lolzie: Thanks y'all. Pls keep it coming. @last poster, how do u suggest she reconciles with her man and make him realise she was being childish abt the white wedding? He is really adamant! Plus they do not live in the same state

Speak from the heart tell him d truth. Tell him it's cos she always dreamt of a big white wedding since she was 5 n let the tot of not having one get the best of her.tell him about her insecurities n how the fact that the lived apart made it worst N she shouldn't ve listened to advice from outsiders n involved outsiders in d marriage. Tell him yes she understands how he feels n that he should remember the love they had n is willing for them to take it slow n work towards getting to d way things were. Tell him to look on the bright side that this past period has made her more matured n she will handle marriage a lot better now.

If the marriage is important to her she should get time off work n go make her marriage work. Also she should work towards relocating to stay with her hubby. Long distance relationships r hardddd. n not heathy for a young marriage.

Hmmmm why is she standing by her marriage now. Court marriage meant they were already married. Starving him of sex and being mad at him in an effort to get him to do white wedding was very wrong. She should ve worked with her husband as a married woman.Guess it was her behavior that made him not to take the marriage serious cos she made him think that only white wedding was important to her.guess if he changes his mind now about the divorce court wedding will be just fine for her and all d glamor of white wedding will fade away. Some people just have quite weddings and are fine with it. Marriage for the whole world to see doesn't make it any different.guess she was Wrongly adviced that all those withholding n vexing actions will get her Wat she wants n he saw a part of his wife he didn't like.

That said she needs to work hard to make him remember the girl he fell in love with. Cos a man that did court marriage didn't ve short term in mind. Not every1 likes third party interference in their business I for one hate it. Marriage is between both of em she should talk to her man.

Good luck to her. He is not going anywhere.

Double post.

Annie God Bless u for this post? U will surely get u heart desire .

Those of u that said she should do otherwise change ur ways ohhhhhhh. God is watching on 4D

Annie1:


Naaahhh .... I know I can have him , if I want him .. But my conscience will not let me , and most especially my God .. If he wasn't married , i won't even open this thread .. But the marriage makes it a sin !

Few days ago , I wasn't so sure , cos I was interpreting the signs how I wanted to ..

Yes I still blush thinking bout some memories , but that's what they r .

I honestly don't blame the girl he married , she met a guy she liked/loved n they got married ( n most of us will do the same) .. Did he tell her ? I'm sure he did , but how many of us don't have a bad relationship story ? When I use to tell my dates then about him , by the time I finish the story , I'm sure most of them would have strangled him given the chance , cos I told them things ( from my view point ) , so imagine him telling a girl that thinks she's found her prince charming about me , u think she will say go back to her ? Nah , most girls will say thank God I found u , I ll take away ur pain blah blah ..

So it ain't her fault n I'm not mad at her ..

I take the sole blame (I'm not been hard on myself o ) , but the truth be told , I caused most of it ..

I know the man I'll marry by God's grace , will reap the benefit of this growth ..

Can I get an Amen ...? Amen

Ujujoan:

You obviosuly live in a small small world.

Is it wrong, YES. Does it happen, HELL YES!

Whoa I am so so glad people don't think this way in my small small world. No wonder divorce rate is high with people getting married to spite each other.

Ujujoan:

[/b]Not just men, women too! A lot of women marry to spite who they really want[b]. Like you said, people marry what's available, not what is desirable.
When the desirable is not available, the available becomes desirable!
But what makes a family is beyond having feelings or even babies for each other.
I strongly beleive the OP's ex can make it work with his wife. He just needs to really let go of her (OP) first!

Whoa this is new.ve heard of some1 sleeping with some1 to spite another but marrying to Spite some1. who says we don't learn everyday

Ujujoan:

I'm only highlighting the [b][/b]ex's wife's [b][/b]fault because everybody seemed to ignore that aspect.
Granted that there is a (slim) possibility that she's unaware of the fact that her husband had unresolved feelings for his ex, but there's also the possibility that she was aware of it but decided to turn a blind eye.
People have called the OP all sorts of names . . . baby momma, husband snatcher e.t.c. I just think it's unfair. She shouldnt be made to take the blame alone.
Just because she said 'I do' doesn't entirely absolve her of the blame! They are ALL in this mess together. The OP, the ex and the wife.
Haven't we all, together, condemend women who go into marriges expecting their husbands to 'change' along the line only to turn around and cry foul when things backfire

Did i miss something when did the wife turn EX.wat God has Joined together NL has put asunder. na wa oh. oya Annie go n marry we r waiting.

hustla: Wait.......



