on them, for now forget about marriage cos the next woman you will end up with might be worst than the one you had, be happy and stay positive, you might be tempted to frolic with and have sex with any woman now cos of the freedom you got, but mind you, you should trend with caution so you won't get damaged.
Avoid drinking , drugs and smoking cos those will look like a succour for you but not gonna be helpful.

So why do you expect I do.

JONSYN7154:
Let me ask you this question:

WILL YOU ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO SUFFER BECAUSE OF YOUR WIFE ACTION?

For the sake of your children think twice.