₦airaland Forum

sisisioge:
Cos its all written on the wall...I know loving eyes can't ever see. Pele.

You should be a prophetess, your prediction was very accurate.

Daviddson:
Hello, I'm still waiting for your message concerning the apps. Pls respond accordingly.

I have sent you a message.

ColonelDrake:
This is why every guy should strive to make money. Trust me, if you're a very comfortable guy with a good job, you won't have the course to worry if a lady is cheating or not. Love doesn't hurt when you have a plan B.. Always have an alternative. Don't beg for love.. Put in your best and if she doesn't reciprocate, okay along and tactically withdraw while fuckiing her with reckless abandon.
Don't accept any relationship without sex..
That's how we roll.
We don't chase ladies. They chase us

Well I'm not a poor dude, though I can say I'm rich either,but I'm very okay, I have a stable work, I'm a civil servant. My guy is not that she didn't reciprocate the love, she did, in fact most time she calls me more than I call her, we love each other and the relationship was going on smoothly before this time.
The only problem I think I made was I trusted and love her so much, what she did is the least thing I expected from her. So concerning the issue of sex is just a personal decision that is what is expected of me as christian.

kindredspirit:
Breh, where you at? Your permutations were on point and things have turned out as you predicted. Thumbs up to you man, you're a good judge of character. I guess it is borne out of being an experienced hombre, just like me.

For op's sake though, I pray your final prediction about his fiancee reverting after two months turns out wrong. However, odds are that you might be proven right. At certain ages, some women tend to yearn for adventure and my gut feeling is that Ops fiancee, considering her age, COULD be one of those women. She will long to complete the unfinished business with that dude at some point because it wasn't consummated with sex. If sex had transpired between them, she would gotten some release and return back to default setting.

Thus, in my opinion, op, it will take a yeoman's effort on the part of your fiancee not to resume the illicit communication and eventual rendezvous in future with that guy. It might not be her fault. In fact, it doesn't mean that she doesn't love you, ironically. It is just the way many women are wired. If you hadn't cottoned up to her trysts with the guy, odds are she would have eventually slept with him. Yes, I believe she didn't have Sex with him too. BUT her not doing so is cold comfort because, as I said earlier, it leaves a thirst that needs to be sated especially as her religious faith or moral rectitude didn't stop her from lying to you and seeing a married man. Nothing would have stopped her from sleeping with him. It is a Phoenix waiting to rise and it is just a matter of time...

Purely speculative from me, though.

That said, nice one OP. You're a really great guy. Wish you all the best.

Yes the guy prediction seems to be very correct however not all his assertions are correct. Even if I want to break up with her it will be very disastrous to end it abruptly because even as at now she is still very depressed, she can do anything silly to herself and that may lead me in trouble, so for now I took the best decision. Aside that I still love her, since something can still be done to salvage the situation that was the reason I decided to giver a second chance. Apart from occasional anger which doesn't last long she has an excellent character and she is very industrious too. Those are some of the things I considered not that she is d only option I have it won't take me too long before I get another woman.
I doubt it I think she cannot do something of such, if she do, she is gone already because I'm the kind of guy that has this weird sense, if any lady I'm dating is cheating it won't be too long before I know, but with what I'm seeing she dares not do the same thing again because as we speak she is the shadow of herself now she has learnt her lesson.
Just like what I said the other time I have decided to slow things down because I was to see her parent last month but because of this ugly incidence, I have put everything on hold for now because everything has not been the same again. Thanks

Daviddson:
I want to do exactly what you're doing now.
Give me the name of the app(s). Thank you.

Yes u can contact me. Though I hate doing such things brother, I mean hacking or spying but when you have a good motive of doing it there is no problem. I did it that time when I have no other option.

