₦airaland Forum

"Romantic Love", monogamy and religion are man-made concepts to make us feel more complete and happy. Results of civilization.

Humans are animals. We are selfish, liars, greedy and bla bla. A baby isn't born knowing what love or religion is. We teach babies how to love, and who to worship.

So, love is what you make it to be. Love is super volatile. It's not unconditional. It's just a floating concept in our heads, shaped by Disney movies, romantic movies and books, other people's love stories, and so on.


What is real is sacrifice. Tolerance is real. Understanding is real. Empathy is real. Those are the ingredients needed for any successful relationship of any kind, not "love".



Romantic love, sèx and lust are all synonymous.

FrancisTony:
With multiple partners?

Which God, please?

didn't he though? Those polygamous men of God in the old testament? David, Solomon and Co.

Monogamy is a direct result of civilization. Religious values change as a result of change in societal values; not the other way around. No one got punished by God for having more than one wife in the bible. But nowadays, polygamy is a sin.

If you look at it from a purely biological point of view, men's biggest sexùal problem is to inhibit themselves from èjaculating too soon.
Women biggest sexùal problem is èjaculating at all. The single most sexùal organ, clitòris, malfunctions like no man's business.

So did God want men to enjoy sèx more? Leading to having multiple sexùal partners?
#justasking.

Babymama1:
This is so profound
Wow

I think I liked that post after I read it. It's a big message. Making other people our source of happiness is dangerous and very selfish.

- Dangerous because humans are very unpredictable. A woman that revolves her life around her husband is playing is big fire. If and when he dissapoints her, she's forced to find her happiness in the nearest place; her kids; her only source of joy.

- This is where the selfish point comes in. The poor kids are now to live up to standards her husband failed to live up to. She become excessively attached to her kids, hiding her clingyness under the name of "love". Women like that make up a good % of bad MILs.

Ewuro4:
Funny die

No be small tins oh

you watching the nba finals tomorrow?

cococandy:
Did they hack your account?

as I was typing that, I knew someone from that "wives keep your mouth shut" thread will call me out.

You know what they say about expections to rules ? Yeah, you garrit.

Babymama1:
And if she still doesn't feel better,she can go back and redo it
Bwahahahahaha
This is funny

ha! Abeg o. If she doesn't feel better then whatever happens to her afterwards is her business.

The guy she chooses can't be too fine. I don't want her getting addicted.

KissesandWine:
Yeah.. but chances are that he will find out. And when he does, that relationship is pretty much over. It will take the grace of God to revive it. I wouldn't advise this. Two wrongs don't make a right oh.

He doesn't have to find out if she's not sloppy. I'm not asking her to have an affair o. This is a one-night-stand type of thing. Just sèx, no emotions involved. She wouldn't do it with a gateman or brother-in-law. That'll be very dumb


It has to be someone she hardly even knows. Someone out of state, never to be seen again. No phone numbers. No strings attached.
She has to be strong too. Not that she'll now go back home and confess her sins.

Again, if she's done with the marriage, there's no need getting even.

Babymama1:
But why should that be so
Why should being rich become synonymous with promiscuity?
I like being real
I don't care what anyone says,in their heart of hearts they know it makes sense ,they can argue it is sinful,I agree but it makes a whole lot of sense,that part they can't deny.

what I'm saying is, rich/famous men and celebrities are more liable to cheat than regular people.

Look at it this way,

-an ordinary man will have to go out of his way to toast girls before he cheats (in most cases).

- a rich man however, even if he doesn't want to cheat, women will run after him. How long before he falls into the temptation?

I'm not justifying cheating, but it's less shocking to me when I hear of a rich man cheating.

Don't lemme derail.

Babymama1:
I thought I was the only having these sort of thoughts
God forgive me but this is getting annoying to read
I nearly wrote this on the thread regarding the girl with ashawo husband but I resisted

but then again, what did we expect from a rich nigerian politician?

Marrying a rich man has his disadvantages, abi what do you think ?

#in my realistic mode today.

