₦airaland Forum

®~^Sly^~®:
Every post u don dey post. . .na about marriage there . . .marriage here. . .

I beg make u go marry if u wan marry jare. . .ha ha!! wetin

Marriage, big wedding, and your next post fit be **your naming ceremony* or how many kids are u going to have. . . https://www.emoticons4u.com/crazy/069.gif

Cool down!

Wetting spoil .Na bad topic ha ba?

In short that topic for number of pikin good.I go start am shortly!

Scarlett:
I have a friend who after her wedding, people were still calling her and her mum
Saying foolish things, like how they didn't get some rice, chicken or some souvenirs, imagine this

Some Photographers, DJs, uninvited ones, were calling to tell them their pictures were ready
and they should send the money, they were disturbing this girl right, left and center.

I am sorry i cannot have this kind of headache, i want a big wedding but it would be controlled
to the highest level and in a closed place, no unwanted person will show up there.

There you are!

There is no way you can have 2000 people and expect the wedding to go smoothly.Many are there just to chop and will complain afterwards.

Also we Nigerians like money so wedding is just another money making machine for most.

Think about it.2 people are starting off most likely in their 20s or 30s .Why would you now keep this young couples in money problems ?

If anything this couples should have more from the wedding then they put it.After all if you love them then you should see their bank account is reading more money then when they started rather then a huge minus!

white,black does it matter?

If the girl good , nothing spoil.

Own up

Was it a small or large wedding as regards people?

How many family members contributed to the cost?What amount was your personal share?

Did you go on a honeymoon?How much did it cost you?

Lets hear it .

Scarlett:
You can go with a wedding planner
My sister had one, They would set you up with all you need
with decreased hassle which is so good.
Then again,
You have to make sure the number of intended guests are kept to the basic minimum
The venue has to be closed, no unwanted drummers, photogs, mcs, 'come chop' people
For elegance, arrangements must be chic and of high quality.

This is an important part.If you want a small wedding but elegant then you must use a closed venue.Once the venue is open then you will have the huge crowd no matter what.Nigerians smell wedding food and music from 100 miles.

The elegance lies purely in the wedding dress and decoration.Thus you would see the white people focus on the wedding dress rather then anything else .

Be sure to expect people to pressure you into a open venue because they know it will turn big and then you have not got enough drinks and food .Choas starts.

WebMonk:
I once attended a wedding December 2006. Being an freelance expert in stage management, i could estimate how much the reception cost in lagos. When i started hitting millions, My head started spinning. I prodded further, and - you guess it, they started their honeymoon broke.

Every wedding that's large is bound to have some wolves in sheep's clothing on the invitation list. People need to see this and plan properly, rather than invite enemies.

The pressures are enormous, but at the end of the day, no one's going to be with you two 24/7 afterwards. Its your wedding.

If one can't do a financial examination and actually have something to live on after the wedding, then no one needs to tell you that there's a problem with its own set of wedding rings.

"For better or for worse". lol

PS: An uncle of mine was supposed to give a couple to-be a large sum as a wedding gift. he gave only half, pending some "arrangements" to come through. immediately the wedding was over, he gave them the other.

such coupls do not only start off broke which is the worst thing to do but worse they used up their family favours.After her parents have spent 2m on a wedding what are the chances of them helping them out afterwards?

Also it amazes me how after the wedding the familes and friends behave.Whether small or big they will quickly put it behind their mind and start smiling even though they might have kept so much pressure of the couple.

I am no lawyer but the laws in the USA and europe concerning property post divorce are much stricter then here.

In Nigeria it seems the courts are not so developed to this so chances are whoever name is on the deeds will take it.Even the child support money is something very small .

Firstly you must decide on certain things
1)budget.This is vital so you know your limits.Also discuss with family to see who is contributing what.Remember cost spread is always easier on all

2)venue.I assume the church is the ceremony so thats easy to handle.Next thing you should consider is reception.If you are doing it quietly pick a venue with a set number of tables and label them for the vital guest.

3)decorations

4) food.smaller numbers means better meals.

5)the train

6)pick grooms and bridesmaid.


7)wedding gown is probably the most vital and is what people will remember of the bride.

babyvic:
Is it really true that in d yoruba culture, d brides' family sponsors d wedding? it's my second time of hearing that. Is it true? If true, then whats d role of d grooms' family?

The most expensive part of a wedding is the reception and in majority of Nigerian cultures this largely falls on the bride's family simply because this part is English culture we picked up.Remember white wedding and reception is imported culture.


http://www.weddinghelpline.com/whopays.htm

As you can see most falls on the bride's family.Of course, this is certainly not a rule and applies to not all cultures

If you read the posts you see that the majority are aginst huge weddings but yet so few have them on a small scale.

This is largely due to outside influence and I think in a generation time when we have our daughters and sons wedding we will be more acceptable to their views and comments compared to our families of today.