I just feel there is need to update you guys about my cheating fiancée.
After the incidence she was devastated with all my findings and very remorseful.
She continued her pleading I investigated the guy hasn't had sex with her because everything started the earlier month, she was even saying that we should go to a government hospital so they can conduct test on her.
After sometimes she sent me a suicidal note because I still insisted on a break, I don't even take it serious, but at a particular point I discovered she could do it because she was just a shadow of herself I decided to wave in order to avoid serious problem for me.
She has also broken up with other guy immediately. She continued her pleading and I told her that I still love her but I cannot trust her again all she was saying was that I should just give her a second chance that she will never do something of such again after much consideration I decided to give a second chance because she was so remorseful and she has changed for now and I also still love her I don't just know the kind of love I have for her.
Though we have settled things but everything hasn't returned to normal yet, but we are trying to make it work and also she too was also traumatized because of her silly action. And for now I have decided to slow things down about preparation and keeps watching her action before I can take the final decision .
Lessons learnt from my experience are highlighted below
1 Never have a blind trust for any woman, trust your partner but when you see some things please take drastic action she might be up to something.
2 The spirit controls the physical, have a good relationship with God he will reveal secret things to you. All these have been revealed to me before I took necessary action.
3 Trust is earned by our actions when it is eroded it is very difficult to build again, so faithfulness is d major key in every relationship.
4 Forgiveness is very important in every area of our lives though at times, it might be very difficult to do.
I thank everyone for wonderful contributions and standing by me during the trial time. Thanks God bless

Daviddson:
Abeg, I need that cyber tool. Is it an app?

It depends on what you want to do exactly bro there are simple app you can use

mightykay:
My brother this girl can kill, in fact I'm beginning to suspect my girl too cos the story line is the same but she is a goner if 0.5% of what u experienced has happened . No story

Pls never trust any lady completely, pls u can launch a vicious cyber attack on her .

Hi guys, I just feel i need to update you guys about the concluding part of the story.
On Monday morning I chatted with her and I decided to confront her. I asked her where she was on the previous day and she started lying, eventually I confronted ,initially she was still lying and claiming she is not dating the guy that they saw briefly on Sunday. Then I began to send my irrevocable evidences like d pics she took with d guy on that same day and some other pics they took together when she visited that guy.
She was perplexed all she could say was for Christ sake I'm so sorry. I expressed my mind how devastated and dejected I was and some other things I wrote to her.
I discovered she wasn't replied my messages again and she wasn't offline. As I was planning to delete and block her, lo and behold I saw her at the door of my house weeping profusely. At a point in time I let her in she kneeled down and continuing her crying she was there for close to 2 hours, I was even trying to let her sit down so she would not kill herself in my house.
She explained that she hasn't done that before that she started last month and truly she might be true that was she started receiving long call and some of her altitude changed.
I told her that I still lover her but I don't trust her again that in other not to maltreat her is better we give the courtship a break. When she heard that she cried d more that she truly love me and hold my leg and continuing the begging after sometimes I forced her to go because I told her I was going out and she left. to be continued

Updates coming soon

Godchild2015:
Some ladies don't value what they have.
Don't discuss any thing yet with her until she is back from the trip she secretly planned with her married boyfriend. So disgusting and shameful character.

Yes I haven't confronted her, the guy actually came because when I used another number to call her i discovered she wasn't at home when I queried her she said she went and meet a family.
I will do the needful thing very soon. She is so deceitful and unfaithful.

rogovo20:
Hi Nlanders,

Happy Childrens day to all the daddies and mummies. Quick one, my wife and I are 6 years into our marriage with 2 kids, from the inception of our marital union we have always had issues that stems on trust, we both have that issue, and when I say trust, it has
to strictly do with her bickering into my phone and finding somethings not worth shouting or condemning me for, rather for communication, but she does otherwise. In her own case, it had to do with her ex she always talked about when we courted for a short period before marrying. She told me she called him to seek advise and confide in him, told her to stop and threatened fire n brimstone, but later found out that she saved the guys number with another name, gave me excuse as to the reason she did it.

One faithful day, a year after marriage, 5 years ago to be precise, she had gone to the school she worked as a teacher, there also she takes my dauther who resumes at the day care there. 2 hrs later, she called me crying over the phone that there was an accident, I asked what happened, she said my daughter of 9 months old then had a severe deep cut on her lips that I should rush down. Immediately, I left and branched at the clinic where she was being stitched, I felt for the poor baby, because at that age with such injury was not nice. Immediately, I told her that we'll leave for home for the day. The clinic was not far from the school where she parked her car, so I asked for the key so I could go ahead and pick the car so we can all be going home. On reaching the car, I saw her wedding ring kept in the glove compartment. Was surprised because she always wear it, and wore it out to work. At that moment, was more worried about my daughter.

