₦airaland Forum

this is good, because it made me realize i've been misusing the word contradiction with respect to the bible in this topic.

I guess I meant to ask about the apparent discrepancy between what is accepted as "right" and some things in the bible. Slavery and the role of women are ones that I bring up - there is a clear difference between the modern (and sometimes Westernized) view of women's rights and slavery and those expressed in the bible.

clones will not necessarily be identical

from http://www.unmarried.org/marriage-after-cohab.php are some suggestions that I would say ppl thinking of moving in together should take seriously:

Some couples who live together don't want to get married, and some (like gay and lesbian couples) are prevented from marrying. But if lifelong marriage is your goal, as it is for the majority of male-female couples who move in together, here are our ten recommendations for how to increase the chances that your marriage will be a success.

1. Make the decision to live with a sweetie slowly, seriously, and with great care.

2. Before you move in together, be very clear about what you expect. Do you both definitely plan to get married? Do neither of you want to get married? Do you see cohabitation as a trial that will help you decide? You should both have a clear sense of what moving in together means to each of you.

3. Keep your expectations reasonable. Living together will not magically transform an "I'll never get married" guy into one who proposes on one knee. Sharing a kitchen and bedroom will not sweeten a volatile relationship. Live together because your relationship is going well, not to try to make it better.

4. Similarly, don't marry your cohabiting partner because you hope marriage will change her. If you don't like what you see in an unmarried significant other, you definitely won't like it in a spouse.

5. Define the amount of time you'll cohabit. One way is to get engaged and set a wedding date before you move in together. Another possibility is to set a future date (six months, one year?) at which time you both promise to have another serious conversation about marriage and make a definite decision about it.

6. Write and sign a "living together agreement" to help clarify your expectations and define how you'll handle finances and property. The conversations you'll need to have in order to do this will strengthen your relationship -- and protect you later if you decide it's best to go your separate ways. The book Living Together: A Legal Guide for Unmarried Couples, by Attorneys Toni Ihara, Ralph Warner, and Frederick Hertz, has great samples agreements you can modify (it's available from AtMP).

7. Take a couples' education class. Research suggests that all couples have the same number of conflicts, but some handle conflicts well while others break up as a result of them. Couples' classes, which teach how to make sure your relationship can survive conflict, are often targeted for married or engaged couples. Before you sign up, make sure they believe in strengthening cohabitors' relationships, too.

8. If you're considering or planning to get married, talk about what will change and what will stay the same. Will your household chores change? The way your bank accounts are set up? Do you think people will treat you differently, and how to do you feel about that? What does it mean to you to be a husband or a wife? There are no right or wrong answers -- what's important is that you stay conscious about your choices instead of having them dictated by a soap opera script.

9. Use birth control. It's a lot more fun and romantic to get married because you want to, not because you accidentally got pregnant. The unplanned pregnancy rate is high among cohabitors, but kids do best when they're wanted and planned. Whether you're married or not when you become a parent, your family will be strongest if it's fully intentional.

10. Talk about marriage with people you respect who have been married a long time. Ask them about the hardest times, how and why they stayed together, what it was like when the relationship felt rocky, how they feel about it now. The insights from long marriages can be inspiring -- and a good reality check.

resources:
http://marriage.rutgers.edu/

http://people.bu.edu/charris/marriage.html

http://marriage.about.com/cs/cohabitation/a/livingtogether.htm

These are three sites to get you started. The rutgers university site is probably one of the most comprehensive in the planet in terms of exploring the topics of marriage - outside of any "advice" forum and the about.com site should provide you with other links and studies.

he's not saying they would break up. He's saying that them breaking up has a higher probability of happening than his family disowning him. So, he should put that worry to the back of his mind, and concentrate on his relationship

umm, living together before marriage as in:

the two are engaged and have set a wedding date

or

the two want to get to see how things will work before they consider getting engaged and getting married.

The first may be ok, the second - there are numerous studies in recent years that who people in that category tend NOT to get married or if they do, they have a very high 85+ percentage of getting divorced.

Let me answer this by starting with: I have chosen to believe in the God (described in the bible). Logically, I cannot justify this choice but it makes me a christian.

I am still in the process of determining for myself how literally I take parts of the bible. There are some biblical researchers who give estimates of how old the world is based on the bible - I agree with what scientists, geologists, astronomists say. It is my conviction that the bible is a recording of the history of christianity (to the point of the beginings of the early church) and should serve as a major guide for most christians.