Let me ask Ifa

LOL.Too funny every1 here is asking wats so funny.

coogar:

shut up missy and take your polluted air out of here - whoever lied to you your air is pure must be a fraud! one month or one year, what fücking difference does it make?



hogwash!
why don't you just pretend my cöck is a balloon n blow it....

Young "Girl" I will treat u d way i treated the last classless person on NL with social and communication deficiencies that thinks the only way to communicate is by being abusive. Really sad.

Consider urself ignored till ur learn some social n communication skills cos not everyone has to tolerate the result of bad upbringing n messed up mind.

Annie1: @ Coogar , girl u r feistyyyyyy
Me loveeeesssss it

Can imagine why u think he is a woman . Arguing like a market woman based on a one sided story without logic

coogar:

married man my white butt!
[/b]no happily married man would kiss his ex a month into his marriage -[b] ask all the married women here if their husbands did the same a month into their marriage. you are the reason this dude went on to marry what was available for him to marry - i can conclude there's no love between them. even if you don't want him again, it's only a matter of time before he kicks his wife out - your ex is not happy in his marriage! a month in marriage and he's already sailing sideways.....when he should be connecting flights from hawaii to florida keys with his wife playing with sand on the beach....

A married Randy married man looking for a cheap piece of lay. N it's a year into marriage. Maybe u need laser eye surgery .

jennykadry: May EX girlfriends snatch the husbands and boyfriends of all the women supporting this rubbish. What a shame. Tufiakwa

Lol pls have mercy on them.

I always wonder when I see women with 2 or 3 kids for a man that's happily married now I know why.

deols: I see many married women here thinking,what if that other woman is me? .they are being overly emotional.

What if divorce is d best thing for the other lady. Being married to a man who wants to be with some1 else isnt a good thing IMO. What if the divorce is best for her while Annie gets to be with the man.

I think Annie deseves to be happy and I really had this likeness for her from her first post btw.

There is soooo much wrong wit ur post. I wanted to comment but decided it's too late to change ur morals. I can only imagine u see urself in Annie . At least learn from her mistake.

Am really surprised at some of the comments here. So it's d wife's fault now. Kai . God help us. wrong is Wrong oh no justification .

Op follow the advice of people like Cogar n Jidegirl n let us know in 6 months how it goes.

kitty kat:
Its a complicated world. The funny thing is that some of the women are even aware that the man still loves the baby momma and do their best to get a ring. Forgetting that these sort of complications will arise.

Anyway human beinGs will keep beinG selfish. To each his own. I don't have anythinG to advise aGain cos I have seen a lady fiGht with another lady over a baby daddy. Infact she prayed daily for the baby momma to die just to wear a ring. At the end of the day, she wore the ring but baby daddy decided he wanted his ex back.

Who we go blame now. Now Mrs is runnninG allover the place crying to who will help her chase away the Jezebel baby momma away forgettinG she stole d man at first.
Women!!!!

My dear all baby mamas r not first in relationships some women jump in n get pregnant knowing the guy is in a serious relationship . I know of 2 cases where a guy was engaged came to lag to see his bro mat an old sch mate did d do n she got pregnant they finally got married sha but in such cases I think they don't get to knw each other properly.

Maybe in OPs case d baby dad was not sure if the kid was his cos remember she said he caught her Internet cheating at d same time she got pregnant.

I also think if the baby dad lied about getting married to her he would ve lied or not told his wife about his baby mama n son.

coogar:

stop making daft assumptions......
there's no reason to believe she's sleeping with the babypoppa...even if she's doing it - how's it your headache? that's the father of her son not just a random bloke and she admitted it was entirely her fault she let him slip away because of her oversized ego......how do you know your own wife is not sleeping with her ex as we speak? siddon there......

Whoa I always tot u were morally balanced am surprised that u now think it right for her to sleep with a married man n think it justified that he should divorce his wife. What if d other lady was ur Sis n she innocently got tangled in this mess. M sure if d wife comes n post on NL that her husband is leaving her for another man u will say go fight. Op has made her mistake she should live with it n not destroy an innocent woman's home.

Also this is a very good case study. The OP have said while they were together they were always at each others throat being abusive with F words n all. M guessing sometimes in the presence of their son. We ve alway preached look be4 u leap in marriage n here all d negative signs r present. Wats d possibility this marriage if they get married won't end up in violence or divorce.

This is a big lesson to everyone. people need to put pride aside sometimes and just live life. u had a son for some1. u loved him but was too full of pride to show ur true feelings now he is someone else's he seems appealing to u. i always say life is too short.wats old to u is new to d next person.please advice ur baby daddy to go mend things with his wife my dear cos if he marries u he wont treat u right.