We got home, and I asked her why her ring was in the car instead of her finger,she said the reason why she removed it was because last Sunday I was staring at a girls ass and she was mad about it. In which I did, but didnt do it deliberately or seemed too obvious, I use style look, and it was more of a reflex, I am human. I apologized that very day, but to think after then, she decided to remove her ring because of that? RED FLAG. I kept my mute. Once in a while throughout the years, when we still have arguments, I ask her that I still wonder why she removed her ring, that it cant be the issue of ass staring that would make it that bad for her to do that. She kept on saying it was the reason. 5 years into the marriage now, we were having a deep discussion, then she started saying things about what happened during our early stage of marriage, that she called her ex, because that was the only person he knew as a bf then, reason why she confided in him, that he talked about leaving his wife too with two kids and run away to Canada with her bla bla bla. But the major thing about her point was that, she discussed the issue of me stearing at another womans ass with him, that was when the guy started packaging some stories that entered her head, which was the reason why she removed that ring on that faithful day. Wow! She now stated that she noticed he was trying to seduce her by seeing her, that he went to the extent of saying, if I should come and see u at that ur place of work, I might be forced to kiss you, stating that was when she knew he was trying to use words to have him come around, so he could have sex with her. I told her that whats the probability that they have not been seeing, she said NEVER. But then I reminded her of the day we had issues, she came back from work late, and I asked where she had gone, she replied by saying, I went to go and have sex with someone that has a bigger penis that urs. She later denounced that it was a joke to get at me, its possible,, and it could be true.

Nlanders, sorry for my long story, if i dont put it down well, u wont know my stance on this issue, I wont say am a saint when I started this marriage, but I have changed, this woman up until now has not, I have another post to share right after this. Now my question here is, I WANT to keep my family regardless of whatever, but is it wise to Bleep that ex up? Because of what she told me he said, to me hes trying to spoil me to get into my wife, thats if he has not, because I one way or the other found this her ex wife number. And I have evidences to prove that she has been in communication with my wife. Or should I just let God judge? Cos as I bad reach b4 I marry, I have never, and will never sleep with a married woman, nor will I ever try to sleep with an ex who is already married. Sincere opinion needed.

Sir, it seems your wife is cheating or hiding sth oooo, pls dig deep, then give your wife more attention, you only need to deal with your wife not her ex.

Updates
Hi guys the trailing continues, my supposed fiancée and the guy have scheduled another meeting for tomorrow. The guy will be coming to my state and they have arranged for a particular place where they will meet. I'm just wondering why she is so deceitful, this is someone that still visited me today and everything seems normal. The most painful thing to me is the fact that courtship that has been going on smoothly for over 2 years without any hitches will just end like that due her wayward lifestyle.
I will confront her very soon with some of my irrevocable evidences and after that I will do the needful thing.
Once again I want to appreciate everyone for your wonderful contribution in this trying time, God bless u all .
Shalom.

vital123:
How will you say the op is wasting his time looking for a virtuous woman? I am married to a virtuous woman and would encourage the op to trust God for one.

Thanks for that wonderful contribution.

OP how do you manage to get all these?

bigcp:
thanks man...that guy isn't thinking right at all...he's blind folded by love

Never say I'm not thinking right the shit happens to people, is my turn today, it could be yours tomorrow. I have read so many stories like this in Nairaland and even joke with it, when it happens to me now , I know how it feels to be betrayed by the one u truly love. Thanks

FortuneTeller:
I see you are becoming upset. Go ahead and walk into a new woman with your eyes closed. As long as you don't know her past, it is well.

There is nothing like that madam, I'm not upset we are just trying to explain issue from both side. Nothing concerns me with past of any lady so far she told me important things about it. What am saying is the present, if she reliable we are good to go, perhaps I have not even announced to the house that I have broken up with her, we are still together until I decide to take action with all the info I got now. Thanks for your contribution.