I feel that people should use their common sense, experience, and gut conviction as to what is right or wrong to guide their life and how they interpret what's in the bible. There are some things which I feel are either taken out of context or whose meaning cannot really be determined. For example, how do we seperate the opinions of Paul from the will of God? How can I be sure that some things Paul says should not be done are examples of activities that (people of that time) took to excess or were associated with worldy behavior.


I also value pure knowledge. . though the older I've gotten, the less time I have for the general pursuit and the more I have to specialize.

I'm trying to think of how best to continue. In the past, if a woman was raped, a lot of people (probably the majority) would suggest that it was the woman's fault (in her mode of dress, being flirtatious, or some other reason). For many sins which require a consenting man and woman, the woman was more likely to be punished. So what I'm saying is that the advice prophets, leaders, and others in the bible would give would tend to conform towards the prevailing views of their time.

Premarital sex for example is a topic where one can give good reasons from abstaining w/o resorting to the bible. I think that some things in the bible are like that, where something which a parent might tell their kid not to do, but not be able to come up with a good reason at the time is transformed to - God would rather you did not do this thing.

So, now, as a "modern" person, I should endeavor to unravel these. . . filters. . .from the word of God and apply it in a consistent manner. I like discussing my views, alternate and conflicting ones because they only further help me to decide or help me to shape how I apply the bible to my life.

Actually, I'm a Christian and currently don't live in Nigeria. I would feel inhibited speaking my mind with people 15 or more years older than I am. With all others, I'm at the point where they are either my peers or my age gives me authority and so I don't feel a need to censor my remarks. Though, with children below a certain age, I would more encourage them having open minds than I would press some of my views (unless of course, they were my own or I was granted enough authority in their lives).

Noooooo. I am soo young. . . I must live. Maybe I can make a blood covenant with Jesus. Since he has already died. . I will be safe!

you are confusing and scaring me scorpio!! Am I in danger from my youthful indescretions? Will I suffer the consequences of not thinking through certain actions? Will a lack of community board such as this to advise me in my life results in untold consequences? SAVE ME SCORPIO!!

like i said. . I'm not sure if that counts as a blood covenant. . . but the other day, my SO got mad at me. . .do you think this may be the reason?

Huh? This was surprising enough that. . i must forgo my usual non quoting strategy:

nferyn:
What I'm doing is openly engaging Christians in discussions and calling them on faulty logic, false assumptions, bad science and an incomplete knowledge of history. That's all I'm doing and unfortunately some Christians have such shaky faith that they find that oppressive and rather shy away from the discussion.

Mind you, I applaud you for proving to be the exception to my rule

This is part of my motivation for this thread. . . .

you know. . blood brothers or blood sisters thing - your prick your finger, drop your blood together. . .

Confess your love for her. There are two outcomes:

1) Your family will be unaffected and say congratulations

2) Your family will disown you. Since you are no longer a member of the family, there are no longer any prohibitions against you two getting together (except her family's displeasure which you will ignore).

Have I tried a blood covenant? No. . I wouldn't say so. Certainly when I was a kid. . I became blood siblings with a couple people. You think that's why I fell off my bike when I was young?

I see. Well, I would say use your future independence as a motivation to go through this trying time.

Well, most christian sects teach that people should read the bible, educate themselves on what saith the Lord.

So, when the bible cautions a slave from running away from his master and prescribes punishment for such, what am I to think?

hmm. . maybe those are INDIAN blood covenants! Nigerian blood covenants are probably different.

then. . that is your problem. .

If you are not ready to live on your own, then you live under the rules of the people whose home you are using. This means your father and step mother. If you don't like the rules. . its too bad . . why? Its not YOUR house. However, since you are an adult, you have a little more room in this regard, you can talk to the person about the problem, if after that, it does not change, then there is nothing you can do.

for people who have never participated in blood covenants. . .you sure know a lot. . .

then I guess what they did is NOT secular because it DOES have something to do with religion. specifically, they were studying God's creation, therefore, it was not secular

Their work was not secular. It was neither. Their study was not for benefit of the secular world at the expense of the church, neither would it benefit the church at the expense of the secular world. Additionally, they sought the truth, which is the same whether in the secular or spiritual world. Therefore, what they did cannot be classified as secular. Just because they were persecuted by the church does not make it secular anymore than being persecuted by romans making someone chrisitan

It's time to turn up the heat. Start making both of them do simple things for you like [something that's almost impossible]

hmm. . . so if any of my blood brothers or sisters die. . or cheat on me. . I will too? and exactly how does a blood sibling cheat on you?