I won't be surprise if she gave them something to make them sleep.

jidegirl12: This is a very big lesson, it could happen to anyone , I really pity the lady.

She will live with the guilt forever even if she was aquited.

No it can't happen to just anyone. When you decide to be a child minder u give it ur all, u assume the role of a mother n put kids first.what mother will leave a sleeping child alone at home n go out. Anything can happen to delay u na. U don't live em alone for 1 second talk less of going shopping. She was very careless.

I remember when this story broke I was creche hunting for my child n some1 mentioned this story cos of that I refuse to place my child in a creche that was also the owners home risk are more in such homes.

@ baby 123.The sentencing is just perfect. It serves as a warning for people that are child minders u don't carelessly kill some1 child n say sorry. I can't even imagine the pain the parents went tru.

Lol at OP advices written by a true man. Self centered.anyways I believe the success of a marriage lies 65% on a woman ie weather the breakup or not. This always depends on how she is treated by her husband. I always say threat a woman like ur angel n she will take u to heaven. It's impossible for any woman to do all these things u just listed if a husband threats his wife like crap.marriage is a two way street for example u can't get respect if u can't give respect. yes she might do them in d few months after marriage but remember women r emotional beings it wont last long? so men know u ve a role to play in making ur home a happy 1.

bjcole: very funny my brother,there could be some really bad situations, that one cannot help, but dis issue can stil be managed if one s willing. One area Debrief really didnt tell us is hw she may ve contributed to d problem. D man & d woman in an abusive marriage both ve faults. If it is really a biz venture, & u had failed @ one, & may be havin problem in d other, will u want 2 leave too?

She didn't contribute the man was born a devil.hid all his devilish traits till his prodigal father re-entered hiS life when he became rich. D adult man becomes influeced Then hell was let loose. Shame to evil men. N Kudos to good women.

I think your Ex is a wicked person. What he is trying to do is keep u hooked to him while he continues with his life. i guess he is scared his son will grow up calling another man Dad why didn he think of this before he got married. Let him go please and look for yours its not easy but u have to do it or else u will regret waiting for him when you old n grey.if possible please move far from him.some men sha.

On November 13, Tata was found guilty of murdering 16-month-old Elias Castillo and sentenced to 80 years in prison.

Tata, 24, left children in a home on Crest Park near Waypark alone with a pan of grease heating on a stove while she went shopping on Feb. 24, 2011. When she got home, the house was on fire. Elias, Shomari Dickerson, 3, Elizabeth Kojah, 20 months, and Kendyll Stradford, 20 months, all died in the fire. Three other children were hurt.

Jurors took eight hours to decide on punishment. Tata will be eligible for parole in 30 years.

Tata wiped away tears as her attorney, Mike DeGeurin, said the fire and deaths were an accident. He said Tata made a mistake and never intended for the children to be hurt because she loved them.

"She should have called for help or she should have said to herself, 'I'll wait until they wake up, change their diapers, I'll load them up in the car and we'll go to Target together,'" DeGeurin said. "But she didn't."

DeGeurin said that Tata will pay forever, no matter how long she spends in prison, for using bad judgment.

"She thought, 'They'll be fine. I'll be back in 20 to 30 minutes and they'll be fine.' That is where she was wrong and that is where she's going to live with that decision for the rest of her life. She mourns for those children," DeGeurin said.

Assistant District Attorney Connie Spence said there was evidence that Tata left the children home alone in the past. She said the children came second to Tata's personal desires.

"If that was the first time she had ever left those babies alone, she would be in a hurry," Spence said. "She would be panicked, thinking, 'OK, I need to get home. I need to get home.' She made her life the priority, not those babies. She was going to do what she needed to do and work around the babies."

DeGeurin urged the jury to not let emotions be the driving force in how many years they decide Tata should spend in prison.

"Guard against being whipped up into emotion and doing something out of anger," DeGeurin said.

"What we want is justice," Spend said. "Not vengeance."

Prosecutors pushed for the maximum sentence.

"What's a child's life worth? How can you put a number on a child's life? They will never be back, and what could have been will never be," Spence said.

As attorney's went over the evidence for the last time in this trial, Elias' and Shomari's mothers held hands and wept.

Jurors heard from several witnesses during the punishment phase, including Tata's sister and the victim's mother.

After the fire but before she was charged, Tata went to Nigeria. She was arrested in that country in March 2011 and returned to the United States. Tata was born in the U.S. but has Nigerian citizenship.

Tata's sister, Jennifer, told jurors that her sister was distraught after the fire.