[quote author=cooljude post=56872866]I have read your post and this is my deduction.
1. Your lady is a liberal Christian, she acts Godly around you to mimic your personality.
2. O yes, she is having steamy hot sex with the other guy. A lady or a guy won't travel to another state to be counting the plate at his house.
3. You put so much trust in her and she knows
4. She knows your mumu button and trust me, she is pressing(manipulating) it well.
5. You most likely would remain with her because you've got no alternative.

Way forward, if you can't handle such deceit, you better end the relationship but I think you wouldn't because she would blackmail you emotionally with tears and she would promise you of changing then use your religious way as a trap for you (forgive those who wrong you so that GOD would forgive you).
You would succumb and everything would go back to normal then two month she would travel again and the cycle would start all over.

BE SMART[/quote
]
Hmmmmm, my guy I appreciate your wonderful contribution, all your assertions seems to be very correct. Concerning maybe they have had sex, i will surely know because my finding still continues and their chat is pointing towards direction. It is true that I have put so much trust in her also she is very good in emotional blackmail.
Though for now, I have not been myself, it has Seriously dealt a deadly blow on me. Leaving her is not d problem now but because of the circumstances that surrounded it, the both parent have been involved, she is well known in my place of work and even by some people in church . Well I will surely do the right thing after rounding up my all my findings because my heart is already broken and shattered.
In conclusion though she is the only woman in my life but is not that I don't have alternative, a lot of ladies are seeking to get my attention, so It won't take time before I get another person that is better than her , though I still love her .

cooljude:
Na waoh, bad wicked advice. Would you give your immediate younger brother such an advise.

I wonder ooo, that I should just go ahead and marry and overlook her waywardness.

FortuneTeller:
I am faithful to my husband, but I wonder if it is due to my circumstance. We are in the US so he can provide for me and if needed, I can provide for myself. I have no need to run after men for money because there is money here to be made. However it is not the same at home. Most of the young women at home are engaging in prostitution whether it is for weaveon, school fees, or simple kfc. Some are even helping their family.

If I was home and wanted those things, what would be my option? Where are the jobs? When young girls are being molested and it is older women telling them to "manage" because the man is paying for the girl's upkeep, what do you expect? If Pastor "daddy" goes to one sister Mary and offers her a financial blessing, will she refuse? If I tell you the kind of naija girls who are constantly messaging my husband, you will feel ashamed. There is one who always forms holy holy on FB and sent scripture to my husband, until finally she came forth begging for money. If you have seen what I have seen, you may even suspect your own mother. Go and chase your virtuous lady. When you are praying about not being able to have children, she will will finally confess she had 3 abortions before you were married.

Madam pls stop promoting immoralities because people are doing it doesn't mean many are out there who can stand on their feet against all odds. A woman who will cheat will cheat irrespective of her financial status. I still insist on what I said the other time, if sth doesn't go the way u like you dont like, u are likely to cheat on your husband.
There is something about me even before this time God has revealed to me, to tell her that she shouldn't dabble into sth that will jeopardize her future in which I delivered it to her. So what u said above can never be my portion because I know God whom I serve, He will reveal everything to me.
With God all things are possible , stop telling me that there is no virtuous lady again, there are many out there.

FortuneTeller:
I never said it was a SOLUTION. I am letting the op know that most Nigerian women are doing the same thing as his current friend. Whether poor or rich, Nigerian women are dating multiple men for material things. However many do stop once they get married and work to build their families. I know what I have seen and the holy holy ones aren't very holy. Many are even sleeping with the pastor. If you have seen what I have seen, you will change your mind. The op is wasting his time looking for a "virtuous" woman. He should instead make his desire known plainly and see if she stops.