So while hope might be lost for most of us but a selected few , the future looks bright as long as we carry our views to our children.

gentleaura:
I said it once and I will everly say it, as long as the parents are pushing me to get married, I will have to give them a list of conditions,

They are funding and it has to be a HUGE wedding, as long as one can afford it, you can't tell the person how to spend money on such a memorable event,

So book the muson center for the reception, Tafawa balewa sqr for the traditional wedding already!! I just can't wait ,

You be man and you dey demand say it must be huge and they fund it because you read say nah woman's family dey pay?

Wait till you jam Igbo woman and you go know say muson center dey cost well well.

No be all cultures the woman's family funds so watch out haha.

But yes like i posted before i agree on one thing there.If the man or woman is pushing for a big wedding then they should simply fund it.Don't ask someone who does not believe in big weddings to spent its stepping on their principles.The mere fact they agreed to it despite their own wishes is enough sacrifice.

This is indeed reversal .

Usually nah catholic they demand say make you join them .

No one should be made to join a church .

funkybaby:
Broda, Hey! Relax ! Dont get things wrong here and don't change the issue at hand to ''must it be the man that must pay for everything?''

What i mean by my husband ''doing'' any elaborate party for me is not in financial terms. what i need most is his approval and moral support.

I will not dare to do anything without my husband's approval. There is a proverb in yoruba - ''oko ni olori aya'' - which means the man is the head. So if he is totally against it, i will stick to his decision although i will definately find ways of convincing him to reason with me.

But wait, even if he sponsors the elaborate event nko?? wetin dey there?? shebi, he is my husband and the father of my kids!! if he comes crying to me that he wants a rolex, why not, i will buy it for him and even a rolls royce sef, if i have the means.

And my sista i respect you well well.

Many of our Nigerian girls will insist not only the man do wedding with 3000 people ,jump with train and get drummers but make they carry bible for head and swear his pastor nah fool and her own nah prophet.

You be good girl and enlightened Nigerian who want make the marriage happy even if nah to compromise.God bless you my sista

god be with you

funkybaby:
Broda, Hey! Relax ! Dont get things wrong here and don't change the issue at hand to ''must it be the man that must pay for everything?''

What i mean by my husband ''doing'' any elaborate party for me is not in financial terms. what i need most is his approval and moral support.

I will not dare to do anything without my husband's approval. There is a proverb in yoruba - ''oko ni olori aya'' - which means the man is the head. So if he is totally against it, i will stick to his decision although i will definately find ways of convincing him to reason with me.

But wait, even if he sponsors the elaborate event nko?? wetin dey there?? shebi, he is my husband and the father of my kids!! if he comes crying to me that he wants a rolex, why not, i will buy it for him and even a rolls royce sef, if i have the means.

tì yanu!

Rolls royce na wa

joice:
It depends on what you call "big''. I'm sure you imply the finances involved in the ceremony: clothes, food et drinks, cake, reception venue, music, wedding dress for the woman, suit for the guy, photographs etc. A couple might spend 400k and another 1million and another 2-3million. It depends but I want to assure you that there is no small wedding. The minimum amount that you can spend for any wedding will be about 200k. So 'big' wedding is relative. I watched E entertainment recently and I was appalled when I heard that a couple spent $1million on their wedding. Sometimes, it's not just because you want to throw a big party but you just want to have a memorable day with as many friends and family to join in celebrating your union. What I don't subscribe to however, is excesses. One other very important factor that should be considered is 'your purse'. Don't go into debts simply because you want to throw a big wedding party.

If you plan opening the place to all forget 200k thats venue and DJ cost alone.

by the way, I noticed people always omit talking about the honeymoon.Is it because the man is always expected to pay for it and they are scared of mentioning it since he is already been skinned for the girl's wedding

D-reloaded:
kaka is already hooking up in "dating", you are all still here yarning.

I don tell them they no wan hear.She don smell lagos money for another topic .

For all those girls shouting man must spend .If you even spent half what he spends you go cry.Where for bible they mention man as personal credit card?

a beg if you want make man treat you like equal then you must behave like an equal and yes that counts money.babe like this only want to suck money and i highly doubt 1 naira go drop from am.

@funkybaby.

No be by force my sista

If you want something then buy or pay for it yourself this is the 21st century.

This is not common intrest things like family car,house,food or kids which both need to split the burden.

This is something that you can live without but want .So pay for it.If I see a rolex I will not run to my wife shouting "wife buy am or i go vex".

I will discuss with her and tell her how much I want it and if it does not burden our must do expenses then why not if I want it so much.Buy I will even feel bad if I make her pay a naira for it because it was something I wanted not her.

@poster

If na truth you tell am then she no fit take am make she go.

broken heart always mends in time.

Abeg make 2 of you no fight

You know say for Nigeria hospital no get equipment ,this nah death if you fight .I don warn you

Sorry na old topic but na good one.

Relationship is about sharing .Normally it would be either she pays her fare full and he pays his full when coming the other way or 50/50.

However,this situation is a bit different.He works she does not.But I do sense she might actually be able to afford it but does not want the risk of spending $1000 to find out he is not the guy she wants .Notice she is willing to contribute for future trips!