Babymama1:
Is there a part of you that wants to tell all these heartbroken posters with cheating husband to go out there and cheat back if they so wish maybe it will help ease their pain.
Imagine a poster seeing evidence of 15 girls her husband is sleeping with and paying money afterwards, basically a man patronizing prostitutes without remorse ,some even do it openly and dare the wife to leave if she wants and the wives are crying their eyes out and some attempting suicide like we just read,some staying because of the kids,miserable because society expects her to accept it.
My natural side wishes these ladies could just go and find one good bodied man their age to give her a good time
But that would be sinful abi?
But he doesn't care about the sin and she has to?
It's so annoying to read these posts about men who think it is their God given right to treat a wife this badly.
The other lady found explicit texts between her born again husband and his babe describing what they do to each other and I asked her to tell her pastor since they are very involved in church and the MOG warned her never to look at his phone
It's like a good ole boys club where they cover for each other
Even in the house of God

And the advice people give
Pray for him
Fast for him
God will see you through
Contend for your marriage
It's a man's world
Be a good wife
Nonsense!

I feel like saying go out and look for a man with a bigger blokoss than your husband and just do it and get the anger off your system
Sheesh!
This is babymama just venting .
So annoying to read these things
A 27 year old in her prime,married to a 40 year old man that is treating her like crap when there are tons of men out there who could give her the exact same things her husband is sharing to everyone and be discreet about it too.
Very very annoying to read

if it's a regular relationship with no kids involved, I'd advice anyone with a cheating partner to leave the relationship.

But if it's a marriage she's still interested in, with kids involved, and he's very remorseful but she still finds it hard to forgive, I'd advise her to cheat back. The idea of "getting even" eases the pain of betrayal, which is better for everyone in the long one.

The problem is, he must never find out she cheated. Ever! Coz if he does, the focus will shift from him to her.

bukatyne:
Congratulations!

Regards to your family esp BBB

Eku owo lomi

I've always wondered what that meant.

TooNoisy:
Spot on. Nigerians are about the easiest people to confuse. One wonders why the feminists movement isn't getting any attention in Asia and the Middle East, but seems to be talked about in Nigeria Nairaland.

That's the only place feminism gets talked about; Nairaland. No one does anything or says anything on feminism in Nigeria, apart from that chiamanda woman (I destroyed her name). She writes an article once every 4 months to tickle women's fancy, then crawls back to her cave.

The reason for feminism taking a back seat isn't far fetched, we have bigger fish to fry in nigeria. A concrete judicial and law enforcement system needs to be established before laws in favor of feminism can be passed and effective. Hardly 3 square meals for most, no electricity, fuel, clean water..... feminism is at the bottom of that list.



The irony is, it's the Nigerian females in developed country that mostly support feminism (after dey don belleful), not the ones back home. Meanwhile, the ones back home are the ones in need to embrace the movement. It's very easy to talk about feminism all day with unlimited wifi, smooth roads and constant electricity.

Talk about medicine for someone else's headache.

moca:
Hmn.....
Where dem dey?
Lovinam,
Efemenaxy,
Ifyalways,
Kimoni,
Babe3
Smartmom,
Tearoses,
Edwife,
Babyosisi,
Cococandy,
Chillisause
And others

Oya, omugwo mood activated

Make una bring mmiri uda as una dey come o!

Celebrate and thank God with me.
BBB yesterday afternoon.

I'm very happy for you Moca. congrats!

Whenever you're ready for your workout plan, holla.

Ewuro4:
Wife 22 (Melanie Gideon)

thanks ma'am.

Ewuro4:
Rogerdat you can say it's cheap and pressure to fit in. I think it's therapeutic in some sense.

I just finished reading a book. About social media and its impact on people's revelance and self worth. People crave that validation even if it's just momentary and from strangers.

Look at twitters, Instergram , Facebook etc I follow someone that literally update her weight loss everyday. That's a lot of pressure.

name of the book, please? Thanks.

ApexTitan:
In the light of the risk that marriages entail for men in today's world I think it is best for men to ASK their wives about their sexual past. The doctrine of don't ask and don't tell as regards relationships is foolish. Every man should be fully aware of his type of woman he is ending up with, he should know the type of woman that will be the mother of his children. It is best to hear it from the horse's mouth and come to terms with it than find out from a compromising video on the interwebs or some idle chatter - These things do happen.

