₦airaland Forum

cheii. . .na me be this?

Tyty take time o my name no be Ben10

na real wah for the boi

ugly u

The smell around the place is zooming from her mouth na

dat can not identify wiff you

lady welder

lol

cheii. . na me be this?

I'm sorry Ben, I had to use your Id

try getting her actual sizes and get her a set of undies

Bellview Office

The next day, I packed again and we went to the shops to get chocolates (last minute shopping again. Yeah, for you guys. I’m fasting.). Once again, my phone rang and the number looked familiar. You guessed right! Bellview again.

Person: Please, is theees passenger Olayinka Adem…….? (Indian accent this time)
Me: Yes, what is it this time?
Person: I’m sorree to say that yourrr flight has been cancelled again. Shifted to tomorrow,
Monday night. Same time.
Me: What?!, You’re joking. I mean, I’ve to go to work. Do I get any compensation for
this?
Person: I’m sorry. I’m not Bellview staff. We were only paid to make the phonecalls(beep).
You can call their office to talk to their manager about compensation.
Me: Hello,helloo.

I’ve never felt like that before. What….! To get one’s heart broken twice in the space of 24hrs.
Anyway, we went back home with the chocolates and I start sending out text messages to my family, friends and associates……FLIGHT CANCELLED AGAIN. I DO NOT KNOW WHEN I AM COMING TO NIGERIA.
PLS START LOOKING FOR ANOTHER JOB FOR ME.

So, I told my sis and we started deliberating. Could it be true? It’s never happened to me before (but I used to fly B.A and Virgin, and even Virgin Nigeria when it was in existence). I later decided it was one of my friends playing pranks (Bode, I actually thought it was you) and so I called the number back.

Me: Hello. You just called me.
Person: Is that Buki? bla bla bla……….
Me: No, this is Yinka. What is my surname?
Person: Hold on a second please. ….Is it Ademuyiwa? The flight has been canc……….
Me: What’s the flight number?
Person: B3 283
Me: Ok. Thanks (I hang up feeling dejected)

I discovered it was for real. Not a prank but gross inefficiency on the part of Bellview airlines. Anyway, my sister and her family were going to a party the next day, so, it would not be a boring wait. We had fun at the party and didn’t have to worry about the time or any journey to the airport.

My coming back:

I had a very nice time, thanks to my sister, her husband, their two beautiful daughters and many other people who might be offended if I put their names here. I had fun and I rested. I had Ramadan, work and Akute -Lagos traffic on my mind. I had done my last minute shopping and said my bye-byes. I was packing my luggage when my phone rang and the following conversation ensued:

Person: Good evening. May I speak with passenger Olayinka, please? (Yoruba- British accent)

Me: Speaking.

Person: I’m sorry to inform you that your flight to Lagos has been cancelled……

Me: But I have to be at work on Monday (being my very hard working self, wink).

Person: Not to worry, madam. The flight has been rescheduled for Sunday evening, so you will
be in Lagos on Monday morning.

Me: Uh…., ok? (Confused)
Person: Thanks. Bye bye (hangs up).

The flight felt a lot longer than 5-6 hours. I thought my Swatch stopped working, but then Swatches don’t do that. Only some other watches do. When we eventually landed in London the time was 5.45 p.m and the landing was just as good as the take-off.

Anyway, so I don't spoil business for Bellview. If you enjoy suspense, adventure, bad odours, scary rides and emotional trauma, go ahead and fly Bellview after all, they are The Preferred Airline.

The audio never came up.

So I had to imagine what Jennifer was saying. I had to imagine what Marley was saying too, but luckily he didn’t say much. Marley’s a dog!

I also had to imagine;
- Why the blankets gave off a horrible smell.
- Why the flight attendants had Air Italy on their badges.
- Why people opened the toilets and shut them again running back to their seats (some screaming)
- Why the flight attendants kept going to and from the toilet holding a big teapot(no, I didn’t drink any tea thanks)
- Why my window wouldn’t shut and the sun was burning my skin off
- Why lot of people were fanning themselves
- Why the people seated by the toilet looked so angry and were holding their noses.