Yes a virtuous woman is all I want nothing else, I'm not saying i'm a saint , far from it, I have my own flaws too which I'm begging God to take away. But when it comes to issue of women I never messes up, for over a decade I have been staying without having any sex with ladies, that's not even the issue. So what u are saying is that virtuous ladies are now in extinction? I'm not asking for a virgin , I only need a woman that will be faithful to me , I don't think am asking too much.
With what u wrote above it seems u too are not faithful too to your bf/hubby. Pls Nigerian ladies let desist from all these playing around of a thing, is not the best.
I disagree with your notion that 90% of Nigerian women are unfaithful, where do you get that fact from?
Anyway all I know is that ,there are still many virtuous ladies out there.

NoToPile:
Get more evidence so that she won't try to blackmail you emotionally when you confront her, please do confront her and let her know the reason why you are moving on.


Just know that you have to move on bro, cheating and lying is not it at all.

Sorry bro, this kain thing is painful.

Why would a Christian be two timing.

She is a specialist in that , she is too emotional, she hates being scolded with words, the little evidence I gathered that time, and when I confronted her though she admitted d mistake, she was angry at particular time, later succumbed, I later begged her because she was emotionally down.
She was saying I didn't trust her and also said I may not love her again as is use to be before.

bukatyne:
It is a pity things have gotten to this point.

I believe she sees you as a husband material and wants to keep you around while she gallivants with men. I don't see her marrying that man....in her mind, you are the one.

The Appearance Of Piety doesn't mean I am pious. I can tie my hair, wear long skirt, no makeup, profess to love God, quote all Bible verses, pray all day etc. and not be a Christian... by their fruits, we shall know them.

Did you pray before you started courting her? Are you 100% certain she is the one for you? If no, end it. If yes, go back in prayers to inquire what happened. God can't give 'dogs' to His 'sheep'.

@ no sex before marriage: if you can't cope with it, tell your partner and either drag them to your side, burn with passion and do wedding sharp sharp or masturbate (a lesser evil) till marriage. (What I will do).

Side note:
If you are not ready for marriage, leave peeps who are and continue dancing alingo with daters.

Yes,I know the appearance has nothing to do with your personal relationship with God, Yes I prayed before go into it, I didn't jump because I had waited for 10 years before I go into this relationship after d last one. A pastor even said we should go ahead and prior this time everything was very fine. Even now everything seems fine because I haven't confronted her with my latest findings. she was even discussing our plan with her sis. Yes! She I think she really want to get married to me but what do we call the wayward altitudes, the most dangerous mistake any man can do is to marry unfaithful woman.
Yes, I will go back to God and seek his face concerning the matter while I also round up my findings.thanks

Acidosis:
Bros, you have made a great mistake by expecting too much from her.

It is time to get yourself another woman.


But your girl is not wise. That dude isn't going to marry her unless she's an orphan. The guy isn't going to convert his religion and the girl's parents won't expect that from their daughter either.

She will end up losing you and the other dude. If I were you, I will MOVE ON.

Girls of are age don't learn any lesson until they clock 28 or 29 with plenty f00lish suitors.

It is established fact she can marry the guy because she is from a good christian home. I think she is doing all these because of the material things. She too she is well sound in christian doctrine , I don't know the reason she decided to go wayward like this.
Hmmm when everything is over it will take me a very long time before I move into any relationship. I will focus on my career and some important things.

Mod or supermod pls don't push this thread to front page . pls

vital123:
Your lady seems to be hiding things from you which should definitely make you suspect. A christian lady having a married Muslim man as a friend professing love to her on social media when he has never been that romantic to his wife shows something is wrong.
Please pray that God reveals her true person to you and also do your findings before planning marriage with her. Don't make her know you are trying to do more finding on her as she may keep pretending.

Yes the truth that is starring at me is devastating.

Acidosis:


He should go ahead and do introduction even if her woman is sleeping with any man that crosses her path?

Whatever he sees does not matter? because of love? If the OP was your son, would you go along with him to do this kain yeye introduction with a 'lovepeddler'?

Thanks u don't mind her jare, I don't think she read was he typed

NoToPile:
Waiting for the update.


@fortuneteller I doubt what the OP calls devastating will be just "talking", which I believe are normal conversations that don't show any evidence of cheating , flirtations and most importantly sexual affiliations
So anybody can talk with anybody

Besides who does introduction with someone he doesn't trust, it like we are forgetting the fact that introduction means the marriage process has begun.