The woman who is coy or elusive about this issue is showing a red flag... Like I stated earlier a women with a large number of previous sexual partners is a huge risk for long term/monogamous relationships.

This advice is directed to the so called good men out there because they are the ones that tend to marry women who have lengthy CVs of previous lovers. (it is very rare that a man and woman with a large number of previous partners marry themselves)

Do not marry a reformed harlot.

In addition to your post, this one goes to both men and women; after asking questions, do background checks too. Extremely important.

People leave crumbs and trails behind on the Internet nowadays. Check the person's facebook, instagram, twitter, social media, google. You'll find something; who they've dated, their friends, where they've worked, criminal records etc.. Check his/her credit score too.

At job interviews, the employers now go through your social media accounts to find questionable stuffs, how much more a relationship.

Everyone should have the right to know who they're about to spend the rest of their life with.

njokusboy:
Why not allow a man decide if he loves you for who you really are, faults and all...
Why allow him marry who he thinks you are??

This is such a massive fraud. ..

coz marraige is a do or die affair for women.

naijababe:
Omo chop knuckle jor!

I don chop am.

Timbuktou:
And why in the world should a man be required to handle any such rubbish from a woman's past? Shouldn't he be at liberty to choose to stay or not to? *smh

that's the selfish part. Not allowing your partner have a say in wanting you or not. Na by force ? This is akin to forcing someone to marry the IDEA of you.

like I said, the goal to get/stay married is greater than having meaningful relationships in most homes.

babyosisi:
Sometimes you cannot return what you stole
Doesn't mean you are unrepentant
It's amazing how this thread is showing the clear double standard in men

what double standards? You focused the lens on women yourself. The topic says "things your husband is better off not knowing". OP is about women.

Question; should men keep those secrets from their wives too?

9jatatafo:
How I wish God can just open your records in the book of life and we will see how clean you are

what is wrong with you people? ? What has this got to do with me?

I asked, is it true everyone has secrets? Yes or no?

It's hard having a conversation with you lots.

SisterCaro:
Its always easier to give advice we have never lived by ourselves.

I wasn't giving an advice. I was airing my thoughts. I never said anyone "should" or "must" do anything in my post.

9jatatafo:
We all have secrets and some secrets should be secret provided it don't affect the relationship. I don't care how many men my wife dated before I met her but she has to be sincere to me the moment we started dating and I will do same.

hmm. I hear that all the time. Do we all have secrets or its just something we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better about our secrets?

SisterCaro:
you have always been 100 in all your relationships?

No. Definitely not. I'll be the first to admit. Oh, I wear my masks.

However, it's something I'm trying hard to change. Lies of any kind is burden. It's beautiful when you have someone you don't have to wear your masks around. It's even more beautiful when you don't need those masks at all.

The truth hurts because we've been forced to believe lies.

No relationship can truly grow if you go on holding back. If you remain clever and go on safeguarding yourself, only personalities meet, and the essential centers remain alone. Then only your mask is related, not you. Whenever such things happen, there are four persons in a relationship, not two. Two false persons go on meeting, and two real people remain world apart.


That's why it's hard to find a TRUE relationship of any kind. Different masks, hidden secrets, all built on a false foundation. We all know the thing about lies; you tell one lie, you need 200 lies to cover it up.

Then again, the ultimate goal of most is to get/remain married or attached to someone. To most, that goal surpasses the importance of a meaningful and true relationship.

Everyone is doing really good. I'm super impressed.

Cococandy (sorry for calling you out), please don't waste your money on "fitness or diet programs". Those things are useless. Plus you can find everything they're selling free of charge online.

I've never spent money to gain fitness knowledge; everything is know is from free knowledge on the internet and from people.

We all know what is healthy; it's just the discipline to go through with healthy living that we lack.

look at babyosisi now, she wants to tell us she doesn't know that diet coke is poison. ?

tchiwinnie:
Ur meal plan is very commendable. Wish i cld adopt it. Are u working? If yes, how ll u kp to d 6meals/day plus work?