Remember even if one person pays for the trip there is still a degree of sharing.Chances are he will be the one spending for their going out,food ,etc when she comes over.Same as she should if he came over.

Personally, I would never expect anyone to pay for my ticket to come over thats just not on.But I do expect if you invite me to your side you should be more then willing to foot the bill while I am there.That is sharing without the hassle of discussing such matters.

If I was in the guy's shoe I would delay the visit till he got the time to go over to see her.

There is usually a reason you married one over the other.

Its common for humans to think of the what if .But thats about that.

funkybaby:
my thoughts on this issue

the ijebus are well known for their elaborate parties and i really do not know why i should be an exception

of course, i will bring buses from lagos to charter all the people in my village to my wedding

there must be assorted meals including ifokore.

definately, i would want the Awujale of Iijebuland to be present there.

for sure, i will make sure that there are different types and colours of aso-ebi that day. a different one for my friends from high school, a different one for my friends from uni , a different one for the friends i made during nysc , not forgetting the aso-ebi for my mother's friends , my church youth members , my extended family , my siblings, i can go on and on ,

what could be beha than customised drinks on the table .

Ayo Balogun will perform at my engagement/introduction NIGHT PARTY , either KSA or Ayefele will be at the Wedding reception.

the street leading to father's house must be blocked - people must know say ''funkybaby'' dey wed.

i will most definately do these things (and more) at my wedding except my husband-to-be is seriously against it. (i will not like to start our marital life on a arguementative note by going against his opinion) , and if he inisists on a small wedding, i will accept but he must definately make it up to me in another way ( maybe during the christening of our first child or during my 30th birthday party)

just my personal thoughts

Well you can reach a compromise maybe 200 guests or something.Because really to start a marriage on a feeling he is indebted to you is also quite wrong.

Chances are if he is against a huge wedding he will be against an elaborate 30th or whatever.

If compromise is not possible say on family principles then explain this to him.But in such a case be prepared to fund it yourself.There is nothing worse then asking someone to go against their principles and then pay for it!

Its something very painful.Imagine if tomorrow he decides to buy himself a rolex watch with all his savings and then he demands you pay part of it too so he can look flashy.

Remember each family has its own upbringing and its important to compromise and not make the relationship seems 1 side.If you decide to marry someone with different views on things then this is essential ,otherwise eventually even crayfish go scatter!

kalmebad:
"ANYTHING WORTH DOING ,IS WORTH DOING WELL" that's if u have money to make it elaborate as much as u want it to be on agreement of both parties, nothing wrong with it my dear, but guess sometimes people tend to impress people by going beyound their limmit and budget,even end up borrowwing to make it loud AND AT THE END WILL GO BACK HOME TO SOAK GARRI.

Me i go cut my coat according to my size., but if over to get dey worry me/my guy , hmmmmmmmmm na lagos come chop oooooooooooo.

If you look at it properly unless you are super rich then there is no way you can do it better for 3000 as you would for 50-100  people no way.

For 50 people you can provide a proper 3 course meal ,good champagne and wine,nice favours and  a smooth quiet non chaotic atmosphere in a small good looking reception.

When you have 3k people you are forced to use an open area most of the time ,serve cheap drinks,sit under a canope ,chaos galore  and i highly doubt you can provide a 3 course meal for them and more then some cheap favours.

For you to do the same quality for 50 people as you would for 3k would cost you such a fortune you must be stinking rich.

Go live in ethopia for 1 year ,your tummy go flat flat.

@poster

Abeg make you sit down for there.You no know where to find job?Or de born the man make e be your personal credit card?

In short make landers go look this

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=115928.msg2001480#msg2001480

This babe don go hunting for new man for here.

On the surface there is nothing wrong with it .but I for one might not be against it but think its a very bad idea.

Remember until some years ago the mere notion of doing this was frowned upon.

so as you can see there is probably a 50/50 split on keeping ex as friends.

Chances are you will most likely date/marry  a person who does not believe in keeping ex as friends and this can cause tension.Often they will not even say a word until one day a big arguement will happen and it will come out as ammo against you.

If you can avoid trouble why bring it ? There are so many people in Nigeria to make your friend.Why should your woman have to see or hear you with a woman who don see your rod?

Also as someone pointed out we are all human and you can easily fall into temptation in a single moment of weakness.And if caught or even suspected you cannot even defend yourself.

Also I would be weary if someone says they are comfortable with it and don't keep ex as friends.It often means they are just been silent about it.It might be a different case if both have ex as friends.

also even if your intentions are good ,what stops the girl coming to your wife and lying against you?

Imagine if your wife accuses you of cheating and she tells her family that your ex is regularly phoning or texting you.Do you think even if innocent your own family will support you?

120 million Nigerians .Find some friends who are not your ex.Why risk your lovely new relation or marriage?

I am not saying if you see her make you take cutlass chase am! That na police matter.

Just simple hello and goodbye if you see each other on the road is fine.