One woman almost went crazy.

Woman: Look here. How can you tell me it is free sitting when I have 6 children, all under the age of 12? We are a family we should sit together. Look at our boarding passes. They are numbered serially (in a flawless British accent). Shuo! Na whish kain mumu flight attendant be dis wan o! (In Waffi accent)

Me: Laff wan kill me! I just could not suppress the giggles.

Airhostess: Sorry, Madam.

More surprises.

Public Address system comes on.

Pilot: Good morning ladies and gentlemen (in Middle Eastern accent).
You are welcome aboard Egypt Air……………. (5 seconds pause) and Bellview Airlines (In a louder voice) flight 328 to London Heathrow, bla, bla, bla…….

Please listen while we take you through the safety procedure, bla, bla, bla…….
Before take of, an air freshener would be sprayed to neutralize any odours.

Please cover your nose and mouth In case you are sensitive to the chemicals (I swear to God he said that) shortly after take-off we will show you a movie from our selection, to keep you entertained.

So, they sprayed the things, we took off nicely and they started the movie (Marley and Me, Jennifer Anniston). Alas, there was no audio.

Me: Excuse me. My earphones not working

Airhost (lol): Our engineers are worrrking on eet. There’s sound is not coming up.
(Please I need to describe him. He was bald with large eyes and his English sounded a lot like Arabic. Yeah, that’s it)

1 Woman: Iro lon pa o! ko ni sise(Yoruba for; he’s lying. It won’t work)

Me: I didn’t know it was general. I thought it was my earphones.

Scene 1:

Murtala Mohammed Airport.

I arrived at the airport at 6a.m and the queue was already about 100 human beings long.
I finally checked in around 8.50a.m and there were still another 100 or more people behind me to check in for a 9.05 flight. We all waited and boarded the aircraft, finally, at 11.30 a.m, The plane is full of surprises.

We were about to board and I suddenly noticed the plane had "euromediterranean" inscribed on it.

Lady behind me: S’cuse me. Please may I see your ticket? I think I'm getting on the wrong plane. My ticket says Bellview.

Me: I don't know o. I’m really confused.
Airhostess: Yes, come, come. It eeez Bellview. (In Indian accent)

Me: (soliloquizing): Her uniform is red and green. I thought Bellview colours were sky blue and white. Anyway make I sha reach London in one piece.

Me: My seat number is 23A please (I had specifically asked for a window seat).

Airhostess: Don’t worreee, Madam. It eez free seating. You can sit any where you like (no first class or business class).

Me: Oh ok (now more confused).

I was asked by an interviewer after mentioning I can't fly with Bellview airline. . .ENJOY!!!

Don't ever fly BELLVIEW! why, ? well,


My intention was to travel to the United Kingdom to spend my holiday of 2 weeks with my sister and her family and maybe, do a spot of shopping and some other stuff.

I began with phone calls to some travel agent and their responses were all similar. They told me Virgin and B.A were fully booked (by the very rich or timely, I suppose) and my options were limited to Arik, Qatar and Bellview.

I had to choose and I chose bellview (if it because they were cheap I wouldn't feel so cheated). Arik was not available for the dates I wanted to travel and I didn't like Qatar's idea of stopping over somewhere in the Middle East for a couple of hours,

so my major reason was that Bellview would take me straight to London.

Clemcy no tie the chain well

Poor Blues. .

and the ear, blind.

Rommie, you're mistaking me for some1 else

Cutie, if you can tabulate my duties and include the bed part. .

I've changed now o, no more Etal, It's now Kingston Joe.

will you accept his offer to be his assistant as the GW?

after spelling the earthworm

na only pretty gurls face I dey look so carry waka

coronation coming up as soon as Nl closes for the year

you wey get before sef

Cutie, I've seen no mail of yours for long o

na you talk am finish

wen my rommie turn messenger