Op dig deeper nobody can afford to marry someone they don't trust.

I have done that bro

Hi guys just like what I promised , I just want to reveal little things about all what I have seen so far. Actually it is an established fact that she is actually cheating, if anyone would tell me that I will come online to right a story about my relationship I will tell the person is a lie.
I told u guys she was out of town to visit one of her family members in nearby state which was the state the guy is residing, she actually visited the guy , I have some of the pics she took when she was with d guy in the eatery. I also established it that it might not be the first time because one of the staffs where d guy was working knows her , one of the staffs was even asking when is visiting again and she said after Ramadan. Actually the guy was even saying he can wait till the she come visiting him again.
I have not been able to establish it maybe they have had sex because she had deleted the previous chat before i launched my attack on her ,but I promise I keep trailing her till I established my fact. also I discovered she keeps asking money from the guy which he is giving her which is usual of her with me. Let me tell u, is not I'm a very stingy guy I do things for her which somehow she ask for it. I have done a lot like paying her school fees , buy phones , laptop and help her about her project in school, I was there for all all through I just said all these just to let u know that how I love her.
Sincerely our relationship has been going smoothly when we quarrel we settle it immediately,she still sent a lovely message to me this morning, in addition to this my parent like her very well including my siblings.
I have asked her if she had kept her distance from the guy which she replied yes affirmatively, she keeps lying about many things now , only God knows why she has decided to treat me this way.
Seriously guys I'm devastated I know time heals everything. Let me stop now and keep u guys posted.

Hi guys, I appreciate everyone for wonderful contributions, I'm a tech guy I was forced to use tech on her and sincerely What am seeing is devastating. Keep u guy updated soon . thanks

bukatyne:
I have found out I have very divergent views when it comes to relationships & marriage however:

I don't believe in having spares or open ended options once your are in a relationship / courtship. There is something it does to you and you can't give your all because B is there as backup.

I also don't understand the concept of a person saying he/she wants to enjoy before marriage. Is it bondage? What do they hope to enjoy? Sex? Attention? Money? etc.

Your girl as an example. .. why would she encourage another man's advances? Let's assume they have nothing together. Why would a man (martial status notwithstanding) call her 'the one he loves'? The one I love is different from my live; my dear etc. and other endearment friends use.

Am I saying your girl shouldn't have male friends? No (that one sef is for another day; what do they have in common or are they guys she friendzoned?) However, she needs to realize that she has pledged/committed to be loyal to you. Again, why should she have a lot of his pictures on her phone While the man might be chasing her, she is encouraging him which is not ideal.

You said she is a virgin? Check well to see that one bobo or Alhaji is not chopping what you are saving for your wedding night.

If upon investigations, she is clean, yhen you need to tell her that it is either all of her or nothing. You are done with fragments of her.

If that is the real reason Banky went ahead with the introduction, then i am afraid for him. What would he do when Adesua is crushing on PSquare? Renewal of vows?

Again. You profess to be a Christian, pray.

That's what I have been telling her ,that if you say someone is just your friend why giving the person much attention. Take for instance since we started I have never cheated on her also even I keep a distance from ladies in order to be focus, just like what I said this is one of the examples of such cases.
Concerning d virgin stuff I didn't propose to her because of that it was along the way that she told me .Just like what I said above I will dig deep to the matter and know God will reveal everything. Once again thanks for your wonderful contribution.
For the mod pls never push this thread to front page ooo

Blade21:
see am very sure she's not dating that guy I have been in this your situation b4 married pretty early too trust me she's just being her age nothing is going on if you want to marry her please do. learn to trust your woman no matter what and if you want clarity pray about it so God will show you what's up happy married life in advance

I think u may be correct but it might even turns otherwise, in few day times I know the truth will come out. Is not that I don't trust her , is just that when u trust someone and you see some things then some actions need to be taken and also we earn trust base on our action. We have been together for 2 years and we are trusting God that we settle down this year. She is a very nice and lovely lady.