Jennifer Tata said her sister went to Nigeria after she was released from the hospital to talk with her father. Jennifer Tata said her sister had no intention of not returning to the United States.

Along with her sentence, Tata was ordered to pay a USD 10,000 fine. She still faces three more counts of murder for the other children who died, three counts of abandoning a child and two counts of reckless injury for the survivors.

[/b]A good case of accountability . people should be held accountable for such costly errors others think twice before doing same.[b]

I Think the burden of carrying the family responsibly for 2yrs plus is weighing on her and when u got money she saw a light at the end of the tunnel. then your suggestion on how u intended to spend the money took away d light.wat u should have done was atleast bought her a lil gift or taken her to dinner n let her understand that you truly appreciated her contribution to the household.also you could have atleast tried to plan with her or told her ur plans instead of waiting till she asked for money for housekeeping (communication issue). I don't know of many women that will be happy being the bread winner in their home. the violence part is a No No. please gently set her straight on it.

All da best

You don't have an issue here. Ask your wife to advice u.....

Congrats Greater things to come.

MiracleChild:

[/b]debrief08: Somehow a lot of single friends seem to like getting my point of view on issues around relationships and marriage. I don't know why, funny enough they send their friends who also send other friends and I have joked about starting to charge them.[b]

@ Airpure what is wrong with the Bolded that should cause people to derail the thread with senseless talk.

Lemme answer ur question with a question will u go to a failed business man for advice before u start up a new business? Or if u want to go into the music industry will u go to Piddy or Mase for advice. Like I said be4 the thread is great. My opinion was that the thread is been derailed cos of d lines above.

Op please find a better creche for ur child, leaving ur child there is not fair on that child I always say when u bring a child into dis world u owe it to that child to protect n give the child ur BEST, yea most churches try to run creche these days. N lure people in with their low prices . My friend took her son to one run by her church with nuns in charge but took him out under 2 weeks cos he got bad diaper rash the women employed stole his diapers n never change his all day.She knew cos one day she marked d one he left home with n that was same one he came back with. The 4 extra she put in his bag were missing. Pls pastor wife does not make her a caregive never compromise when it comes to ur child.

Nice thread debrief, this is such good advice to singles looking to get married ve sent the link to my single Sis n friends ?

On the negative comments on this thread I think what they don't like is the beginning part. That's wats derailing ur thread.

debrief08: Somehow a lot of single friends seem to like getting my point of view on issues around relationships and marriage. I don't know why, funny enough they send their friends who also send other friends and I have joked about starting to charge them.

Deployment Instructions to Mrs Woman

I'm sending you to a man's house to be a blessing to him and 'help' him achieve the goals I gave him. He's not like you at all. He's burly, quite insensitive. You'd be surprised he might not even realize you've come to help! So, to help your task and protect you from being on the receiving end of his imperfections here are some vital instructions.

1. Don't ever try to fix him, if he ever develops a fault, I'm his manufacturer and you will need to talk to me about him. You're his wife, not his God. I don't particularly like it when you think you can change him and you attempt to take my place.

2. Well, I'm your God too, but your husband is my deputy in your life. To get the best of him, you need to respect him like you do me. Get more instructions on this from your grandmother Sarah.

3. You will realize that he fumbles in many things. I know you're smart but resist the urge to get in front of him and take charge of things except he tells you to.

4. He's a man of God but he's still a man. Remember an hungry man is an angry man whether the hunger is for food or sex. Don't you ever play politics with him on those issues.

5. He likes competing and winning, that's why he's crazy about sports. But there's an area he doesn't mind you being better- character! So take advantage, be a better lover, more humble, more patient, more virtuous.

6. He enjoys attractive help mates, quite more than is good for him. As you get into helping him, don't forget to stay attractive as much as possible. I know its a tough task but I know you can do it, you're a woman after all.

I'd give you more instructions later but these are vitally important and can't wait. Whatever you face there, never forget why you're there. If you keep your eyes on the goal of being a blessing to him, sooner than later he will come to adore you. Meanwhile, keep in touch with me in prayer. If you've ever needed my help you will certainly need it on this assignment!

Spat on her. Thats very intense n not normal u don't spit on some1 u claim to love. N guess he must ve said some very hurtfull stuffs too.This story is truly very one sided. you won't achieve anything in telling us this lie. Like CC said no MIL will abort her own blood.

Nagging husband. Compare ur issues n hers for a man u seem to have lot of issues with her and they all seem superficial all ur wife wants is more love and attention. Meet her half way . Most women mirror the way they r treated in a marriage most of her issues r love n attention if u fix that u will ve d perfect wife u want my friend always says threat a woman like an angel n she will take u to heaven.