6 meals a day doesn't disrupt work. You only have to space it out. 2 meals before work, 2 meals at work and 2 meals after work. For this to work, you have to start eating as early as 5/6/7am in the morning, depending on the time you start work.

Take the lunch and snacks to work. If you have lunch break at work, you should be fine.

EfemenaXY, please don't mind me. I was speaking based on what I want and my preference. It shouldn't apply to everybody.

Yes, lean cuts of meat are healthier. Avoiding the skin, and those whitish things on the meat (fat) is the key. As for milk, go for the low fat ones. No condensed milk. Eggs are fine but the yolk has plenty cholesterol. So it's fine in moderation. I should take my own advice. I love eggs.

Chillisauce, how do make your peppersoup? Anytime I make mine, it just tastes like beef stock... never has that distinct peppersoup taste.

EfemenaXY:
OMG!

I feel so inspired after watching this! After the first 3 minute's, it really heats up...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zh9qH5-g4Sw

I told chilli and ed the other day that all the nutrients that are found in animals can be found in plants and more.
Animals come with added unhealthy fats, plants don't.


In 2 years or so, I see myself completely going off animal based foods.

EfemenaXY:
LADIES!!

I DID IT OH!

I increased my jogging distance today from 6 laps (9.0 miles) to 8 laps (12.0 miles) and it took me 1hr 50mins to complete. So, I'm actually getting better at this as per I was expecting this to take me exactly 2hrs to complete. Although I must admit that I noticed I was completing my 6 laps in much shorter times (1hr 20mins as opposed to 1hr 30mins).

Maybe today being Sunday and less traffic contributed to this...In the meantime, I'll stick with the 8 laps till my body flatlines and gets used to the distance properly.

So, Efe's getting there - slowly but steadily. 12.0miles. Nearly half a marathon.

CC: Chillisauce. Edwife. Babe3. Moca. Cococandy. Smartmom. Bukatyne...et al. What d'you ladies think of this?

what I think of this is 'how do you run without passing out in the first mile?'

good job though. Respect for you runners. I no fit.

Empiree:
Are you having a party with all the plates(of food) you put up there man?. Can I come over?

yes ke.

cococandy:
niceee

thanks.

EfemenaXY:
OMG!!!
You are soooooooooooooooo organized!
Come, talk true...are you sure you aren't a professional dietitian? Because you're really very good at this. If you don't mind my asking, what inspired you to be this disciplined with your meals, babe3? Also, what drinks do you take apart from water?

I no be professional, YET.

Inspiration was from a documentary I watched 2 years ago, titled "FOOD, inc". The documentary opened my eyes to the nonsense I've been eating all life. Watching that doc. what a defining moment (don't mean to sound corny).

so I started tweaking things here and there in my diet and working out once a week. After I started seeing changes in my body I became addicted. And here I am today. Baby steps.

I don't drink anything apart from water, even on my cheat days. I'm so used to water now that I don't miss the junk drinks. Oh, except for special occasional parties where I have to "turn up" and drink alcohol.

Chillisauce:
This tiny food you eat. If I try this, I will just collapse.
And how do you preserve all for 4 days. The spinach and peanuts too.
Wow. you are so disciplined.
Today I took a time off.
biscuit and tea for breakfast.
Curry sauce
cheese and bageutte .
etc

chilli, the serving size are pretty okay. Those containers are deceptively deep. Plus, there are 6 meals per day. 6!!

Preservation? Fridge na. I pop them in the microwave for one minute when its time to eat, and food is ready. I take out the fruits before microwaving though, I like 'em cold. I eat the peanuts and dessert cold too.

edwife:
Wow Babe3,that's a very organised diet but the monotony is what i can't stand.

I might need chicken,beans,oats.Though every morning now i take the same breakfast:oats,banana,honey and poached egg.

I might adjust my diet and incorporate some of your meal idea.Well done!

thank you ma'am.

The monotony isn't a problem for me. Those meals are for 4 days. By Wednesday, I'll make another grocery' trip for the rest of the week. I'll swap salmon for cod or tilapia, beef for chicken, shrimp for octopus or snail, quinoa for brown rice, spinach for broccoli, different set of fruits and so on.

No cooking till wednesday.

and that's all she wrote....